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MmeGigs -> RE: Exploring an Edge (2/19/2008 5:08:13 AM)
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quote:
Many don't use safewords, it's not required. I don't, however, think it is wise to set up the agreement, have it be used in the scene and then ignored. I don't want to judge, but I'd not like to have newbies or anyone believe that their use of a safeword may be ignored; that, you know, it happens; that it's not irresponsible and wrong to ignore a safeword that has been agreed upon.
We don't really use safewords, and we never use codewords - stop means stop, no means no, if he has a cramp or something, he says so in plain language. Al's "No more, no more, no more" (that wasn't a typo) is his way of indicating that things are getting a little too intense and he needs a break. It does not signal distress. I shouldn't have called it a safeword in this post, I suppose, but that is the way his "no more" operates.
quote:
According to the narrative, big, strong pain "pig" Al felt the need to use the words, whatever they may be. I think it's disturbing to ignore it if you're going to have the option.
My Al uses those words in pretty much every beating scene he's involved in. He likes to get to that point where it's almost too much. If I don't get those words out of him at some point in a beating scene I feel like I've let him down, but when he says them I stop immediately and check in with him. The scene I described was the one and only time those words have ever been ignored, and it was at his specific request.
It was really important to him that he experience this at some point in his life. He gives me everything and asks for little, so I wanted to do this for him. As I said in the reality check portion of the post, the beating only continued for a few minutes beyond him saying he'd had enough. It was a weird thing for both me and the other top to have ignored his safeword - while we were very endorphinned up, I think we were both also pretty nervous about it and very aware of what was going on with Al.
Could we have damaged him? Sure thing, and we knew that. We've done things that carried more risk of physical damage, though. I think I put Al at more risk of physical damage when I let him give pony rides for two hours than I did with this scene. We were aware of the risks and took steps we felt were appropriate to mitigate them. That's what responsible kinkyfolk are supposed to do.
Whether or not the scene was over the line depends on who draws the line, I guess. I can definitely see how folks could be disturbed by this scene. It disturbed me when he said he wanted to do it, and we had to talk about it a lot before I was comfortable enough to attempt it. I don't think that anyone would get the idea from my post that it's okay to ignore a safeword or that it's something that people commonly do. It may have been more palatable if I had left in the lines in my quote about how we'd talked about it for years, or if I'd gone into more depth about the preparations we made and the technical end of things, or if I just hadn't used the word "safeword".
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