Something better than nothing?

Something better than nothing? (Full Version)

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ProlificNeeds -> Something better than nothing? (1/29/2008 10:29:41 AM)
So a situation, alter orientations and genders involved to suit your own. You meet someone under the context of friendship but both you and they are interested in exploring more and have both admitted as much to eachother. The bottom in the situation, has life obligations that require a great deal of time and responsibility. The top has a job which involves long shifts and many hours overall. So schedualling for anything more then the occasional get-together would obviously be hard. Knowing right off both have time restrictions: Would you keep things simply at a friendship level and not allow anything more to develop knowing it would add complication and stress to your life which is perhaps already stressful and complicated as it is? Maybe 'wait' until life simplifies and simply cherish a friendship? How would you feel if you were on the other side of the equation, wanting to get in time together how ever infrequent, but the one you are attracted to draws the line at friendship for the time being? To add lets say there's roughly 1.5 - 2 hours of driving between the two bodies in question, so 'quick' meets aren't exactly feasible.

childoftheshadow -> RE: Something better than nothing? (1/29/2008 10:32:34 AM)
The way I see most things like this is . . . if it's meant to be, it will be. My partner and I went nearly 2 years only seeing each other once every 3-6 months. It started as friendship and progressed. It would have been easier to just say "we'll be friends", but it was meant to be more.

DesFIP -> RE: Something better than nothing? (1/29/2008 10:34:31 AM)
We were a 3 to 5 hour drive apart, traffic depending. We met about every 6 weeks on average, more in summer, a lot less in winter. Feelings developed very quickly and we spent a lot of time emailing, on phone and chatting between meets. He moved up here about 2 years later. We've been 24/7 for over 2 and a half years since. LDR doesn't bother me.

ProlificNeeds -> RE: Something better than nothing? (1/29/2008 10:36:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: childoftheshadow The way I see most things like this is . . . if it's meant to be, it will be. My partner and I went nearly 2 years only seeing each other once every 3-6 months. It started as friendship and progressed. It would have been easier to just say "we'll be friends", but it was meant to be more. That is reassuring! Did you find it hard with such infrequency?

AquaticSub -> RE: Something better than nothing? (1/29/2008 10:39:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds Would you keep things simply at a friendship level and not allow anything more to develop knowing it would add complication and stress to your life which is perhaps already stressful and complicated as it is? Maybe 'wait' until life simplifies and simply cherish a friendship? Probably try for it. I just don't believe in waiting around and I've found that relationships and having someone to learn on helps reduce my stress, not add to it. If I wasn't willing to try for it, I would just assume I wasn't interested enough in the other person and encourage them to move on. quote: How would you feel if you were on the other side of the equation, wanting to get in time together how ever infrequent, but the one you are attracted to draws the line at friendship for the time being? Though I wouldn't tell them beforehand, once this decision was made I would probably cut them out of my life for awhile. When I get interested in someone, it's a fairly intense thing. It's hard for me to be around them so to take care of me I would have to be selfish and stay away from them until I was no longer interested in anything but friendship. That said... I've driven 10 hours round trip for weekend visits a lot. One and a half to two hours seems pretty easy to me. I'd drive an hour for a day, 1.5-2 for longer.

childoftheshadow -> RE: Something better than nothing? (1/29/2008 10:39:51 AM)
Hell yes! But, we knew it would be worth it in the end. When we were apart we chatted online, had daily phone calls, wrote letters. After nearly 2 years, I moved to the UK to be with him, and we haven't looked back. I can't even imagine what my life would be like if I had thought "I can't deal with LDR". Just the thought sends shivers down my spine.

meticulousgirl -> RE: Something better than nothing? (1/29/2008 10:46:29 AM)
Well in all honesty, if the two in question want to be together they will find a way. Schedualing isn't easy for anyone, we all have responsabilities, and we all have to work unless we were just born rich or are somehow set for life. it'll happen but, time, patience communication, and understanding are needed always. ~meticulous~

ProlificNeeds -> RE: Something better than nothing? (1/29/2008 10:46:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub That said... I've driven 10 hours round trip for weekend visits a lot. One and a half to two hours seems pretty easy to me. I'd drive an hour for a day, 1.5-2 for longer. I'd gladly do the driving, thing is, neither of us has a 'weekend' persey. I suppose the determined find a way to rearrange scheduals if at all possible though. I'm usually obligated to be here 8am -7pm every day, my 'time off' usually consists of half days when someone will come and be with the person I take care of. childoftheshadow - I'm glad to hear you made it work and are happy. My own experience with LDR has been discouraging I suppose which makes me look more pessimistically upon even a short ldr.

childoftheshadow -> RE: Something better than nothing? (1/29/2008 10:50:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds childoftheshadow - I'm glad to hear you made it work and are happy. My own experience with LDR has been discouraging I suppose which makes me look more pessimistically upon even a short ldr. I had bad experieces with LDR, and nearly lost faith, but like I said . . . if it's meant to be, it will be. I had also nearly lost faith in meeting someone online, I'm damn glad I hung onto that tiny bit of faith I had left.

AquaticSub -> RE: Something better than nothing? (1/29/2008 10:50:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub That said... I've driven 10 hours round trip for weekend visits a lot. One and a half to two hours seems pretty easy to me. I'd drive an hour for a day, 1.5-2 for longer. I'd gladly do the driving, thing is, neither of us has a 'weekend' persey. I suppose the determined find a way to rearrange scheduals if at all possible though. I'm usually obligated to be here 8am -7pm every day, my 'time off' usually consists of half days when someone will come and be with the person I take care of. childoftheshadow - I'm glad to hear you made it work and are happy. My own experience with LDR has been discouraging I suppose which makes me look more pessimistically upon even a short ldr. See if you can change your schedule around easily. If I were in your situation, I would give driving over at night and coming home early in the morning a shot, particularly if there is any day you can arrange to start later. But if you can't pull it off, maybe there is something else you can do. Can the other person come and stay with you? I used to hang around my SO's dorm room or apartment while they were in class or at work. When Valyraen and I had to do the long distence thing, we tried to see each other every other week, but sometimes we couldn't manage it for as much as six - I know not very long when compared to others but it was rough on me. They are a lot of work.

Dnomyar -> RE: Something better than nothing? (1/29/2008 10:53:07 AM)
Driving only 2 hours is a piece of cake. Did you leave anything out here. What are you both doing weekings(one or both is married)???

greyangelus -> RE: Something better than nothing? (1/29/2008 10:55:58 AM)
If your capable of doing it, I'd say go for it. Some people are able to handle LDR's much better than others. 2 hours of driving time isn't really a huge amount if you take some time and forethought in when you meet with each other, you can get a lot of quality time in a 24 period with the distance being that short. To the first question, perhaps, but note there is a sort of time limit to these things. Feelings that come forth tend to go away after a period of time if left unxplored and unrequited. To second, life rarely "simplifies", you just swap one set of circumstances for another. To the third, this is what I meant by the time limit. The person will be able to keep their feelings alive for awhile despite knwoing the other person wants to keep it as "just friends", but feelings this are not static.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Something better than nothing? (1/29/2008 11:00:10 AM)
1.5 to 2 hour drives would have been a pleasure when Angel and I met. We spent 8 months taking and planning, and spent a grand total of 9 days together before I moved. We were a 5 hour plane ride apart. And then when I moved, we were 30 min apart and on completely opposite schedules and saw one another almost as infrequently as we did when I was away. If you know you want more than just friends, you make it happen. Fox is 30 - 45 min away at school, and 1.5 hours at home during breaks. He and I both work, and our schedules ont always play nice with one another. But we still find time to be together. You take what you can get when you get it.

RCdc -> RE: Something better than nothing? (1/29/2008 11:18:12 AM)
When Darcy and I met, we met as friends. Obviously things developed in the first year, Darcy and I met around three times. We had an 6-8 hour drive between us and work/family commitments. I moved and we now have a min 1.5 hr drive. We see each other as often as possible with work/family commitments, usually long weekends. We focus on the future, knowing that we will be together in the next few months, but back in the beginning we had no firm dates only that we knew we wanted to be together and worked towards it. And we are almost there. the.dark.

ProlificNeeds -> RE: Something better than nothing? (1/29/2008 11:19:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub See if you can change your schedule around easily. If I were in your situation, I would give driving over at night and coming home early in the morning a shot, particularly if there is any day you can arrange to start later. But if you can't pull it off, maybe there is something else you can do. Can the other person come and stay with you? I used to hang around my SO's dorm room or apartment while they were in class or at work. When Valyraen and I had to do the long distence thing, we tried to see each other every other week, but sometimes we couldn't manage it for as much as six - I know not very long when compared to others but it was rough on me. They are a lot of work. I live-in with the person I take care of, my own residence is for the time being, a bit lacking in privacy. As for changing schedual, my family likes to change it for me to suit their needs. IE I can get a couple days off a week to hosue sit someone's place but not to go take care of my own business. (I'm hoping to take advantage of the house sitting to have company though [:D] ) I'm not really at liberty to divulge details on the Dom in question, suffice to say I don't think his schedual is adjustable, and he choses to work a lot of over-time (Which may or may not change, that's his choice, not something I would willingly ask him to change, he enjoys his career very much. He does work a lot of over-nights, and usually 12 hour shifts though.) When we reach the point he might be comfortable with me in his home unattended loitering until he comes home/wakes up might be an option, I hadn't considered that.

DelilahDeb -> RE: Something better than nothing? (1/29/2008 11:21:38 AM)
Here's where my poly mindset comes into play. An attractive prospective play partner may be someone I see once a week or once a year. I may have deep feelings for one or many, but if they can't take the "women & cats" (or equally true "men & dogs" flip side of that coin) mentality, we're just not compatible. I'll play safe, and I don't think anyone has ever called me promiscuous, but I really don't mind cherishing the opportunities with my near-dear ones instead of bewailing the ones I cannot have. For a couple of decades, I lived a 14-hour drive away from my (hot, horndog, and ready-eddy) secondary lover. And I missed being able to see him more often than twice a year. Ç'est la vie! To quote an old dormy's line: Take it easy...and if it comes easy, take it again! Delilah Deb

ProlificNeeds -> RE: Something better than nothing? (1/29/2008 11:28:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DelilahDeb To quote an old dormy's line: Take it easy...and if it comes easy, take it again! [:D] I can appreciate that.

fluffyswitch -> RE: Something better than nothing? (1/29/2008 11:32:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds So a situation, alter orientations and genders involved to suit your own. You meet someone under the context of friendship but both you and they are interested in exploring more and have both admitted as much to eachother. The bottom in the situation, has life obligations that require a great deal of time and responsibility. The top has a job which involves long shifts and many hours overall. So schedualling for anything more then the occasional get-together would obviously be hard. Knowing right off both have time restrictions: Would you keep things simply at a friendship level and not allow anything more to develop knowing it would add complication and stress to your life which is perhaps already stressful and complicated as it is? Maybe 'wait' until life simplifies and simply cherish a friendship? How would you feel if you were on the other side of the equation, wanting to get in time together how ever infrequent, but the one you are attracted to draws the line at friendship for the time being? To add lets say there's roughly 1.5 - 2 hours of driving between the two bodies in question, so 'quick' meets aren't exactly feasible. i'm in that situation right now minus the drive time and as it stands right now it's working. it wasn't initially intended to get more involved but we're both just letting it be what it will be. i'm a full time student as well as working somewhere between 1-3 jobs at a time and presenting work outside of school, and He works second shift with days off that don't necessarily line up with mine. we tried the whole we're just friends and possibly play partners but it's evolving at least slightly beyond that. shrug. life happens, and my parents were both military so i grew up in an environment where a good relationship wasn't necessarily reliant on seeing each other for long stretches of time anyway.

LadyPact -> RE: Something better than nothing? (1/29/2008 11:33:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ProlificNeeds So a situation, alter orientations and genders involved to suit your own. You meet someone under the context of friendship but both you and they are interested in exploring more and have both admitted as much to eachother. The bottom in the situation, has life obligations that require a great deal of time and responsibility. The top has a job which involves long shifts and many hours overall. So schedualling for anything more then the occasional get-together would obviously be hard. Just so you know, the above about the scheduling situation is playing My song. I have the worst (and I do mean WORST) work schedule on the face of the planet. It involves days, nights, weekends on a rotating basis, and yes, those are on 12 hour shifts. Trust Me. A real sadist came up with the plan. quote: Knowing right off both have time restrictions: Would you keep things simply at a friendship level and not allow anything more to develop knowing it would add complication and stress to your life which is perhaps already stressful and complicated as it is? Maybe 'wait' until life simplifies and simply cherish a friendship? My schedule is what it is. With the exception of another job, that would mean I would be waiting indefinitely for any kind of pursuit of anything on the relationship/dynamic scale. quote: How would you feel if you were on the other side of the equation, wanting to get in time together how ever infrequent, but the one you are attracted to draws the line at friendship for the time being? To Me, if either party says it is just a friendship, that's what it is. quote: To add lets say there's roughly 1.5 - 2 hours of driving between the two bodies in question, so 'quick' meets aren't exactly feasible. In just My opinion, a two hour drive isn't such a big deal when you are going after what you want. Edited to add a slight detail.

verysweet -> RE: Something better than nothing? (1/29/2008 11:37:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: childoftheshadow Hell yes! But, we knew it would be worth it in the end. When we were apart we chatted online, had daily phone calls, wrote letters. After nearly 2 years, I moved to the UK to be with him, and we haven't looked back. I can't even imagine what my life would be like if I had thought "I can't deal with LDR". Just the thought sends shivers down my spine. I agree. I've been in a LDR for almost 26 months now. We see one another every other week like clockwork, and spend the equivalent of 5 days together each month. Sure, I miss him when we're not together---and maybe someday it won't be that way. While it's always hard and stressfull leaving, it really helps knowing that we have an upcoming visit planned. You didn't mention how far in advance you might know each others' schedules, but maybe a bit of pre-planning would help ease your mind a bit. As far as him (or you, it wasn't clear) stating they'd like to keep things at the 'friendship' level for now, that's a choice only you or he can make---whether it's worth it to pursue a long distance thing with someone who, for at least the foreseeable future, is only interested in something platonic.

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