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Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 12:47:49 PM   
Einzelganger


Posts: 221
Joined: 4/8/2007
From: Orlando, FL
Status: offline 		I've been turning this over and over in my mind for months, and wondering if any of you subs/slaves feel the same way, or have the same reactions.

Any time someone compliments me or praises me for something, be it a performance, something I fixed or set-up on their car, my boss telling me I'm doing a good job, or general compliments from friends, I feel embarassed, I blush, I feel put on the spot, and I would almost say it's humiliating...well, actually it is, when in front of a group of people.  It's very uncomfortable...I find myself wishing they'd just let me do what I'm going to do for them, and forget about it...or at least not tell me to my face.  Asking them not to would be rude, so I usually just stand there looking stupid and thank them, all the while wishing I could become invisible.

Do any of you feel this way?  If so, do you do anything about it, or think of it a different way, so it's not as bad?  This probably seems like a really stupid question, but everyone I've actually asked about it likes getting compliments...so I was wondering, is it something common among subs/slaves, or am I really that weird?  Thanks in advance for your time. *smiles*

-Einzelgänger
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RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 12:54:50 PM   
Raechard


Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline 		I feel the same it is almost easier when people hate me or are hateful towards me because I don’t have to be grateful for that. It’s just the awkwardness of it I suppose but that is a general life thing and I don’t think it is specific to a certain role here.

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RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 12:58:58 PM   
EponasChylde


Posts: 65
Joined: 12/31/2007
Status: offline 		I love receiving compliments, so long as I feel they are genuine. I smile graciously, say thank you, and go on about my business.

I'm proud of things I do, and appreciate it when others notice.


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RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 12:59:34 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I think it is an issue of self image, more than it is of submission.  If you feel unworthy of compliments, you will likely feel awkward and weird about receiving them.  Learning to appreciate that others see good in you is valuable, and helps you receive compliments with a smile and a thank you.

(in reply to Einzelganger)
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RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 1:00:55 PM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		Ownedgirlie, you said it. ~smiling~

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RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 1:00:57 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		It really depends ... I love compliments about myself, my hair, my clothes, some cooking .. something like that .. they make me glow .. but that has not always been the case.

At work, I cant take any compliments or praise about how i do my job, they make me seriously uneasy .. which is odd



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RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 1:02:25 PM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		i do not actively dislike compliments, for me it is more that i find compliments extremely embarrassing.  It is hard to accept them graciously.  i've been working on it, but am beginning to think they will always make me blush and try to hide behind my hair as i thank the person offering it.  

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"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

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RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 1:07:05 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		I use to have trouble with compliments, almost wondering if someone was patronizing or trying to be overly kind. A nice Dom who didn't tolerate my silliness taught me how to realize I deserve those compliments, and should show proper gratitude for being recognized and acknowledge by those around me. Now I feel pride and pleasure from compliments, and am always thankful people notice and appreciate me and my hard work.

(in reply to sweetwenchie)
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RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 1:15:11 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		i'd don't dislike compliments, i actually love being complimented; i just get really embarassed and can't handle them.  But it works out fine and dandy, as Ma'am is totally amused and entertained when i get all squirmy.

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if only to keep me to herself.

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RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 1:26:47 PM   
rubberpet


Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline 		Hell no...I love receiving compliments, but only if they are sincere.  I don't get embarrassed or uncomfortable.  I smile and say thank you.  If Mistress praises me for a job well done, it makes me feel proud and appreciated because She took notice of my accomplishment for Her.  My bosses at work never compliment me on a job well done, but that's just because they are a bunch of assholes to start with.  LOL

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RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 1:36:49 PM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		i am the same way, but when my Owner prasies me, the Heavens open up, angels sing and i soar up into the clouds. it happens everytime.

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RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 1:39:54 PM   
fullofgrace69


Posts: 99
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		i get really shy and nervous when people compliement me, i start wondering what the catch is, but than im pessimistic and can't understand why people would compliement me :)

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RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 1:43:36 PM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1556720

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RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 1:54:37 PM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fullofgrace69

i get really shy and nervous when people compliement me, i start wondering what the catch is, but than im pessimistic and can't understand why people would compliement me :)


Ay, that's the rub. You have to (1) believe that you deserve the compliment, (2) trust that the person is sincere in giving the compliment, and (3) believe that the person is astute enough to recognize beauty or accomplishment in the area in which the compliment is given.

For instance, if a musician compliments me on my singing, I am going to be thrilled. I may turn bright red and stammer, but that's not because I don't believe I deserve the compliment; it's because I'm being complimented by someone who KNOWS what good singing is. If I am told I look younger than my calendar age, or have pretty eyes or hair, well, I don't have to be embarrassed about it. i just smile and say, "Good DNA."

The trick for me is turning it into a compliment about something I had nothing to do with (like DNA), or recognizing in turn the position from which the compliment comes. In the instance of a compliment of my singing, I might say, "Thank you. That means a lot to me, coming from someone with your training and skill."

If my boss complimented me on work well done, I said, "Thank you. So when do I get my raise?" That might not work with some bosses, but it always did with mine.


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RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 2:02:27 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		FR

For me, my reaction depends on whether I think the compliment is warranted or not.  For instance, if someone compliments me on how I handle my life as a single person in the life of ums, I have a hard time with that one.  Yes, it takes a lot of work, alot of juggling, and it takes its toll on me.  But to be complimented for that?  Makes me think, "but I HAVE to do this, what are the alternatives??  I HAVE to take care of my family, there is no choice."  Not that I don't WANT to, but "want" is not part of the equation.

Now if someone compliments me on my job, my writing, my cooking, my crafts, or something like that, I can accept that graciously.

Cali


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RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 2:39:25 PM   
lilacs


Posts: 46
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		~FR~

I used to have a really hard time being able to accept compliments.  I used to blush and feel uncomfortable.  As others have indicated, most of it was because I had problems with my self esteem and didn't feel like I deserved the compliments.  As my self esteem has gotten better, I've learned to smile and realize that most of the time when *I* compliment someone I'm doing it in order to express my honest gratitude and appreciation in some way, so it's likely the other person is doing the same.  Now I can just smile and say thank you and tell them I appreciate the compliment.

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RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 2:42:48 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		~fast reply~
i grew up being called stupid, ugly, worthless, etc., then married a guy who did the same thing.  so for me, getting compliments on *me* are very bewildering.  compliments on something i *do*, i understand.

kitten

(in reply to lilacs)
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RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 3:18:33 PM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline 		Understand that one, adoracat.  I used to always refute compliments or argue with the person.  Then I was asked "Why?  Do you feel like you're not worth a kind word?"  Kinda made me think.  I now have very little trouble accepting compliments on what I do, for I always strive to do my best and the recognition of that goes a long way.  But for compliments on "me"....I just smile and say thank you whether I agree with them or not.  Sometimes just graciously accepting is choosing the right battle.

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The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

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RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 3:22:47 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I like compliments.  I do not like condescension.

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RE: Do you dislike compliments? - 1/27/2008 3:36:11 PM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=1556720


your words definitely gave me something to think about.  Thank you very much for the link, i had missed that posting.  The last line especially, i will  have to save that. ~smile~

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to eyesopened)
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