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CreativeDominant -> RE: How do You begin (2/2/2008 7:59:55 AM)
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Everything that has been said thus far in your thread makes sense...baby steps, simple steps, start doing more and talking less, etc.
Focus 50 mentioned that he does not feel a spark with vanilla women. To a great extent, I have discovered that myself within the last 10 years. They can be cute or beautiful, charming, sexy...but if they want to be leader or have the reins as often as me, it doesn't do anything for me. I form a friendship with them and there is all kinds of conversation but that is it. I am not attracted to every submissive woman I meet either. When there is a spark, a relationship...whether friendship or something more...is started and yes, it is started through speaking to each other. Listening to what it is they want and desire and need as well as conveying my own ideas of what I feel about D/s and what I want and need from it and from the other aspects of being involved with someone. I stress the D/s more so than the totally vanilla aspects. When I have screwed up...it has been mainly because I read signals wrong OR veered away from what I know works for me. If you stick with what works for you...makes you happy...during your discussions/negotiations (always remembering that a certain amount of compromise is built into the definition of negotiation), then it will either go on to become something more or it will flounder until you get onto the track of doing what works for you. If you veer away from what you know works just to try and make the other person happy, then the floundering can become a "stick point" and it will either die quickly because you cannot move off this point without action or because you are afraid to "do something". Myself...I'd rather do something in my way and if it dies, so be it.
Some ritual...kneeling or whatever you choose; some speech modifications..."Yes, Sir" and/or "No, Sir" and an attempt to follow basic orders for now will go a long way towards showing you...and he...how this looks for the future.
And one last thing...keep the communication going. When something doesn't strike you as quite right, then ask to speak about it. Do NOT make assumptions that he is doing something that, in his mind or in his actions, he is NOT. Get clear on it when it comes up...not until it has festered and turned into something in your head that it is NOT in reality. Care about his feelings enough and about the D/s relationship you say you want to bring your concerns to him. To not do so IS topping from the bottom...how can he fix (if it needs fixing) what he does not know about? Sound like more talk? Sure is BUT it is talk coming from action or attempted actions that have been misconstrued. Do the same with what is going right and then, you are on the road. But a road built mainly with cobblestones of talk and no action may be a beautiful road but it tends to lead nowhere. It takes actions to set those stones in place.
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