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Moron One-Upmanship (A LONG Post) - 1/26/2008 9:03:31 AM

KRANWEST

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At some point in the last couple years, I remember reading about an ancient Spartan ritual called the krypteia. Each year, young, hormonal Spartan males, fresh out of warrior finishing school, would declare a mute war on the local Helot population…………… a sort of macabre, “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” coming-of-age ceremony. Think “bar mitzvah”, with a bourbon-y, “Fight-Club” kick.

At work, I can fully empathize with these doomed chattel-slaves of yore……….these poor enslaved lackey bastards with one foot in the grave. My krypteia isn’t as life-threatening as that of the Helot’s, but it does threaten my sense of decency.

There I am, sitting in the employee break area, watching a rerun of Monk (more zoning out than actually paying attention to Tony Shalhoub’s obsessive-compulsive shenanigans) when Misty plops her ugly, haggard-looking ass right down beside me. Fucking shit. I’ve never liked Misty. Most times, ugly girls came compensate for a lackluster appearance by shaping-up with a blue-ribbon personality, but Misty is WAY beyond the reach of even the best self-help guides.

“What’s going on?” Misty asks. I catch a whiff of her halitosis. She never takes care of herself…. even the basic, kindergarten-taught aspects of hygiene seem to go way over her head. I suppose that after Misty reproduced, she just said “Fuck it! My job is done! Time to pig out!” Shit-- that’s probably why her old man ran off with some huge, dimply-assed project whore. Ha.

“I’m doing fine. A little bit tired, Misty, but I’ll make it through”, I reply, giving it the perfunctory, “work sucks but we’re all still smiling” feel I’ve learned to despise when it’s coming from other employees.

“Oh. You think you’re tired? Well I only had two hours of sleep last night!!”

And there it was…………the phenomenon I’ve dubbed as the “Moron One-Upmanship Factor.” She does it all the time, and I hate her for it.

If I could just go one day, without hearing it from some idiot, I’d be fucking ecstatic. I even hear it from my room-mate when I complain about my incapacitating migraines

“You think you hurt? Well I can hardly walk………….my feet hurt so bad!”

I don’t know whether these people crave congratulations, or a stiff kick in the ass – but that, Ladies and Gentleman, is my own krypteia.

< Message edited by KRANWEST -- 1/26/2008 9:10:48 AM >

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RE: Moron One-Upmanship (A LONG Post) - 1/26/2008 9:13:53 AM

Raechard

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You think that's bad, I had to read it.

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RE: Moron One-Upmanship (A LONG Post) - 1/26/2008 9:24:39 AM

KRANWEST

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At least you got to do something productive.

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RE: Moron One-Upmanship (A LONG Post) - 1/26/2008 9:27:12 AM

Daddysredhead

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That's subjective.

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RE: Moron One-Upmanship (A LONG Post) - 1/26/2008 9:36:01 AM

Raechard

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I'd rather be doing something reproductive such as photocopying my arse but I hear there is a risk of getting shards of glass wedged in my backside.

If you do your face it makes you go blind, no fun anymore is there? Not that that was ever fun, anyhow. More warm in winter, I suppose.

Someone is going to say to me next to stop moaning as no one put a gun to my head to make me read it. How do they know that though? Have they checked my webcam and seen there is no one holding a gun to my head making me type stuff at a certain rate. This could be a Hollywood script "Speed 3, type crap at 30 wps or you die etc." I give these Hollywood producers ideas but do they ever run with them I ask?

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RE: Moron One-Upmanship (A LONG Post) - 1/26/2008 9:53:13 AM

KRANWEST

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As a seasoned ass-copier, I can tell you with some certainty that the procedure is painless and safe, given that the right precautionary measures are followed.

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RE: Moron One-Upmanship (A LONG Post) - 1/26/2008 9:57:29 AM

Raechard

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Many people say I should use book laminate but others purists say that using book laminate can end up welding your flesh to the glass due to it melting. I'm in a quandary as to the best procedure so any help would be appreciated.

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えへまにんへえや
Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

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RE: Moron One-Upmanship (A LONG Post) - 1/26/2008 9:58:31 AM

dcnovice

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Can't help you on that one, I'm afraid.

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RE: Moron One-Upmanship (A LONG Post) - 1/26/2008 10:07:31 AM

Daddysredhead

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KRANWEST

As a seasoned ass-copier, I can tell you with some certainty that the procedure is painless and safe, given that the right precautionary measures are followed.

It really is all about SSC, isn't it?

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Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

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RE: Moron One-Upmanship (A LONG Post) - 1/26/2008 10:41:39 AM

Aileen1968

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I photocopied my boobs once. It was fun. I was drunk.

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RE: Moron One-Upmanship (A LONG Post) - 1/26/2008 10:57:30 AM

Raechard

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That wasn't a photocopier.

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えへまにんへえや
Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

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RE: Moron One-Upmanship (A LONG Post) - 1/26/2008 10:58:39 AM

Aileen1968

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No wonder my nipples stuck to the glass.

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RE: Moron One-Upmanship (A LONG Post) - 1/26/2008 10:59:57 AM

Raechard

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At least they would have been erect which is the main thing anyhow.

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えへまにんへえや
Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

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RE: Moron One-Upmanship (A LONG Post) - 1/26/2008 11:33:49 AM

KRANWEST

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I photocopied my boobs once. It was fun. I was drunk.

Didn't I see that phrase on a t-shirt in Jersey?

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RE: Moron One-Upmanship (A LONG Post) - 1/26/2008 6:21:48 PM

Aileen1968

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Ha...probably.

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