RE: BDSM meets including phone

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CalifChick -> RE: BDSM meets including phone (3/7/2008 6:31:57 AM)
I won't go from a computer chat to a real life meeting without some phone time in between. I have a personal theory it's part of why I've never been stood up for a meeting, because it's one more layer of filtering out the ones that are not serious about meeting. Having said that, I like talking on the phone with people that I can hear and understand. I laugh at the commercials that say "can you hear me now" because with some phone conversations, that's all I say, with all the static and line noise. It frustrates me to no end to try to talk to someone when I cannot understand what they're saying. Cali

Dnomyar -> RE: BDSM meets including phone (3/7/2008 7:20:07 AM)
Cali can you hear me now.

MistressNoName -> RE: BDSM meets including phone (3/7/2008 8:02:02 AM)
I just recently met a sub for coffee and a very nice conversation and walk around the Village...within a week of "meeting" him online and w/out a phone call between us or even an IM chat...just emails. We had a great time, he still seems like a "normal" guy to me with a "normal" life. I felt comfortable enough to meet up with him, voice unheard, b/c of how he portrayed himself. Some things cannot be faked. If he had been rude, obnoxious, or given off any "weird" vibes, I would not have met him. But he did not. So we met and had a great time and are making plans to get together again. I take everything on a case-by-case basis. No hard and fast rules except that first meets must ALWAYS be in public and I HAVE to feel comfortable about the person and the situation. Everyone has to use their own gauge. MNN

junecleaver -> RE: BDSM meets including phone (3/7/2008 8:04:23 AM)
I think when someone is looking for more than a play partner...a lover or a friend...they want to interact on a level in between text, but not quite RL before they decide to meet one another. I wouldn't meet someone who wouldn't talk to me on the phone. I understand people who don't like to talk on the phone and it's not like I expect hours of conversation...just a little bit to know what it sounds like when they laugh, when they are being sarcastic or sincere etc etc. It's not so much about verification as fleshing out the person. The likelihood of me dating the type of person who would offer references is slim. I've always taken my chances as to whether or not someone will be 'real.'

SinergyNstrumpet -> RE: BDSM meets including phone (3/7/2008 8:07:46 AM)
I did not have a "hang up" about it, but it seems that I always ended up talking to people before meeting them for coffee. The phone was useful in getting a sense of what a person is like and I ended more than one phone conversation by dismissing the person even as a possible friend. I like to know if a person is conversant and polite before meeting them... at least over the phone. In the case of my Daddy and I, we had conversations that lasted for hours before we met, and it never felt like those phone calls lasted that long. The first time I went down there we talked the entire time I packed to go... we talked for literally 8 hours! Oh, new love, isn't it grand?[:D] Now neither one of us is much of a "phone" person, but there are still times we talk for an hour or two. We live 4 hours apart... so that is how we connect between visits. ~Sinergy's strumpet~

LadyHibiscus -> RE: BDSM meets including phone (3/7/2008 8:11:35 AM)
I hate the phone. I do use it as an "are we still on?" confirmation. If someone is in another state, I like to talk to them since I don't have cam, and like the connection of a voice. Is the phone essential? Nope.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: BDSM meets including phone (3/7/2008 9:10:45 AM)
Back when I actively whored, my only real requirement to meet was a phone call. I am the type who DOES get a lot out of a phone call with someone and it's worth it to me to reduce the risk and give me a sense of security.

Missokyst -> RE: BDSM meets including phone (3/7/2008 9:11:09 AM)
Phones dont mean a lot to me either. I hate being on the phone. Unless it is work related I make sure any call I have is short. I have to use them for work because my job is dependant on phone calls. I have a fabulous radio voice and I know I sound younger, sexier, and more ... well.. more, over the phone. Basically, my voice and spiel sells me. But I don't look like my voice. And no one I have met fits the image I have in my head when I hear their voice. Phones don't make people more real. They don't give me a clue about what I will find when I get there. Except maybe for one thing. I find if they talk a lot of a phone, they will talk a lot when I meet them. YIKES. LOL Kyst

Stephann -> RE: BDSM meets including phone (3/7/2008 9:34:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I'm trying to phrase this so that it won't end up in the Random Stupidity section. On several threads lately, I've noticed Myself giving the same repeated reply in regards to phone conversations. Often, a reference to phone calls is made prior to meeting someone for the first time, whether that be casually, or for play. Personally, I'm not a big phone person. I don't care for it in most situations. It isn't a prerequisite hearing someone's voice in order to play. I have a lot of things much higher on the criteria list than that. Hearing a voice doesn't especially make someone authentic (I hesitate at using the word real, since I don't want THAT debate). It doesn't necessarily ensure that someone is female (there are better methods). It certainly doesn't guarantee anyone's experience level, tell you what type of play partner they will be, or add any other particular information, other than a point of contact should there be any obstacle to actually arrive at meeting. This leads to My question. Exactly what is the hang up (bad pun) with the phone? *** Disclaimer. The phone thing is not in reference to safe calls. It is merely a question about what the importance is of a phone conversation, prior to a meet. Having met several people from the 'net, one of the strongest signs that the person is simply looking for a fantasy relationship is that they don't wish to talk on the phone. Talking on the phone doesn't make it more real, but (in my experience) refusing to talk on the phone, invariably, means they aren't interested in actually meeting in person. Stephan

ownedgirlie -> RE: BDSM meets including phone (3/7/2008 10:39:31 AM)
I find a lot more can be communicated by verbal conversation than by the typed one, for example, how quickly one thinks on one's feet, how one presents oneself, and what conversation dynamics will look like. I remember years ago I spoke to a man online for awhile. We shared photos and he was quite handsome. The first time we spoke on the phone, I realized his voice was very high and he spoke in a bit of a whine, with LOTS of "um...um...um" going on. I couldn't stand it. With my Master, the goal wasn't a play date but a Master/slave relationship. At the time, I had an hour commute home from work and it was a perfect time for us to connect and begin to learn one another. I loved the way he spoke to me, and the things he had to say. I have made very close connections with people through verbal communication, and when distance falls between the parties, it's a good way to make a "connection" prior to meeting - friends and possible partners alike.

GreedyTop -> RE: BDSM meets including phone (3/7/2008 10:45:05 AM)
some people arent good on the phone. Me? generally, I'll talk your ear off OR I will be one of those 'uh-huh. yeah' people. Doesnt mean I am not listening, necessarily, likely means I'm more interested in what ya have to say than yakking about myself. The phone can be a double edged sword. (and dammit, I'm not being clear again....)

ownedgirlie -> RE: BDSM meets including phone (3/7/2008 11:05:18 AM)
Hi Greedy Top, I agree, some are not good on the phone. I was horrible on the phone. Having been conditioned all my life to NOT communicate, I lacked many communication skills. I could type my opinions and perspective much better than speak it. Which was another reason he had me on the phone a lot, lol, to teach me to TALK and to think on my feet. Now he laughs, saying, "I used to have to pull your words out for you. Now I can't get you to shut up!" [8D]

Stephann -> RE: BDSM meets including phone (3/7/2008 11:35:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie I find a lot more can be communicated by verbal conversation than by the typed one, for example, how quickly one thinks on one's feet, how one presents oneself, and what conversation dynamics will look like. I remember years ago I spoke to a man online for awhile. We shared photos and he was quite handsome. The first time we spoke on the phone, I realized his voice was very high and he spoke in a bit of a whine, with LOTS of "um...um...um" going on. I couldn't stand it. With my Master, the goal wasn't a play date but a Master/slave relationship. At the time, I had an hour commute home from work and it was a perfect time for us to connect and begin to learn one another. I loved the way he spoke to me, and the things he had to say. I have made very close connections with people through verbal communication, and when distance falls between the parties, it's a good way to make a "connection" prior to meeting - friends and possible partners alike. Bingo. I talked for a couple weeks with one girl I met in a chat room. She sounded lovely in our text conversations. After that first phone conversation, I was left wondering "is this the same person???" She spoke very slowly, very deliberately, and discussed issues related to money and her family that were horribly inappropriate for an initial friendship/conversation. And then there were the three 'girls' who admitted to being men, when I finally said "call or else...." Stephan

Volcano -> RE: BDSM meets including phone (3/7/2008 11:36:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Thank you for those last two comments. I was beginning to think I was the only chick who didn't have the phone as a big priority. Personally, I hate talking on the phone. That's Nisey's job. It's not unheard of for the cell bill to come in showing that she has used nearly 1000 minutes for the month while I've racked up maybe 20. I resisted getting a cell phone until well after most of my friends had them. These days, I will give my cell # to someone I'm planning to meet, but that is mainly in case something comes up to disrupt meeting plans.

LadyPact -> RE: BDSM meets including phone (3/7/2008 11:45:23 AM)
I wanted to thank everyone for the replies and the different perspectives. It's been fun to hear how other people see this. Ray, I think you pegged exactly how I am about this. My family knows the same thing. Keep it short, sweet, and to the point. Give Me the information necessary, and the small talk can wait until I get home. Madame4a, we seriously have a lot in common. Just wanted to mention that again. Stephann, you and I just aren't in synch these past couple of days. (Which is odd, because I find your opinions to be very good ones. However, I think it was your comment that made Me think more about My preference in this.) Having sat back and thought about it for a while, the reasons I don't care for the phone have more to do with being real than anything else. For starters, if someone gets My number, they are getting the cell phone. Unless it's a scheduled call, that means I could be anywhere, at work, in the car, etc. There certainly isn't going to be a decent conversation under those kinds of conditions. Secondly, I can't always control the enviornment enough to be able to hear properly. Voices are one of the hardest things for Me to hear, so I prefer conversations in person. I get more from talking with someone face to face. The shorter the call is kept, the sooner I can actually get there to talk to who I want. Edited for punctuation.

CalifChick -> RE: BDSM meets including phone (3/7/2008 11:50:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Stephann And then there were the three 'girls' who admitted to being men, when I finally said "call or else...." I'm really a girl Stephan, I swear. Call me. Cali

Stephann -> RE: BDSM meets including phone (3/7/2008 12:06:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I wanted to thank everyone for the replies and the different perspectives. It's been fun to hear how other people see this. Ray, I think you pegged exactly how I am about this. My family knows the same thing. Keep it short, sweet, and to the point. Give Me the information necessary, and the small talk can wait until I get home. Madame4a, we seriously have a lot in common. Just wanted to mention that again. Stephann, you and I just aren't in synch these past couple of days. (Which is odd, because I find your opinions to be very good ones. However, I think it was your comment that made Me think more about My preference in this.) Having sat back and thought about it for a while, the reasons I don't care for the phone have more to do with being real than anything else. For starters, if someone gets My number, they are getting the cell phone. Unless it's a scheduled call, that means I could be anywhere, at work, in the car, etc. There certainly isn't going to be a decent conversation under those kinds of conditions. Secondly, I can't always control the enviornment enough to be able to hear properly. Voices are one of the hardest things for Me to hear, so I prefer conversations in person. I get more from talking with someone face to face. The shorter the call is kept, the sooner I can actually get there to talk to who I want. Edited for punctuation. Oh, yeah, I prefer meeting in person to calls in truth. My point is that unless you live within a 30 minutes drive, it's unlikely that we're going to meet without having talked on the phone first. In fact, there's a girl who lived, literally, 2 miles away. We met on collarme, traded emails for a week, and agreed to hang out one afternoon. I got to where she told me to go, and she wasn't there. I waited an hour. I get home, she's not online. I email her, and didn't hear a thing from her for about a week. Four months later, she still occasionally tries to chat on Yahoo, but we've never talked on the phone and I'm not dying for another chat buddy. Moral is, that talking on the phone doesn't mean you're not a flake, only that refusing to talk on the phone is usually a pretty powerful signal that you are. No absolutes here, just MHO. Cali, careful what you wish for ;) Nightmares CAN come true! Stephan

ownedgirlie -> RE: BDSM meets including phone (3/7/2008 12:22:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Having sat back and thought about it for a while, the reasons I don't care for the phone have more to do with being real than anything else. For starters, if someone gets My number, they are getting the cell phone. Unless it's a scheduled call, that means I could be anywhere, at work, in the car, etc. There certainly isn't going to be a decent conversation under those kinds of conditions. Secondly, I can't always control the enviornment enough to be able to hear properly. Voices are one of the hardest things for Me to hear, so I prefer conversations in person. I get more from talking with someone face to face. I understand this mindset, and prefer in person to phone in most cases, but not all. In my situation, using that hour each evening to connect with someone before arriving home and dealing with the things I needed to for the evening was more convenient and beneficial than listening to the radio, etc. If I'm getting to know someone, I'm not sure I'm willing to invest entire evenings out and give someone that much of my time before getting to know them a bit on the phone first. The other thing is, I only use my cell phone. My house line is for DSL purposes only. I'm a utilizer of bluetooth and I haven't found a chordless bluetooth for the house yet. So I don't bother with home phone, for that and other reasons. My cell phone has caller ID. If I'm not in a position to talk to somebody, I don't answer the phone. Anyone I converse with telephonically (I like that word) knows they can call any time, and if it's not a good time for me to talk, I don't answer. If I'm in a place where I don't want to hear my phone ring, it is turned off or put on silent. If it's a Caller ID Blocked call, I don't answer it. Voicemail is a wonderful thing, lol. I'm of the mindset that just because the phone is ringing doesn't mean I have to answer it. Unless it's Mr. Wonderful, of course. [;)] Not trying to debate your point, just offering my differing perspective and why I have it.

Kana -> RE: BDSM meets including phone (3/7/2008 2:45:33 PM)
I view phones as a necessary evil. I do use them before meets and I want a phone number just in case either party has to bail at the last minute, but I prefer to not spend to much time on phones.When I talk to people on them I tend to be straight and to the point, abruptly so. The exception is when I am driving, then I talk all the time.Go figure. And I loathe chat. The thing for is that to really get a feel for someone I need to see their reactions, to look in their eyes.I do this face to face, plus thats where I feel I am at my best.In person who I am shows a whole lot more than anywhere else. Phones don't thrill me, but I understand why its important.

Honsoku -> RE: BDSM meets including phone (3/7/2008 5:36:44 PM)
I like the phone because it provides a richer, more interactive communication experience than just text. At the same time, I somewhat despise the phone as I am not a chatty person. I still use it because I find that it gives the best indication of how well two people will connect intellectually, without having to see them in person. If you have oodles of dead air or arguments on the phone, you can probably expect something similar face to face.

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