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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 7:10:32 AM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

The thing is that once you lived something and found that you enjoy it, will it threaten to change you forever in a perhaps not so good way.

Stipulating that you aren't referencing anything 'criminal'; how can participating in something you enjoy which helps you discover yourself be a bad thing?

quote:

The question is when one actually starts to live out the More Darker Fantasy, things that some people would considered or look at as more extreme.

And that bothers you? Why? Be confident and don't worry about how other people consider you.

quote:

it had me laying in bed questioning who am I, who am I becoming. It actually felt like I lost a small piece of me for moment,

It sounds like you FOUND a small piece of you. Again, how can that be a "bad" thing and why do you worry about "snapping out of it"?

You may need to understand more about yourself and accept yourself. Focus more on your personal integrity and less on your projected image.

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 7:24:56 AM

verysweet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
I am not sure they can be compared. I think your experiance as a submissive is to surrender to the situation, and to trust. The dominants experiance is a little differnt because he/she is in charge of the safty and even the life of the submissive. If you are a worthy human being, you will take that responsibility very seriously, which leads to many questions.

Hey, ct

I get the responsibility and safety thing of which you speak. And surely, I understand that questions about oneself might arise when you're a Dominant in this type of situation. I was purely sharing my experiences as a submissive when we pursued things that had, up until then, just been fantasy for me.

And if a Dominant steps back and thinks, for example, "Gee, I'm becoming this evil sadist...what is happening to me?", yada......clearly, it's conceivable a submissive might step back and think, "wow, did those things just happen to me?". And that was what I was addressing.

Just sayin'.

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 7:35:18 AM

crouchingtigress

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sooooo true...
i have been giving this subject lots of thought lately, and because i am a switch, i find myself in both camps and questioning from both sides. :)

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 8:28:41 AM

LadyHibiscus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

And because I am in hopeless voyeur mode today, I want to know what constitutes a dark side for y'all.....

for me its breath play, knock out play, drowning, coffin/confinment, scarification, weapon play, and anything involving blood letting.

Sounds like fun to me!

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 8:53:55 AM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

And because I am in hopeless voyeur mode today, I want to know what constitutes a dark side for y'all.....

I was wondering when someone was going to ask this...Ain't happening here cuz it's "my" darkside.

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 9:16:51 AM

Aneirin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

And because I am in hopeless voyeur mode today, I want to know what constitutes a dark side for y'all.....

So to avoid diluting the thread in hand, why not PM people if you wish to know such things?

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 9:35:40 AM

LadyHibiscus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aneirin

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

And because I am in hopeless voyeur mode today, I want to know what constitutes a dark side for y'all.....

So to avoid diluting the thread in hand, why not PM people if you wish to know such things?

Because I don't want to put anyone on the spot who doesn't wish to share. And because I think some examples will help the discussion, rather than dilute it.

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 9:47:25 AM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
And because I am in hopeless voyeur mode today, I want to know what constitutes a dark side for y'all.....

I'll expand on the answer given to the OP. Everything I do with my partner is part of who we are and what we enjoy. I don't consider any of what we do representative of a "dark-side".

The "darkness" comes from the perspective of the voyeur. Maybe it is a matter of pronoun usage. What I do is sensuous, fun, and perhaps 'kinky'. What you do is disgusting, perverted, and "dark". The voyeur may not turn away, but it seems to me in the case of the OP, he's concerned about the opinion; enough so to fear his own nature and desires.

If you are confident in yourself, it matters not what the observing voyeur perceives. In fact I've observed many whose goal it is to disgust. They don't see themselves as "dark" either.

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 9:49:49 AM

LadyHibiscus

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Thanks, Merc, that is how I feel too! And here was feeling all deprived because I don't have a pervy dark side!

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 3:42:20 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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I had to do a lot of reconciling within myself once I understood I was/would be a killer and could fairly easily kill someone given a particular set of contexts (not all of which are the nice ethical hero type situations people tend to give a pass on).

I can't tell you how to reconcile yourself with yourself, only that if you are going to put yourself under the microscope- do it fairly and for your WHOLE self. We have a tendency to focus on the negative and doubt the positive.

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 4:01:46 PM

angelslave77

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I do get the whole the "dark fantasies" becoming reality, it was quite a mind trip when Sir and I realised we shared the many of the same ones, and then gradually they have stepped from fantasy to reality. The first time we did one of them we both went "oooooh nooo didnt like that at all" because quite honestly in both our minds it was still so very taboo. Yet we did it again and again and now whilst not and everytime thing, it is fairly common and we enjoy it (well actually I dont enjoy the act itself but the feeling it creates in me) without that whole "omg what did we just do " feeling.

The hardest thing for me when I do something "dark" is reconciling in myself that if I dervived pleasure from it, if my Sir derivided pleasure from it and no one else is hurt in the process then we are all good.

Other people might think I am a freak but plain and simple "they dont have to know", they arent watching. I wont tell them and thus they cannot pass judgement on me, only I can do that,.

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 5:46:30 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

The thing is that once you lived something and found that you enjoy it, will it threaten to change you forever in a perhaps not so good way.

Stipulating that you aren't referencing anything 'criminal'; how can participating in something you enjoy which helps you discover yourself be a bad thing?

mmmmmmm smoking.......... I know more than a few people that have stated they enjoyed smoking.. it sucks when they develop lung cancer.

To the OP.... there is things we do that we might not see as harmful today... tomorrow it is a different thing. I don't advise worrying about the what if's or maybe's etc. There was a time that smoking was not seen as particularly harmful... in fact it was a rather socialable activity.... very much like drinking alchohol. But... times are changing and the effects of what was considered socially acceptable today is as being rather harmful for oneself tomorrow and also forthose that are subjected to the smoke etc... But what do you do... when something you like is seen and know to be harmful to yourself and others. Do you just keep on doing it?... do you minimize it?

I think it is a rather healthy thing to consider from time to time if what a person does is good or healthy for themselves and others. I wouldn't say one needs to dwell on it and worry excessively about it.. but... listen to ones instincts/inner voice etc. We might not no why at the moment...but maybe our gut is telling us something... and we need to look at activity X..... I think some do a pretty good job of this.. and others... well.... they are a train wreck in the making.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 3/11/2008 5:48:49 PM >

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 6:54:18 PM

angelslave77

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

I think it is a rather healthy thing to consider from time to time if what a person does is good or healthy for themselves and others. I wouldn't say one needs to dwell on it and worry excessively about it.. but... listen to ones instincts/inner voice etc. We might not no why at the moment...but maybe our gut is telling us something... and we need to look at activity X..... I think some do a pretty good job of this.. and others... well.... they are a train wreck in the making.

I would agree with this but say that I believe many times what causes the inner voices to stir is that the activity goes against our social conditioning, it isnt "acceptable" nice girls/boys dont do things like that. And that just requires a shift in mindset, because who is to say what is "normal" anyway.

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RE: Crossing over and thinking... - 3/11/2008 7:21:05 PM

hiswetness

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i think most submissives go through a period of questioning theirselves. i struggled in the beginning a great deal. Once i accepted i am a sub i felt i found myself. i dont fear losing myself. My Master and i have both discussed not losing ourselves in the fantasy aspects of BDSM. We watch each other. We do explore darker areas but we discuss it before and after. He is very good at watching over me...i have a tendency to want to jump in and go for it. He is more cautious and slower. But then that is what makes him such a good Master/Daddy. He takes alot of time to see where i am at and how i am doing emotionally and mentally. This is the main reason i believe who you choose to play with or submit to is so important. You need to find someone who will watch you and take care of you and monitor how you are doing. But they aren't mind readers either and you must express to your partner your fears and concerns. The more you discuss them and bring them out in the open the less power they have over you. i fear nothing in my relationship now...but it is because we are so open to each other.

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