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SimplyMichael -> RE: Percentages (2/6/2008 11:16:31 AM)
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I don't expect 100% submission, nor would I want it. I don't exert 100% dominance either. I try and fulfill my needs and those of my partner and I chose someone with whom that goal can be reached without me needing to make every decision. I am happiest when the above is true and when many of our wants and desires are also fulfilled and that both of us are moving towards our various mutual and individual life goals. That means that WE talk and come to an agreement on what to do, now sometimes I simply make that decision but others I voice an opinion but not a decision. She respect my opinion greatly (which is why she submits to me) but I don't simply decide for myself all her decisions. Plus there are areas where I defer to her, her kids are an example of that. I don't hesitate to voice my opinion, and while I can imagine I might say we are going to try some parenting method she objects to, I would ultimately defer to her. Family and other places are subjects that I might defer totally, or at least be very select about when I exercise my authority. I mean I did, after all, pick her because she doesn't need rescuing, she doesn't need me at all, she instead wants me. I am sure if I said "I have spoken" on an issue that I normally defer to her, she would probably go along, and as long as my choice turned out to be the better one consistently, I could continue to do so. However, if I was wrong repeatedly, she would no longer respect me, my authority would lesson, and at some point I would no longer inspire her submission. Some are happy with a partner who subordinates themselves (meaning their wants and even needs) on a very core level. I have no interest in that. I guess the analogy is some are happy sitting at the table with their slave at their feet, I am happiest when mine is sitting beside me. Neither is better or worse than the other as a concept, but only one works for me.
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