Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case??

Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (Full Version)

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mystique2003 -> Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (1/15/2008 2:25:20 PM)
I have trouble asking Master for the things I want. Like a good flogging or fireplay or a number of other things. I know he can't read my mind, (though there are times I think he can). And maybe deep down I think it is his choice to do whatever he wants. Now is it humbling for a slave to ask for what she wants? Does humility have a place in the asking? Thank you ahead of time for helping me understand myself.

Justme696 -> RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (1/15/2008 2:30:27 PM)
Are you behaving so well that you don't get punishment? Find it hard to answer, because I don't know how your relation is.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (1/15/2008 2:35:53 PM)
Yes, a sub/slave asking a Master for such things can be a very humbling experience. Even more so if a sub/slave will beg for such things. Asking for such things is and can be a lesson in humility. Many people have issues asking for things, favors or whatnot. If you struggle with such things, then asking for such things can be a lesson in humility. Because it actually is a reflection in the power exchange dynamics. Where the Master/Mistress is in the position to either grant or deny such a request. The opposite can be the case though, for those sub/slaves that seem to demand or ask for too much. Where they are forced to reflect upon how strongly they desire what they are asking for. hence where begging comes into play. Ok, so if you have a hard time asking for anything period, begging may be to extreme for you. You are humbled just by asking for something. If you are more of a DO ME submissive, Begging may be your path toward being humbled. hope this kind of makes sense.

mhawk -> RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (1/15/2008 2:38:55 PM)
it all depends on how you and your Master have things set up for you as His slave. if He allows you to ask for these things than ask for them.otherwise it may very well(not judging) up to Him to do these things. i only say this because a few weeks ago my Mistress and i were engaged in converstation so i asked Her wht O/our Lord might think if i brough Him the rope flogger and presented it to Him on my knees. well, needless to say it ended up in a 2 hour conversation of thing to do and things not to do.

loveNdevotion -> RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (1/15/2008 2:39:57 PM)
I have had problems asking for what I need in past relationships, too. Had nothing to do with humility, though- and everything to do with my personality. I'm just not a very demanding person; and on occassion have a hard time admitting that I need (or want) something...

SirJohnMandevill -> RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (1/15/2008 4:57:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: loveNdevotion I have had problems asking for what I need in past relationships, too. Had nothing to do with humility, though- and everything to do with my personality. I'm just not a very demanding person; and on occassion have a hard time admitting that I need (or want) something... One of the constant themes you'll see on CM is communication, communication, communication between Dom and sub. If you or the OP and your Masters can sit down and talk over what you desire -- don't express it as a "need," perhaps -- you can probably negotiate something that will work for both of you. If you just keep it inside, I guarantee it'll bite your relationship in the ass eventually. Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

Elorin -> RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (1/15/2008 5:05:36 PM)
I found it particularly humbling to ask for something when in D/s when I faced the fact that whether I got it or not was entirely up to him. If I were to ask for things with the expectation of getting them it would be gratifying, or frustrating. But when I prepared myself to ask for something, knowing that the answer could very well be no, it was a very humbling experience.

slaveluci -> RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (1/15/2008 5:08:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Elorin I found it particularly humbling to ask for something when in D/s when I faced the fact that whether I got it or not was entirely up to him. If I were to ask for things with the expectation of getting them it would be gratifying, or frustrating. But when I prepared myself to ask for something, knowing that the answer could very well be no, it was a very humbling experience. Beautifully stated, Elorin[:)]. I totally agree. For me, that is the big difference between simply asking and "topping from the bottom." It's all in the spirit of humility I have when I ask and the fact that, like you, I am totally aware the answer could be "no." And then - if it is - the respectful behavior I continue to exhibit. In our home, asking isn't controlling or "topping" because requests aren't demands and I have no expectations of always getting what I ask for when I ask for it...........luci

ownedgirlie -> RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (1/15/2008 6:15:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mystique2003 I have trouble asking Master for the things I want. Like a good flogging or fireplay or a number of other things. I know he can't read my mind, (though there are times I think he can). And maybe deep down I think it is his choice to do whatever he wants. Now is it humbling for a slave to ask for what she wants? Does humility have a place in the asking? Thank you ahead of time for helping me understand myself. I can always ask, knowing that if he says no, then it's no and to put the issue to bed. As has been said, asking without expectations is the key.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (1/15/2008 9:19:21 PM)
It can be a humbling experience to expose yourself in that way and admit you can't or aren't allowed to get something yourself, or that you need help externally. It's often more controlling and self centered to try and do it all yourself and keep information inside.

AllietheKitten -> RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (1/15/2008 9:26:03 PM)
Asking for what you want does not equal demanding. Demanding is ordering someone to give you something. Asking always comes with the risk that the other person will say "no". Its a vital difference. Are you being demanding by asking for something? I don't think so, as long as you accept a "no" with good grace.

laurell3 -> RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (1/15/2008 10:27:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AllietheKitten Asking for what you want does not equal demanding. Demanding is ordering someone to give you something. Asking always comes with the risk that the other person will say "no". Its a vital difference. Are you being demanding by asking for something? I don't think so, as long as you accept a "no" with good grace. Agreed. Communicating is not "topping from the bottom." In fact for many I think not communicating may be worse.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (1/15/2008 11:13:35 PM)
What does your Master think about it? Ask HIM. We can give you all sorts of opinions, but in the end, how he wants these things handled can only come from him. Master Fire

MistressVnus -> RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (1/16/2008 7:19:46 AM)
There are several interesting aspects here. In the beginning of your relationship with your Master, did you not discuss play activities that interested you? I would hope so. Otherwise, how did you determine any level of compatability. If new interests have developed they should be communicated and can be done so in a manner where you are just disclosing new things you have learned about yourself. He may just soak it in and incorporate it at some point without you having to ask. On the other hand, if you are requesting certain activities you already participate in and just need to have some play time, yes, this can be a humbling experience to ask, or beg for. (I, personally, love the begging..grin) Why is it humbling? You have already stated. Becuase you can be turned away. So, the next questions is, is it the asking you have a diversion for, or the fear of rejection?

breatheasone -> RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (1/16/2008 7:43:16 AM)
I completely understand how it is difficult for you....It was for me too....its better now, but I'm still not completely at ease asking....beating and whippings are SO fun... Daddy and I decided in the very beginning that He and I would do that just because we wanted to....NOT as "punishment"....That way theres no danger of me acting out just to get a spanking I want....I think using punishment as an excuse to get what one wants on either side of the whip does the relationship a disservice.

breatheasone -> RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (1/16/2008 7:47:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Justme696 Are you behaving so well that you don't get punishment? Find it hard to answer, because I don't know how your relation is. WHAT???? I believe she was asking about asking for what she wants... What in the world does being well behaved have to do with it?...Unless You are asking if she is behaving proprerly when she approches her "D" type about this. If a "s" type has to "act out" just to get a spanking(and NOT the fun kind) then there are some SERIOUS communication problems. (in my opinion)

ArgoGeorgia -> RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (1/16/2008 8:08:31 AM)
The person to ask - as others have stated - would be your Master, since we do not know your dynamic. However, a submissive asking or begging for something from me is very much a desired aspect of my D/s relationships. The opposite - just doing whatever you want without asking - is where I would have a problem, of course. Oh, and I love it when someone starts to demand stuff. Because that makes saying no much more sweet.... edited for clarity

RCdc -> RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (1/16/2008 8:09:03 AM)
It is your Master you should be asking, not strangers. We cannot speak for him. the.dark.

Justme696 -> RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (1/16/2008 9:27:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone quote: ORIGINAL: Justme696 Are you behaving so well that you don't get punishment? Find it hard to answer, because I don't know how your relation is. WHAT???? I believe she was asking about asking for what she wants... What in the world does being well behaved have to do with it?...Unless You are asking if she is behaving proprerly when she approches her "D" type about this. If a "s" type has to "act out" just to get a spanking(and NOT the fun kind) then there are some SERIOUS communication problems. (in my opinion) I am glad i shocked your world ;) When i read the OP I wondered why there was no attention of the Dom. So I wondered, doesn't she even get a spanking because of punishment? IF both reasons to spank are not there...then something is wrong.

thetammyjo -> RE: Do I need to be more humble or learn humility in this case?? (1/16/2008 9:28:13 AM)
I find a few things interfere with the sub partner asking for what they desire and need. Their own internal idea of what is proper. One way I've found around this is during training I keep emphasizing that keeping information from me is being disobedient. When you feel an urge you need to share it with me with the understanding that I will make the best decision for us. Another problem is general shyness about sexuality. While ideally we in BDSM should be able to talk more honestly and openly about our sexuality the fact is we are still products, by and large, of cultures where this kind of discussion can be seem as improper. Again emphasizing that the dominant needs to know coupled with positive feedback for sharing is very helpful. The last block I can think of is holding the dominant up to an impossible belief: He/She will know when/what I need just because of his/her scene role. It can be shattering to the fantasy of BDSM to learn that tops are human too but I think it's part of the experience and maturing process you go through over the years.

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