RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 9/23/2005 6:28:34 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 495
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

few months later he admitted that he did it for shock value, and has since interrogated me about my involvement in BDSM

This sounds like a kinky lil peckerwood that wouldn't know how to treat a sub if she sat on his face. Keep your chin up & your shoulders square.

(in reply to PerhapsitsFate)

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 9/23/2005 6:32:30 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 1886
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Everybody who sucked a cock raise your hand, thank you.
Everybody who ate a pussy raise your hand, thank you.

Everybody who ever fucked raise your hand, thank you........

WHAT? C"MON YOU LYIN' BASTARDS!!!!!! I see them kids behind you!

While to some degree, I am quiet about this, I think we are all too hung up about it...........

Nobody is watching the John Does that closely (other than 8 people who volunteer their time and I am not including MODS)

But if you are uncomfortable, well............
But I truely doubt that it is really a life changing condition for most....

You have plausible denial, after all........

HOW DO YOU KNOW? OMFG!!!!!! Someone has put my picture on the net.........I am the victim of identity theft.............thanks JesusJr, for pointing that out to me, I am outraged.....by the way; wtf were you doing on the net there? OIC, looking up pedastels but you fucked up?

What is carved on your gravestone here, I postulate nothing at all.

Ron

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"Schlau, aber nichts wahr" Albert Einstein

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 9/23/2005 6:57:09 PM

IronBear

Posts: 2678
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

If you live in a smallish community and keep your eyes and ears open and know who your gossips are and those who are most likely to cause you grief (including your boss), be smart and watch , listen and say nothing. It isn't hard to get juicy information about people, especially if your reasonably inconspicious (unlike me). Its a game you see. It works all the time. believe me the politics in small communities run on who knows what about whoever. Someone wants to blow your kink wide open? You have two options. If you get to them first, let them know that you know their nasty little secrets and you also know who to casually inform... If you are caught and the beans are spilled at somewhere public, laugh and retort with the juiciest info you know about them. It's not really flaming just balancing the books. I mean after all if the president of the local PTA saw you at a play party and was going to use it to discredit you. You should be asking how come he was there in the first place? May be easy to see how much his involvement is.. Perhaps you find he is banging the neighbour's cat and screwing a couple of married ladies.. You may even find that you are invited to those prestigious functions your've been busting for an invitation to attend etc.

I know all my locals and most of their garbage too.. I hear things, people talk to me.. Their skeletons are none of my business and are safe with me. But I'm known and probably expected to be different... However, when one Uniformed Cop went over board and became abusive with my wife I got him away from his partner for a moment and innocently asked him is his Duty Sgt knew hw was screwing the Sgt's wife regularly? I then informed him of a safer place to meet her..... Threats of public disclosure? Never, he knew what I knew and that was all. He was thankfull for the location I gave him. We have a better relationship. No need for my filing a complaint against him and he knew I was not a push over. Not a bad bloke just having a bad hair (what was left of it) day. Moral of the yarn is that even if potential trouble makers think you know their dirty embarasing secrets, they will not be the first to go all Holier than Thou against you for being a kingster. As I said, no threats, just balancing the books, something like TPE but you are the one gaining the power.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 9/23/2005 7:33:15 PM >

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Be Well
Iron Bear

Master of House Iron Bear

Yes, I am a Master, but not your Master..........

The Incorrigible, irrepressible, irreverent grizzly

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 9/23/2005 7:14:45 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 495
Joined: 8/22/2005
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As it usually is with IronBear...yeah what he said

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Post #: 24

RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 9/23/2005 7:19:42 PM

RainGod

Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline

I want thank everyone who commented and advised on this thread so far. At least now I know I am not nuts... lol. (I think)

theRose4U posted:

quote:

Hit the block button & move on.

Yes, indeed. Never have I blocked someone so quickly before.

The wise EmeraldSlave (whom I respect greatly) wrote:

quote:

Are you being overcautious? Perhaps.

May I ask why this could be viewed as overly cautious? I had offered to show her My picture after we talked a little bit in messenger. she asked why it wasn't posted in the profile and I explained I had reservations about who might see from the local community. Not flaming you Em... you know I respect ya. I just want to know.

obis posted:

quote:

I would think the explanation "I live in a small town" would be enough for anyone remotely familiar with online meeting sites, particularly ones for "unacceptable" interests.

My point exactly... this is the kind of place where some people sit at the Country Club drinking and talking shit about having seen someone else coming out of a local bar, and what a drunken sot they are for having been there.

Tempestspet wrote:

quote:

Though, on the flip side.... if you were recognized on a "site like this" I would have to wonder, and ask, how did they find it then, and why where they on the site? ...Doing the same thing you are doing. Seem to me, they have as much to lose as anyone, suspicion would lie on them as well.

As I said, it is the hypocritical ones who I would be worried most about seeing My face. God knows I am surely not the only person in this town who owns whips and chains and dildos and stuff...

I am sure they would come up with some viable reason why they saw the profile and picture without bringing reprocussions upon themselves, you know how it is. And, no I didn't take offense to your comment... it was a good point, thanks for posting it!

Quivver posted:

quote:

I have to question who wrote first, what was said and so on

I wrote first... A polite comment on the short distance between us and all the similarities we seemed to share, and would she like to talk? The rest I posted in reply to someone else on here... it just seemed strange and out of context for the conversation that had transpired so far.

BlkTallFullfig wrote:

quote:

but I do get annoyed with excessive paranoia or the inherent self importance of someone who thinks that emailing me a simple dressed picture of himself would somehow cause the world (or his world) to end.

I did offer a pic.. AFTER we talked a little and I figured out she wasn't some freak (which she apparnatly was). I never said it would end My world, lol.

I am really enjoying the forums here and thank you all once again for the comments and advice

(in reply to girl4you2)

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 9/23/2005 7:57:12 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3610
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RainGodMay I ask why this could be viewed as overly cautious? I had offered to show her My picture after we talked a little bit in messenger. she asked why it wasn't posted in the profile and I explained I had reservations about who might see from the local community. Not flaming you Em... you know I respect ya. I just want to know.

Because the chances of

someone you know seeing your picture here
that someone deciding to bring it to your or others attention
that someone or others deciding to cause an issue of it in your life
that issue causing a downgrade in your life happiness

is pretty small.

It could happen, it's happened before and I didn't say it was wrong to be overly cautious.

I also personally just don't like giving people power over me* and I consider having something to hide as something someone else can use as leverage. If *I* take control of outing myself, I don't have to worry about anyone else outing me.

*concerning a slave not liking giving people power over, yes it makes perfect sense. As a slave I am VERY aware and sensitive to who has power over me, what authority it actually has and what my consent is towards it. Everyone says a slave needs to be careful in who she chooses to be owned by, this is an extension of that.

(in reply to RainGod)

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 9/23/2005 7:58:27 PM

imtempting

Posts: 874
Joined: 2/11/2005
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your not too paranoid.

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 9/24/2005 3:05:27 AM

RainGod

Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline

theRose4U posted:

quote:

This sounds like a kinky lil peckerwood that wouldn't know how to treat a sub if she sat on his face.

Damn. I wish a sub would sit on My face...lol.

(in reply to theRose4U)

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 9/24/2005 3:09:27 AM

RainGod

Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline

quote:

Because the chances of

someone you know seeing your picture here
that someone deciding to bring it to your or others attention
that someone or others deciding to cause an issue of it in your life
that issue causing a downgrade in your life happiness

is pretty small.

Thanks, EmeraldSlave. I can see your point now. Maybe I will put up a pic with clown make up on... lol

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 9/24/2005 5:26:32 AM

GADomCpl

Posts: 40
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

When I first started playing around with BDSM, I was very hessitant about adding a picture to my profile because I was in the military and very afraid that one of my superiors would see it. I eventually decided that if by some mericle someone I knew found it and made an issue of it, I would deal with it at that time. When Liz came into my life, we again hessitated. She comes from a fairly religious family and has some pretty conservative friends. This continues to be our greast fear. While most of my friends are pretty open (and some have even managed to schock me at what they like) most of her friends and family are a different story. We finally decided that the chances of her family coming across a bondage site and looking at it until they found us were pretty remote.

As a side note, before we got married, I had just returned from Iraq. We decided to have a little fun and give the nice people in the yahoo chatrooms a show and put ourselves on webcam. We were trying to be careful to keep our faces out of the camera, but of course I knocked it a little bit accidently and flashed her face (this by the way was on a new screenname that I had created just minutes earlier). I dropped Liz off at her house and was on my way back home when she called me in shock because her mom had just told her how her Godfather had just called and swore that he had seen her doing some things on camera that a good christian girl would never do (they obviously don't know her). Needles to say Liz was a tad surprised and did a lot of fast talking. I don't know if her mother believed her when she said it wasn't us, but needless to say, we never used that name again.

Troy and Liz

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 9/24/2005 5:49:29 AM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 654
Joined: 11/7/2004
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Sir, Its all about you and your choices. Who cares about what others feel you are or aren't doing "their" way. You do what feels right in your heart.

(in reply to RainGod)

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 9/25/2005 11:27:09 AM

srahfox

Posts: 259
Joined: 10/17/2004
Status: offline

I had a friend of mind come up to me and say he goggled me... and found my CM profile. So truthfully he didn't need to be looking on CM for something, he just had to do a search for me. (Fortunatly he didn't care or anything, he was just surprised)
On one hand I personally believe it's non of anyone damned business what I do and who I do it with. On the other, there is the possibility my Master could be found out and loose his job. That would be ruinous for us.
Just a heads up, you can always be outed by the most well meaning of friends too. A friend of mine is slightly.. out of touch with reality. When her and her husband started playing around with BDSM they came to Master and I for advice. We weren't exactly completely open about what we do, but if you are a close friend it's not too hard to figure out. Well that friend jumped into everything head first and had NO problem telling anyone within listening distance what her and her husband like. When people asked her how they got into this whole thing, she cheerfully pointed to me and Master. Sooo a lot of people found out before we intended them too. Turns out she also told her mother, who happens to be one of the bosses for the company Master worked for at the time. Fortunately for us, nothing happened.
So, if being a little gun shy makes you feel better, that's your business not anyone elses. Someone who's going to spend any time with you will understand anyway.

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 9/25/2005 11:53:32 AM

Awakener

Posts: 88
Joined: 9/18/2005
Status: offline

It is perhaps not healthy to feel the need to hide. But it is also quite quite naturaul. As soon as we stopped functioning on instinct alone we began to hide to deciee ourselves and others. To get on in the world it is necesserary to...wel fit in...and not a man/women alive has nothing to hide.
People say "oh well in a perfect world it wouldn't be like this"...well i think that is bullshit. that perfect world would require absoloute uniformity.

So my 2 cents...
Ignore this idiot. Ignore all the idiots. Don't give the idiots of the world power, by actually giving worth to thier opinions.

P.S. Feel free to think of me as an Idiot, and ignore me as well. Everyone is an Idiot to someone.

< Message edited by Awakener -- 9/25/2005 11:55:59 AM >

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 9/25/2005 12:31:09 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 1886
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I have posted my thought oin this before but by and by I am with Awakener.

I will say it this way, if you can't be afforded to be out.......LEAVE NOW!!!

I am a mindfucker and if your are one of those kind, as you are giving me head I got a movie camera and I am gonna say, "If your mother could see you now." Just as I come and I will make you look in the camera.......

I understand the problem, of course. But by god, I just don't get how my sexual proclivities could possibly interest anyone for more than a few seconds in causal conversation.

I have lost jobs for other reason than CM type stuff. It is an inconvienience, not life threatening.

Inconvienince? Sure.

Look, everyfuckingbody is oppressed. I am not guilty cause the chinese are communists. I am very fucking irate with republican attitudes. (Doesn't make me a democrat). Most people here are reasonable, give or take a few.

I guess I can see the CCR lyric.......

Take you a glass of water;
make it against the law;
see how good the water tastes;
when you cain't have any at all;

Com-commotion........

_____________________________

"Schlau, aber nichts wahr" Albert Einstein

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 9/25/2005 1:15:38 PM

Hallittlelolita

Posts: 253
Joined: 8/11/2005
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You are not being overly cautious

my Master however dose not let me post pictures up anymore for 2 reasons He dosent want other doms or Dommes or single man to see me second when my picture was up i kept on getting bogus emails from losers and Master made me take it down and i was glad too

So dont be discouraged you are being cautious, not paranoid

Sincerely andie and her Master Hal

< Message edited by Hallittlelolita -- 9/25/2005 6:40:17 PM >

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 9/25/2005 1:45:55 PM

RainGod

Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline

mnottertail writes:

quote:

I will say it this way, if you can't be afforded to be out.......LEAVE NOW!!!

Uh huh. Right. I read your profile about you living on a farm. Now, if I am not mistaken, most farms are in rural communities, are they not? So if you are so "out", tell Me how the local community feels about your apparantly obvious lifestyle. Do they mind if you wear your leather chaps with no pants ino the Co-op? Does the local church mind of you walk your slave in on a leash on Sunday morning? How does your employer feel about it?

After 20 years in the lifestyle, no one but My family and My play partners know what I am into where I live. I would like to keep it that way. According the the very large majority of the others who post here, that is My option, and many of them understand why.

quote:

I am a mindfucker and if your are one of those kind, as you are giving me head I got a movie camera and I am gonna say, "If your mother could see you now." Just as I come and I will make you look in the camera.......

Indeed. How very attractive. Any submissives here think this sounds like a fun time?

quote:

But by god, I just don't get how my sexual proclivities could possibly interest anyone for more than a few seconds in causal conversation.

Really? you must live in a VERY ultra liberal community. Wish I did. If you really have problems understanding it, just let your sexual secrets out. People tend to be vicious and they love to exploit the secrets of others while they do the same things and maybe worse.

quote:

I have lost jobs for other reason than CM type stuff. It is an inconvienience, not life threatening.

Where did I say it was life-threatening? I believe the point I conveyed was that I would rather everyone where I live not know what I do in My own home.

quote:

Look, everyfuckingbody is oppressed.

Really? I wasn't aware.

quote:

I am not guilty cause the chinese are communists. I am very fucking irate with republican attitudes. (Doesn't make me a democrat).

I'm sorry... I somehow missed where political alliance and affiliation came into the topic.

quote:

Most people here are reasonable, give or take a few.

Indeed, they have been reasonable.

Hope that helps.

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 9/25/2005 1:58:54 PM

subkitten32

Posts: 38
Joined: 1/19/2005
Status: offline

I am lucky to not have to worry about being "outed" But however I do know many who have this concern, and I do not think you are being paranoid at all to keep your pic to yourself, especially when you get such a rude response as that sub sent to you RainGod. I agree it is best not to give out too much information too fast.

kitten

< Message edited by subkitten32 -- 9/25/2005 1:59:32 PM >

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 9/25/2005 2:11:29 PM

RainGod

Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
Status: offline

quote:

So my 2 cents...
Ignore this idiot. Ignore all the idiots. Don't give the idiots of the world power, by actually giving worth to thier opinions.

P.S. Feel free to think of me as an Idiot, and ignore me as well. Everyone is an Idiot to someone.

Lol...!! Thanks, Awakener. That was both sound advice and hilarious at the same time.

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 9/25/2005 2:15:40 PM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Joined: 7/19/2005
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My girlfriend worked in a small, family owned business. Her pic here was a bit on the extreme side. You may say that was a mistake, but it was her choice. Then she logged on to CM from her work computer - and THAT was a mistake. A fellow employee with an axe to grind used her "history" files to find her CM pic and sent it all over the business...including the executives.

We have lost touch, but last i heard they had threatened her employment and i was urgently telling her to get an employment lawyer.

However, and not in anyone's defense, if Y/you use Y/your work computer to login here, Y/you may be considered stealing company time, but what is worse, is they will have Y/you dead to rights as a BDSM'er; and may read Y/your CM email and will certainly be able to read Y/your posts to the boards.

To many people, this is a porn site, and as such, violative of the company's internet use handbook or policy. If Y/you are logging in at work to avoid the prying eyes of a wife or husband, Y/you are cheating and that's not ok.

If Y/you are using a laptop provided by work, but doing it at home, using Y/your own internet service provider, Y/you are probably still violating company policies regarding porn -- use the public library instead.

i hope this spares S/someone suffering.

pinkpleasures

_____________________________

Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and the wrong. Sometime in your life you will have been all of these."
~ Bob Goddard ~

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RE: Being "outed" in the vanilla world - 9/25/2005 2:17:51 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 1727
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

quote:

He dosent want other doms or Dommes or single man to see me

That is the most dumbest obtuse thing I have ever heard on here. so I suppose every dominant in real life or single man you walk by in real life is supposed to avert their eyes so they can't see you?

As for bogus emails stoping, yeah that's nice. but people will be idiots and mail others bogus stuff picture or no.

(in reply to Hallittlelolita)

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