RE: Graduating from Submissive to Dom?

RE: Graduating from Submissive to Dom? (Full Version)

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DS4DUMMIES -> RE: Graduating from Submissive to Dom? (2/20/2008 12:16:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: knees2you quote: *And I'm curious about the stronger part- do you think submissives are weaker than dominants?* *Aren't they?* *As always, ant[sm=idea.gif]* Hell NO! Not for me as a Dominant at least. I'd never want to be Dom/Master to a woman who did not think highly of herself and was intelligent, driven, ambitious, successful and strong. Submission and even enslavement does not require a women to be "less". On the contrary, I believe strength is very necessary. SensualPassion41 just above said it very well. It is far more satisfying to possess/inspire surrender in a woman as she is, rather than to create a new one out of someone whose is highly pliable because she lacks self-esteem or strength.. DS4

amaidiamond -> RE: Graduating from Submissive to Dom? (2/20/2008 12:25:14 PM)
Hmmm Graduated.... I'd also say poor wording on that... I started out exploring this young, first Ideas, concepts, webpages, I was interested in BDSM before I was old enough to understand what it was and have really only ever had one "vanilla" sexual partner. I alweays Identified as submissive though as I got older I realised i was also Sadistic as well as highly masochistic.... I "Topped" females from time to time for a session or a few days and then late last year, by complete accident I ended up on the other side, I have a very bad experience and vowed (pointlessly may I add0 to leave the lifestyle, be done with all this and walk away...so I went on what was supposed to be a date with a "vanilla" guy, except within a short while it became clear that it was not all that clear cutm the guy had submissive traits, thoughts, feelings, desires...not masses of r/l experience only really experiemnting with past g/f 's but the seeds were there. We started dating and i agreed to be almost a "stand in" Domme untill he found a Domme that matched him...all went according to plan till i started to enjoy it more and more and he showed no inclination to find a Domme at all and as time passed I realised not only did I not want him to but I was actually totally opposed to the idea, we talked and he said that he was happy exactly as he was, and didnt want another Domme. Since then we have been growing slowly together I think, I don't always know exactly how to act/react or how to deal with certain situations and at times he can be an insufferable brat but it's all in my mind a learning curve. I've had people outright tell me learning together cannot work, but to be honest it seems to.. It might not be forever and then again it might however right now It's working well and i am enjoying being on both sides of the coin so to speak. I still have masochistic urges and with his full awareness I will sometimes scene with a Dominate friend, purely SM and nothing directly sexual (to put it bluntly I don't suck, lick or fuck and the thong stays on) The friends I have understand me, my limits but take as much pleasure in giving a good paddling/whipping/caning as I do taking it, my partner doesn't mind provided I'm safe as he has no interest in hurting me whatsoever... Likewise if he had a need I really did not wish to meet i would be happy with him seeing someone to have that urge met. So in regards to if one can change I would say yes, i don't put myself in boxes anymore, if pushed i would say bisexual sadomasochistic switch but I feel lables only limit people. Just MHO :)

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Graduating from Submissive to Dom? (2/20/2008 12:51:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: knees2you quote: And I'm curious about the stronger part- do you think submissives are weaker than dominants? Aren't they? As always, ant In a word, no.

TallDevoted1 -> RE: Graduating from Submissive to Dom? (2/20/2008 2:29:32 PM)
The graduation ceremony: "Nobody pays attention to me as a sub so now I'm a Dominant!"

MadRabbit -> RE: Graduating from Submissive to Dom? (2/20/2008 2:39:05 PM)
Why, of course! It happens after 5 years of service to the Great Grand Poobah to the Old Order of the Water Buffalo..

laurell3 -> RE: Graduating from Submissive to Dom? (2/20/2008 3:08:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I don't consider it graduation- there's no scale or comparison level. If they consider themselves both a dominant a submissive, then it would be what most people consider a switch. If they have truly transferred to being a dominant and do not consider themselves submissive at all, then no. And I'm curious about the stronger part- do you think submissives are weaker than dominants? I would have been more elegant and lucid but what she said... lol yeah...me too....[;)]

TotalState -> RE: Graduating from Submissive to Dom? (2/20/2008 3:12:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: knees2you quote: *And I'm curious about the stronger part- do you think submissives are weaker than dominants?* *Aren't they?* *As always, ant[sm=idea.gif]* Not in any way. Being submissive does not stop you from being strong, responsible, a leader, or any of the other stereotypes associated with domination.

night101owl -> RE: Graduating from Submissive to Dom? (2/20/2008 4:50:02 PM)
I know someone who used to be 100% top and now he's a slave. People's preferences can change, and experience on either side of the D/s spectrum or play can help someone hit the ground running when they try something on the other side.

MidMichCowboy -> RE: Graduating from Submissive to Dom? (2/20/2008 6:59:29 PM)
I hope I don't offend, but moving between roles seems like its just role playing. I'm not sure how you can be the real you doing that.

Leatherist -> RE: Graduating from Submissive to Dom? (2/20/2008 7:00:58 PM)
I've seen people graduate from being Doms to subs as well. And they were MUCH better at it. [;)]

kyraofMists -> RE: Graduating from Submissive to Dom? (2/20/2008 7:42:13 PM)
I don't think that graduating is the appropriate term to use, though I think it is quite possible for someone who was once submissive to want to also be dominant or vice versa. Something that Noah said in another thread really resonated with me in regards to who we are. Below is the piece that I especially liked and the full post is linked here. quote: ORIGINAL: Noah Whatever you are, you are, never mind the name you call it. One of the thngs everyone is, is fluid, dynamic, a living and hopefully growing being. Deciding what you are today as if it is settling some issue once and for all is naive. I hope that I never stop growing. Wherever that growth takes me, I am excited to find out. Knight's Kyra

lovingpet -> RE: Graduating from Submissive to Dom? (2/20/2008 7:56:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Skully7000 while I agree with the previous responses...and most certainly DON"T consider submission Below domination. am I the only one to took this as tongue in cheek humor? Obviously I don't know the person who made the comment but since i'm optimistic, and Idealisitc, thats the first thing that came to my mind. I would find it tongue in cheek except that it is the second time in 24 hours that I have had to take some level of offense to the tone of a post from this particular individual toward a particular group. I answered the previous with a reasonably dignified answer, find it difficult to take seriously the idea that one role is a step up from another. Graduated to dominant? Hogwash! Then I have a friend that graduated to submissive. It is a matter of either self-awareness or current preference maybe, but there is no need of the pomp and circumstance regardless. Now I think most know I am rarely negative in a post, but this kind of talk just makes my blood boil. lovingpet

littlesarbonn -> RE: Graduating from Submissive to Dom? (2/20/2008 10:04:09 PM)
My criticism of this is that "graduating" insinuates that a submissive is on a forward trajectory that only really achieves success when that submissive is no longer a submissive, kind of like equating dominance and submission as a military rank structure where you go up in rank as you put in more time and gain more experience. I'm a submissive. I'm NEVER going to be a dominant, nor will I ever really think about pursuing that route. It's just not me.

MaamJay -> RE: Graduating from Submissive to Dom? (2/20/2008 10:49:13 PM)
Like the rest, I object to the use of the word graduating, though will give the OP the benefit of the doubt in that it appears he was quoting from another source. In which case, that source is the uneducated one! Also, in the case example given, I don't consider most pro-Dommes to actually be Dommes in that they generally do NOT control their clientele's actions between visits (other than encouraging them to save up for the next one perhaps [;)]). They are better termed pro-Tops and most of those I have met in meatlife would entirely agree! They may of course be actual Dommes to their own subs/slaves/pets. I have seen many good subs be excellent Tops, I have seen far fewer who move entirely from being subs to being Dominants with no inclination to ever sub again (therefore they are switches of the "once reset, never reset again!" variety). However, it could happen, I wouldn't preclude it, and doubtless some here fit that description. As to the further discussion as to whether subs are weak ... hell no! Take it from one who operates equally in both Domme and sub mode ... it takes more of my strength to submit than it does to Dominate. For me, submission takes physical and mental strength to bend my will to His ... Domination mostly takes intellectual strength in terms of quick and lateral thinking and decision-making. If you are weak, and see yourself as that, I don't think you make a particularly good sub OR Dom! I also think there are those that are sub who never will desire to be anything else ... there are those that are Dominant who never will desire to be anything else ... they remain true to themselves by being what they are. However, there are others who find, sooner or later, that they want to experience both sides of this life ... and they are being true to themselves by allowing themselves to transition between the two as often (or as rarely) as they feel the need to do. It's most definitely not roleplaying for most that I have seen transition, including Myself. Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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