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New to scene - 1/9/2008 2:35:12 AM

JayEss

Posts: 9
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline

Hi, I am the Ess part of the JayEss team.
Even though Jay looks on the site often this is the first time I have really looked around and written something.
I suppose I just wanted to put something out there, and at the same time get some advice.
Jay has been involved in this scene for a while and he has introduced me to it. I am the more dominate one, Jay is the submissive. I have never been in a relationship where I have been dominate, my male partners always made me feel like they were the boss of me (just in everyday life)
I like the feeling of finally being a dominate person, it makes me feel stronger and in control. I have started buying the type of clothing that I want to wear, when acting out scenes, to make me feel more powerful.
The problem is that as I am still new to the whole situation, I sometimes feel like I dont have enough ideas in regards to acting out scenes. It bothers me to think that Jay might be bored with the things I am doing, as I feel I act out the same scenes all the time, always using the same toys.
I like to get to know what Jay's fantasies are however he often feels like if he tells me what they are then I will only be acting them out with him because I know its what he wants.
I guess I just hope that by looking through the site and hopefully getting some general advice I will be able to improve my skills as a dominate.
This will hopefully be my first step to gaining the knowledge and skills I hope to achieve.
Thanks.

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RE: New to scene - 1/9/2008 2:53:46 AM

Asherdelampyr

Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline

Bon Chance

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RE: New to scene - 1/9/2008 3:53:47 AM

misskelzy

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/3/2008
From: Tennessee
Status: offline

Congrats! We are in the same boat!

(I've been in it a little longer I think, but I can completely relate... lol)

Have you ever asked him if he is bored with it?

I often think that my slave gets bored with what I do, but he reassures me that he is never bored with what we do. These are his fantasies, things he has always dreamed about and never though could happen to him, and I make them come to life, so he never gets bored with it- even if it's the same thing night after night. I'm sure that Jay feels the same. (If he doesn't, I could give you a few ideas. lol)

Oh, and welcome to CM! I am a noob here as well.

(in reply to Asherdelampyr)

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RE: New to scene - 1/9/2008 5:40:50 AM

LdyWinter71

Posts: 15
Joined: 12/28/2007
Status: offline

Well let me start by saying, 'welcome aboard'! I understand your dilemma, but this first thing I would suggest is to relax. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Many times slaves/subs find the circumstance as erotic as the scene itself. Afterall, by dictating the scene, you are already giving him a large chunk of what he wants. He trusts you, presumeably, and you know him. Don't be afraid to be creative and stretch the limits of your imagination. There is often, no better way to discover the hidden likes/dislikes of a couple than through experimentation. I think the biggest fear people in your situation have is finding the dislikes, but that's all part of the journey too. Once you've tried something, talk about it with him and find out what parts worked and what parts didn't. Remember, you are both there to enjoy one another, and his feedback is important. However, it can be awkward for a sub/slave to feel ike they are 'directing' the scene. Still, communication is key.
Have you considoered having him write out some 'erotic bedtime stories' for your amusement? Or keep a journal of sexual dreams? In this way, you can gain some insight into what things he may what to explore and/or how far he wants to go. Just take care to combine multiple elements from the different things he writes. Mix and match, so it doesn't have the feel of a script. Or take some of the ideas and add your own twist to them. In this way, you remain the one controlling the scenes and he is getting more of what he wants without having to tell you, directly. Just a suggestion, that has worked for me and some friends in the past.
I hope that I was helpful. If so, please feel free to contact me again if you wish. If not, please feel free to disregard my advice. In either case, good luck to both of you!

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RE: New to scene - 1/9/2008 7:22:43 AM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

Hi JayEss!!

Geeesh. You bring back memories long forgotten.
You're in the right place. My advice, read through this forum an others and you will find lots of hot ideas, as well as learning about safety issues and skills. Also, go to munch parties or find people local to your area and get together for small play parties. You will learn all kinds of new things and have the opportunity to discuss them and see first hand. Also, you might want to find an experienced Mentor to guide you along with some of the more intricate methodologies reagarding the psychological and conditioning aspects of Domination.
Try to explore YOUR fantasies/whims, as well has his.
In other words, if you feel like a corporal scene, great...however, if one day you just want to smack him, pull him to the floor by his ear and make him lick your boots to remind him of his place...DO IT!!
The more you partake, the more confident you will become, and the more Dominant you will feel. It's all about gaining skills and confidence yet remaining humble enough to always be teachable.

I think you are looking forward to a great time discovering your new found self!!!

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