Professional to 24/7 Lifestyle

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GoddessGlory -> Professional to 24/7 Lifestyle (2/27/2008 8:05:24 PM)
I'll try to keep this simple, 'specially since I'm so long winded. I've always had an interest in BDSM since a teen (maybe even since childhood and didn't know it). I got into pro-domination because I wanted the experience, the skill and meet people. After 3 years in the game I know pro-domination isn't for me. I don't like the money in exchange for services aspect (which to me means the paying sub is really in control) and I wasn't receiving the power and control I craved. I found myself wanting more, needing a real personal Mistress/slave relationship. I've taken the plunge and is actively going for what I want. Infact I think I've found a sub I can experience this with. He is a newbie but he is incredibily obiedent and willing, plus he has a crazy foot fetish (which I love). All I ever want from a sub in the first place is an open mind and willingness to learn, and he has that down pact. He has even endured major physical torture from me all ready which is a shocker. So this can be a good thing. The thing is I'm learning is dealing with subs in a professional sense is different from a real D/s relationship. First off, I find it's hard to allow a sub to "serve" me. I'm a very independent woman and allowing a man to serve me and do shit for me is like an issue. I really have to trust someone to allow them to serve me, clean for me, run errands, or even open up to. I know this isn't something I have to do, not at all but is something I wanna do because I am so busy, and having a slave boy would be great for a lot of things. So in a way I have to let go. I never really looked at power exchange as me giving something to a sub. I know, I know. Now I see. Also, as a professional when a guy pays me he is paying me for a session, an experience most of a time a particular fetish. But from what I understand, in lifestyle D/s the goal isn't a session or scene but the relationship. Roles and boundaries have to be set up, practiced and understood in order to keep the relationship about D/s and not vanilla. I don't know, I just feel there is a different thing going on that I can't quite put my finger on. There is a difference between a submissive consumer and a personal slave when it comes to needs, play, roles and the relationship. I'm already finding that I treat the newbie a lot different than any paying sub. Discipline, worship and services is totally different, it isn't as general. I guess I'm having an issue about being "on". To allow a slave in my life I want to free and be who I am which is a very sweet and caring person, and I don't want that to come off as weakness. Discipline is definitely something that can fix that but I don't want to discpline because I'm kind. Please reply if you understand what I am saying. I've had a problem in the past with my domination style coming from anger and frustration, I don't want that, that leads to abuse. I need to find a middle ground between lil ol' sweet Goddess and bust you in the face Goddess. There are some other factors that I'm not getting into, cause this post is a lot longer than I wanted. But what I guess I'm saying this this is a lot more different and difficult than what I expected, but at the same time I am so excited. I really excited to see what I grow into, I'll definitely become a better domme/person because of it. I feel a lot more comfortable here, I feel like this is what I needed in the first place. I don't if I'm really asking a question here, or just wanted to share what's on my mind. But I guess while I'm here I do wanna ask all the 24/7 lifestylers, do you have any pointers or advice? Specially from professionals who are also lifestyle or have quit to take on something a little more serious. I'm not looking for anyone to tell me what to do, because I know relationships are unique. I just need your opinion. Thank yall! GG

GreedyTop -> RE: Professional to 24/7 Lifestyle (2/27/2008 8:14:04 PM)
hiya GG :) my advice is to build the relationship with this sub as you would a vanilla relationship... communication (as alwasys) is key. If the sub expects you to be ON, all the time, you need to explain to him what you've said here. Use the d/s aspects as icing on the cake, not the flour the cake is made from. I hope that helps (and that I was understanding your post correctly... if not, never mind! LOL) Either way, best of luck to you in this new journey :)

DominaSmartass -> RE: Professional to 24/7 Lifestyle (2/27/2008 9:10:23 PM)
GG, I will not write everything I want here because my bedmate is trying to sleep (and I'm not tired yet but the typing would keep him up. I'd just like to say that you sound like you've got a really good head on your shoulders and a solid grasp of the differences between pro and lifestyle doms. I'd like to write more in detail later when each keystroke isn't torturing him ;) but goodluck - for now.

hardbodysub -> RE: Professional to 24/7 Lifestyle (2/27/2008 9:44:40 PM)
I think you've got off to a pretty good start already, just by thinking about these issues. My main suggestion is to make the relationship about what YOU want. Chances are extremely good that he'll love it that way.

CuriousLord -> RE: Professional to 24/7 Lifestyle (2/27/2008 10:01:31 PM)
Hey there. Only well wishes, really. Granted the awareness and intelligence you strike me as having, I'm sure things will work out just fine for you. Good luck with finding that fellow who you feel you can sincerely trust.

Dnomyar -> RE: Professional to 24/7 Lifestyle (2/28/2008 4:40:57 AM)
First of all dump the Goddess thing. Domme is a much better title.

xxblushesxx -> RE: Professional to 24/7 Lifestyle (2/28/2008 4:50:35 AM)
You're right, you can't be 'on' all the time. Your SO is going to have to realize that you're not a 'wind-up' domme, but a real person, who also happens to be dominant. You have thought this through really well, and Greedy Top's advice was spot on. (sessions are still fun though, even in a 24/7 relationship)[;)] Have fun, and enjoy yourself!

RedMagic1 -> RE: Professional to 24/7 Lifestyle (2/28/2008 6:10:12 AM)
It is possible to be absolutely, totally, utterly in charge and "perfect" for two hours. It's not possible 24/7/365. Human beings are flawed, have insecurities, and just frikkin screw up. A common misunderstanding of malesubs looking for a Femdom in a relationship is that they are shocked and disappointed when she cries at a chick flick, or needs to be held because of something that happened at work. They think she is somehow "above" all that. Reality: Doms and Dommes have feelings too. D/s only turns people into roleplaying robots online. In real life, not only does the Domme have to "give something" to the sub, but the sub has to be willing and able to provide support and strength to the Domme. Look for someone who will complement your emotional and intellectual strengths and weaknesses. The sex will sort itself out.[;)]

thetammyjo -> RE: Professional to 24/7 Lifestyle (2/28/2008 8:02:11 AM)
GoddessGlory, you are correct, 24/7 Ds is different from professional sessions and from part-time or play scenes. Just think of it this way, mundane life is going to go on. Therefore I believe that to have a successful 24/7 Ds dynamic you to build it around realistic expectations that take all of these mundane matters into consideration. You also need to have the shared realization that you both are just human beings -- mistakes will get made, illness will happen, chores, jobs and families and friends will continue to exist. Don't jump into anything and build slowly with all of that reality in mind. To others you may look so vanilla but as long as you both know and maintain your authority dynamic it is real and it is valuable to you.

AtlantaMistress -> RE: Professional to 24/7 Lifestyle (2/28/2008 9:28:34 AM)
I totally understand where you are coming from...I am a Pro Domme. I am a bit different (I know everyone says that) but I very rarely take sessions allowing a sub to simply pay tribute for certain activities. I did at first, but I crave the HIGH of Domination - Tribute just allows me to live MY life MY way, so I live very simply, am VERY selective, and session mostly with subs that are looking for the power exchange, and the activities we do in a session are MY choice. I will find what buttons to push for reward and punishment, and if I know a boy has a certain fetish, that is a reward. Denial of that or something he does not like can be used as punishment. I see most of my boys on a very regular basis, and communicate with them between sessions (via reading their journals, sending email lessons, text messages, etc.). There are a few I sessioned with along the way that I just enjoy playing with, and even though it is their kink they seek in our session, it happens to be an activity I very much enjoy, or enjoy doing to/with them - so although they are fairly infrequent - as long as they are still fun, I will continue to have those sessions. That said, I recently have gotten into a personal relationship, that started D/s, but has become just real life - D/s is part of it, but you are right - you cannot always be ON. The best advice I can give is open communication. We discuss things, he can openly give me his opinion, but he will respect whatever I decide. It was difficult for me as well to let down that "independant woman" guard I have up, and let him really take care of me in some ways. It was especially hard for me to trust someone, not just with doing things for me, but to really open up, and be me - the good, bad, sane, crazy, happy, sad. It does not happen overnight, but the walls have chipped away. Again - COMMUNICATION has been the key. Being able to not only express how I am feeling, but to be able to tell him what I need from him - if he is not making me feel what I may need (by showing support, making me feel like I am a priority, etc.) and he has been able to then demonstrate the appropriate behavior or realize how he should act the next time. I have to realize he cannot read my mind, neither of us is perfect, and I can just tell him what I am feeling and what I need from him. We are not sticklers for rules and protocal, but we are very big on mutual respect. The bottom line for us is that I get the final say - no matter what the issue is. I see his submission as such a beautiful gift, that he trusts me to know I love him and will make the right decisions to protect what we have. We still play (call them scenes/sessions, whatever) - whenever I feel like it. We do whatever I want to do. Fortunately (and IMO importantly) we have many common interests in BDSM, and love many of the same activities, but he is totally open to anything that would make me happy. I can try new things with him that I may want to do professionally, so I am comfortable doing them, or can practice something to get better at what I do. Any new toy will most likely be used with/on him first! There is never any pressure to play, which I think would take away from the fun we have doing it - I never feel obligated. He is always so appreciative to have his fetishes fulfilled, but just like you, I am also a sweet and caring person and I love to reward him with the things I know he loves. It pleases me to do them. I think that is really what it is all about-he finds his pleasure in making me happy. It is the most wonderful relationship I have ever experienced. He was married for many years, had various relationships since, but never has been able to open up about all of his fantasies. Being able to be tell someone all of your secrets makes it very easy to share anything - BDSM or vanilla. He is MUCH different than any other man I have been with for sure. The communication we have established is far more open than I have ever experienced, and it seems to be easier to build trust as well. I'm sure as a Pro Domme you had sessioned with married men who were happy in their vanilla family lives, but just had this void they felt they needed to fill. That void will never exist for either of us. I could go on and on...but alas, now my post is getting too long (another thing we share lol). Just be yourself, communicate, and best of luck! (ps - I love you pbb [:)])

Justme696 -> RE: Professional to 24/7 Lifestyle (2/28/2008 12:01:58 PM)
just follow your thoughts and wishes. Like with many other things

SailingBum -> RE: Professional to 24/7 Lifestyle (2/28/2008 12:19:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GoddessGlory I'll try to keep this simple, 'specially since I'm so long winded. I've always had an interest in BDSM since a teen (maybe even since childhood and didn't know it). I got into pro-domination because I wanted the experience, the skill and meet people. After 3 years in the game I know pro-domination isn't for me. I don't like the money in exchange for services aspect (which to me means the paying sub is really in control) and I wasn't receiving the power and control I craved. I found myself wanting more, needing a real personal Mistress/slave relationship. GG I couldn't have said it better myself. Just to stir up the pot. Pro doms are not really doms when someone pays for it. As the payee is telling the dom what to do go figure. BTW GG From your post you seem to know what you want. You will find it. BadOne

LadyPact -> RE: Professional to 24/7 Lifestyle (2/28/2008 1:16:56 PM)
I'll chime in with that as well. I don't see a need to throw another quote up with the above in bold, but it was exactly what I was going to highlight. I appreciate your honesty in saying it from your point of view. Just My opinion, of course, but I think you're going to find the lifestyle/non-professional side of things a lot more fulfilling. I would tend to think that you're in for some changes as the focus turns from monitary to personal dynamic. There are adjustments. There are even going to be times when you'll think, "Geez, I'm perfectly capable of doing that Myself." Funny thing about it is, sometimes, you learn to sit back and let them do things for you, because they live for pleasing you. There's also some learning about how to allow them to make requests, but not necessarily give them everything that they want, and you making the real decisions. You'll get to see how great it is to 'reward' your sub out of the blue. (I tend to do it that way, so no specific task is linked to getting involved in a certain kind of play.) The other part of it is how wonderful those times are, when you know you don't have to be on all of the time and you get to be yourself. That wonderful mix of Dominant and human being all wrapped up in one packgae. You get to have those times where you are comfortable at home, with your sub at your feet. (Great fringe benefit of the personal side. Warm feet whenever you want them.) Those everyday things, the special, the not so special, and everything inbetween. You get to put the life in the lifestyle. Best of luck. I think some wonderful things are in store for you.

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