Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant?

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Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant? - 1/17/2008 10:24:04 PM

kiwina

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Joined: 8/31/2007
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I've always been curious as to the interest to Pro Dominantion (services for money). Not being a dominant person, I lack the mindset to build an argument for it beyond the practice of skill sets and the interest of making money. The part of Pro Domination I struggle with is that in the end, it's the client that needs to be made happy and not the individual providing the service. That in the end, it is the individual receiving the service that has the control. I would very much enjoy hearing various thoughts from a wide range of individuals including those that are Pro Dominants or have been in the past.

Please note that I have posted this on a different (local) message board but though the more opinions from a wide range of individuals would be most interesting and educational.

Many thanks,

kiwina

Post #: 1

RE: Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant? - 1/17/2008 10:39:02 PM

CuriousLord

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Whoever pulls the money in on a relationship will always, ultimately, be able to take control.

When I first came to this site, I thought Domme's were a funny sight. Many of them had slaves who could physically and finicially overpower them. Quite confusing for a long time.

Then I started to appreicate the difference between power, domination, and "Domination". Domination being real life domination. "Demonation" being what's practiced here. Power being actual power.

Ultimately, these Domme's seem to be able to "dominate" their submissives, even if they're not as finicially or physically powerful. And, in a sense, that's what "domination" is, right?

However.. a Domme is free to walk away when she's displeased, correct? I'm not sure if a pro would be so liable to. After all, the money is compelling her to perform a service she wouldn't otherwise do, so the client obviously has some control over her.

I'm afraid I haven't thought into it much further than this. To me, prostitution like this is distasteful. Not something I really have much against.. just, well.. "distasteful" is a suitable word.

"Domination" in quotes refers to the BDSM sense while domination outside of quotes refers to the more general sense. Not that the BDSM version is a fake word or anything, but it's just to clarify.

Also, this is not to suggest that all Domme's are finicially dependent or physically weaker than their male sub's. This is simply the first place I noticed it, as I started to think into it when contemplating their dynamics.

(in reply to kiwina)

Post #: 2

RE: Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant? - 1/17/2008 10:39:05 PM

AquaticSub

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~Fast Reply~

The idea of pro domination and the aspect of the client getting what they want doesn't bother me in the slightest. I'm getting what I want out of this relationship with Valyraen after all. He just gets things other than money from me.

Pro doms meet a need, if there wasn't a client base they wouldn't exist. While I haven't done it yet, I've considered paying someone to do needle play on me simply because they meet the qualifications we want: We know they are experienced, we've seen them work, we know they are safe and the price is one we find acceptable at about ten cents per needle. Others are willing to pay more for getting their kink met in an enviroment in which they are comfortable.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to kiwina)

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RE: Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant? - 1/17/2008 10:50:48 PM

LadyLolly

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What a great question! One I'm sure many would be interested in hearing the responses to.

Never any interest in doing "pro" myself. Personally I'd prefer if the term pro-top were used thinking it would be more correct.
There's a lot of folks out there seeking services that may have no other viable outlet options for any number of reasons and/or cannot invest themselves sufficiently other than financially to balance the time and effort. Toys, equipment, "costumes" and play space are not cheap either. The bells and whistles need to be paid for.

(in reply to kiwina)

Post #: 4

RE: Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant? - 1/17/2008 10:53:32 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
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Type ProDomme in search. There are a million and three answers to your question.

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(in reply to LadyLolly)

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RE: Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant? - 1/17/2008 11:23:18 PM

Muttling

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I have visited Pro-Dommes on a few occassions.   My first encounter was with a pro-domme and she continues to hold a very special place in my memory.

They are typically women (but many are men) who are paid to help a client fullfill their fantasies. The Pro does have control in that they can say "No thank you, I'm not interested in helping you with that fantasy."   Most are unwilling to do a scripted scene but will accept a check list of allowables and not alloweds just like a kinky couple would do limits.

There are many reasons why individuals and couples seek out pro's, but it all comes down to fullfilment of fantasies.   If a professional is given a fantasy that they don't think they can do a good job of fullfilling then they need to turn down the clients.   If they can fullfill it then they need to maintain a service attitude and a caring one at that.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 6

RE: Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant? - 1/17/2008 11:40:30 PM

spiritd1

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It should seem very clear a pro domme is very happy taking the money, thus making her happy also. Since all (or should be) sessions are prearranged the limits of each are agreed upon and each person is happy with what they want out of the session. Since prop dommes have a wide range of things they are interested in or willing to do they are happy also.

(in reply to kiwina)

Post #: 7

RE: Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant? - 1/18/2008 3:35:29 AM

LaTigresse

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There are a whole bunch of arguments for and against, pro domination and I can understand parts of all of them. In my opinion money is the strongest power in the world. He/she with the money, has the power. Without the money, the pro would just be........well, dominant.

In reality, at least here in our part of the world, domination is only an illusion anyway. The laws dictate that. Yet we do so love the illusion. It reminds me of a quote from Ron White " I had the right to remain silent, just not the ability."

A slave/submissive has the legal right to tell any dominant to fuck off and die then walk away, many just do not have the ability. Wether that is a good thing, or a bad thing, is probably better determined by each, individual relationship.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to kiwina)

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RE: Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant? - 1/18/2008 3:55:22 AM

LadyHathor

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A Pro is no different than a writer---both start out from enjoyment or neccessity--neither guarantees you will be satisfied when you are done. If you are, great, go to the next installmemt, if not, you aren't obligated to go any further.

Is fills a need in our world.

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to kiwina)

Post #: 9

RE: Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant? - 1/18/2008 4:16:12 AM

Kirren

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I think the OP's question about "what happens at the end" is intresting. Alot of people go on the misconcieved idea that "the end" means sex, in some variation or another. Bear in mind that this is My opinion, and is one of many that will get heard on this subject.

To address that, (and with any luck that alone, as I tend to get distracted) I would like to first of all make the statement that D/s and BDSM/ S/M are not just about sex. Yes, they are based in sexual desire, and fantasy, but they arent really ABOUT sex, at least I dont feel that they are. I have a female submissive, yes, I am bi sexual, but I dont sleep with My girl. I do flog her, I do teach, train and discipline her, but its part of what she needs. It feeds her desire, and a very deep and secret part of her.

On the same token, it feeds My sadistic nature, and works out well.

Granted this is a personal submissive, but to get to the heart of it, I have done Pro Domme work, I have had clients. And yes, alot of times, (no offense, but especially if they are male, in My Experience) they come to the session expecting that they can use the "power" that has been spoken of, or maybe just persuasion to get the Domme to get the Domme to allow "service" in what ever terms that person feels the term should be used. I always made it VERY clear that I do not allow sex in any form. Most of My clients were married, or at least dating, and I am married, and I will NOT be a home wrecker. I do what I do, because its what I enjoy. Not because Im looking for kinky sex, I get that at home as well.

So, while its true that some women will have sex with their "submissives" I dont think that by and large that is the case. At least I would like to think so.

I can see where the idea that the person paying would be in control, tho, I think its not a power type control, its more of a creative control. By this I mean, and again, In MY experience, I always asked the person coming to Me, well, what do you wish to achieve in this session? Is there something that you have wanted to do, that is with in My realm of intrest or skill that you havent done? I give that person some way of being able to trust, by showing concern for their needs, yet fulfilling My needs, and then at the same time, setting the parameters, the limits, and the Rules.

As for the physically over powering part, yes, some of them may well be, but, I was told early on, NEVER session alone. It doesnt matter if you have some one in a sitting room, or down staris, or where ever, some one else needs to be immediately close by, so that if something should go afoul. After all, this person is a stranger, and things happen.

Just some thoughts.

K.

_____________________________

Everything has been said before
There's nothing left to say anymore
When it's all the same
You can ask for it by name

Did I fail to mention...I am a BITCH?

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 10

RE: Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant? - 1/18/2008 9:08:28 AM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
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I became a pro because there seemed to be a demand for a service.
The service? S&M or bondage play with no emotional attatchment, no time to get to know the top and/or fulfill the top's needs and desires, just straight play for the bottom. No interest in going to play parties or getting with the local community to get those needs met, just play as though purchased from a vending machine.
Vending machines get money.
Since I had the wardrobe, toys, and equipment to make this happen, I chose to become a professional domme.
I do have control during a play session of how the play will go, in what order, and how the scene will end. I do not decide arbitrarily what kind of play we will do, but I don't decide that when playing with a regular play partner either. I respect the client's limits, and the client respects mine.

Who is truly in control? Either of us can end a session at any point. I can and do refuse sessions when I feel the client wants something I will not provide. Clients do choose not to session with me when they find out my limits are not what they want. The client has a safeword, and I have limits which I do not cross. We both have elements of control, just as I share with a play partner at a BDSM play party.

~E

_____________________________

'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

(in reply to Kirren)

Post #: 11

RE: Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant? - 1/18/2008 1:06:43 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
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I think where the confusion comes in is the belief you have that a pro dominant and submissive are ONLY capable of interacting in a control relationship, where one or the other is in control. The negotiation between a dominant and a submissive (in pro sessions and not in pro sessions) can have a lot more to do with both partners having a desire to achieve satisfaction of some sorts. It can be as simple as a sadist enjoying inflicting pain to a masochist who enjoys receiving it; a dominant who enjoys the edged dichotomy of pleasure and pain over a submissive who enjoys experiencing just that; two people who enjoy each others' company and find the taboo-like nature of exchange to be ultimately fulfilling; to any number of different juxtapositions that cause two people to come together and experience each other's company.

I know that when I was paying for sessions, I started out seeking control, changed to seeking a "sense of slavery", even with a temporary fantasy basis to it, and then evolved (or changed) to seeking out a relationship where my pleasure existed from Her achieving pleasure, satisfaction and enjoyment as a part of our interactions.

I don't think I've ever even entertained a thought one way or another about who was in charge because money was changing hands. A few times the dominant I was originally paying became my owner and payments stopped, but the transaction was so smooth that it was never even noticed. There was never an "ah ha!" moment where we acknowledged that I was no longer in charge because I was no longer paying out money.

Anyway, a different perspective.

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http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
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(in reply to kiwina)

Post #: 12

RE: Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant? - 1/18/2008 1:34:09 PM

Tigrita

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From: California
Status: offline

I have no personal experience in this, I don't even know any pro dommes, but I'm beginning to think of it in sort of the same way as a commissioned artist. The artist still does what they love and expresses themselves and creates grand masterpieces, all the renaissance art from Davinci, Raphael, etc. was commissioned. Portraits or requested scenes or figures, dictated in part by a client, and paid for. Does that make it any less a work of art expressing the artist's skill and pleasure in their work? I don't think so. It just gives them inspiration, a little structure and motivation, a cool place to put the stuff to be seen, and cash to live and thrive on to continue doing what they love. I think it applies here too. But like I said, I'm pulling all that out of my ass 'cause I have no personal knowledge of it.

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 13

RE: Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant? - 1/19/2008 6:01:53 AM

Jasmyn

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From: New Zealand
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Nice response Tigrita ...the reality isn't as romantic though ;) but meh...we can live with that analogy...thanks for sharing it ... btw pulling things out of ya arse and crapping gold ...is quite welcome in these parts ...do keep it up ;)

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

Visit My Website

(in reply to Tigrita)

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RE: Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant? - 1/19/2008 6:25:22 AM

MistressDoMe

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I would think that money in and of itself, is one of the motivating factors.

(in reply to kiwina)

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RE: Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant? - 1/19/2008 6:39:14 AM

peterK50

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The law would say that a Pro-Domme is a prostitute & there have been many successful prosecutions as such. In reading the posts here I see the word "client", rather then sub, slave or even friend. Kinda sets the tone. Someone, I don't know who, said "Men don't pay hookers for sex, they pay them to leave."

_____________________________

Religion Is About Seeking Knowledge, Not Knowing All The Answers.

(in reply to Jasmyn)

Post #: 16

RE: Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant? - 1/19/2008 9:30:04 AM

Elorin

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From: San Antonio, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: peterK50
In reading the posts here I see the word "client", rather then sub, slave or even friend. Kinda sets the tone.

While it may seem to you to set the tone, it is, on my part, a reaction to the tone set by those who contact me for professional domination. Some of my clients HAVE become subs and friends, and I refer to them as such. But my subs and slaves and friends treat me as a human being and want to get to know me better, and my clients don't.

_____________________________

'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

(in reply to peterK50)

Post #: 17

RE: Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant? - 1/19/2008 9:39:45 AM

Feric

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From: San Francisco
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Somehow the idea of being a Dom for money takes all the fun out of it. I'm getting into Domination because I'm realizing that's what I like; likewise my sub has had an epiphany that it's where she needs to be. To do so for money would (for me at least) cheapen the role itself.

Still, if all other avenues of employment are exhausted, one does need money to survive.

_____________________________

A figure of startling and unexpected nobility...

(in reply to kiwina)

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RE: Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant? - 1/19/2008 10:33:48 AM

MamaDomme1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: peterK50

The law would say that a Pro-Domme is a prostitute

that would depend entirely on the action taken, the state and even the country where such actions were taken.

What is very illegal in Podunk Georgia may not be in Bangladesh.

(in reply to peterK50)

Post #: 19

RE: Thoughts behind being a Pro Dominant? - 1/19/2008 10:55:54 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: peterK50

The law would say that a Pro-Domme is a prostitute & there have been many successful prosecutions as such.

If they sell sex. Paying 50 bucks for a whipping or have needles inserted into your body is entirely legal.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to peterK50)

Post #: 20

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