RE: !!!

RE: !!! (Full Version)

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LadyPact -> RE: !!! (1/18/2008 3:17:34 PM)
No offense to the OP, but I've never understood why anyone would seek out a pro first, rather than a good old-service top. Just a lifestyle Mistress.

MaamJay -> RE: !!! (1/18/2008 6:11:32 PM)
Sometimes it's more scary in terms of discretion to meet someone in the lifestyle side of the scene (you never know who they're related to, which school their kids go to etc) than to meet a professional who is accustomed to being discreet about Her clients. I can understand his seeing a pro-Domme first for a taste of this to see how well it fits him, whether it's something he wants more of or not. If he does find he wants more, then I advised him to get out into the lifestyle side, for only in that way do you achieve submission where the sub isn't calling the shots because he's paying. Also, it's probably reasonable for a newbie to assume that a pro-Domme would have all the gear and hopefully know how to use it all safely ... have to say that from My knowledge, that's not always true, but it is in about 90% of the pro-Dommes I've met! I have really only met 1 totally unsafe one ... shudders ... she made up for the all the good ones though! Just My take on it Maam Jay aka violet[A]

domiguy -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/18/2008 6:17:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressVnus quote: Since you are seeing a pro - I would not sweat it, she's done this before, she knows what she is doing. But my advice to you is this: if your feelings of anxiety lead you ANYWHERE down the path of maybe wanting to cancel - please give her the courtesy of a response so she knows. Great advise. You are paying for skill, confidentiality, and understanding. Go for it!! Yes, your life may be altered. But in a good way of self-discovery. However, be prepared for things you might not have thought of. Check your guilt factor. Are these the "social" messages of your upbringing. Are you married? If not, who are you really hurting? As others have said..."relax". Enjoy this moment, For this moment....is your life. smile Disregard this...Pros who are getting paid don't give a shit about if you are attached or not.....Wait!!! They won't see you if you are overly attached to your cash. If you have second thoughts or can't make your appointment, don't bother calling. They are a dime a dozen.

Maya2001 -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/18/2008 7:30:19 PM)
quote: I would never ever dream of even thinking of anything inappropriate with the kids, pedo's can burn in hell for me, but as I said earlier what am I turning into and will be able to control it? If I do see my Domme next week and a large part of me is desperate to do so, surely it begins an irreversible change in me. Your strong morale convictions are not going to change if you do find it enjoyable, nobody get involved and then later becomes a pedophiles if they did not have pedophile desires before hand, most of us will have hard limits in what areas of kink we will not participate in even those who have been in the lifestyle will have hard limits. The changes you may find you have is that you may learn control or cetain pain sensations will create a very high state of arousal and you may mind yourself afterward craving it more. Much like when you were a young teen and suddenly took in sexual interest in women or pics in a magazine and you craved more. Did you sit and tell you last partner that looking a pics when you where a teen turned you on??--probably not. If you found out it does not overly turn you on and do not feel a craving there is really no reason to discuss you venture to future partners, but if you find it really turns you on and you find yourself craving, I will recommend finding a woman who can top you rather than taking a vanilla wife who is not interested in, because chances are, the cravings may lead you to cheat on her whether online or R/T in order to fill you submissive needs. I work at an auto plant where there is a large work force mostly males, none of them know I have a kinky submissive side, the only one who knows outside of my lifestyle friends that I met through munches and the male doms I have assocuated with is my adult son, the rest of my family has no idea, all they know is I am dating and going out with friends. To them I am still the same person I was before getting involved . Take a deep breath and relax and don't put the cart before the horse, see how the session goes first instead of worrying about what may happen 3 or 4 years down the road and all the what ifs. .

giveeverything -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/18/2008 8:45:35 PM)
I was lucky enough to begin exploring submission with someone I really trusted and felt cared (cares) about me. He helped me through all of my cerebral meltdowns (What does it mean that I like this? What does this say about me? Am I still a good person? blah blah blah). Needless to say, it was not pretty (laughs). From the beginning he spent a lot of time talking about how over coming social norms, per se, can really set a person free. I have tasted that freedom and it is sweet. I have so much more confidence in myself too. First and formost, though, he had to get me out of my head and into my body (not an easy task for someone as bookish as me). He also had to unwind some pretty juicy religious guilt (ahhhhh... the legacy of mormonism -- don't vote mitt HA!). But it happened. I feel stronger, more alive, and deliciously perverted (in that good spanky way). Get out of your head. Let your body take over, if even for an hour.

jbs20001 -> RE: First visit to a Mistress - Should I? (long post) (1/19/2008 4:40:51 AM)
Bloody hell! I have a night out and the post suddenly explodes! Do you always talk about people behind their backs you lot?!? :-P Anyway, after much much thought and soul searching, it's decision time. I've read and studied these posts and a few PMs several times, thank you everybody so much for taking the time to reply, your advice has helped no end and is something I will draw on in the future for a long time to come. Im not going to put a mini reply to everything here otherwise this will run and run. Just a few things I wanted to respond to though: quote: ORIGINAL: SayaNereida Your answer spoke of judgement of and while that may in fact end up being a part of (or the end result of) your over all feelings (ie: I don't trust *** because ...), what are your initial feelings? My thought on this question is that in asking it, you are trying to determine whether you are ok with your own desires; ie: if you can accept it from/of someone else, then you can accept it within yourself. The problem is one can accept others completely and others can accept you completely, but that doesn't mean you have self acceptance. So I suppose my question is: What do you find acceptable or unacceptable about your choice and why? With respect, Saya Very very good question. I think I have self-acceptance, but obviously i don't. Not fully anyway. Why...? I think the pieces are slowly coming together a little. I am a musician in a band and in many ways, I am top / master come to think about it. People know me well, know I have the highest standards and respect me for that. I strive to bring out the best in all those around me with any guidance and encouragement I can offer. Anything shoddy or incompetent or people simply not giving 100%, I go berserk at them. We all make mistakes and I have come to accept different people have different limits and those are the boundaries to work within. But I always try to push them and make them a better musician. Maybe I'm not quite as sub as I thought ? But anyway, whats that got to do with anything? One of my traits which Im increasingly starting to think is a weakness is that I am or try to be an absolute perfectionist. I'll fine with less than perfection from others as long as it's not from a lack of effort or desire, no problem. I don't tolerate it from myself quite as easily as that. Whist I am far from perfect, and have yet to have a day where I am perfect, it does constantly piss me off that we don't live in a perfect world, and there's nothing I can do to improve or change it. That probably applies within my own little shell and deep deep down am I subconciously kicking my own arse that I have found another imperfection in myself? quote: ORIGINAL: LadyLolly Question: Is it normal/typical for you to work yourself into a tizzy for other new experiences? Job interviews? A blind date? Minor surgery? In some cases maybe, but rarely. But again thinking about it, it's only usually when other people are directly involved and there's a risk of me not living up to the standard I have set myself. I tend not to be too annoyed if its just something with or for myself only, but nothing AT ALL disturbs me more than letting people down in any shape or form. Very much another story but the last couple of years have seen massive change enforced on me and my lifestyle for various reasons. Even now, that's not something I have fully accepted and I am fighting against it daily, adapting as little as I can, despite the stakes being as high as they could possibly be. I know with absolute certainty that it's a fight I can't win, but I would generally rather go down with my boots on and my finger up in the air rather than hiding under the table or whatever. There are some sides of me where submission needs to be forced, because otherwise, it just isnt there. quote: ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty Personally, I think a pro-domme is a great way for a new male sub to figure some things out. If the draw to this is more than just wank fodder... Hehe, no dude it's not. There's plenty of freebies out there and that would be one expensive wank!! Im crap with money matters and finances, but not that bad! quote: ORIGINAL: Pandoran I've never posted on here before but as a fellow sub I just have to say it: GOOD GOD!!! GET OVER YOURSELF!!! If you are so self-absorbed how will you ever be a good sub for your domme?! And furthermore, sexuality is a natural part of the universe. I'm taking my own advice as well so as not to be a hypocrite. Enough said. Thank you for the post and the advice. Have a nice day. quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact No offense to the OP, but I've never understood why anyone would seek out a pro first, rather than a good old-service top. As a matter of fact I didnt. I registered on another site as well as this one, and got a nice welcome message from her. She identified me as new to the site and in her proximity, and invited me to have a look at her profile. I did, I liked what I saw, we told each other some more about ourselves and it went from there really. All within a few hours. Looking back, I think I threw myself into the role which is great until all of a sudden the penny drops... whoa!! Stop, this is NOT a game, this is reality now, do you know what the hell you are doing? Is this why you are here? Is this what you want? Are you sure? Being curious and looking at pro dommes is one thing, but did I ever have any intention of seeking a pro? No I dont think so, it just seemed to be one of those opportunities that pops up from time to time, a lot like MaamJay's tiger. And finally the bottom line.... quote: ORIGINAL: MistressVnus These are questions only you can answer. If you don't feel ready. Don't do it. The perfect summary. Ive done more soul searching and learnt more about myself in the last 72 hours than I have in my life. Ive done lots of things right and Ive done lots of things wrong. I can be very impulsive and the more time I have to think about something, the more I will worry and pull it to pieces. If everything had happened the same day or near as, then this would be a completely different thread. I don't know what or why but something about this within me just doesn't feel right, and I am obviously far from ready. As such I will now send a grovelling and genuinely apologetic email to cancel. I will hopefully word it well enough to leave the door open for one day in the future, perhaps. Not too sure where to go from here now, but at the moment, this isn't the way forward for me. Thank you again everybody for taking the time to reply. J

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