Owner4SexSlave
Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
|
Erotic vs. Non Erotic Humilation
Thought I'd toss this out there for people not so experienced with humilation.
Many of the things I've shared on this thread so far have been of a somewhat
erotic or sexual nature.
Humilation can be enjoyable or not enjoyable by a submissive or bottom.
I'm including the use of the word bottom today, to just be more politically correct.
Everything does not have be sexual nor erotic per se in the world of BDSM.
At times my own personal focus is pretty sexual in nature, and I like to
combine/incorperate different things/activities into play.
In terms of what actually humilates your partner, it's best you mentally get
to know your partner. Many times simply talking about different activities
together can be enjoyable exploration. I times I simply making joking
threats about doing something to my partner, and see how her mental
reaction is ahead of time. If she has anything to add to it, or any negative
comments. In short taking advantage of communication ahead of time
before engaging in new activities.
Basically it gives you an idea of how far your partner is or is not willing
to go. Mentally, you get a feel for soft or hard limits. There are times
when people themselves don't know their own limits, simply because
they have never been faced with or presented with an activitity to mentally
or physically explore.
What humilates somebody they may or may not actually enjoy. This can
be a touchy area of debate. The classic service top or not debate.
Should a Dom/Master please their submissive or not.
In terms of play activities or scenes, I have found the most intense scenes
are those that both people enjoy and get off on together. Call it mutual
pleasure if you will. The Energy and power of both people feeding
off from one another. This can be the case in forcing somebody to do
something. If they get off on being forced and controlled and you enjoy
forcing and controlling somebody, go for it.
A lot of activities depend upon the mindsets of the people involved.
If a submissive has offered herself to the extent of doing things she
finds not so pleasurable, because she wishes to please and fullfill their
Dom/mes or tops fantasies and desires. This perfectly fine and acceptable.
Just keep in the mind the difference between Humilation that actually
sexually stimulates her, and Humilation that does not. In short not
all forms of humilation have the say effect. What sexually turns somebody
on may not have the same effect upon another person.
Using somebody for a footstool or even as a table, can be a very humilating
experience. Some subs might get turned on by it, some can't stand it, and
yet others will be indifferent towards it.
If you get off on seeing reactions from your bottom or sub/slave. Chances
are that things she is indifferent about will become boring to you. If you
get off on it purely for your own jollies alone, you will enjoy it regardless
of their reaction(s).
If you actually seek to humilate your sub/slave/bottom without it sexually
or erotically arosing them, and they can deal with this type of humilation
or have agreed to it. Basically, in short if this is not a limit! Yes, find
and do the things that truely humilate them. Keep in mind and know
your partner and what they are capable of mentally and physically dealing
with.
If you find pleasure in an activitity and they find pleasure in it, so much
the more the better. In short, you are engaging in an activitity they you
both enjoy the Hell out of.
The danger lies, when things become constantly too one sided, where
only one party is the one constantly finding enjoyment out of the activities
being done.
It's a good thing to mix things up at times. Activities and things you enjoy,
your sub/bottom enjoys and the things you both enjoy together.
It's one thing to humilate somebody who's been humilated before, and
another thing to do it with somebody who has not fully experienced it.
Also, keep in mind if you have experience in being humilated, that the
person topping you might not be so experienced.
Generally, communication before hand can help mentally warm people
up to the idea of doing these things for the first time. Also, gives you
an idea to how the other person will or will not react.
At times it's pays to be patient, take things slow, build trust and build
up to more intense scenes.
Many times people complain about the level of experience somebody
does or does not have. I can honestly understand why some sub/slaves
who are experienced are looking for somebody with experience. Because
they are accustomed to more intense or advanced play. In many cases
Doms/tops seek out experienced sub/slaves/bottoms to play with because
of the same reasons.
If there is any experience off-sets between two people in a given activitity,
communication, patience and understanding goes a long long way.
Some people are so wrapped up into D/s, that concepts such as "Topping
from the bottom", "Bottoming from the top", or whatever else stands in the
way of good honest communication. Being assertive by no means indicates
somebody is trying to take control. Personally, I'd much rather be with
an assertive sub/bottom so I knew exactly what I was taking control of
without question. Sheepish quiet unassert subs/bottoms I personally tend
to view as a red flag. Why? Because they are not sharing with me who
they are and what they honestly think or feel. I can not take charge, be
in control of or be responsible for the unknown or the unspoken.
I thought I'd toss these thoughts out here for a moment. I think it's important
to explore things mentally with your partner. Dom/Masters/tops are not mind
readers, the only reason why we seem to know so much about you sub/slave/
bottom types, is because we listen to the things you say, observe how you
react to things, and ask you lots of questions looking for honest responses.
It's even so much better when you willingly express yourself and simply
assert you mind from time to time.
There is the classic debate about what is or is not a real DOM. Somebody
who is not a real DOM to one person, might be anothers DOM come true.
People with poor communucations skills and insecurities are just that, it's a
two way street.
I really don't know what has inspired me to make this post today, however
it was something that was nagging at me in the back of my mind.
These are just my own personal thoughts, views and perspective on the
subject. Basically, you don't have to force unenjoyable activities upon
somebody for the sake of reinforcing D/s, or just because you are in a
D/s relationship. If unenjoyable activities have been agreed upon between
two people and their relationship or for the scene, go for it.
Know thyself and your partner. Communication is important. When you
talk also be prepared to listen and observe. When in doubt ask questions.
Making assumptions about your partners can be a big mistake.
People who are involved in 24/7 relationships have the upper leg in actually
understanding and knowing each other at times. In fact both parties probally
know the right triggers to actually humilate each other very well, and I'm just
not talking about play humilation here. LOL...
|
RE: Idea's for Humilation play in bedroom - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread