First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post)

First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (Full Version)

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jbs20001 -> First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/17/2008 4:35:21 PM)
(Not sure if this is in the right group, mods please move if needed) Hi New here, first post and seeking advice from anybody who feels qualified to offer it. Having split recently from my previous relationship of about 4 yrs, which was vanilla with a little bit of mild BDSM occasionally, I feel I have arrived at a crossroads in my life and Ive decided I would like to take the chance to explore my fetishes and sub desires further while I have no commitment and the opportunity is there. Within the last few days I have set myself up on a couple of websites such as this one..Having had a mail from a local Domme earlier today who identified my as new to the site, I was nicely invited to check her profile. I did, we exchanged a few emails, and I have set up a session with her next week, my first session ever with anybody. My first experience of any kind in the community or anybody associated with it and with things having happened so quickly and now gone as far as they have, I feel determined with go through with it, and enjoy it, in fact Im almost daring myself. Her profile is good, intelligent, detailed, well written etc, I have no doubt that she is a fantastic Domme to start out with. Her email communication has been fine, she has asked all the relevant questions, she has not been pushy and Im sure when I see her next week I will have an experience like nothing I have ever dreamt of. I even have a health issue which we have discussed and she has given me all the assurances I need. I have absolutely no worries about safety, security, hygiene or anything like that. I can barely wait for next week and my session. Having said that, even after just a few emails to set up a session, it is proving to be a complete mindfuck for me and the questions are spinning round in my head like a tornado. I almost feel like I have been drugged and somebody is remotely controlling my mind... Im not sure I know who I am at the moment. Why am I going? What exactly will I get out of it? What does it lead me into? If the temptation is there now, Im certain it wont go away after what I expect to be the most erotic experience of my life. It feels like a massive and irreversible life changing thing is about to happen to me with who knows what possible consequences in the future. Browsing the sites and fantasising is one thing, reality though is something else completely. What am I becoming? Am I turning into a pervert? Am I already one? Although there is no sex involved, the service is sex related, how is it any different from visiting a prostitute? Im paying money to get mildly beaten up, tortured, humiliated and so on! Is that normal? Am I really so desperate? What am I desperate for? I don't expect or want it to turn into any kind of lifestyle relationship or arrangement, but what happens next? I will almost certainly want to see her again for another session. Even if I never see her again and abandon everything, is it something that will weigh on my mind as a guilty feeling for the rest of my life? Do I tell future partners? How?? I don't know anybody else involved in this lifestyle at all and although I have a lot of friends, I cannot think of anybody that would not be stunned and maybe horrifed if they know about this. I might be wrong, they might be all at it as well, who knows. Another thing that is raising my eyebrows though is that I work at a school (not a teacher). I would never ever dream of even thinking of anything inappropriate with the kids, pedo's can burn in hell for me, but as I said earlier what am I turning into and will be able to control it? If I do see my Domme next week and a large part of me is desperate to do so, surely it begins an irreversible change in me. Im sure there will be no discretion issues, but my own thoughts are asking me how I would feel if my son / daughter attended a school where one of the staff was seeing a mistress to satisfy kinky and perverted desires? My feelings at the moment are of extreme excitement and trepidation, fear all the usual things, but also massive uncertainty and confusion and even guilt. Am I going too far too soon by going to a pro? Should I seek try to find a regular vanilla relationship first with a proper BDSM minded parter to play with? Online domination maybe? Im sure a lot of other people have been in a similar situation before and so I submit this post to you all with respect and desperately in need of any advice or guidance anybody can offer. I doubt if the most extreme flogging would make me as much as a quivering wreck as I am at the moment. Apologies for the length of the post btw. Edited about 500 times over 4 hours. This time click OK, not Preview ffs lol JBS

AAkasha -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/17/2008 4:44:52 PM)
Is this a pay session? Edit: Oops :) I just saw that it is. My bad!! So ignore this other part: Have you ever met in real life (for coffee, lunch, etc?) If not - are you both 100% certain that chemistry will be there enough to want to do it? I've had experiences where I 'played' with men the first time I met them after exchanging some emails and talking on the phone. But it was never planned that way. I always planned that we would just meet, see how we enjoyed each other, and make other plans for another time. That makes it a safe "out" for both parties. Most of the time after meeting, the chemistry did work, and we mutually decided (or, I seduced him, heh) on going somewhere else for some kinky amusement. I am not sure how I would feel about agreeing to "session" ahead of time not knowing if there was chemistry. That's why I wonder if she's a pro and you have an agreement in place. Since you are seeing a pro - I would not sweat it, she's done this before, she knows what she is doing. But my advice to you is this: if your feelings of anxiety lead you ANYWHERE down the path of maybe wanting to cancel - please give her the courtesy of a response so she knows. Butterflies are common. Let her help you through that. Akasha

MamaDomme1 -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/17/2008 4:46:36 PM)
lol-- good luck! You are experiencing normal jitters for a first-timer. My first impulse was to tell you that you are indeed becoming a pervert-- but you already know that. And that you are not normal at all-- but then, who the hell invented the defination of normal anyway? I'm sure you feel much better by putting all your feelings down to where you could actually see them and analyze yourself. I do wish you the very best at the exciting journey of self-discovery you have begun!

MsSaskia -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/17/2008 5:53:35 PM)
There are a million threads on this site that go on and on about whether pro domination is prostitution. Check the laws in your state if you're concerned about the legality. In my state, it's only prostitution if there's masturbation, intercourse or oral sex in exchange for money. As to the rest, a little nervousness is a good thing and it's sweet when someone shows up all excited and anxious about playing. Too much nervousness, though, will be a waste of your money and her time. You'll have to stop thinking so much about it and just do it. Relax, enjoy, keep your arms inside the vehicle until it comes to a complete stop. You'll be fine.

Griswold -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/17/2008 5:53:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jbs20001 (Not sure if this is in the right group, mods please move if needed) Hi New here, first post and seeking advice from anybody who feels qualified to offer it. Having split recently from my previous relationship of about 4 yrs, which was vanilla with a little bit of mild BDSM occasionally, I feel I have arrived at a crossroads in my life and Ive decided I would like to take the chance to explore my fetishes and sub desires further while I have no commitment and the opportunity is there. Within the last few days I have set myself up on a couple of websites such as this one..Having had a mail from a local Domme earlier today who identified my as new to the site, I was nicely invited to check her profile. I did, we exchanged a few emails, and I have set up a session with her next week, my first session ever with anybody. My first experience of any kind in the community or anybody associated with it and with things having happened so quickly and now gone as far as they have, I feel determined with go through with it, and enjoy it, in fact Im almost daring myself. Her profile is good, intelligent, detailed, well written etc, I have no doubt that she is a fantastic Domme to start out with. Her email communication has been fine, she has asked all the relevant questions, she has not been pushy and Im sure when I see her next week I will have an experience like nothing I have ever dreamt of. I even have a health issue which we have discussed and she has given me all the assurances I need. I have absolutely no worries about safety, security, hygiene or anything like that. I can barely wait for next week and my session. Having said that, even after just a few emails to set up a session, it is proving to be a complete mindfuck for me and the questions are spinning round in my head like a tornado. I almost feel like I have been drugged and somebody is remotely controlling my mind... Im not sure I know who I am at the moment. Why am I going? What exactly will I get out of it? What does it lead me into? If the temptation is there now, Im certain it wont go away after what I expect to be the most erotic experience of my life. It feels like a massive and irreversible life changing thing is about to happen to me with who knows what possible consequences in the future. Browsing the sites and fantasising is one thing, reality though is something else completely. What am I becoming? Am I turning into a pervert? Am I already one? Although there is no sex involved, the service is sex related, how is it any different from visiting a prostitute? Im paying money to get mildly beaten up, tortured, humiliated and so on! Is that normal? Am I really so desperate? What am I desperate for? I don't expect or want it to turn into any kind of lifestyle relationship or arrangement, but what happens next? I will almost certainly want to see her again for another session. Even if I never see her again and abandon everything, is it something that will weigh on my mind as a guilty feeling for the rest of my life? Do I tell future partners? How?? I don't know anybody else involved in this lifestyle at all and although I have a lot of friends, I cannot think of anybody that would not be stunned and maybe horrifed if they know about this. I might be wrong, they might be all at it as well, who knows. Another thing that is raising my eyebrows though is that I work at a school (not a teacher). I would never ever dream of even thinking of anything inappropriate with the kids, pedo's can burn in hell for me, but as I said earlier what am I turning into and will be able to control it? If I do see my Domme next week and a large part of me is desperate to do so, surely it begins an irreversible change in me. Im sure there will be no discretion issues, but my own thoughts are asking me how I would feel if my son / daughter attended a school where one of the staff was seeing a mistress to satisfy kinky and perverted desires? My feelings at the moment are of extreme excitement and trepidation, fear all the usual things, but also massive uncertainty and confusion and even guilt. Am I going too far too soon by going to a pro? Should I seek try to find a regular vanilla relationship first with a proper BDSM minded parter to play with? Online domination maybe? Im sure a lot of other people have been in a similar situation before and so I submit this post to you all with respect and desperately in need of any advice or guidance anybody can offer. I doubt if the most extreme flogging would make me as much as a quivering wreck as I am at the moment. Apologies for the length of the post btw. Edited about 500 times over 4 hours. This time click OK, not Preview ffs lol JBS First of all...you write waaaaaaay the fuck too long....second of all....you're assuming too much....give it...you...more time. Grow in to it. (That's my advice).

SayaNereida -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/17/2008 8:28:55 PM)
quote: Im sure there will be no discretion issues, but my own thoughts are asking me how I would feel if my son / daughter attended a school where one of the staff was seeing a mistress to satisfy kinky and perverted desires? jbs, Okay, I'll bite: If you found out your son or daughter was in a school, where one of the staff members was engaging in concentual bdsm play with a professional person to satisfy their desires in a 'normal' and healthy way, how would you feel? Saya PS. The anxiety is normal for most people. The fear of what you may be becoming is also fairly normal. Hopefully, talking/typing openly here about those things and others will help you face them. Hear and knowing from others that they have had, faced and over come will let you know it can be done. It all takes time, love of self and patience. Many blessings and much fun.

MistressVnus -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/17/2008 9:03:27 PM)
quote: Since you are seeing a pro - I would not sweat it, she's done this before, she knows what she is doing. But my advice to you is this: if your feelings of anxiety lead you ANYWHERE down the path of maybe wanting to cancel - please give her the courtesy of a response so she knows. Great advise. You are paying for skill, confidentiality, and understanding. Go for it!! Yes, your life may be altered. But in a good way of self-discovery. However, be prepared for things you might not have thought of. Check your guilt factor. Are these the "social" messages of your upbringing. Are you married? If not, who are you really hurting? As others have said..."relax". Enjoy this moment, For this moment....is your life. smile

KnOcala -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/17/2008 9:12:43 PM)
I have to agree with griswold.... why too long to say what you wanted to say.

LadyLolly -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/18/2008 1:28:54 AM)
Some info that may ease your mind a bit. First of all, a good 1/3 of people have been found to have some degree of interest in BDSM. Of these, a third try it and go nahhhhh A third go along with it for a significant other The final third dig it in thier own right. If my math is correct that final group is something like 11% of the total population. This is more or less the same percentage as those that are gay so it's no rarity. I live in a town of about 1000 in the southern bible belt - when I tell you we're everywhere, we are, there's not a week goes by ass dosen't get paddled in the bar. Are you going to be tainted by association with dranged perverts? If you choose to. The majority of us are prettty much like any other interest group you come in contact with , Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, butchers, bakers and candlestick makers - just people that perhaps more open to possiblities than the average bear. If you have all these agonizing concerns and questions about what you're stepping up to with your apointment, why don't you take a deep breath (or 10) , write them down and attempt to address/ relieve some of them with the Lady you'll be seeing? Too, since you've found this site - spend time poking around and reading what interests you - chances are you'll learn a lot - and feel better about it.

jbs20001 -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/18/2008 2:22:02 AM)
OK well this is probably going to be a long one as well, so if you cant be arsed with that, then thanks for your previous reply, but stop reading now. I do appreciate everybodys answers and input but attention to detail is important to me and I wanted to make sure I had told my story without missing anything. Not to mention that fact that getting it off my chest in such a way was important to me and my mindset. quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha Since you are seeing a pro - I would not sweat it, she's done this before, she knows what she is doing. But my advice to you is this: if your feelings of anxiety lead you ANYWHERE down the path of maybe wanting to cancel - please give her the courtesy of a response so she knows. Butterflies are common. Let her help you through that. Of course I will let her know if I bottle it, I have no desire to waste her time. As for the chemistry, even though it's a pro/stranger paying situation, I could almost have written her profile with the things to do and not do such is the closeness of the match. She has sent me an outline of what to expect, for how long with safewords and so on. I have no nerves or fears about her or the appointment itself (other than the ones I should have of course). quote: ORIGINAL: MamaDomme1 My first impulse was to tell you that you are indeed becoming a pervert-- but you already know that. And that you are not normal at all-- but then, who the hell invented the defination of normal anyway? ROFL, well that's a nice black and white answer :D Good point though, what exactly is normal? quote: ORIGINAL: MsSaskia There are a million threads on this site that go on and on about whether pro domination is prostitution. Check the laws in your state if you're concerned about the legality. In my state, it's only prostitution if there's masturbation, intercourse or oral sex in exchange for money. Im sure there are no legal issues and Im sure there are many threads on the prostitution thing. I have never dreamed of going to a prostitute and I dont believe I ever will even though there is a mild curiosity there.. sex with a stranger has a certain fascination, but Ive never been there, not the type that sleeps round, different girl every week etc, not me.. If I DID go to a prostitute though, I think the reaction would be a mix of sympathy, understanding, admiration and disgust. It would be forgotten about fairly quickly though, life would go on, end of. If I suddenly turned round one day and said, "Im gay, now you all know", again I dont think people would give a toss, life goes on, its widely accepted now. If I said though that I had been to see a pro mistress, the reaction would be completely different. That's society though, we (we?!?) are all seen in general as perverts and weirdos and sex monsters and whatever else. BDSM is still very much a minority, even more so over here in the UK I suspect. quote: ORIGINAL: SayaNereida Okay, I'll bite: If you found out your son or daughter was in a school, where one of the staff members was engaging in concentual bdsm play with a professional person to satisfy their desires in a 'normal' and healthy way, how would you feel? Saya Very good question and a tough one because I honestly do not know. Hypothetical obviously and I try to never judge anybody on anything, we all live in glass houses of some sort. You can do anything you want when you want with who you want as far as I am concerned, as long as it doesnt affect or hurt me or my life or those close to me, then I wish you well and I couldnt give a shit. As for your counter question - you and I may not react negatively to such a situation, but you know as well as I do though that the overwhelming majority would. Rightly or wrongly, thats the society we live in. 30 years ago it might have been cute or amusing but in this age of kids getting raped and not being able to play beyond their front garden etc, godknows what the outcry would be like. quote: ORIGINAL: MistressVnus quote: Since you are seeing a pro - I would not sweat it, she's done this before, she knows what she is doing. But my advice to you is this: if your feelings of anxiety lead you ANYWHERE down the path of maybe wanting to cancel - please give her the courtesy of a response so she knows. I just wonder is it too much too soon? Am I ready for this? Ive never even been to a munch before. Great advise. You are paying for skill, confidentiality, and understanding. Go for it!! Yes, your life may be altered. But in a good way of self-discovery. However, be prepared for things you might not have thought of. Check your guilt factor. Are these the "social" messages of your upbringing. Are you married? If not, who are you really hurting? As others have said..."relax". Enjoy this moment, For this moment....is your life. smile Not married and nobody to answer to. I think there is guilt there or certainly would be. Probably not unless I went lifestyle and became a whole new person, but thats not something Im looking for. Yes, these probably are the social messages of my upbringing, not specifically mine, just in general. Who am I hurting? Not me, but possibly all those around me, past, present and future. For various reasons that I wont bore you with, my life in general at the moment is at rock bottom and my self confidence nil. Is this just a cry for help from my sub-concious? What will it achieve? Is it not just a (not so) cheap thrill for an hour? Much as I have always fantasised about this and always been interested in the scene, is the timing right? Are the reasons right? Should I not dip a toe into the water first before diving in head first? I feel like I am losing or have lost all control, even before I have been for this session. In some ways it feels like the session has already begun such is the mental torture and bondage I am feeling at the moment. But then again, is that not the whole point anyway? I really just do not know WTF to do. Subs and slaves shouldn't have to make decisions of this magnitude lol. Thanks again for your replies everybody.

Justme696 -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/18/2008 3:47:37 AM)
quote: Browsing the sites and fantasising is one thing, reality though is something else completely. What am I becoming? Am I turning into a pervert? Am I already one? Although there is no sex involved, the service is sex related, how is it any different from visiting a prostitute? Im paying money to get mildly beaten up, tortured, humiliated and so on! Is that normal? Am I really so desperate? What am I desperate for? I am not gonna talk about the prostitue thing. Where I live in Europe..prostitution is legal and mmm kinda normal to a certain level. They have propably a need else they wouldn't excist. I just want to tell you that all those confusing thought and feelings are normal. You are not a pervert. Every big change in a personal life makes one nervous. I remember when I discovered that I was a Dom (or thought I was). Owning a girl was not something I had in mind as normal when I was 16. I felt sick with myself. Till I met people and talked about it. Just like you do now. It is very good of you going on and following your feelings, but take your time to understand your own feelings before you go to fast. And for the rest...enjoy your new life.

MaamJay -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/18/2008 6:58:13 AM)
Ah, your posts take Me back a few years to when I first "discovered" bdsm ... and realised that in a very deep way, this was ME. That in My case, I had both an obvious (to the world at large) Domme side ... but i also had a sub side that was just dying to come out! That as much as I longed to pick up a flogger and see what it was like to hit someone and wondered where they would go with that ... i also longed to feel it hit me and wondered where i would go! It was all very heady and emotional and My rational brain was doing it's damndest to impose order and logic and make it rational too! It was incredibly exciting and scary. The responsibility of Domming ... of being the One in control vs the vulnerability of subbing, handing over control. At first My sights were set very low ... I'll just dabble online ... but I need to know what I'm doing therefore I will research it thoroughly (that's the scientist in Me!). Then ... oh My ... people actually do this in real life ... maybe I can dabble a bit, have a sub visit Me ... and wow! experience it for real! But ... this is just a part of My life, a small part, an incidental, a bit on the side. Then ... but oh My My My ... how amazing this is ... how right it feels! And ... gosh, there are people who actually live this ... 24/7 ... how can that be? I could never do that ... I am involved in education, it would be too risky. But I want it ... I do, I do, I want it ... not just once a month or even once a week ... I want to live it now ... always ... live in it, immerse Myself in it. Now Jay is more real to Me than My given name ... My hubby is trying to be My sub ... and oh, my sub side is just awakening at the touch of a Master. Then through a serious of adjustments about how much of me is sub and how much is Domme. And finally, to where I am today ... 24/7 sub/slave to my beloved Master for over 3 years, collared for half of that time ... known to many locally by my sub name violet so now I have 2 "real names" (Jay and violet) and a third one I use for work and which Mum still calls me! ... and now seeking a 24/7 sub of My own to add to "Us" to become a poly household. I know now I work best when I operate as a Duality ... equal sub and Domme, both operating simultaneously, able to go from "yes Master" to "do this for Me please pet" in the same breath. This is what I want for the future ... all of it. OK that was My journey, yours may well be very different, I expect it to be ... possibly you are a sub and never want to experience life from the Top ... or maybe you will! My point is ... at this very first step on your journey, try to never say never. It will only come back to bite your ass LOL! I began this journey about 8 years ago ... it takes time, no need to rush. Give yourself time and space to breathe as you go. As to the self-confidence issue ... well, a lot of times people have to reach bottom to find out there is a different way to go upwards. This has made you look inside yourself, when life is rolling along smoothly, we rarely take the time to do so. But now you are alone after a longterm relationship has ended ... and amongst anything else, this has freed you up to consider possibilities that you would never have looked at when committed to someone. This is exciting and scary, yes. But let Me tell you a little story about Me to make My next point: Years ago I was on a teacher's inservice at the Zoo, and after the talks etc were over, we were able to wander at will when the Zoo wasn't open to the public. I got chatting to a lovely old man, the head cat keeper, and he took me behind the scenes to the food prep areas, the inside sleeping dens etc. We hand fed what he called his "little pussies" (the otters were his to care for too!) and then went to feed the big ones. At this stage, many of the cats were still in cages, though later new, more natural enclosures were built for them. To my surprise he went into the tiger's cage and began roughhousing and petting this huge cat. "Come on in!" he said. WOW! I was blown away. I love cats ... and that would be the thrill of a lifetime. BUT ... at that time, I was between husbands 1 and 2 ... living alone ... and the fear that filled my mind was "If the tiger attacked me and killed me ... no one would know (yeah right LOL!) and no one would look after Swipe!" (my cat who, is still alive at 19 having outlasted the 12 years of hubby 2!) So I declined. I passed it up. I didn't go in to pat the tiger. And you know what? All these years later, I still regret it. That goes down as the one experience in life that I really regret not trying. I can see now that my fears were totally ridiculous ... and they stopped me from doing something exciting and tremendous. OK, do I have to spell it out? What is your tiger? And how will you feel if you decline? There was no "dipping my toe in the water" with the tiger ... either I entered the cage or I didn't. If I'd chosen differently, if I had gone in, I wouldn't have done it blindly, thoughtlessly, with my eyes shut ... I would have done it knowledgeably, carefully, thoughtfully and with lots of questions about what I should and shouldn't do and what might get the tiger offside! And I wouldn't have bowled up to the tiger, pulled his tail and shoved my head in his mouth either. That would just have been stupid. So OP ... you gonna face your tiger or run? Are you going to find out all you can about this? Are you going to experience this for yourself? While I would say that submitting to a pro-Domme is only a taste of submission (it has a very fixed timeslot for example), if She is good and experienced, you will be in safe hands in terms of the specific play activities. I would then recommend that you also locate other bdsmers ... find a munch and attend, get to know subs and Dom/mes in real life just to chat to. Nothing like doing that to help you realise that the people involved in this lifestyle form a cross-section of humanity ... and what the hell is normal anyway! I wish you good luck, good play, good times ... and fun petting the tiger :-) I hope reading a bit of My journey will help you in these early steps of your own. Maam Jay aka violet[A]

MistressVnus -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/18/2008 7:20:09 AM)
quote: For various reasons that I wont bore you with, my life in general at the moment is at rock bottom and my self confidence nil. Is this just a cry for help from my sub-concious? What will it achieve? Is it not just a (not so) cheap thrill for an hour? Much as I have always fantasised about this and always been interested in the scene, is the timing right? Are the reasons right? Should I not dip a toe into the water first before diving in head first? These are questions only you can answer. If you don't feel ready. Don't do it. If you're concerned about doing it for all the wrong reasons...wait until you feel more confident about it. On the other hand, following through may help you build your confidence. Also, help build your esteem by allowing yourself to explore those fantasies and finding out that doing so doesn't make you a whacked out person after all. Rather, just someone getting in touch with themselves and coming to terms with parts of yourself you have refused to acknowledge in your past. But, in the end, you have to be the one to decide whether to take the plunge.

SayaNereida -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/18/2008 9:25:21 AM)
quote: quote: ORIGINAL: SayaNereida If you found out your son or daughter was in a school, where one of the staff members was engaging in concentual bdsm play with a professional person to satisfy their desires in a 'normal' and healthy way, how would you feel? Saya Very good question and a tough one because I honestly do not know. Hypothetical obviously and I try to never judge anybody on anything, we all live in glass houses of some sort. You can do anything you want when you want with who you want as far as I am concerned, as long as it doesnt affect or hurt me or my life or those close to me, then I wish you well and I couldnt give a shit. JBS, Glad to see you coming back to the boards and continuing to 'talk' things out. According to you op you asked, "Im sure there will be no discretion issues, but my own thoughts are asking me how I would feel if my son / daughter attended a school where one of the staff was seeing a mistress to satisfy kinky and perverted desires? " So I returned the question. Your answer spoke of judgement of and while that may in fact end up being a part of (or the end result of) your over all feelings (ie: I don't trust * because ...), what are your initial feelings? My thought on this question is that in asking it, you are trying to determine whether you are ok with your own desires; ie: if you can accept it from/of someone else, then you can accept it within yourself. The problem is one can accept others completely and others can accept you completely, but that doesn't mean you have self acceptance. So I suppose my question is: What do you** find acceptable or unacceptable about your choice and why? With respect, Saya

Wheldrake -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/18/2008 10:13:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jbs20001 Why am I going? What exactly will I get out of it? What does it lead me into? If the temptation is there now, Im certain it wont go away after what I expect to be the most erotic experience of my life. It feels like a massive and irreversible life changing thing is about to happen to me with who knows what possible consequences in the future. My first session wasn’t with a professional, but I remember feeling very nervous and jittery too. I suppose it was easier for me because I’d had a lot of on-line communication with the woman before we got together, and because I’d never really had a problem accepting my own desire for submission. Even so, it was scary, and some of my fears were similar to yours. I wondered what I was getting myself into, and how the experience might change me. In my case, at least, most of this was just the nervousness that comes from stepping outside a comfort zone and trying something new for the first time – especially something that much of society would frown on, or at least misunderstand. But I went through with it, found I was pretty much the same person afterwards, and had absolutely no regrets. The experience wasn’t so much life-changing as life-enhancing, in that it fulfilled some long-standing fantasies and gave me a chance to start exploring a new dimension of my psyche and my sexuality. My advice, then, is that you take a deep breath and try to relax and enjoy yourself. Assuming you go through with the session you’ve arranged, you’ll probably experience something very interesting and erotic. The heavens won’t fall, and the fabric of your life won’t unravel. If submitting to a dominant woman makes you into a pervert, then there are plenty of perverts on these boards – and, indeed, out there in the rest of society – and most of us are nice enough. I suppose the things we do are abnormal in some statistical sense, but there’s nothing inherently insane or destructive about BDSM. I also wouldn’t worry too much about the risk of exposure – I understand that your position at a school makes the issue a bit delicate, but people aren’t likely to spend a lot of time or effort trying to delve into your sexuality. Also, I think it’s easy to overestimate the intolerance of the general public. I’ve mentioned my submissive side to a few different vanilla people, admittedly ones I know to be rather open minded, and they haven’t been particularly shocked. I would think that one would have to be pretty ignorant to conflate BDSM with paedophilia, too. Of course, it’s up to you to decide whether you feel comfortable enough to go ahead. If you do, I hope she takes you in hand, puts you through your paces, and gives you a truly unforgettable experience.

LadyLolly -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/18/2008 10:35:41 AM)
Question: Is it normal/typical for you to work yourself into a tizzy for other new experiences? Job interviews? A blind date? Minor surgery? Could the self admitted low spot and insecurities by a major factor contributing to your agonizing panic-like mind set with this? Honestly, I can almost hear you hyperventalating. Breathe. If you're enjoying it, that's a different story - carry on, if not, what do you usually do to get yourself over the jitters? Not invalidating how you feel nor your right to those feelings - but honestly, personal impression is that you're making mountains out of molehills. If you walk out of your flat at 7:01AM this morning, will a red mini-bus, driven by a 47.3 year old midgit with black hair and brown eyes and a lisp, clip your left ankle and then back up over you breaking both legs to see if you're all right? You've made an appointment with a professional to check something out that you have some interest in. If you had an appointment with a proctologist to have hemi's repaired there would be people you'd tell and people you wouldn't - it's personal. When you lost your virginity you were cherry then too, did you agonize that everyone would see it on you face? After the first 4,000 times you likely got over worrying about it and realized no one is paying all that much attention. This is no different. It's a new experience, different, strange, exotic that's all. If and when, you'll digest how you feel about a new experience, what it means to you, what you want it to mean to you and go from there. Just as you've done with a million other new experiences you've had in your life. Will it rock your world? Maybe. Maybe not. Lifes a journey, try to relax a little bit and enjoy the trip. If you enjoy the buzz of a good tizzy - enjoy that too - it's OK. You're OK. You'll be OK.

handsoverhead -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/18/2008 12:37:31 PM)
jbs, I would like to echo what MaamJay said about "discovering" bdsm ... it was completely heady and emotional for me too ... and only a couple of years ago and well remembered :) It felt like an absolute mindfuck for me ... I had this absolute sense of stepping into something which would "change my life" ... and at the same time a sense of no choice ... I had to go down that path ... should I, shouldn't I ... it felt HUGE ... I felt elated, upset, dizzy, guilty, obsessed, so many emotions ... I alternately wanted to shout it from the rooftops and then hide my head in shame ... Once I took the leap, I knew I was home. Try and enjoy the journey ... and remember to breathe :)

TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/18/2008 1:22:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jbs20001 Apologies for the length of the post btw. First off, don't apologize to anyone on these boards for the length (or even content) of your post. You come here for you, not them, so if they don't want to read what you write, fuck 'em. smile Second, good for you!!! So many people spend their lives in some state of half-self-denial and half-self-revulsion, afraid to actually take the step to even simply see if this life has what they are looking for. Personally, I think a pro-domme is a great way for a new male sub to figure some things out. If the draw to this is more than just wank fodder... Lastly, on the point of your job. That is a really tough call, and only one you can make. If people find out, what will you do? You could stand up and say "What is normal?" and fight for your right to live how you want to live...but that is incredibly hard. You could forever slink in the shadows...hoping no one ever finds out...but is that a lot easier? Or, if this life really is what you want, you can find a job that doesn't care what you do...but that would probably require some sacrifices. As I said, it is a very tough call. Good luck, and enjoy your session! Taggard

ranrich -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/18/2008 2:08:58 PM)
As a veteran of many encounters with pro dommes and amateurs too I can relate to your feelings and thoughts. It sounds like you are going to visit an experienced, very professional lady. If that is true, it will probably be very satisfying and fulfilling for you. If it is, I hope your budget can stand more sessions because it may be habit forming. When you meet, you will more than likely be able to tell if you will not be compatible. If you don't get a strong feeling about that, you are good to go. Just remember that this lady and you are in a commercial encounter. She is in business and you are her client. That is all it is. What she does, if she is good at it, requires a lot of talent, skill and work. Remember that and that she is a real person and a lady. If it doesn't meet all your expectations, sessions can get better with more reps. I have two pro dommes I have become friends with and I like them a lot and value our friendships. One I see, I take out on dates sometime and we have a good time together socially. The other is married and is more skilled and we have seen one another periodically for more than ten years. I wish we had met when we were both younger and single. She is a great person. I hope your new domme is like her.

Pandoran -> !!! (1/18/2008 2:28:32 PM)
I've never posted on here before but as a fellow sub I just have to say it: GOOD GOD!!! GET OVER YOURSELF!!! If you are so self-absorbed how will you ever be a good sub for your domme?! And furthermore, sexuality is a natural part of the universe. I'm taking my own advice as well so as not to be a hypocrite. Enough said.

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