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RE: The type of friend... - 1/28/2008 10:41:04 PM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveboyforyou

I haven't read one reply here that suggested you end your relationship. We all have added our advice based on your posts. You and your boy keep adding to them. He came in right after you in your defense about a post concerning him. I almost thing that y'all do this on purpose to create drama. I and everyone else here has tried to offer advice based on what we have read and with the best intentions. If you don't want advice, than don't post your problems. Honestly, I think you are being a bit of a drama queen. This isn't the 'Ask Mistress' forums, and that's why I stay out of those pretentious little "poor me" threads.

Yeah...

I think you've overreacted just a -tad-

kdsub too... I mean, really, nobody ever said she's overseeing all of my personal relationships outside her. Of course, she could if she wanted to. She's allowed me to handle this myself.

I've handled it myself. There's no drama between the two of us. Not even for a fraction of a second. It was a problem between myself and my friend. She decided what her role was going to be in the whole affair, as is her right, and she acted appropriately. She just made the topic to get other points of view. It was all solved a bit ago.

Don't try to make mountains out of molehills.

< Message edited by Shawn1066 -- 1/28/2008 11:19:17 PM >

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)

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RE: The type of friend... - 1/28/2008 10:43:00 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

ACtually, I did get some very useful advice. And if you had read the thread carefully, youd have notived several mentions of him not being worth the time if he werent willing to do things.

I want him to be able to keep his friends, all of them. I dont see areason gender shold factore into it. Id have as much problem with a flirtatious male friend as i do a female one. It isnt a matter of worrying about him straying. Its him being uncomfortable.
There is no drama.

I got the advice i needed from teh level heads who offered it. I thank them.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)

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RE: The type of friend... - 1/28/2008 11:13:17 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveboyforyou

I haven't read one reply here that suggested you end your relationship. We all have added our advice based on your posts. You and your boy keep adding to them. He came in right after you in your defense about a post concerning him. I almost thing that y'all do this on purpose to create drama. I and everyone else here has tried to offer advice based on what we have read and with the best intentions. If you don't want advice, than don't post your problems. Honestly, I think you are being a bit of a drama queen. This isn't the 'Ask Mistress' forums, and that's why I stay out of those pretentious little "poor me" threads.

I read this thread in a completely different way than you. I read it as someone that desired to make sure she does not over react to a situation and asking others for their input of the most appropriate way to handle it that would respect her slave. I have grown to admire DV in her approach to her boys. She seems to be a loving, thoughtful domme who genuinely wants to contribute as much to her charges as she gets from them. I think it is rather unfair to characterize this thread the way that you have... asking a question about a situation one may have could help others that are in the same position now, or will have the same circumstance in the future. Sometimes it is hard to sit back and watch someone behave in a way that is disrespectful to you and your relationship... and it is pretty normal to want to stop that behavior, but it is not always wise to do the "normal" thing...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)

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RE: The type of friend... - 1/29/2008 12:44:37 AM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
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Diurnal, from having read previous replies, I don't believe people are suggesting that you have little invested in this relationship with your submissive, just that if this person is still coming onto him and he's telling you about it, he's clearly not handling it. She may be insecure from having recently come out of a disastrous relationship that's knocked her self-esteem, however, people usually come onto others if they read signs from that person that it's okay for them to do that.

If my own submissive was informing me of another female that was pestering him and making it obvious she wanted more than just friendship with him, I would be more inclined to want to know why HE hadn't been clear with the woman about his relationship responsibilities with me and WHY he was still putting himself into such an awkward situation. I would feel as if he was testing me, to see how deeply my emotions for him ran. Either way, it's a childish game, and used to detract from the real issue, which is your submissive's insecurity issues.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire
As I said, he has told her about me. I dont think she believes him. She hasnt met me, and he had only known me a few days the last time he spoke with her before today. He knows what I think of her dramatics. I think she was interested in him before and he ddnt see it, and now she thinks he is playing hard to get rather than actualy having someone.

I am sort of surprised people think something this small is worth considering ending a relationship over. Worth a serious discussion about setting boundaries, yes. Done.
Worth perhaps putting limitations on spending time alone with this person, yes. Done.
But the idea that I put so little value on my relationship with Fox that having an overly flirtatious friend that he hasnt figued out how to put the breaks on should even come close to a "maybe he isnt worth the effort" idea is ridiculous. You dont fix the problem by throwing away the source of it.

I started this to ask opinions on whether or not my making my presence known might be helpful. Or if it would make things worse. I got some great advice, and I am glad my desire to protect isnt all that unusual.

DV

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RE: The type of friend... - 1/29/2008 12:48:33 AM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
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Julia, I understand Diurnal's desire to want to step in. If in a similar situation I would want to know WHY this situation was occuring and why the assertiveness is omitted from the submissive's interactions with the other woman. Throughout our lives we will meet others who won't place the same values on relationships that perhaps we do, however, it is up to us as individuals to ensure we assert ourselves and make it clear such advancements are unwelcome and aren't to be tolerated.

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I read this thread in a completely different way than you. I read it as someone that desired to make sure she does not over react to a situation and asking others for their input of the most appropriate way to handle it that would respect her slave. I have grown to admire DV in her approach to her boys. She seems to be a loving, thoughtful domme who genuinely wants to contribute as much to her charges as she gets from them. I think it is rather unfair to characterize this thread the way that you have... asking a question about a situation one may have could help others that are in the same position now, or will have the same circumstance in the future. Sometimes it is hard to sit back and watch someone behave in a way that is disrespectful to you and your relationship... and it is pretty normal to want to stop that behavior, but it is not always wise to do the "normal" thing...

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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RE: The type of friend... - 1/29/2008 1:00:59 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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I agree with Julia's suggestion about boundaries. There was a male friend of mine who would not respect my boundaries, and after knowing him for nearly 10 years, I told him not to contact me anymore. The boundaries had been laid out several times, so that he clearly understood them. When he insisted I still wanted to fuck him and my Master was a fly-by-night, I told him not to contact me anymore. Plain and simple.

I would do that with anyone who refused to respect my boundaries. It's disrespectful to both you and your submissive for this friend to do this. If she can not respect the boundaries that have been communicated to her, then she doesn't get to stay friends (my opinion).

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

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RE: The type of friend... - 1/29/2008 7:40:03 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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Morrigan:
Fox is not assertive, until he is pushed. He had not seen this girl since the very beginning of our relationship, and had good faith that she was going to respect his requests that she stop the behavior. This was the second time he had seen her, and she started it up agian. When he told her it was inapprpriate, she would stop for a bit and then resume. He gave her 3 chances and then ended the meeting. He told me about it because he was at a loss. He had done everything he could think of to get his point across and she obviously didnt get the message.
That was where my question about stepping in came from. Obviously if his telling her than our relationship was real wasnt doing the trick, then maybe she needed to see the other side of the coin... me. I still think there is the possibility she will not believe I exist until she meets me. She has been acting as if Fox's protests are him playing hard to get, and he didnt know what to do about it.
He handled it via email. We both decided that the problem was that she wanted to see signs that it was ok to flirt, whether they were there or not. Face to face, she was not going to get the hint but maybe a written explination would do the job. She is a long standing friend who goes to school with him now, and whether or not she is a good friend or a bad one they share a campus. I cant expect him to cut off communication since it might not be his choice if it happens or not. If she is around she might be impossible to avoid, and his trying to avoid her would cause its own problems. I want this situation to be fixed, not avoided. She needs to learn how to behave around other people. She is not my problem,but Fox is my responsability and I do not want him spending the next 3 years at school dreading seeing this girl around campus becasue hes worried interacting with her is going to be the same innapropriate behavior. I have told him, however, that after the email I did not want hmi spending time alone with her on campus until she meets me. If my physical presence doesnt curtail her behavior then obviously the backup plan of avoidance will have to be the way to go.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

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