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Dating in the BDSM lifestyle. - 2/17/2008 9:12:04 PM

latinas

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I'm new so please bare with me. Is there dating in the bdsm lifestyle before one makes a choice to be with a dom or sub male or a Domme female.

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RE: Dating in the BDSM lifestyle. - 2/17/2008 9:24:04 PM

MissHarlet

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That depends on what you call dating .. but do not let anyone rush you into a commitment ......that often happens in what I call "newbie frenzies" be patient and use common sense and do what feels right for you ... and remember there is NO ONE RIGHT way to do this ....and you will be fine

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RE: Dating in the BDSM lifestyle. - 2/17/2008 9:36:23 PM

kc692

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If you call dating spending time together getting to know each other independent and before scening and/or commitment..definitely. You need to get to know each other, and preferably during "vanilla" activities (like dating)

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RE: Dating in the BDSM lifestyle. - 2/17/2008 9:58:16 PM

breatheasone

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Well yes there is of sorts....its truly like most relationships. All be it more intense for some. So don't stop thinking clearly just because you identify as an "s" type.... or a "D" type.... until you talk...get to know one another, and AGREE to be a couple, you are under no obligation to anybody. I am a slave to my Master.... I am not EVERYONES slave. You are not anyones "s" type or "D" type until YOU say so too. Take your time....talk...discover.... let it develop.

You can do this......just breath and remember you know this stuff!

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RE: Dating in the BDSM lifestyle. - 2/17/2008 10:55:24 PM

Owner4SexSlave

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It all depends upon who you hook up with to date and their mindset and what they are. I noticed that you are a Switch on your profile. Simply find or look for somebody you click with without placing too much weight on labels.

Some people try to fit into being "s" or "D" types when they are really a switch and can go either way depending upon the person they hook up with.

There are many submissives that won't submit to many Doms, and Doms that refuse to Dom submissives. Labels alone don't make the relationship.

Since you are a switch, it's nice to be in touch with your submissive as well as your Dom sides. Simply explore the lifestyle make friends, meet people and keep your eyes out for somebody who's kinky as hell, but might not have identified with being in the lifestyle yet.

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RE: Dating in the BDSM lifestyle. - 2/18/2008 12:13:46 AM

SailingBum

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Yes of course you get to know them before submitting. It's just like any other relationship witha twist.

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RE: Dating in the BDSM lifestyle. - 2/18/2008 5:08:31 AM

BlackPhx

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Dating is dating no matter what your life choice is. It is a period of getting to know someone better as a person in "hopefully" safe surroundings, such as dinner and a movie, picinics, theme parks etc. You have time to talk, laugh and explore without the sexual pressures. So yes, dating can be a part of BDSM if you are doing or looking for something more than casual play at parties. If you are building towards a relationship and being together, remember you will spend a lot more time doing the "vanilla" things involved in day to day living than you will playing with leather and chains. It really helps to know the person outside of the corset in those cases.

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RE: Dating in the BDSM lifestyle. - 2/18/2008 5:25:51 AM

MistressOfGa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: latinas

I'm new so please bare with me. Is there dating in the bdsm lifestyle before one makes a choice to be with a dom or sub male or a Domme female.

Absolutely. In fact you should insist on it. Just as if you met this person at a bar or at church, you would still be expected to learn as much as you can about them before inviting them into your bedroom. They should be just as curious about getting to know you *all parts of you* as you are of them. Dating is part of the ritual *s*

MoGa

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RE: Dating in the BDSM lifestyle. - 2/18/2008 5:26:01 AM

mefisto69

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Keep your radar sharp and listen to your gut. Like the above posters said - have friendly vanilla meets first. You have to develop some trust in a person before your play. Even if you don't have any close friends that are kinky, when you have your first meetings, set up a 'call situation' with someone with a phrase to let them know everything is going well or - you feel it's time to run for your life.

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RE: Dating in the BDSM lifestyle. - 2/18/2008 5:42:43 AM

SweetDommes

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We won't accept service from someone without at least a brief dating period. I don't understand those who demand it right off the bat, it makes no sense to us. If it makes no sense to you, then bypass those who demand it - I'm relatively certain that the ignore/block pit is bottomless

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RE: Dating in the BDSM lifestyle. - 2/18/2008 8:11:27 AM

toservez

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Dating in this life is exactly like dating in regular life. Just like in regular life where people may be at different places in their life and looking for different things out of a relationship the same goes for this life. Of course just like in regular life people will misrepresent what they are wanting and looking for in this life as well.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to explore and not have everything figured out before looking for someone. But my advice is for you to be honest with any potential partner and to be conscious of what the other potential partner is wanting out of the relationship. Often two people in different stages are equally at fault for relationships going bad because of living in two different stages.

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RE: Dating in the BDSM lifestyle. - 2/18/2008 9:19:23 AM

AtlantaMistress

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It all depends on what you are looking for - and what kind of a relationship. If you are only looking for something that is D/s - that does not extend outside to a "vanilla" relationships, than the "dates" or what you do with the person will reflect that - possibly be "play dates" or sessions. If you are looking for a real LTR, than D/s may be a big part of it, but you must also get to know one another and relate in the "vanilla" world.

Someone very close to me has just started looking to bring out her Dominant side, and look for a sub, and she is meeting these men for lunch - just like you would do on a vanilla first meeting - the difference is - the discussion is geared towards BDSM and if they would be a good fit for a D/s relationship. She is looking for someone that may be a good fit before just "playing" with everyone.

I am currently "dating" someone that I started in just a D/s role with - very clear that I didn't want a "boyfriend" or personal relationship. He was active in the community, and our "dates" were going out together to clubs, private parties, etc - but all in a D/s setting. We were spending a lot of time together and talking a lot, and life got in the picture - IMO when you are able to be so open about this part of your life you may not share with anyone, it seems very easy to open up about other parts of your life and share things as well. Somehow, when I wasn't looking LOL, he snuck over these great big walls I had not wanting to open up to a "personal" relationship, and I found myself in love with him. We now are doing D/s as well as vanilla things, talking about a real LTR and future, and our original priorities for the relationship and how we interact has very much changed. The best thing though is that in starting out in D/s roles, we have been able to build on that, and the vanilla side has been very easy and a natural transition - much easier I suppose (and in talking to others) than starting a vanilla relationship, and trying to introduce BDSM and D/s roles. I suppose my point is that it is all what you are looking for, and as long as you are able to communicate and build trust (the 2 vital ingredients in ANY relationship)- there are no set rules to follow - just do feels right for YOU!

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RE: Dating in the BDSM lifestyle. - 2/18/2008 10:17:27 AM

DesFIP

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If you need to date first and get to know someone as a person before play/sex then go for it. Anyone who won't agree to that is someone you aren't compatible with and it's a good thing to find that out early.

Put it in your profile and mention it in an early email for those who don't read profiles.

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RE: Dating in the BDSM lifestyle. - 2/18/2008 10:20:59 AM

lateralist1

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If you want dates then have them.
I'm sure there will be lots of men begging to take you out.

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RE: Dating in the BDSM lifestyle. - 2/18/2008 2:02:34 PM

greenearth21

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I find it interesting that just about everyone had the same message "If you need to date first/get to know them do it". But i'm amazed by how many people (doms)I have come across who think they are automatically entitled to tell me what to do...even after I say "no..its not happening...atleast not right now". And these are people that I may have had a phone conversation with...so they arent the fake profiles ( I still wouldnt know how to tell a fake one from a real one if it was infront of me). Ow...the the oh so infamous " you are not a true sub...you dont do what you are told"...well...heck no...I do what I want...seeing that I havent chosen to submit to you. ARGH. Sorry didnt mean to rant

But yeah...I agree with everyone else...take your time...do the 'date' thing ...however you and your potential partner define it...have fun.

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RE: Dating in the BDSM lifestyle. - 2/18/2008 3:08:57 PM

MichiganHeadmast

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quote:

ORIGINAL: latinas

I'm new so please bare with me. Is there dating in the bdsm lifestyle before one makes a choice to be with a dom or sub male or a Domme female.

I think you should always date someone before you bare with them.

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RE: Dating in the BDSM lifestyle. - 2/18/2008 4:47:01 PM

stella41b

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MichiganHeadmast

quote:

ORIGINAL: latinas

I'm new so please bare with me. Is there dating in the bdsm lifestyle before one makes a choice to be with a dom or sub male or a Domme female.

I think you should always date someone before you bare with them.

Unless they're a bear.

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RE: Dating in the BDSM lifestyle. - 2/18/2008 4:52:19 PM

LadyHathor

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If you seek a relationship, then in addition to the getting to know, there is dating as one would call it--

If you seek a D/s relationship with no emotional attachment, then there is still a getting to know period-as has been said, do not let anyone rush you into anything, you are not anyones sub or slave until you agree to it.

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RE: Dating in the BDSM lifestyle. - 2/18/2008 4:59:47 PM

Paulsgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

So don't stop thinking clearly just because you identify as an "s" type....

i love your optimism......

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RE: Dating in the BDSM lifestyle. - 2/18/2008 5:01:42 PM

Paulsgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: latinas

I'm new so please bare with me. Is there dating in the bdsm lifestyle before one makes a choice to be with a dom or sub male or a Domme female.

figging is better......

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