Professional career Doms/Dommes (Full Version)

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Faeorie -> Professional career Doms/Dommes (2/6/2008 6:22:55 AM)

I was wondering if any Dom/Domme on here was in a professional career field. What I mean by that is possibly a doctor, Veterinarian, teacher, nurse, etc. A career in which it wouldn't be wise to advertise a D/s relationship. I ask because I want to be an equine Veterinarian. I am in my 3rd year (5 years left... whoopee) on the path to becoming one. I know as a Vet I have a reputation to uphold in order to have clients and collegues who respect me, so how do you all do it? Is it something that must always be hidden like a dirty little secret?

I also want to ask specifically Doctors or Vets... how do you compromise your time for a sub? As a Vet I know I must be availiable and on call almost 24/7. ("What, your mares colicking at 3am? I'll be there in 10 mins.") How does this affect a D/s relationship? Do you find that you can't spend as much time with your sub/slave that u want? How does this affect both your performance and your sub/slaves?

I find myself with almost no time to myself aleady, and I know it's only going to get harder from here, so I would like advice please.

Thanks.



ProlificNeeds -> RE: Professional career Doms/Dommes (2/6/2008 6:30:03 AM)

I know a gentleman in law enforcement who is also a Dom. He keeps his BDSM habits private, and is extreamly choosey with who he involves himself to ensure they don't run off blabbing about officer so-and-so being into weird crazy stuff. I feel priviliged to know he trusts me with his private life. Unfortunately it means 'hiding' that part of his life, but I think he preferes to keep his private relations, private, so in that case it's not really a big deal.
I think it takes a lot of understanding on the subs part to be involved with someone who cannot really escape their work. When a crisis hits, and they have to run, it's usually best to just be supportive of their work and accept that interuptions will happen. Life isn't easy, but eventually you learn to juggle. Hopefully you have a sub who is flexible and willing to bend around your time frame, so you don't have to compromise on your work.



Faeorie -> RE: Professional career Doms/Dommes (2/6/2008 6:40:45 AM)

I guess it's just a case of finding a sub like that. Thanks for the example, I know I didn't mention law enforcement, but there are many careers that fit what I'm asking about, I just used the medical profession because it's what I'm getting in to.



PhoenixRed -> RE: Professional career Doms/Dommes (2/6/2008 6:43:39 AM)

No, you usually can't spend as much time with your sub/slave as you want to, especially if their schedule is just as bad as yours!  One of the reason I took multiple subs is because I don't see any one of them very often.  They work long hours and many travel for their jobs.  I'm just thankful I have my pup, who makes time to spend with me as often as he can (which right now is about once a week).  Real people have real lives, ums, familys, jobs and other responsibilities.  I usually talk to the guys every week or so, tell them what my availability is for the week and then find out theirs.  Sometimes it takes 2 or 3 weeks to get schedules to mesh.  Gotta live by the calendar (or palm computer).  I do enjoy the time I get to spend with them.  It's just frustrating sometimes.



toservez -> RE: Professional career Doms/Dommes (2/6/2008 7:00:05 AM)

I am a slave and not a dominant but I work as an RN in a hospital and my Master travels a lot for his business.

Weird hours and not common days off does effect consistency to a certain degree but quite honestly once you get past the all I can think and breathe about is my relationship and settle into the routine of ordinary day to day life I have just found out it is not that bad.

What we have done is have a few more rules and rituals designed for absence to re-enforce the dynamic even when we are not together. Plus I do and I think he as well make a conscious effort that when we have not seen each other for any significant time to make sure to focus on the power dynamic of the relationship and not get too caught up in day to day life.

In terms of keeping this life a secret from others that is a call only you can make. There is no rule and I doubt one size fits all similar situations. I never publicize my way of life but have outed myself several times with no consequences but some good natured teasing. Now I work in an ER so the atmosphere and my job being one of not having to woo customers or climb a corporate ladder so my risk is very minimal. I know very few people who in real life are public with this part of their life. Hiding it is just not that difficult.

Good luck in becioming a Vet!



Kana -> RE: Professional career Doms/Dommes (2/6/2008 7:16:51 AM)

I am a professional, I have a job that involves reasonable to high visibilty as well as outsice interests that leave me in the public eye.
As a result I am fairly circumspect in what I do.
Of course then again I think going through life with a degree of discretion is importnat no matter what.
To do otherwise is, to me, uncouth.




Faeorie -> RE: Professional career Doms/Dommes (2/6/2008 8:33:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez


What we have done is have a few more rules and rituals designed for absence to re-enforce the dynamic even when we are not together. Plus I do and I think he as well make a conscious effort that when we have not seen each other for any significant time to make sure to focus on the power dynamic of the relationship and not get too caught up in day to day life.

Good luck in becioming a Vet!


Thanks for your input, the having more rules idea is great I think. Also, thanks for the good luck! Do any of you incorporate online chat, or email in the absense of each other? Or perhaps you use the phone?



AAkasha -> RE: Professional career Doms/Dommes (2/6/2008 8:42:51 AM)



I'm a marketing professional that went as high up as VP level with a nationally known firm representing fortune 500 companies.  Because of the way I worked my way up with my skillset, those that knew me well enough to know I was kinky also knew that I was good at what I did.  I never came "out" in any way until I knew I was too valuable to get rid of.  I also was much more private about things until I knew I could be self employed. I now work as a consultant and get to pick and choose my clients.  Most of my closest professional peers know I am kinky and simply don't care - they care more about my performance.  In big business, the bottom line rules - as long as I am making them money, they don't care what I do in my private time.

Akasha



Faeorie -> RE: Professional career Doms/Dommes (2/6/2008 8:56:46 AM)

Nice, you're pretty lucky. I don't think I could be like that, sadly. 



toservez -> RE: Professional career Doms/Dommes (2/6/2008 9:04:11 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Faeorie

Thanks for your input, the having more rules idea is great I think. Also, thanks for the good luck! Do any of you incorporate online chat, or email in the absense of each other? Or perhaps you use the phone?



We do not IM at all. He will Email me often as our work schedules prevent longer phone calls on the days I am working and he is stuck in a hotel at night but they are not power exchange related for the most part. Now he will send me orders randomly if he feels like it and not out of expectation to do so like telling me what to wear for that day, eat or something sexual/kinky and in which I will send him pictures confirming certain things. Same thing when we talk on the phone can just be two normal people talking or if he is in the mood starts playing with me by ordering me to do things.

We think it is very important to strike a balance between actively dealing with separation issue in the power dynamic parts of the relationship and making it too much of an effort to which it becomes a burden to him. So I never ever push him or request he does things of this nature so he has to feel obligated to do them.

This was the first time I had to deal with going days often between seeing my Master and I did struggle with it but slowly but surely I adjusted. It was different in a way but I never got worried it would be a problem.



AAkasha -> RE: Professional career Doms/Dommes (2/6/2008 9:29:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Faeorie

Nice, you're pretty lucky. I don't think I could be like that, sadly. 


Why not?
FYI I always wanted to be a vet.  I couldn't handle the blood, and am WAY too emotional about animal suffering.  I can't even work at a shelter, but contribute in other ways.
I would think that as a vet, you have two issues. First are your co workers, second are your clients. It seems like your clients come and go and you don't have many that you rely on that will make or break your business.  They also don't come into contact enough with you to know you are kinky. When you are in an office all day long and work with the same people and see the same clients over and over again, and also spend time on the road, on business trips, etc. - they are more likely to learn about you, about your hobbies, etc.  But I would think interaction with clients when you are treating their animals is mostly focused on the animal and not much about your personal life.
As for your co-workers, once trust is established, I think you can become more open.  What do lesbian and gay vets do?  As a vet, are you considerably higher on the totem pole than the people you work with - office staff, vet techs, etc? 

Akasha



LadyHathor -> RE: Professional career Doms/Dommes (2/6/2008 10:42:15 AM)

I am a senior marketing manager for an old line Fortune 100 company. I am what I am, a strong, independent woman with great skills--that doesn't change--and since its uncouth to talk about "initmate" things in the work place, there is no need for anyone to know about some of the manifestations. I did have a slave here for 6 months, we had a few parties with work people and not one batted an eye at the apparent vanilla devoted attention I received.
 
<wink>

btw, My 18 yrold UM wants to be an equine vet as well and has never wavered from that for 10 years--I wish you much good luck.



kyraofMists -> RE: Professional career Doms/Dommes (2/6/2008 12:01:11 PM)

In many ways, it depends on where you live and how much you socialize with the people you work with or your clients.

We have a poly M/s relationship and we live in a small community.  He and Alandra moved here in August and I moved in December.  With his job he is on call 24/7.  Alandra works part time and I just accepted a position and start within the next couple of weeks.  My new employer lives about 5 houses down from us and was a bridesmaid in his brother's wedding years ago; it's a small world.

As far as anyone knows, I am a friend who is like family and I refer to them as my adopted family.  We do not socialize much at all with the people we work with, so what they perceive of our relationship is minimal.  Also people will fit your relationship within their own perception of what relationships should be.  Unless they have knowledge of D/s relationships it is unlikely that they would grasp the nuances and may only notice that you are the boss.  Both of their parents know about our poly relationship, but just think that he is the boss and we do what he says. 

The fact that he is on call 24/7 is not much of a problem either.  Just last week we were in the middle of a birthday party for one of the kids and he received a call and had to leave for the night and this time of year he is gone quite a bit.  Since we live together, it is easier to spend time with each other.  We would love to spend more time together than we are able to, but the time we have is enough to satisfy our needs and much of our wants.  After spending the last 2 and a half years long distance, a couple days or a few hours separated from him is minimal for me. 

When he is away, we stay in touch daily and she and I know what is expected of us.  We do not need constant supervision in order to accomplish the things that he wants done.  There is an energy missing from the house when he is gone, but our job is to make his life easier and being self-sufficient makes his life easier.

Knight's Kyra



sirguym -> RE: Professional career Doms/Dommes (2/6/2008 12:04:06 PM)

I do not know about collarme, but in my experience, most active people in the scene are, or have been, in a profession of some sort.

Often engineering, but including doctors, social workers, lawyers, nurses, vets, usually something that requires a college education.

Even those who did not go to college are clever and imaginative enough to have done so - but did not because of other factors in their life.

It is rare that you meet somebody really boring, or stupid, out there in the  real world of BDSM, though they seem pretty well represented on collarme.

So make your life, and then in that make a corner for your kink. Don't let it take over your whole world, keep a foot firmly grounded in vanilla reality.



meticulousgirl -> RE: Professional career Doms/Dommes (2/6/2008 12:13:56 PM)

regardless of your career i think it's better to keep things between those you are with play wise or relationship wise and not go out of that realm to involve co-workers etc...

privacy for me anyways is a hott subject.

~meticulous~



xxblushesxx -> RE: Professional career Doms/Dommes (2/6/2008 1:27:41 PM)

HoneyMaster is a doctor twice over, and a professional something else too. (sorry, I'd rather not say too too much.)
My last Dom was a legal professional and a real estate professional. (very very high in both areas)
They both emailed and called me, and HoneyMaster has a very normal schedule, so, He is home every afternoon/evening.

They are both very private though.

~Christina



greyangelus -> RE: Professional career Doms/Dommes (2/6/2008 1:29:11 PM)

I was in the military for a good long while.  My last command I hid it, far too much politics involved and people bored enough to gossip about anything.  One before that, most of immediate co-workers did know, but only one of them ever expressed any actual interest in learning (got to hear a lot good jokes though).

My current degree field is wide open as to the type of enviroment I might be working in.   All sort of depends really.

You know, there is a very strong correlation between intelligence levels and interest in BDSM.  Taking a stab at it, it takes a high level of intelligence in order to fully consider and appreciate the emotional subtlties involved.  Hmmm... time for a poll!



Faeorie -> RE: Professional career Doms/Dommes (2/6/2008 1:46:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: Faeorie

Nice, you're pretty lucky. I don't think I could be like that, sadly. 


Why not?
FYI I always wanted to be a vet.  I couldn't handle the blood, and am WAY too emotional about animal suffering.  I can't even work at a shelter, but contribute in other ways.
Akasha



The reason is because I want to be a travelling horse vet (make sit much easier for clients) so that would mean driving around all day to different houses, stables and barns. I had an internship over the summer with a horse vet who had an ambulatory practice and I realized that's what I want to do. Plus, when you're a horse Vet, you tend to have a LOT of regular clients that you see almost every day. But yea, I can draw blood, I've assisted in surgery, and assissted in euthanasia. It's hard but you learn to eithe deal with it or pick another profession. I've had this dream since about 2nd grade... so it's pretty imprtant to me. Then again the "norm" for horse people around here (KY) are very uptight, conservative country folk.



windchymes -> RE: Professional career Doms/Dommes (2/6/2008 1:59:13 PM)

First of all, I want to say that I think you're great and will make an awesome vet........[:)]

If anyone questions all the leather harnesses and straps, whips, crops, etc. you have around, you can always say they're for the horses [;)]

Good luck in your career!



Faeorie -> RE: Professional career Doms/Dommes (2/6/2008 2:06:21 PM)

Ha! That's a great idea! I'll have to do that one lol. My main problem is the time though, like I said, if a client calls with an emergency in the middle of the night, 9 times outta 10, I will have to take care of it.



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