RE: Rebuillding Faith and Trust

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RE: Rebuillding Faith and Trust - 2/16/2008 4:59:17 PM

pinkwind

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From each of the few unfortunate false beginnings i learned what i had missed in the communication, what i had ignored in the gut instinct department and moved forward better prepared for the next venture, the next hopeful meeting.

i never felt guilty because, having been in one relationship for nigh on 35 years i had no dating skilss what so ever, so i knew there would be the odd glitch along the way, i think it matters not if it's 'nilla or not, some people take a while to hone their skills in meeting those who compliment them in a prospective relationship.

Guilt i replaced with careful honesty, a little open optimism, and as time went on more of an understanding of who it was that would make for a happy friendship or more. Along the way i have made some real friends who also helped in my own search by being frank and honest with their opinions, invaluable to me, though others may think otherwise.

What i learned early on was that because of the myriad kinds of fakers and phoney players interspersed with the good people it was nothing unusual for the best of people to pick a wrong 'un once in a while, and that it was the only real way of learning to take care of myself. It's hard enough getting the courage up to go out and start to search once you've found what you think you need without complicating things with self inflicted guilt trips over things that are part and parcel of everyday life, not just within the kinky realm.

Life lessons, take them on the chin, learn from them and keep on moving forward, it's all one can do to be successful.

pink.

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RE: Rebuillding Faith and Trust - 2/16/2008 6:06:47 PM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

I hope that as I write this, its succint and not too convuluted-- when we define ourselves as being in this life--we tend to hmmm rush headlong, filled with expectations, hope, promise--maybe more than if we stayed in vanilla---

and then the time comes when we get the chance to meet someone, be with someone of the same ilk--then bam, it fails miserably--He doesn't show up, She is a fake, he has more baggage than Fanny Brice in a Ziegfield Show, she is in debt up to her---well whatever, it bombs---

Does that fill you with guilt and send you back to the vanill world for a time, thinking, filled with shame, remorse, hiding from who you are? Questioning who you are?

What do you do to bolster your faith, your trust? What paces do you put the new "one" through, paying the price for the old?

Certainly, we cannot all be so terribly secure that we do not have moments of OMG why did I do that, why am I here, what will I do differently next time?

I know for Me, I have felt disillusioned, angry, embarassed---I have left the "life" and it wasn't a month and I'm missing what I am, what My dreams are--and I came back.

and you?

As far as "life style" goes I was never looking for anything but a playmate so the trust issues for me were more.... Is he sane...Is he nice....Are we attracted to each other... I have found much more than I was originally looking for.. I think my Master is handling my fears and trust issues very well. Since this wasn't what I planned on dealing with I think I'm doing pretty well too

I mean I'm in love....thats as good as it gets.

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RE: Rebuillding Faith and Trust - 2/16/2008 6:41:52 PM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

I hope that as I write this, its succint and not too convuluted-- when we define ourselves as being in this life--we tend to hmmm rush headlong, filled with expectations, hope, promise--maybe more than if we stayed in vanilla---

and then the time comes when we get the chance to meet someone, be with someone of the same ilk--then bam, it fails miserably--He doesn't show up, She is a fake, he has more baggage than Fanny Brice in a Ziegfield Show, she is in debt up to her---well whatever, it bombs---

Does that fill you with guilt and send you back to the vanill world for a time, thinking, filled with shame, remorse, hiding from who you are? Questioning who you are?

What do you do to bolster your faith, your trust? What paces do you put the new "one" through, paying the price for the old?

Certainly, we cannot all be so terribly secure that we do not have moments of OMG why did I do that, why am I here, what will I do differently next time?

I know for Me, I have felt disillusioned, angry, embarassed---I have left the "life" and it wasn't a month and I'm missing what I am, what My dreams are--and I came back.

and you?

LadyHathor
I think what you have just described is ,essentially, the greiving process. And it is natural and healthy.

When we trust and give something of ourselves to another person and it is "rejected or misused" > it can feel like a loss.
If nothing else> the loss of a part of our trusting our own judgement.
I know on the times I can recite, when these things have happened to me>>> I tend to blame and get angry at myself..
saying things like " ohhh how could I be so stupid so naive so trusting so vulnerable.????"
It felt like a loss of something inside me even if it wasnt a death or loss of another that meant anything particularly important to me ( like someone I was getting to know and found to be fake..or whatever).

Greiving a loss:
Denial/disbelief/numbness
Anger and or blame
Bargaining
Depression/crying/seclusion
Acceptance or coming to terms and perspective.

and hopefully we don't get stuck in the middle of all that and do make it through to the other perspective and then resolve.

my "other perspective" generally became >
that it wasn't me that was lacking or in the wrong
but, rather, the person who turned out to be less than capable of being genuine and honest with themselves.
Most of the time > before WE are lied to >> THEY have been lying to themselves for alot longer. We just stepped into their path of mass destruction.

If you are wanting a comment about the "leaving the life for a time and returning again" > it could also be your stage of greiving and you shutting down for a time to "deal" with the process..
Some people it takes months or longer...some people days or hours. It's still healthy and okay to do for yourself and your sense of self....imo.

I wish you well, and am glad you are around and sharing your insights and experiences..

Cyndi

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.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

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RE: Rebuillding Faith and Trust - 2/16/2008 7:21:04 PM

MasterFireMaam

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This is who I am. It is not defined by the actions of others, good or poor. I have gone for periods where I haven't had a desire for much SM. In a lot of ways, I'm still in a period like that. But, I've never stopped being me.

Master Fire

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RE: Rebuillding Faith and Trust - 2/16/2008 8:04:41 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor
yes LA, but these don't give us YOUR insight with the wisdom you've gained and how you would approach this today...

Sure it does. I've responded in a few different ways in those threads. So you not only get whatever I could spontaneously think of today, but you'd get my ideas from a few different perspectives at a few different points in time. BONUS!

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