Failed Perversions?

Failed Perversions? (Full Version)

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MissMenagerie -> Failed Perversions? (3/9/2008 4:09:50 AM)
Finally settled in quite happily with my Master and Fiance, I find myself looking around the house while He's at work and grinning evilly, rubbing my hands together. It's True! My brain cries, Everything is a Toy! BUT before I start in with the Gorrilla glue and duct tape, destroying the curtain rods, I wanted to ask all of you guys and dolls if you had any tales of caution. Fire-cupping explosions to avoid? Things that a matress should structurally be able to take but can't? Please, please, please, share the potentially humorous, and help me (and others) avoid the Pervertables of Doom.

SailingBum -> RE: Failed Perversions? (3/9/2008 4:52:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissMenagerie Finally settled in quite happily with my Master and Fiance, I find myself looking around the house while He's at work and grinning evilly, rubbing my hands together. It's True! My brain cries, Everything is a Toy! BUT before I start in with the Gorrilla glue and duct tape, destroying the curtain rods, I wanted to ask all of you guys and dolls if you had any tales of caution. Fire-cupping explosions to avoid? Things that a matress should structurally be able to take but can't? Please, please, please, share the potentially humorous, and help me (and others) avoid the Pervertables of Doom. That is very rare. But if my memory serves me correctly most house fires double in size every 10 seconds. Twice the size in 20 sec quadruple in 30 sec. My point don't do it around cotton fabrics or poly they melt and stick to the flesh. Leather is not very combustble much safer to use. DON'T use water to try to put the fire out it will only spread. The safety dude

MissMagnolia -> RE: Failed Perversions? (3/9/2008 4:55:16 AM)
There's nothing humorous about getting a giant vibrator stuck up your arse when the bit with the battery drops off and you're fingers won't get up that far. Actually, it is humorous for the emergency room staff.[:D]

MissMorrigan -> RE: Failed Perversions? (3/9/2008 5:06:18 AM)
Personal experience, Miss M? [:D] This isn't a personal experience, but I did talk with a lady that was just exploring the BDSM side of life when she informed me she'd had to take her husband to A & E b/c she'd been reading up/looking at pics of urethral play and decided to shove a party candle into his penis then light it. The scene was going well and she was singing 'Happy Birthday' in her best Marilyn Monroe voice when she realised she'd let it burn down a little too far and once it had cooled (after blowing it out) could not then retrieve it!

petdave -> RE: Failed Perversions? (3/9/2008 8:44:44 PM)
Funny you should mention Gorilla Glue... it's a type of expanding urethane foam. They've been used to very interesting effect in bondage scenes, most notably by the porn site House of Gord. However, if you should try to experiment, do your homework, and be aware that the foam gives off a LOT of heat as it expands. Also, if you use cinnamon oil on sensitive skin, be sure to wash it off afterwards, even if it doesn't feel burn-y anymore. File both under DAMHIK (don't ask me how i know) ...dave (epic fail)

adrian28 -> RE: Failed Perversions? (3/10/2008 2:54:10 PM)
Some advice from a friend of mine. If you're going to use handcuffs in the shower, cover the drain so you don't lose the keys. Her father was not amused when he got home. lol

madshysoul -> RE: Failed Perversions? (3/10/2008 3:04:00 PM)
Rubbing alcohol at room temperature can roll down the body without being noticed by the victim. Fire in places it doesn't belong is ouch. Taping your submissives mouth shut and making her cry is a great way to do unintentional breath play. Glittery candles glitter because they have metal in them (most of the time). Hot metal is much hotter than hot wax. Floggers and ceiling fans make a bad combination. "Surprise!" knife play, is rarely surprising...and usually ends in injury. Always, always, always have an extra set of keys. (Yes, there are stories behind each and every one of these lessons. Enjoy.)

Muttling -> RE: Failed Perversions? (3/10/2008 4:10:57 PM)
Outdoor play when the police make an appearance is always entertaining. The police can also be your best friend if you loose the cuff keys (they have a master key that is supposed to fit all hand cuffs.) A very common screw up on wax play is to use a long burning candle. The wax melts at a FAR hotter temperature and will leave burns on the skin. Bee's wax candles are what you're looking for. I have a friend who is an ER doc and "wayward colon missiles" (as he calls them) are a fairly common event as well. He has a rather entertaining collection of x-rays. Just for the record, once is passes the sphincter muscle it typically requires surgeory to recover the object. They have a "lasso" they can try but it usually doesn't work. And, of course, my favorite vanilla story. A co-worker of mine had a heart attack during sex and passed out on top of his wife. Later that year, he was bragging about the "killer sex" they had during the Christmas party (much to her embarassment).

daddyncherry -> RE: Failed Perversions? (3/10/2008 5:44:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Muttling A very common screw up on wax play is to use a long burning candle. The wax melts at a FAR hotter temperature and will leave burns on the skin. Bee's wax candles are what you're looking for. NOOOOOOOOOOOO bees wax is very hot burning.....as are fragranced and colored candles.....the darker candles are hotter than the lighter colors... And bevery careful with neon candles (not all of them are created the same, and i have the scars to show for that snafu) For best results for newbies to wax is the religious candles that you can find in just about every grocery store.....the wax burns very low heat and if you allow it to fill for awhile in the container it feels like warm water...Pillat candles can be good and bad, alot of them are white inside of whatever color is on the outside so test them out first. Edited to add: Before using tape on your s type make sure they aren't allergic to the adhesive, i am and it can be a bitch.

SubbieOnWheels -> RE: Failed Perversions? (3/10/2008 8:26:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: madshysoul Floggers and ceiling fans make a bad combination. Been there, done that. Couldn't reach the fan to unwind the chain, he had left, and I had to ask my very vanilla roomie to unwind it when she got home. Happened twice. Better not happen again - I've run out of lies about how it happened.

SteelofUtah -> RE: Failed Perversions? (3/10/2008 10:43:38 PM)
Ferrits and Testicles are BAD combinations. Violent Wands and Metal Studded Pants can be dangerous. If she says she has to Pee she probably does and unless you are into them watersports are unavoidable. A Loopy Johnny FUCKING HURTS. PERIOD. Nothing Good about it. If you Try things on yourself first, ALWAYS have someone to help you OUT of what you get yourself IN to. Some Viberators should NOT be used in a Bathtub. Not all Studs are created equal. If you do suspension play do not use a screw in style Lag or Eye Bolt be sure to get into your attic and use a Washer and Nut all the way through the stud and Possiblt Reinforce the Stud afterward. (This one is IMPORTANT. Broken Body Parts and Rope Ligature marks get you investigated for being a possible rapist for a year) Coffee should be far away from the crotch when you do needle play on someone for the first time. Make sure the St. Andrews Cross is STURDY and do this BEFORE you tie somoene INVERTED to it. If you live in an apartment, Save yourself some embarasment and just tell your neighbors you like to have loud and kinky sex. Otherwise you get a Knock and a Flashlight and a search while you have a girl tied to a Bed with Implements associated with BATTERY around. Most Cops will take your Handcuffs as they are usually NOT legal for civilians to own in many states (I know Vegas and Utah are two of them) Make sure the slaves Parents/Husband/Roommates are REALLY ACTUALLY out of town because they will try to take you down when they walk in on your beating thier Child/Wife/Rommie. And Finally Cats and Fire Play DO NOT MIX!!!! But you get to tell jokes about leaving her pussy smoking for years. Steel

tsatske -> RE: Failed Perversions? (3/11/2008 12:00:18 AM)
quote: A Loopy Johnny FUCKING HURTS. PERIOD. Nothing Good about it Oh, God, a Loopy Johnny is a GOOD thing! Why doesn't Master own one of these? Must discuss that.... (Hurts like Hell on eht cunt.. so fucking wonderful! Approaches that spot I'm always looking for... You know, the 'I would sell my soul to get you to stop for five fucking minutes [:D]

SteelofUtah -> RE: Failed Perversions? (3/11/2008 9:30:24 AM)
I test everything on myself first. I tested it on my inner Thigh. I caused a sub dermal laseration (Cut under the top layer of skin) I hit myself as hard as I was going to hit my partner and I ended up limping for 3 weeks until the inner tear could heal. I have removed this toy from my play plans but i still keep it to remind me that somethings are just NOT okay. I Ruined the whole party as I had to be taken to the hospital an hour after I did it. I Felt like a Dumbass. Steel

LilMissHaven -> RE: Failed Perversions? (3/11/2008 9:41:13 AM)
Wonderfully entertaining thread! About the only advice I have to offer is "fuck me" does not qualify as a safe word and can result in an emergency room visit.

adrian28 -> RE: Failed Perversions? (3/11/2008 10:45:41 AM)
Oh yeah, remember that when you have a suspended sub, it's wise to have something to cushion her fall. Just in case something goes wrong...

LilMissHaven -> RE: Failed Perversions? (3/11/2008 11:09:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: adrian28 Oh yeah, remember that when you have a suspended sub, it's wise to have something to cushion her fall. Just in case something goes wrong... AMEN!! although its a rather funny story now

spanklette -> RE: Failed Perversions? (3/11/2008 11:22:47 AM)
This is a rather recent story...a BBW wanted to try out her first suspension scene, and the suspension furniture in question was actually pulled up by a motor. Unfortunately, no one tested the amount of weight that the motor would be asked to lift. She got up, but the motor locked and wouldn't let her down. The solution ended up being a truck with a large wench, but I'm sure it's an experience that she would rather forget...[:(]

SubbieOnWheels -> RE: Failed Perversions? (3/11/2008 12:34:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: spanklette This is a rather recent story...a BBW wanted to try out her first suspension scene, and the suspension furniture in question was actually pulled up by a motor. Unfortunately, no one tested the amount of weight that the motor would be asked to lift. She got up, but the motor locked and wouldn't let her down. The solution ended up being a truck with a large wench, but I'm sure it's an experience that she would rather forget...[:(] spanklette, please forgive me, but Freudian slips amuse the hell out of me. The large wench was the BBW, right? The truck had a *winch*. Again, I apologize. Sometimes I just can't help myself.

spanklette -> RE: Failed Perversions? (3/11/2008 12:39:01 PM)
Oopsies...but well...maybe it fits.[:D]

Constrictor1 -> RE: Failed Perversions? (3/11/2008 1:26:47 PM)
Steel, congratulations! I have done and seen a lot of things in 14 years, but I have no idea what a "Loopy Johnny" is. Please elucidate? Constrictor

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