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Sexual arousal by domination.... - 1/11/2008 1:07:25 PM

geishagurl

Posts: 54
Joined: 11/22/2007
Status: offline

Have you ever wondered what it is about having a collar around your neck, leash and/or chained up that makes you aroused sexually? I've yet to figure it out, yet it is true. What is it about being bound? What is it about being owned? What is it about being under someone elses control? What is it about kneeling? What is it about submission? I understand the submission part, as submissives enjoy pleasing. But where does the sexual arousal come from in doing these things?

And yes, I know.. ask a shrink, or...... it just is what it is, right? Still..... I wonder.

< Message edited by geishagurl -- 1/11/2008 1:21:19 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Sexual arousal by domination.... - 1/11/2008 1:35:34 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

I've been told by many under my hand over the years, that it seems to be "objective."

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to geishagurl)

Post #: 2

RE: Sexual arousal by domination.... - 1/11/2008 1:40:50 PM

takenbyjohnr07

Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

For me it all stems from the love that goes with it. i love him more than anything so his ownership of me means everything to me. The fact that he chose me, the fact that he wants me to wear his collar and the fact thtat he wants me a his property for the rest of our lives is what makes it all so special to me. Also surrendering completely to him in any way he choses and anything that makes him happy and excited just adds to the pleasure of it all.

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 3

RE: Sexual arousal by domination.... - 1/11/2008 1:43:49 PM

sirguym

Posts: 318
Joined: 8/10/2007
Status: offline

My understanding is that most people find the responsibilities involved in this all too real world to be quite onerous; the pressure to support oneself, the kiddies, the mortgage, the spouse, the credit card bills, the cats ....

So if someone comes along and lifts that load from their back and wafts them to a time or place where nothing else matters but pleasing The One, then they float off in a rosy-coloured haze into sub-space.

Floating off like that takes all the inhibitions and conditioning with it, so you have the rampaging early-pubescent libido, without any of the adult cares or inhibitions.

That's all great if it's for real and the Dom(me) is actually and genuinely taking responsibility for both of you.

If not; the inevitable result will be crash and burn.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 4

RE: Sexual arousal by domination.... - 1/11/2008 2:06:46 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

Dom here but yes, I "get it" from the opposite perspective. That's not to say I know why.... lol

Sex is not what arouses me - hasn't since I was 20 something. Thirty years later and I can still remember wondering if there was something wrong with me back then - that sex was physically fulfilling and relaxing etc but it didn't actually turn me on beyond a physical stimuli.

Now *control* is a whole other matter.... When I see pretty girls out and about, I'm not thinking sex rather than noting the "spankability" of a shapely butt or how long, slender limbs are more conducive to stricter bondage over greater periods of time etc....

Yet there's something about control that still makes me wonder about myself. Playing with my girl is what mentally/emotionally arouses me, but I'm rarely aroused physically, if you get my drift.

I still enjoy sex but it's not my preferred intimate activity and it requires a completely different head space. Probably the sole exception of using my own dick during play is when I'm exerting dominance through oral service. That's not to say the girl doesn't get plenty of attention down there, though. Given the choice, I'd rather dom my girl than have sex - small wonder even the most attractive vanilla has little to offer or arouse me.

Probably the only advantage sex offers is that it can be much more spontaneous and doesn't require setting up props etc... lol

Focus.

(in reply to geishagurl)

Post #: 5

RE: Sexual arousal by domination.... - 1/11/2008 2:14:34 PM

bornsynner

Posts: 44
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline

for myself, i'll agree with sirguym... being dominated releives me of the pressure to choose the right thing or even to worry about whether or not that person's going to be happy with the choices i make.. if he's making the choices then im free to just submit and follow.. its actually a huge relief and type of freedom

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 6

RE: Sexual arousal by domination.... - 1/11/2008 2:26:51 PM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

For me it all stems from the love that goes with it. i love him more than anything so his ownership of me means everything to me. The fact that he chose me, the fact that he wants me to wear his collar and the fact thtat he wants me a his property for the rest of our lives is what makes it all so special to me. Also surrendering completely to him in any way he choses and anything that makes him happy and excited just adds to the pleasure of it all.

couldnt have said it better myself!

~meticulous~

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)

Post #: 7

RE: Sexual arousal by domination.... - 1/11/2008 2:37:29 PM

Tigrita

Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline

For me it is a very primal thing. As phyisically, intellectually, and emotionally strong as I am, I still get aroused by being the 'weaker sex' I suppose. I'm not advocating universal male supremacy or anything, but the man that turns me on and that I want to be with is the strongest, smartest, most respectable one I can find, the one who can wrap me around his little finger, keep me in my, place, make me his bitch, whatever you want to call it. I get off most on the physically agressive sexual aspects, but if things like kneeling etc. are expected, they turn me on because he has the strength and respectability etc. to demand and recieve that from me. A weak or unrespectable man would not have that effect on me. So basically, it is because I like being the alpha male's bitch.

< Message edited by Tigrita -- 1/11/2008 2:56:26 PM >

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to meticulousgirl)

Post #: 8

RE: Sexual arousal by domination.... - 1/11/2008 2:41:26 PM

geishagurl

Posts: 54
Joined: 11/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

For me it is a very primal thing. As phyisically, intellectually, and emotionally strong as I am, I still get aroused by being the 'weaker sex' I suppose. I'm not advocating universal male supremacy or anything, but the man that turns me on and that I want to be with is the strongest, smartest, most respectable one I can find, the one who can wrap me around his little finger, keep me in my, place, make me his bitch, whatever you want to call it. I get off most on the physically agressive sexual aspects, but if things like kneeling etc. are expected, they turn me on because he has the strength and respectability etc. to demand and recieve that from me. A weak or unrespectable man would not have that affect on me. So basically, it is because I like being the alpha male's bitch.

Tigrita, I feel the same way. Sigh.... it's wonderful, isn't it? :)

(in reply to Tigrita)

Post #: 9

RE: Sexual arousal by domination.... - 1/11/2008 2:43:11 PM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: geishagurl

Have you ever wondered what it is about having a collar around your neck, leash and/or chained up that makes you aroused sexually? I've yet to figure it out, yet it is true. What is it about being bound? What is it about being owned? What is it about being under someone elses control? What is it about kneeling? What is it about submission? I understand the submission part, as submissives enjoy pleasing. But where does the sexual arousal come from in doing these things?

And yes, I know.. ask a shrink, or...... it just is what it is, right? Still..... I wonder.

I have absolutley no idea, I just know that while vanilla sex can keep my physically sated, I've generally still got a billion other things going throug my mind. When I'm submitting my brain turns off and I can really be totally into the sexual act as well as everything else his administering.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to geishagurl)

Post #: 10

RE: Sexual arousal by domination.... - 1/11/2008 2:48:23 PM

christine1

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline

yes, it is similar to the caveman dragging a woman back to the cave by her hair for me. there is something so primal about being taken, ordered around, used, objectified, bound, serving, etc. that really effects me physically and mentally. just the thoughts of certain submissive things make me squirm because of the physical reactions they bring me...but the other side of it too, like aftercare and the love i feel and the desire and "liking" him too all play into the other things to make a complete package and experience that i crave and really need. i also, like tigrita, love being the weaker sex...i adore being overpowered by a physically and mentally strong man...with a man like that, all that is needed is just a look and i'm a big puddle of "yes Sir".

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3

He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to Tigrita)

Post #: 11

RE: Sexual arousal by domination.... - 1/11/2008 2:59:32 PM

geishagurl

Posts: 54
Joined: 11/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: christine1

yes, it is similar to the caveman dragging a woman back to the cave by her hair for me. there is something so primal about being taken, ordered around, used, objectified, bound, serving, etc. that really effects me physically and mentally. just the thoughts of certain submissive things make me squirm because of the physical reactions they bring me...but the other side of it too, like aftercare and the love i feel and the desire and "liking" him too all play into the other things to make a complete package and experience that i crave and really need. i also, like tigrita, love being the weaker sex...i adore being overpowered by a physically and mentally strong man...with a man like that, all that is needed is just a look and i'm a big puddle of "yes Sir".

I hear ya girl!! :)

(in reply to christine1)

Post #: 12

RE: Sexual arousal by domination.... - 1/11/2008 3:11:12 PM

Tigrita

Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: geishagurl
Tigrita, I feel the same way. Sigh.... it's wonderful, isn't it? :)

Ah, yes, how sweet it is, purrrrrrrrr.

quote:

ORIGINAL: christine1
i adore being overpowered by a physically and mentally strong man...with a man like that, all that is needed is just a look and i'm a big puddle of "yes Sir".

Mmm, yup, big squishy puddle of yes Sir, that says it all. Well, after I've done my best at biting and scratching in mock defiance and realized it is hopeless. If I can get away, he isn't the one I want to be with. If he can keep me there against my best efforts, then that's exactly where I want to be. So tough to explain that to vanillas lol.

_____________________________

~ Tigrita

There is no right path, only the path you take.

Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.

"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte

(in reply to geishagurl)

Post #: 13

RE: Sexual arousal by domination.... - 1/11/2008 3:15:18 PM

geishagurl

Posts: 54
Joined: 11/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

So tough to explain that to vanillas lol.

So tough to even explain to myself... but OHH so true! :)

(in reply to Tigrita)

Post #: 14

RE: Sexual arousal by domination.... - 1/11/2008 3:19:16 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

For me, I think a big part of it is the vulnerability; being at the mercy of, being surrendered to, etc. I think there is a certain connection between the two people when one is surrendered and the other has an appreciation for what that means and what they can do with it. I think that creates a certain emotional response and a level of intimacy between them that is second to none, which I think can be quite arousing sexually.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to geishagurl)

Post #: 15

RE: Sexual arousal by domination.... - 1/11/2008 3:32:39 PM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

For me, I think a big part of it is the vulnerability; being at the mercy of, being surrendered to, etc. I think there is a certain connection between the two people when one is surrendered and the other has an appreciation for what that means and what they can do with it. I think that creates a certain emotional response and a level of intimacy between them that is second to none, which I think can be quite arousing sexually.

Of the several subs I know, it's something different for each. Yes, all are aroused by the feeling of surrender. My former sub was aroused by the utter helplessness of being tightly restrained. A couple are turned on by the administration of physical pain and can orgasm while it's being administered. Different strokes for different folks, and different ways on different days....

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 16

RE: Sexual arousal by domination.... - 1/11/2008 3:58:14 PM

LaMspeach

Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirguym

My understanding is that most people find the responsibilities involved in this all too real world to be quite onerous; the pressure to support oneself, the kiddies, the mortgage, the spouse, the credit card bills, the cats ....

So if someone comes along and lifts that load from their back and wafts them to a time or place where nothing else matters but pleasing The One, then they float off in a rosy-coloured haze into sub-space.

Floating off like that takes all the inhibitions and conditioning with it, so you have the rampaging early-pubescent libido, without any of the adult cares or inhibitions.

That's all great if it's for real and the Dom(me) is actually and genuinely taking responsibility for both of you.

If not; the inevitable result will be crash and burn.

I find this post a fantasy… The few s types I know don’t expect for the D type to take over all their life responsibilities and life the burden, fix the problems and live happily ever after. In my mind I would become a burden and that isn’t how I want to my M/s relationship to end up. In my mind I want to be as pleasing and helpful as I can not add to his stress.

There are periods of time when I am with Master that I can forget about all my responsibility and the only thing I am responsible for is being pleasing to him but then we come back to real world. Having those moments allow me to handle the every day stresses of life and strive for better. Now don’t get my wrong Master helps me with some of my life decision and supports me in all I do but he doesn’t take over every aspect of my life.

To the op... For me the arousal comes from knowing I am pleasing, knowing that he wants me and uses me in any way he sees fit allowing me to free to be who I need to be for that period of time.

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"

(in reply to sirguym)

Post #: 17

RE: Sexual arousal by domination.... - 1/11/2008 4:08:45 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tigrita

For me it is a very primal thing. As phyisically, intellectually, and emotionally strong as I am, I still get aroused by being the 'weaker sex' I suppose. I'm not advocating universal male supremacy or anything, but the man that turns me on and that I want to be with is the strongest, smartest, most respectable one I can find, the one who can wrap me around his little finger, keep me in my, place, make me his bitch, whatever you want to call it. I get off most on the physically agressive sexual aspects, but if things like kneeling etc. are expected, they turn me on because he has the strength and respectability etc. to demand and recieve that from me. A weak or unrespectable man would not have that effect on me. So basically, it is because I like being the alpha male's bitch.

That's how I feel about my partner.

From a Top p.o.v., the arousal is strictly mental.. it doesnt travel to my groin, usually....

(in reply to Tigrita)

Post #: 18

RE: Sexual arousal by domination.... - 1/11/2008 4:24:19 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Lots of good questions to answer...

quote:

ORIGINAL: geishagurl

Have you ever wondered what it is about having a collar around your neck, leash and/or chained up that makes you aroused sexually?

The idea of that always fulfilled a fantasy of mine; one I had long before I discovered any world of D/s or the like. I knew from a very early age that I craved to be dominated sexually. The collar, the leash, the chains, etc., fed that desire/need/fantasy. At the time of such fantasies, it didn't matter who was actually holding the leash - a male figure was all it took. This later told me that those fantasies were incomplete and empty. But I did learn that I had strong sexual desires in the way of submitting. Much later I learned my need to submit traveled way beyond that. Now, when I feel the power of my Master over me - whether demonstrated in a leash, in a snap of his fingers, in a look, or in simply feeling his presence in my life - I experience such feelings. As a rather sexual being, just thinking of him has me craving him.

quote:

What is it about being bound?

Experiencing total vulnerability to him, and smallness and inequality.

quote:

What is it about being owned?

In my case, it is the ability to be true to myself, and to give of myself as I have always needed to. It is the ability to kneel to his power, and hold him in incredibly high regard...to make him feel good, to feed his ego, to see pleasure and contentment on his face.

quote:

What is it about being under someone elses control?

For me it is feeling ihs power and my vulnerability to it. It is experiencing the greatness trust can be, and having someone to work my ass off for. It is being accountable to him, and intimidated by him, and wanting nothing more than his pleasure. This feeds my passion.

quote:

What is it about kneeling?

When I need before him, I feel his greatness over me both physically and metaphorically. I am at his whim. I am presenting myself to him in a way that pleases him, and no matter how long I am waiting there, I relish in it, and absolutely love knowing how much he enjoys having a slut in waiting. His enjoyment feeds my passion.

quote:

What is it about submission?

I love to feed him my energy, and submitting does that. This, in turn, totally turns me on. It helps that I think he's a fucking sexy and powerful man...

The notion that someone wrote, about wanting relief of every day life burdens may be applicable to some but runs so far from my own truth it's not even funny. He expects me to handle all that life throws at me, and after last year, I can handle anything at all. My submission to him makes me stronger, not weaker. It makes me self sufficient, not helpless. And since all I do is for him and within his rules and expectations, then it all falls under the umbrella of focusing on him and submitting to him.

And all of it, yes all of it, makes me hot.

quote:

And yes, I know.. ask a shrink, or...... it just is what it is, right? Still..... I wonder.

For me it's just what it is, and I've spent the last few years developing it with someone rather incredible. Since we're both extremely happy like this, there's no reason to bring my shrink into it.

(in reply to geishagurl)

Post #: 19

RE: Sexual arousal by domination.... - 1/11/2008 4:27:39 PM

fullofgrace69

Posts: 99
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline

the big thing for me is when the collar is slipped on, and the look in the doms eye just before i sink to my knees, knowing that i am surrending to another person and trusting him totally with my well-being and that he is going to do whatever he feels fit to me i dont know why but its just perfect nothing in the world turns me on more than my hair being yanked and good girl being whispered in my ear does if ive pleased him, add a blindfold to that and im jst a puddle on the floor lol

< Message edited by fullofgrace69 -- 1/11/2008 4:30:05 PM >

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 20

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