RE: Earning the Title of Master (Full Version)

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AquaticSub -> RE: Earning the Title of Master (1/30/2008 12:04:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: belledonna

I am the sub person spoken about in this post. I have been married 9 years to a man I dominate in all aspects of life. I am tired of all of the responsibility of the house etc. I need a strong an to take this position and he says he will do it if I will let him. I think he would be doing it if he was capable of being my Dom.  I thought I was happy until I had a taste of the other side of things. Now it is all I crave. belledonna


Maybe, maybe not.

Had you talked it expressly before? I've been the dominant partner in previous relationships simply because it was the unspoken pattern we fell into. Just as submission isn't always easy, neither is dominance. It may be easier, and get him what he wants, to just let you run things.

How did you start dominanting him, and what do you mean by that? Do you tell him what to eat, what to wear, where to go? Why does he let you do those things? And if you haven't been letting him, you need to realize that you are an equal part in this problem. Valyraen, no matter how loudly he yells, no matter how hard he beats me, no matter what can not dominant me if I don't let him.



EmergingMe -> RE: Earning the Title of Master (1/30/2008 3:41:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

Ah, a third party question. I don't do those. Get him over here, and then we can ask him questions.You explaining what she is saying what he is saying rarely leads to good communication.


That is fair, and up to them if they want to join. She is lurking here and knows of this thread.
If he learns more about the lifestyle and decides to embrace it, all the better..

Speaking myself, my previous "traditional" relationship was not going to be able to make the transition, so it is ending. As we all know, this certainly isn't mainstream and for everyone.




EmergingMe -> RE: Earning the Title of Master (1/30/2008 3:48:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Presumably if they have been in a relationship for a while, they have already learned that it is safe to trust each other. You don't have to start over again from zero just because you're tweaking the relationship.

In terms of technical skill however, obviously he needs to learn some. Don't hit the kidneys or the tailbone, learn not to wrap, learn how to not cut with canes if no cuts are acceptable. But that's relatively easy to learn, and she can do the research for him, print it out and leave it with the new toy.

Being a cynic, I can't help from thinking that you are trying to put roadblocks in their way so as not to lose her. After all, you've got an ulterior motive to preventing him from domming her, she won't need you if she gets it at home.


Dom here..

That assumes that most relationships are open and trusting.. It's a pretty big "tweak" to go from traditional "Christian style" marriage to a more open D/s, BDSM active lifestyle. Impossible? no.. challenging.. yes..

In her case she does really seem to enjoy the more physical aspects of BDSM, so he would have a lot to learn.. but that can be fun and with good teachers no doubt he can pick up the skills. But is it where his heart really is?
My dominance is more mental than physical, but not totally absent of the physical side.

As for my ulterior motive, that is a fair statement, but honestly in this situation I just want her to find herself and be with someone who fills her. I might not be the right person for that, and my Switch might not be either. But the friendship is deep and valued.




EmergingMe -> RE: Earning the Title of Master (1/30/2008 3:51:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: belledonna

I am the sub person spoken about in this post. I have been married 9 years to a man I dominate in all aspects of life. I am tired of all of the responsibility of the house etc. I need a strong an to take this position and he says he will do it if I will let him. I think he would be doing it if he was capable of being my Dom. I thought I was happy until I had a taste of the other side of things. Now it is all I crave. belledonna


Welcome to your thread Belle! See what happens when you ask her "what do you think?"... lol

Like I said in my last post, finding yourself and then someone to share that with is a wonderful gift. If he can "get there", cool. If not, you know what has to happen. He's still a great guy, but may not be into it in the same way.

Here's to your journey!



Stephann -> RE: Earning the Title of Master (1/30/2008 4:19:46 PM)

Briefly,

It's not unusual for people to make drastic changes in their lives, in order to break out of monotonous routine.  Someone who has always preferred to be dominant usually doesn't just snap and become submissive one day.  Often, it's either a compelling spiritual or personal awakening, or a drastic exposure to something new.

Usually, it has more to do with feeling trapped in a life that might not have been ideal, and thinking 'all of the old' needs to be chucked out for the new.  Mao played this little trick on the Chinese, and nearly tore the country apart. 

If you enjoy being submissive and dominant, that's cool.  You're not obligated to only pick one side.  If you feel your emotional and personal needs truly have changed, than honestly where will your husband fit into the new you?

Best wishes,

Stephan



belledonna -> RE: Earning the Title of Master (1/30/2008 5:08:42 PM)

I am honestly and critically looking at our relationship. I am better educated,(although I want more) more adventurous and very driven. He has made life changes following my lead for about the last year. I put my foot down and demanded him open his mind about several things he ignored when he married me years ago. Since then I have discovered the difference between one who loves what they do and those that just do to please. I feel at home in a dungeon and wish to be a beloved slave or sub to a man or woman I can look up to and admire. That will never happen in this doomed relationship no matter how many books he reads. belledonna



EmergingMe -> RE: Earning the Title of Master (1/31/2008 4:42:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: belledonna

I am honestly and critically looking at our relationship. I am better educated,(although I want more) more adventurous and very driven. He has made life changes following my lead for about the last year. I put my foot down and demanded him open his mind about several things he ignored when he married me years ago. Since then I have discovered the difference between one who loves what they do and those that just do to please. I feel at home in a dungeon and wish to be a beloved slave or sub to a man or woman I can look up to and admire. That will never happen in this doomed relationship no matter how many books he reads. belledonna

Welcome my cherished Belle!  I wanted to post that this question was not born from any resentment or a place of dishonor.  Your request for my thoughts and views are taken very seriously, and being that I am a Newbie, causes the OCD in me to go into overdrive, and research every little aspect of your question. 

I love and respect you in an inmeasureable way, and only wish to gain clearity for myself, so that my advisement to you WILL be enriching and presented to you in the clearest and most responsible way.

"Switch"




DesFIP -> RE: Earning the Title of Master (1/31/2008 12:58:51 PM)

I wouldn't be surprised if he gave up trying to control her years ago because she did nothing but argue. He agreed to take over vacuuming for instance and she sabotaged him by criticising how he did it. This is typical male/female relationship problems. The woman will say she wants him more involved with something, and then won't allow him to. At which point he gives up because clearly she doesn't want what she claimed to want, she just wanted to control or put him down.

And since he isn't an abusive bastard, he doesn't take what isn't freely offered. Unless she offers consent, and doesn't keep yanking his chain, he can't take power from her. No matter how much she dreams about being forced.

I think if she really wants him to dominate her, she needs to submit to him, and not to every other horny Tom, Dick or Harry who makes her pink parts tingle. Which means asking him a question and accepting his answer. "What do you want for dinner?" doesn't mean she gets to continue to harangue about chicken francaise or pork & beans if he says he doesn't care. If he says steak, but doesn't specify baked, mashed or fried it's because he doesn't give a damn even if she thinks a twue dom would care.

Being submissive also means allowing him to make the timetable so if he isn't moving on from spanking to caning, tough. Saying at a time you aren't bent over his knee, "ou know I wonder how it would feel if you used a riding crop on me"is legit. Hassling him for months about why he hasn't gotten one and used it is the one sure fire way I know for it never to happen.



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