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marieToo -> RE: So i met this Man.... (2/23/2008 1:44:47 PM)
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ORIGINAL: Moniker
So i met this Man online... on a regular personals dating site. It became apparent that He had an alternative agenda to getting to know me, and it excited me...well it still does. i have always been a "good girl" but totally opposite to the sense of the term that i am exploring now. So now i have this rush of emotion and a desire to be taught, but honestly don't have a clue what i'm doing or what will be expected of me. i have managed to gather a little information here on this site, which He directed me to. We have only had one encounter, but will possibly enjoy a 24 hr period together next weekend. In terms of learning, do you think i'm getting involved with the wrong person?
If you have to ask, the answer is probably yes.
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i read on this board that a collar should not be taken lightly or flippantly and he has already placed a play one around my neck during our first session. Does this mean that He is extremely interested in keeping me around for a while, or that he probably does this to a few people on a regular basis.
Lots of people use play collars. I wouldn't take that as a sign that he means business. In fact, lots of people put real collars on people, and it still doesn't necessarily mean that they have your best interest in mind or that they feel comitted to you. You said yourself, you feel like he has an "agenda". The only collar you need to concern yourself with is that invisible one that sneaks up on you and locks itself around your heart when you're not looking.
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and feel intuitively that i can't trust him.
What more do you need? Your body is talking to you. That's a gift that you shouldn't thumb your nose at.
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He is an exciting character, and treated me with care during our first session.
Ok, so he isn't going to injure you physically. Is that really enough?
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Another drawback is that i have a child and therefore can't dedicate myself as much as i would like... perhaps this will affect his dedication to me.
If he's not willing to accomodate that, then he should tell you that upfront so that you can make an informed decision. Why not ask him how he feels about that?
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This Man is going through a divorce, as am i, and doesn't want to get to know or appreciate my essence first which kind of hurts me in a way, its just about the sex. i too need it, and would very much like to please Him, but would also like to be cared for.
Ok, he just wants sex and you want more. Do you think that's going to change? Either except the relationship with it's limitations, or look for someone who wants to care for you and not just fuck you.
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i know that this is probably stupid to be getting myself involved in something i know nothing about, but i find it tantalizing and a discovery of myself that i'd like to pursue... i'm just not sure that this character that i seem to have involved myself with is right for my needs....
Of course you're sure. Just read your own words.
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perhaps i'm not right for this lifestyle because i definitely do have needs and desires too.
Everyone has needs, that doesn't mean you're not right for this 'lifestyle'. This 'lifestyle' encompasses so many various type of relationships. You just have to find someone who's looking for the same thing you are. Don't let this guy ( or your relationship with him ) define what this lifestyle is about for YOU.
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He did ask me what my greatest fantasy was and that He would like to make it come true, and so i suppose he might be caring for my desires.
Um...no. This is simply in indication that he wants to help you enjoy a sexual fantasy. I personally wouldn't read more into it than that.
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i also need to be contacted more often, just to know that He cares about how my day has been, and of course i don't get that sort of attention
Is this a usual phenomenon in this lifestyle or again, am i just getting involved with the wrong sort of Dom? .
It's usual in any lifestyle to meet men like this. If it's not acceptable to you, then it's not acceptable to you. There's no cut and dried rule book that says you should settle for less than what you want because the relationship involves some level of bdsm.
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but i just know so little about him that it's scaring me a little, but then increasing / heightening my desire to be with Him....
I hear ya. But when you get involved with people like this becuase it thrills you, you gotta understand that you could end up hurt in the long-run. And only you can decide whether the pleasure you're feeling now, is going to be worth the pain that's going to come later on. Unless you can do this and enjoy the "play" without becoming emotionally invested, it sounds like a train wreck just waiting to happen.
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