The use of petnames and actions by someone other than O/ones partner

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

The use of petnames and actions by someone other than O/ones partner

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> The use of petnames and actions by someone other than O/ones partner

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

The use of petnames and actions by someone other than O... - 2/3/2008 1:46:30 PM

kuriousreturns

Posts: 43
Joined: 1/28/2008
Status: offline

Is it appropriate for petnames or actions (i.e. hun, luv, babydoll, kitten - hug, kiss, spank) to be used by O/one who is NOT someone's Dom/Master or sub/slave? Does this change is an individual has clearly specified an objection or preference?

For example, i have been chatting through email with a Dom that i met online only recently (not my Dom nor a relationship prospect) who always uses petnames, and the last few emails have ended with words or icons signifying the action of Him administering to me a spanking. my profile clearly states that i am here only to learn about the Lifestyle, that i am in a relationship and not looking for a new or additional partner. i've specified to Him directly that i object to the use of petnames and actions; His response is that He can refer to me in any manner that He wishes regardless of my preferences.

i suppose the real question i have here is whether or not O/others would see this is as an infringement on my rights; would His disregard for mine and my partners preferences/rules be considered disrespectful? i'dlike to hear suggestions for how to deal with such a situation in a calm and respectable manner.

Post #: 1

RE: The use of petnames and actions by someone other th... - 2/3/2008 1:52:57 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Petnames are a symbol of social intimacy. People who break that social intimacy, presume such where none exists, or apply it improperly are going to have problems.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to kuriousreturns)

Post #: 2

RE: The use of petnames and actions by someone other th... - 2/3/2008 1:53:23 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Depends on the person really. There are people on these forums that I consider to be my friends and we have no objection to them using pet names or giving me a cyber spanking. However, if someone is not a friend we find this presumptuous and rude, at best patronizing. So far, I've only had to ask a few people to knock it off.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to kuriousreturns)

Post #: 3

RE: The use of petnames and actions by someone other th... - 2/3/2008 2:49:33 PM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

i call people hun and sweety often. Id someone asked me not to call them hun or sweety i stop doing it. Any person on either side of the slash that would continue after being asked to stop is an ass

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: The use of petnames and actions by someone other th... - 2/3/2008 4:39:09 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kuriousreturns

i suppose the real question i have here is whether or not O/others would see this is as an infringement on my rights;

Saying "hi whore" might not be rude.

quote:

would His disregard for mine and my partners preferences/rules be considered disrespectful?

Uh, yeah. I mean, if someone flirts with bsb, I tend to shrug it off, I mean I can't blame them. However, if they grabbed her hair, I have and would pounce on them.

quote:

i'dlike to hear suggestions for how to deal with such a situation in a calm and respectable manner.

"hey fuckwad, say that again and I will learn needleplay on your tongue"

(in reply to kuriousreturns)

Post #: 5

RE: The use of petnames and actions by someone other th... - 2/3/2008 5:05:55 PM

MRandme

Posts: 661
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline

He may be a Dom, but He is not your Dominant and as such, His comment that "He can refer to me in any manner that He wishes regardless of my preferences." is out of bounds. Being Dominant does not entitle Him to do as He wishes with those that aren't His. What does your Dominant have to say on the matter?

my Master has rules regarding my online communication. i am not to do anything online that i would not IRL and that includes 'accepting' spankings (or other sexual/service oriented behavior) from other Dominants. Just as it would be rude and disrespectful of your Dominant for this other guy to grab you at a munch and spank you without speaking to your Dominant first, it is rude to do so online.

Even if you were not attached, it is beyond rude to continue a behavior after being asked to stop it. The C stands for consensual, after all. In your place i would inform Him that if He continues that His messages will be blocked. And then i would follow through.

g

<edited to make it make more sense>

< Message edited by MRandme -- 2/3/2008 5:08:53 PM >

_____________________________

And thus i conclude with a wish you go well,
Sweet be your dreams, may your happiness swell,
I'll leave you here, for my journey begins
i've gone to be with Him again...

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 6

RE: The use of petnames and actions by someone other th... - 2/3/2008 5:29:36 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kuriousreturns

i suppose the real question i have here is whether or not O/others would see this is as an infringement on my rights; would His disregard for mine and my partners preferences/rules be considered disrespectful? i'dlike to hear suggestions for how to deal with such a situation in a calm and respectable manner.

Your taking yourself way to seriously on here. I say "hey babee" to quite a few girls in my life. Sometimes because I can't remember thier name.

BadOne

(in reply to kuriousreturns)

Post #: 7

RE: The use of petnames and actions by someone other th... - 2/3/2008 5:42:06 PM

Dari

Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline

He can refer to you in any manner that he wishes regardless of your preference. You can block or ignore him in any manner that you wish regardless of his preference.

Easy, yes?

As for your original question - I use petnames for people with whom I have a close or intimate relationship - though that has no reference to whether I am their Domme or friend or relative or whatever. But if you ask someone not to call you something and they don't respect your wishes? That's what block is for.

< Message edited by Dari -- 2/3/2008 6:16:03 PM >

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 8

RE: The use of petnames and actions by someone other th... - 2/3/2008 8:08:47 PM

xolarkinxo

Posts: 73
Joined: 9/10/2005
Status: offline

I agree with several others on here; this man is out of line; the block button works well. I have also read your profile and I have a suggestion; move paragraph three up to the beginning of your profile. By the way..you have a very nicely written profile.

~Larkin

(in reply to Dari)

Post #: 9

RE: The use of petnames and actions by someone other th... - 2/4/2008 1:22:54 AM

kuriousreturns

Posts: 43
Joined: 1/28/2008
Status: offline

Many thanks for your detailed reply; your time spent on this is much appreciated. the first paragraph which says "He is not your Dom" states exactly how i feel. my partner (not Dom ----> vanilla) was extremely patient with this situation; he felt that this Dom was being very rude and disrespectful to me, especially considering that i had stated my preferences clearly. i did comply once he requested that i block the Dom from further contacting me; and we discussed what is and isn't appropriate interaction and how to handle it in the future. i also live by the rule that online is no different than real-life, including how i respond in any given situation; in the past i've had problems with being too angry/aggressive so i'm working on doing things in a calm and polite manner online as well as off.

(in reply to MRandme)

Post #: 10

RE: The use of petnames and actions by someone other th... - 2/4/2008 1:25:52 AM

kuriousreturns

Posts: 43
Joined: 1/28/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

I say "hey babee" to quite a few girls in my life. Sometimes because I can't remember thier name.

How difficult can it be to remember a (user)name that is right there on the screen?

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 11

RE: The use of petnames and actions by someone other th... - 2/4/2008 1:28:00 AM

kuriousreturns

Posts: 43
Joined: 1/28/2008
Status: offline

Many thanks for the observation and suggestion regarding my profile; i looked at what was being pointed out, and agreed that it needed to be moved (and i also added a couple sentences i felt were important).

(in reply to xolarkinxo)

Post #: 12

RE: The use of petnames and actions by someone other th... - 2/4/2008 1:39:07 AM

kuriousreturns

Posts: 43
Joined: 1/28/2008
Status: offline

i'm noticing that almost everybody is suggesting the use of the block button. It's important to me that my online interaction and communication resemble real-life as closely as possible, and it's not always easy to just walk away from any given situation and ignore the other person; nor would it be courteous to make threats and call someone names. i prefer to try all other possible solutions to a problem before resorting to these measures, as opposed to taking the easy way out. i've always been told that i'm an impatient person - but it seems to me that i'm more patient than most in this particular situation, so i am going to give myself some extra credit this time. Many thanks to A/all who spent time with this post; (almost) all comments were appreciated.

(in reply to kuriousreturns)

Post #: 13

RE: The use of petnames and actions by someone other th... - 2/4/2008 2:40:18 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kuriousreturns

i've specified to Him directly that i object to the use of petnames and actions; His response is that He can refer to me in any manner that He wishes regardless of my preferences.

i suppose the real question i have here is whether or not O/others would see this is as an infringement on my rights; would His disregard for mine and my partners preferences/rules be considered disrespectful? i'dlike to hear suggestions for how to deal with such a situation in a calm and respectable manner.

As you've already told him once that such behavior is unacceptable to you, I'd suggest giving him one more chance with a more firmly stated email insisting that he respect your wishes or be thought of as less than adult because this ...

"His response is that He can refer to me in any manner that He wishes regardless of my preferences."

... is the response of an adolescent without social skills. You might want to consider sending him a link to this thread as well.

Good luck,

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to kuriousreturns)

Post #: 14

RE: The use of petnames and actions by someone other th... - 2/4/2008 4:49:42 AM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kuriousreturns

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

I say "hey babee" to quite a few girls in my life. Sometimes because I can't remember thier name.

How difficult can it be to remember a (user)name that is right there on the screen?

Daddy's username is keymaster55. that doesnt signify his actual name in the least. i would guess that SailingBum goes therough the same thing....talking to people whose username doesnt indicate either their name or what they would like to be called by.

or he's just bad with associating names and faces, and so calls females he knows the face of but cant remember the name "hey babee".

kitten, who doesnt always remember names either.

(in reply to kuriousreturns)

Post #: 15

RE: The use of petnames and actions by someone other th... - 2/4/2008 4:57:42 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Petnames are a symbol of social intimacy. People who break that social intimacy, presume such where none exists, or apply it improperly are going to have problems.

what LA said

if i'm not intimate with the person, then i would call them by their real or nickname

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: The use of petnames and actions by someone other th... - 2/4/2008 6:34:00 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

He can write whatever he wants, and you are equally free to vote with your feet ie deleting further emails unread, not responding to him etc.

More important than this is what he's not saying which is that he isn't interested in a friends only occasional email relationship. He wants to get his paws on you. It's legal for him to be interested. It's equally legal for you to consider him a total jerk.

I suggest breaking off correspondence immediately because your continued relationship is sending him mixed messages. He's hearing no but seeing yes.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 17

RE: The use of petnames and actions by someone other th... - 2/4/2008 7:40:06 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: kuriousreturns

i suppose the real question i have here is whether or not O/others would see this is as an infringement on my rights;

Saying "hi whore" might not be rude.

quote:

would His disregard for mine and my partners preferences/rules be considered disrespectful?

Uh, yeah. I mean, if someone flirts with bsb, I tend to shrug it off, I mean I can't blame them. However, if they grabbed her hair, I have and would pounce on them.

quote:

i'dlike to hear suggestions for how to deal with such a situation in a calm and respectable manner.

"hey fuckwad, say that again and I will learn needleplay on your tongue"

I was so nervous you were going to kill that guy...But he never bothers me anymore!...lol...

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 18

RE: The use of petnames and actions by someone other th... - 2/4/2008 7:48:02 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

If you are opposed to the block button (which would work as well online for me as walking away from someone that rude face to face) then perhaps having your partner message this person would be a good fix. Obviously, he doesnt see a reason to change how he behaves becaue you tel him you dont like it, yet thats about it. A slap on the hand and the conversation goes along as it normally would, so he not only gets to refer to you as he pleases, he gets the thrill of knowing that it annoys you he does so and you do absolutely nothing about it. He is playing on the obvious fact that you are not going to block or ignore him.
ASk your partner to voice his disapproval at how you are being refered to if it really bothers you that much. I personally hate pet names online unless it isa close friend or partner. So, if I recieve a message with one I will politely tel the person that they will not recieve an answer until they address me properly since they do not know me wel enough to be using a pet name. And then I wait. If they truly want to have the converstion tey wil correct the problem. If they dont care to correct it it is very simple to walk awa. In real life, I would do the same, if someone cannot be bothereed taking to me properly, I have no problem walking away from them and telling them to find me when they regain their senses. The longer you alow him to address you as he pleases with no more consequence than "Please dont" and then continue the conversation anyway the less likely he wil ever change. Being patient is one thing, being enabling is another, and after 2 or 3 emails, you have moved past patience.

My 2 cents
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Post #: 19

RE: The use of petnames and actions by someone other th... - 2/4/2008 8:00:50 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

For the most part using pet names and or virtual actions is just that, a virtual action. Though some people find this is infringing upon their personal sense of space and sense of decorum. I have to think that if you find this is inappropriate especially after you stating your dislike, then maybe the next step is to drop all internet communication with this person? It would be a matter of you politely writing and explain your extreme discomfort and you no longer wish to stay in contact and have a nice day.

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to kuriousreturns)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> The use of petnames and actions by someone other than O/ones partner

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.188