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ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

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ORIGINAL: christine1

since realizing i'm submissive and figuring more and more things about myself in that regard, i've become more strong willed in the vanilla world.  finding the sumbissive niche for myself has helped me become more confident and i'm proud of that. 

I completely understand.  I've found that becoming comfortable in my skin and in what's in my head shows as confidence and that confidence is like a magnet for people. 

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ORIGINAL: MissHarlet

Im still very courteous .. but much less patient .. and they sense it somehow .. I love the idea of useing  the lifestyle to discourage Jehovahwitnesses etc <EG>

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ORIGINAL: DMFParadox

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ORIGINAL: daddysliloneds

nope; they're people just like me, and judging by the story you just told, i would have read it more as someone that meant every word they said to you, and then referred you to someone else once they thought they may had crossed a line and offended you.  i also feel that females tend to try to read more into things that aren't really there, such as in your case, though i've been wrong before.

The question wasn't whether her read of the salesgirl was correct; that is debatable, from both perspectives.  The topic was, 'Did her BDSM experiences change MstrssScarlet's relations with vanilla, and do yours?'  Which in her case definitely happened. 

In mine too.  I definitely have a lower tolerance for some varieties of bullshit than I used to, and a higher level of patience for other kinds of things that used to bother me.  And I'm also much more able to express my agressive side in public in a good way; sort of like having stronger muscles helps you to hold things more gently.  I would say that BDSM has had a very positive effect on my ability to deal with anybody--vanilla or otherwise, but time will tell.

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ORIGINAL: Skully7000

I am much more aware of people trying to "top from the bottom" (in vanilla terms: manipulative?)

I've alwasy been a good leader when given the responsibility. but now I'm a much better leader Knowing when to Take the responsibility.

I've also learned to be much more direct and to the point when it comes to handling business. I've slipped into Dom headspace a few times while managing employees...luckily I didn't have any toys in my hands when it has happened...

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ORIGINAL: TysGalilah

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ORIGINAL: MstrssScarlet

I went into another one of those mall jewelry stores today and the young lady started off with a lot of questions about the cane I'm currently using.  Was it an antique?  Her mom collected them of course. You say "of course" like you doubt her truthfulness...perhaps she was just interested in something stikingly beautiful..she does work in a jewelery store after all. I mentioned my husband and I had been through a lot since we'd been married.  She tried to pry details from me in an effort to forge some sort of bond. Well  YOU did bring it up by "mentioning that you and your husband had been through alot" ...perhaps she was just attempting to be interested ...why do you immediately assume it was to forge a bond or manipulate your head???? I know the game and I can smell it a mile away when they try it.  ORRRR she could have just been a friendly person who's a bit talkative....I imagine that position ( sales in a mall jewelry strore) is pretty competitive and one needs an edge..perhaps hers is friendliness and getting to know the customer and make them feel individual ( if nothing else)....  On the way home, I mentioned to my husband that she didn't realize she was dealing with a domme. I don't think I understand this comment................??  You were wanting her her treat you a certain way because you have a preference in the role(domme) your have in your chosen relationships???  why would that be important for anyone on the street to understand or detect?????????   I say that because my husband and I feel that probably the most important thing to learn about becoming a domme is learning to "read" people.Interesting...because in my relationship with Tyson > I am his submissive..>> and he says I have quite a knack for reading people...perhaps it isn't limited to the Dtypes  : )  He mentioned that I wasn't always this way, and when I thought about it I knew he was right.  Years ago I would probably have answered all her questions and she would have known half my life story before I left. 
Now don't get the impression that I was rude to her.  I was very pleasant and she ended up telling me all about herself, her husband, the new harley he bought, the jewelry she bought while working at the store -especially after her husband bought the harley.  LOL Sounds like a friendly person who was adding to a conversation YOU kept going, by adding your own tidbits of information. After a while she called the manager over to 'help us look'.  I believe she sensed she wasn't getting anywhere. Probably something she has been instructed to do by her boss, if she feels someone is going to leave without a sale.  Might not have anything to do with her trying to manipulate you.
I've had this sort of thing happen before and I was just wondering if any of you have.  And no, you certainly don't have to be on the dominant side of the fence to answer this.
I had 15 years of customer service work myself.  No, not in a mall store or retail,  and so I cannot relate to her job personally  BUT  I do know it does takes a helpful, friendly, communicative person to be successful at it(customer service work). 

You know the saying>  "walk a mile in my moccassins" ???Perhaps it IS from my years of CSR work, but I do treat people in those positions with extra patience and understanding> they have a tough job sometimes and take alot of flack and pressure from people.  THEY are the ones on the front line and often times when its not "their fault or responsibility" they get front line fire. 

My 21 yr old daughter is like that with waiters or waitresses, having been one herself before she became a Pet Nurse.
SHE is the one who strikes up the casual conversation and asks them "hows your day?"?  gets them to talking.....
Personally, I enjoy  friendliness.  And it really has never crossed my mind that its them trying to manipulate or challenge my dominance...

We all have jobs ( well most of us ) and we all have to find a way to like what we do ( makes having one much easier) ...perhaps that was her way of enjoying her day while she was working...



Mistress Scarlet

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ORIGINAL: MstrssScarlet

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ORIGINAL: TysGalilah

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ORIGINAL: MstrssScarlet

I went into another one of those mall jewelry stores today and the young lady started off with a lot of questions about the cane I'm currently using.  Was it an antique?  Her mom collected them of course. You say "of course" like you doubt her truthfulness...perhaps she was just interested in something stikingly beautiful..she does work in a jewelery store after all. I mentioned my husband and I had been through a lot since we'd been married.  She tried to pry details from me in an effort to forge some sort of bond. Well  YOU did bring it up by "mentioning that you and your husband had been through alot" ...perhaps she was just attempting to be interested ...why do you immediately assume it was to forge a bond or manipulate your head???? I know the game and I can smell it a mile away when they try it.  ORRRR she could have just been a friendly person who's a bit talkative....I imagine that position ( sales in a mall jewelry strore) is pretty competitive and one needs an edge..perhaps hers is friendliness and getting to know the customer and make them feel individual ( if nothing else)....  On the way home, I mentioned to my husband that she didn't realize she was dealing with a domme. I don't think I understand this comment................??  You were wanting her her treat you a certain way because you have a preference in the role(domme) your have in your chosen relationships???  why would that be important for anyone on the street to understand or detect?????????   I say that because my husband and I feel that probably the most important thing to learn about becoming a domme is learning to "read" people.Interesting...because in my relationship with Tyson > I am his submissive..>> and he says I have quite a knack for reading people...perhaps it isn't limited to the Dtypes  : )  He mentioned that I wasn't always this way, and when I thought about it I knew he was right.  Years ago I would probably have answered all her questions and she would have known half my life story before I left. 
Now don't get the impression that I was rude to her.  I was very pleasant and she ended up telling me all about herself, her husband, the new harley he bought, the jewelry she bought while working at the store -especially after her husband bought the harley.  LOL Sounds like a friendly person who was adding to a conversation YOU kept going, by adding your own tidbits of information. After a while she called the manager over to 'help us look'.  I believe she sensed she wasn't getting anywhere. Probably something she has been instructed to do by her boss, if she feels someone is going to leave without a sale.  Might not have anything to do with her trying to manipulate you.
I've had this sort of thing happen before and I was just wondering if any of you have.  And no, you certainly don't have to be on the dominant side of the fence to answer this.
I had 15 years of customer service work myself.  No, not in a mall store or retail,  and so I cannot relate to her job personally  BUT  I do know it does takes a helpful, friendly, communicative person to be successful at it(customer service work). 

You know the saying>  "walk a mile in my moccassins" ???Perhaps it IS from my years of CSR work, but I do treat people in those positions with extra patience and understanding> they have a tough job sometimes and take alot of flack and pressure from people.  THEY are the ones on the front line and often times when its not "their fault or responsibility" they get front line fire. 

My 21 yr old daughter is like that with waiters or waitresses, having been one herself before she became a Pet Nurse.
SHE is the one who strikes up the casual conversation and asks them "hows your day?"?  gets them to talking.....
Personally, I enjoy  friendliness.  And it really has never crossed my mind that its them trying to manipulate or challenge my dominance...

We all have jobs ( well most of us ) and we all have to find a way to like what we do ( makes having one much easier) ...perhaps that was her way of enjoying her day while she was working...



Mistress Scarlet

Her mother may or may not have collected canes.  I didn't really care.  I consider it a pain in the ass to use and already feel conspicious when I'm forced to.  I don't need someone to continually refer to it, as she did.  Even after I told her it wasn't an antique and listened to her tell me about her mother's collection (and I did listen), she kept coming back to it with other comments such as "It sure looks like one" and "Where did you get it?". 
I spent some time (not that many years ago acutally) as a waitress.  My daugther also has an occupation serving the public.  I know first hand how tough it is.  Hence, I stressed that I remained polite during our entire exchange.  I was never at any point rude to the woman.  Nor did I stop talking to her.  You admitted yourself that I must have included some tidbits to keep the conversation going.  I simply did not allow her to dictate where the conversation was going to go.
I also made a second post earler about how perceptive my submissive is.  He happens to have a sales position.  Perhaps you missed it.  That is exactly why I said you need not be a dominant to aswer this question.
I don't perceive myself as beter than anyone else.  I'm simply different than I used to be.  Yes, change comes with age.  My most significant changes, however, came with my training as a domme.   My husband did a lot of that training (one more time- he is a dominant also) and HE notices the changes and will often point them out to me.  Not like he is pointing out any accomplishments of his own, rather the things that I have accomplished myself.  He's proud of them and wants me to be proud of them as well.
When attending lifestyle functions or events (or vanilla for that matter), I am virtually a social butterfly.  I know a lot of people in this area and when I see them out and about, I will be the first one to go up and give them a hug and ask them how things are going.  Hence, I hardly consider friendliness as a sign of submission in any way.
I hope this clears some things up.
Mistress Scarlet