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RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 3:52:39 PM

SubbieOnWheels

Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

FR

For me, my reaction depends on whether I think the compliment is warranted or not. For instance, if someone compliments me on how I handle my life as a single person in the life of ums, I have a hard time with that one. Yes, it takes a lot of work, alot of juggling, and it takes its toll on me. But to be complimented for that? Makes me think, "but I HAVE to do this, what are the alternatives?? I HAVE to take care of my family, there is no choice." Not that I don't WANT to, but "want" is not part of the equation.

Now if someone compliments me on my job, my writing, my cooking, my crafts, or something like that, I can accept that graciously.

Cali

I used to have trouble accepting compliments on how I handle being disabled. People would gush over how "strong" or "courageous" or "cheerful" I am. The problem is I don't FEEL any of those things. I simply live with the disabilities and get on with life. I would complain to friends about these compliments.

Then someone explained that the people complimenting me probably didn't know what it was they were seeing that they liked, but they put it into a context they could understand. Where I was getting out and being with others because I hated being alone with only my own self-pity, they saw strength. Where I was getting around on the paratransit by myself because I didn't have anyone to help me, they saw courage. Where I was putting on a smile and cracking jokes to shield myself from others' sympathy, they saw cheerfulness. This friend suggested that since these people interpreted my actions as being something commendable, why not accept that and BECOME what they saw?

Revelation! I now feel strong, courageous, and cheerful (and I still crack jokes - they are funny). And when I am complimented, I don't exactly courtsey, but I pretend to be modest.

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(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 21

RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 5:01:11 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EponasChylde

I love receiving compliments, so long as I feel they are genuine. I smile graciously, say thank you, and go on about my business.

I'm proud of things I do, and appreciate it when others notice.

Same here.

I used to have dificulty receiving compliments because I just didn't know what to say. Then one day, my father said, "Honey, just smile and say thank you. It's not that hard now, is it?" After taking a minute or two, I figured he had lived longer than me, I respect him, and well, maybe sometimes, Father does know best .

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(in reply to EponasChylde)

Post #: 22

RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 5:06:33 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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I'm ok with someone being uncomfortable with compliments, since I am myself at times as well. But they still need to be accepted with grace and manners. It's when you start to reject them or refute them that you make your issues into their problem and become rude.

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Post #: 23

RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 5:17:19 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
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I love to call my slave adorable. And, unfortunately for her, it's entirely true... and it drives her nuts to be reminded of it. :D Heh.. poor thing.. I tease her so much.

Oh! And she's an Engineer, too, but not as far up on the tech tree as I am.. so I teach her math in our free time. I'll occasionally quiz her on some various Calculus problem. When she gets it right, I smile and tell her that she's smart. I don't think it bugs her as much as being called "cute" or "adorable", but it's similar in effect.

However, typically, when she does something well, I'll say "Good girl." This is high praise for her and she seems to typically be pretty happy to hear it. (Although she'll ask me, "What did I do that was good?" if she doesn't know. She'll look at me oddly if she doesn't agree that it was good.)

Oh, my, I love her. :D

(in reply to Einzelganger)

Post #: 24

RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 6:12:10 PM

JohnSteed1967

Posts: 304
Joined: 5/29/2005
From: Columbia SC
Status: offline

I find compliments hard to accept, simply because my dysfunctional child self was hurt so badly to see myself as worthy of the compliment is very difficult.

(in reply to sweetwenchie)

Post #: 25

RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 8:40:36 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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I hate when people lack the grace to accept a compliment. Being self-deprecating is really passive aggressive and makes the giver of the compliment feel foolish for having given one.

(in reply to JohnSteed1967)

Post #: 26

RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 8:49:27 PM

fluffyswitch

Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
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i try to accept them but i still have issues periodically. i grew up in an environment of the backhanded compliment so i never really knew if it was real or not. i also had to deal with people fawning over some things so much that i had to wonder if they really meant it--like my eyes. i get told my eyes are so nice all the time that i have to wonder if the rest of me is so bad that that's the only thing people can think of nice to say. i'm trying to get better at it though.

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Post #: 27

RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 8:51:34 PM

sexyred1

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Well, a backhanded compliment is not a compliment, so I can see being wary of that, but they are easy to detect.

If someone raves over a certain attribute, like your eyes, be happy; some people have nothing worth complimenting.

(in reply to fluffyswitch)

Post #: 28

RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 9:00:42 PM

breatheasone

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Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

I am MUCH better at accepting compliments from my Master. At 1st it was hard but He showers me with so many that its now almost like "food" for my soul.... I think I feel very much like a flower does when it stretches, and reaches for the sunshine, when Master tells me good and nice things........I can feel the face of my soul turn upward.....drinking it in
(ok, I hope nobody threw up in their mouth there....lol

)

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(in reply to Einzelganger)

Post #: 29

RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 9:04:01 PM

Kana

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Joined: 10/24/2006
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Just a thought:

I have always believed that one of the best ways to measure anothers internal health is to give them a compliment and see how they react.

Its amazing to watch some people do some really fancy dancing to avoid anything being nice said about them.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 30

RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 9:08:29 PM

PrizedPosession

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Joined: 11/2/2007
Status: offline

Master is helping me with accepting them, i find it difficult but i am learning now that people aren't always trying to be a smartass. Now when i get complimented on drawings, schoolwork and little things i am okay but i still blush and sometimes hide or look down when i get compliments on looks since i grew up with my mom nitpicking at me. But i am getting better

i love it when Master calls me a good girl and i light up when i hear it instead of shying away.

But i hope that you can get over it and see that when people compliment they are sincere and truly admire something about you or what you have done. It's a really great feeling once you can accept them with your head held high and a smile.
-bobcat

(in reply to fluffyswitch)

Post #: 31

RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 9:15:00 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I am a Domme, but this is relavent.
I like compliments about things i have created, pictures I have taken or my music.
I do NOT like compliments about things I am expected to do anyway. I find that compliments about doing my job or handling customers tend to come across as condesending. I see them as needing to be mentioned becasue the people who say them expected me to work sunstandardly and are happily surprised I am competent. Compliments for goig above and beyond are one thing, but for doig what you are supposed to do rub me thw wrong way.
My 2 cents

DV

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(in reply to sweetwenchie)

Post #: 32

RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 11:26:38 PM

Real0ne

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Joined: 10/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

I think it is an issue of self image, more than it is of submission. If you feel unworthy of compliments, you will likely feel awkward and weird about receiving them. Learning to appreciate that others see good in you is valuable, and helps you receive compliments with a smile and a thank you.

I will go along with this. well said

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Post #: 33

RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/28/2008 5:43:27 AM

Einzelganger

Posts: 221
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Orlando, FL
Status: offline

Thank you all for the replies...they've given me alot to think about. *smiles*

When I was owned, and had done something well...or something she enjoyed...I didn't get a 'thank you' or 'good job' very often. Instead, I got a pat on the head, a slight caress across the shoulder, or a smile, and that meant the world to me, because it said so much more to me than a simple 'thank you' ever would. I suppose it's another case where the phrases 'less is more' and 'actions speak louder than words' really apply. Of course, sometimes she'd thank me for things just to make me blush and squirm a bit, but that was more a form of amusement than anything else. *smiles* I wonder if that has anything to do with this...

-Einzelgänger

< Message edited by Einzelganger -- 1/28/2008 6:07:20 AM >

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 34

RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/28/2008 6:39:39 AM

mhawk

Posts: 509
Joined: 11/5/2007
From: Washington
Status: offline

i agree with another poster on this. i think it's alot to do with self image but i also think it can be a matter of how one was raised also.

in the house i grew up in even with accomplishment,comliments were never made.so i grew up not being used to hearing them.when i got to my Lord and Lady's house i have come to find that they compliment me when i get things done the right way or do extra little things. it's hard for me to accept at times but i know with time it will come easier

(in reply to Einzelganger)

Post #: 35

RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/28/2008 7:23:32 AM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

i had a guy out of the country try to buy my vote. i said it was not for sale then there was a tricky problem w a mutual online contact. he went on and on that he had my ip number- i said i dont know what to tell you. i knew enuff about ips. i stood firm. i said im sorry there was a misunsderstnaidng. this was by phone long distance. later he admitting bluffing. at 1st i was sour over this all- but when i text him he recieves it w pleasure now. he knows my charater.

Kana great posture....

< Message edited by pahunkboy -- 1/28/2008 7:24:17 AM >

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Post #: 36

RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/28/2008 1:41:58 PM

sophia37

Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
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compliments are tricky. Lets say I wear a dress I feel looks less than what I'd really like, but I wear it anyway for whatever reason. Then someone along the way says, "that dress looks good on you!". In my mind I instantly suspect. I figure they're saying that because really, it looks so awful they noticed it and just blurted out a compliment, yet mean the opposite.

Why? Because Ive done that. Ive seen some things worn so badly at times, that I get caught staring for a tad too long and feel like I have to cover my rude ass with a nice-ity. Weird eh? Saying what you dont mean, in order to not be mean? lol

(in reply to sweetwenchie)

Post #: 37

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