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PrincessEllie -> RE: Submissives and overemotional reactions (2/22/2008 7:42:28 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DesFIP
Wait a second. Being in an unfamiliar situation, you picked someone very close to him to copy. And as it turns out, he's never bothered to mention his problems with his sister to you? He never bothered to tell you ahead of time what he wanted? He just let you wade in, knowing you were unfamiliar with them and allowed you to get yourself in trouble so he could then lecture you on your imperfections?
This is not the first time I have been to his house for dinner before, with his sister and parents, but it is the first time it was remotely unformal. I know formal manners, but when I am supposed to be calm and talkative, I am not sure what level of behavior is allowed. I misjudged, and he did as well. He is not as bad as my explanation made him seem, and I certainly was not trying to convey that he had dragged me into an unfamiliar situation for the first time and had left me hanging.
The exact situation was that I tickled him at an inappropriate time and it made him feel awkward. It is partly my fault because, while he doesn't generally mind me touching him, it was not something I was supposed to attempt. Poking him or tickling him is my reaction when I am in a situation with him and I do not know what to say. He made a mistake as well in not explaining to me that tickling was for time alone and with friends only.
He simply explained to me my error, and I told him why I thought it had been acceptable, we both accepted half of the blame.
My Dom is nothing like my parents. Even comparing the two makes me mad that someone would think so, but I realize how I made him seem. It is hard to capture a person in words on a page, and I did a terrible job of it. He may be egotistical, he may be sadistic, he may be shameless, but he is nothing like my parents. They tell me I have failed at life. They tell me they don't believe I am capable of being a good student, being a good person, or surviving in the world. They make me feel minute and incapable. He is the one who tells me I am beautiful when I feel ugly. He tells me I am smart and capable and that he loves my personality. He doesn't care that I'm not perfect. He just loves me for me, and reminds me of this fact when I become sad and dejected because I was forced to converse with my parents.
I am sorry to accidently derail the thread with my explanation, which just caused further confusion. I am happy with my relationship with my Dom. Loving him is the best risk I have ever taken, and it is extremely good for me. I used to feel worthless all the time, but my time with him has taught me that I am a gorgeous girl and I am allowed to be flirty and fun, people won't think I'm trying to be above my station. I know now I am worth something, when before I did not.
Really, I was trying to find a way to not get so overemotional when he corrects me. And I think the replies in this thread have shown me the way I should think so I do not get trapped in such self depricating feeling over a simple mistake.
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