BDSM relationship counselling

BDSM relationship counselling (Full Version)

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REXALS -> BDSM relationship counselling (2/13/2008 4:46:25 AM)
Not sure if this is the correct section in the messageboards for this request but... I am seeking relationship counselling pertaining to the lifestyle. I have made enquiries at the local statutory services but other than a few strange looks I have been unable to find anyone in my area. Does anyone know of such a service in the Melbourne region, vic, australia? Would be grateful if someone could point me in the right direction.

yrstocollar -> RE: BDSM relationship counselling (2/13/2008 5:27:44 AM)
I'm not sure what's around in VIC but in NSW I'd start looking at the gay services... plenty of kink-friendly counselling offered through gay magazines and the like. Perhaps call ACON, the gay and lesbian counselling service or one of those... obviously you don't have to be gay but there's a big cross over of counsellors and they should be able to point you in the right direction.

BlackPhx -> RE: BDSM relationship counselling (2/13/2008 6:11:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: REXALS Not sure if this is the correct section in the messageboards for this request but... I am seeking relationship counselling pertaining to the lifestyle. I have made enquiries at the local statutory services but other than a few strange looks I have been unable to find anyone in my area. Does anyone know of such a service in the Melbourne region, vic, australia? Would be grateful if someone could point me in the right direction. I checked the KAP database and don't see a listing for Australia but I could be missing something. Here is the database site: http://www.ncsfreedom.org/index.php?option=com_wrapper&Itemid=75 poenkitten

thetammyjo -> RE: BDSM relationship counselling (2/13/2008 7:51:57 AM)
In my experience, a good therapist is a good therapist regardless of whether or not they are kinky or work specifically with kinky folks. Most of our "BDSM problems" that come up in our relationships are really relationship problems and have little specifically to do with BDSM. I know it's exciting to think we are all so special and different but at the core all of us are just human beings trying to have relationships with other human beings and with ourselves. The way I found good therapists in the past is to try several and be completely honest about myself from that test session. Yes, you will have to pay for that time. If you are honest and watch reactions you can avoid months of covering up things and finding a poor aid to help you.

DesFIP -> RE: BDSM relationship counselling (2/13/2008 9:59:45 AM)
Personally, I just like to ask them what experience they have in alternative sexuality. Obviously if they say none, you move on. If they say they are comfortable with it, then ask about D/s knowledge and experience. And most of the relationship problems aren't D/s related. They're unspoken expectations, broken promises and miscommunication. None of which require a special D/s attitude towards.

southerndiva1 -> RE: BDSM relationship counselling (2/13/2008 10:06:27 AM)
Dr. Gloria Brame, author of Different Loving, is one of the best. She is in the United States but I believe she does online and phone sessions. Her website is http://www.gloria-brame.com/ She was instrumental working with my husband (also a Dominant) and I when we were dealing with some serious lifestyle issues. I would be very careful with a counselor who wasn't at least lifestyle aware. Most I have encountered are very close-minded and are all about trying to "fix" your deviant nature rather than trying to genuinely address the issue. Good luck and hope this helps!

SimplyMichael -> RE: BDSM relationship counselling (2/13/2008 11:15:06 AM)
Most counselors who deal with kink issues work regularly on the phone so being in another country shouldn't be a huge deal although paying is a bit more tricky. While relationships are relationships, not all therapists can get past the power exchange thing or the S&M part and tend to focus on that. However, I agree a good therapist is a good therapist.

REXALS -> RE: BDSM relationship counselling (2/13/2008 11:19:00 PM)
Thanks for all your ideas. Tammy- thanks for your input. I don't believe I am special or different but its a bit offputting watching a therapist blush and try and "fix" deviancy as was identified by SouthernDiva, and I pay for the priviledge too! Thanks Yrsto- I hadn't actually considered the local gay rags! Nice one! And thanks for the online suggestions, so glad that I posted the query.

DesFIP -> RE: BDSM relationship counselling (2/14/2008 5:29:24 AM)
I don't think anybody was suggesting you should pay for them trying to fix you, especially since you're not broken. You interview them on the phone being upfront about what you do, and ask them point blank if they can deal with the issues you want to deal with or if they'll be stuck with "what you're doing is wrong". And if you walk in and they then can't handle it, despite telling you they could, you remind them that this isn't what was discussed, and you aren't paying for them to put you down. And walk out. But usually things won't go to that. Most good therapists know their limits. I find that the better trained they are, the more they can handle different things thrown at them. I know a social worker who is extremely limited and touchy about clients with more education, success, money than she has, but she's ethical so she refers them to others. I know a clinical psychologist who can handle anything and didn't blink an eye when I mentioned I had gotten into a new relationship which is D/s based. She thinks considering the stress load I'm under, that it's a good idea for me.

thetammyjo -> RE: BDSM relationship counselling (2/14/2008 6:51:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: REXALS Thanks for all your ideas. Tammy- thanks for your input. I don't believe I am special or different but its a bit offputting watching a therapist blush and try and "fix" deviancy as was identified by SouthernDiva, and I pay for the priviledge too! Thanks Yrsto- I hadn't actually considered the local gay rags! Nice one! And thanks for the online suggestions, so glad that I posted the query. Remember that a mental health care provider works at your decision. If a therapist wants to focus on things that you believe are not the issue, you have the power, all of the power in fact, you can walk out the door and never return to them. Shop around for a therapist that works for you.

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