Project out from those 'secret' relationships (Full Version)

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Mercnbeth -> Project out from those 'secret' relationships (2/13/2008 7:19:42 AM)

When helping people make decisions one of the tactics I use is to tell the person to "project out". What is the best and worst case result for their actions and decisions. With my kids I used the tactic for serious things such as driving after drinking, and silly things such as a request to have a pony.

This story that's been in the NY news lately is a 'project out' for those in relationships kept secret from their spouses or significant others. What can happen sometimes does happen. Then you just sound silly when the details are exposed.
quote:

He does not remember putting on the handcuffs, nipple clamps, dog collar, high-heel shoes or hood, vowing "I'm going to seek professional help to get over this dirty habit. His life was saved last Friday by a dominatrix at the Nutcracker Suite on East 33rd Street, who was assigned to check on him after her colleague left him with a dog collar around his neck and a leather mask over his face, suspended a few inches off the floor. She realized his foot was turning blue because one of his high heels had slipped off.

How many unpublished versions of this story occur regularly?
quote:

Benjamin managed to keep his shameful secret from his wife, his two kids, who are now adults, and the students he taught at Montreal's Vanier College until his recent retirement. He never indulged his "dirty habit" in Montreal, where he fooled relatives, neighbors and colleagues into thinking he was a respectable family man who enjoyed outdoor activities.
He used professionals who I'm sure weren't emotionally impacted by these comments but what if his play partners were similarly non-pro 'regular' types having a similar family situation. You go from friend, lover, confident, sharer of desires and fulfiller of fantasies to a "dirty habit".

Now his former partners, his desires and his secret life is a source of "shame".
quote:

The kinky college professor who was almost strangled during an S&M session at a Midtown club told The Post yesterday he's deeply ashamed and is finally through with the double life he's lived since he was kid. "I don't want my wife to leave me, but I have to tell her the truth," he said. "I'm going to share everything with her. I think my family will forgive me,"


What to you think the chances of this being true?
quote:

"I don't want to go to the clubs anymore," Benjamin said.
"Now that I've almost died, I can't see myself going back to S&M," he said. "If you gave me $100,000 to spend there, I wouldn't. I'm not crazy."

Projecting out, the over/under is he'll have a profile on CM within 6 months.

Source document: http://www.nypost.com/seven/02132008/news/regionalnews/they_beat_it_out_of_me_97391.htm?page=2




RedMagic1 -> RE: Project out from those 'secret' relationships (2/13/2008 7:27:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
Projecting out, the over/under is he'll have a profile on CM within 6 months.

Cynic.  If people can be cured of homosexuality, a man with lifelong BDSM orientation should have no trouble quitting cold turkey.  Just say "No, Mistress."




Leatherist -> RE: Project out from those 'secret' relationships (2/13/2008 8:10:16 AM)

Or he can at least find a more practical way to have the needs met-jeez.




Dnomyar -> RE: Project out from those 'secret' relationships (2/13/2008 8:59:41 AM)

People can be cured of homosexuality. Thats a myth. You can make him repress his desires temporary but thats all.




RedMagic1 -> RE: Project out from those 'secret' relationships (2/13/2008 9:04:16 AM)

I was kidding.  Obviously not very well. Sorry for trying out sarcasm too early in the morning.





Mercnbeth -> RE: Project out from those 'secret' relationships (2/13/2008 9:20:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
I was kidding.  Obviously not very well. Sorry for trying out sarcasm too early in the morning.

I thought it was funny as hell!




Dnomyar -> RE: Project out from those 'secret' relationships (2/13/2008 9:20:33 AM)

Duh! Sorry I took that the wrong way.




RedMagic1 -> RE: Project out from those 'secret' relationships (2/13/2008 9:40:03 AM)

I buy all my posts that hijack threads at TROLLS R US.




fairerthanshe -> RE: Project out from those 'secret' relationships (2/13/2008 9:40:29 AM)

It sounds like he will simply be turning his wife unwittingly into his Mistress.  His life will be lived to earn her forgiveness - to be good for her - so she won't punish him with divorce.  He may not even be aware that this is what he has set himself to do, but his need for control, obedience, shame, and humiliation will be filled one way or the other.

just my .02 ~ fairer




batshalom -> RE: Project out from those 'secret' relationships (2/13/2008 10:23:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
Projecting out, the over/under is he'll have a profile on CM within 6 months.

Cynic.  If people can be cured of homosexuality, a man with lifelong BDSM orientation should have no trouble quitting cold turkey.  Just say "No, Mistress."




Projecting out, his wife will be cured of her vanilla-ness and will be wielding a single tail with relative talent on the outside of a year.




Nineveh -> RE: Project out from those 'secret' relationships (2/13/2008 1:49:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: fairerthanshe

It sounds like he will simply be turning his wife unwittingly into his Mistress.  His life will be lived to earn her forgiveness - to be good for her - so she won't punish him with divorce.  He may not even be aware that this is what he has set himself to do, but his need for control, obedience, shame, and humiliation will be filled one way or the other.

just my .02 ~ fairer



Hopefully someone points this out to him so he can savor it instead of resenting it.




sirguym -> RE: Project out from those 'secret' relationships (2/13/2008 2:54:07 PM)

I knew one guy who was subjected to Clockwork Orange tpe electric-shock aversion therapy by the (UK) Air Force in the 1970s, because it was discovered he was a closet cross-dresser, and they did not want to discharge him because he knew too much about radar, etc. .

He doesn't cross-dress the way he used to any longer, he is an adult baby now!




PlayfulOne -> RE: Project out from those 'secret' relationships (2/13/2008 3:14:30 PM)

I take under 6 months, those "dirty habits" are so hard to break

The bigger question to me is why would anyone leave someone who is suspended unattended?   That is just asking for a disaster.

K




kingbeef31 -> RE: Project out from those 'secret' relationships (2/13/2008 4:03:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

People can be cured of homosexuality. Thats a myth. You can make him repress his desires temporary but thats all.


People can be cured of homosexuality..............just ask my boyfriend...........He's not gay anymore.............Uh, did I just mention that I had a boyfriend?.............Uh..........Well.........Uh..........Let me get back to you on this subject.......................




Jeffff -> RE: Project out from those 'secret' relationships (2/13/2008 4:13:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

People can be cured of homosexuality. Thats a myth. You can make him repress his desires temporary but thats all.


Maybe an ointment?

Jeff




kingbeef31 -> RE: Project out from those 'secret' relationships (2/13/2008 4:25:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

People can be cured of homosexuality. Thats a myth. You can make him repress his desires temporary but thats all.


Maybe an ointment?

I was told that Criscoe was an ointment.  Is that true?.......................

Jeff




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Project out from those 'secret' relationships (2/13/2008 7:59:15 PM)

"Project out" is the new slang for "consider the likely consequences"?




softandshy -> RE: Project out from those 'secret' relationships (2/14/2008 12:07:14 AM)

I can easily believe that he wouldn't go back to that place, even if given all services for free.  After all, their negligence nearly resulted in his death.  However, I predict that he will be back to similar places, probably within a month of the day his wife divorces him. 




ownedgirlie -> RE: Project out from those 'secret' relationships (2/14/2008 12:37:50 AM)

~ Fast Reply ~

Just wanted to note how wacky this world is.  Thread after thread on CollarChat, pages and pages long, condeming those who cheat on their spouses...

And yet if you go to Level's "Romantic Movies" poll in the Polls and Other Random Stupidity Forum, you'll see great movies talked about, such as Bridges of Madison County, Casablanca, Brokeback Mountain....all about people who cheated on their spouses.




Aileen1968 -> RE: Project out from those 'secret' relationships (2/14/2008 1:24:40 AM)

If the wife has the ability to project out she'd see that she could probably get some nice new jewelry along with a clean house, clean laundry and a personal foot masseur at her beck and call.




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