Termyn8or
Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline
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MLN, hope you don't mind me using initials there.
Had a look at your profile, it actually sounds like we are somewhat compatible, but don't get jumping at it just yet.
You'll find me a hard Man to deal with with respect to certain issues, and in your present state I don't think you could handle me.
First of all I would want you to want me, but never need me. I would want you to love me maybe, but not dote on me.
You sound like you have low self esteem, and the first thing you have to look at is if that is warranted. You may lack self respect because of a lack of marketable skills or any number of reasons, but I will say this to you now. That is no reason to not like yourself. You express a desire to please a Man, and that is a worthy endevor for a Woman. That, if nothing else is something good and right about you.
Now the flipside, take all that you can think of good about you, everything you have done right, every accomplishment or skill you may have, and set it aside. After due consideration of yourself, which most people find more pleasant than expected, throw it all away for now.
Now think about what is wrong with you now.
There is something bothering you, it may simply be lonliness, but that can be overcome. And you must overcome it. Your adulthood is at stake. Adults find ways to occupy themselves rather than get bored. The world does not owe you entertainment. Strong words yes, please do not take them the wrong way.
In fact chalk up one more thing in your "good" department - the fact that you reached out to an intellectual community such as this. As smart as they are though, I disagree with those who say you should go rushing off to a shrink right away. I'll give you two good reasons right now. First of all forget drugs, the only drugs that can cure lonliness are things that will turn you into a zombie, and probably illegal actually.
But barring that, how long have you felt this way ? If you have only been this way for a short time, like you just broke up or lost a few friends or something like that, it's just one of those humps. You just deal with that.
On the other hand if you have always felt this way they are unlikely to be able to help much. Actually if you were to find a really good pschologist, NOT a psychiatrist, by the time they start really helping you, you will realize that all they are doing is to guide you to help yourself.
I do not want to be unhealthy, and I will be what I want to be.
Say that to yourself until you believe it. Have you had tough times ? Did you survive ? If not you are the typingest dead person I've ever run across. Consider that a feather in your cap. Consider all the feathers in your cap, even if there are only a few. There is no minimum you know.
You build on that. If, after serious introspection you think you need to better yourself, a better job or whatever, go for it. Something like that is an excellent boredom reliever.
If that's not the problem, it is possible that you are such a people person, even if you have a great carreer all that nice car and that shit, and you still suffer when alone, it may be one of your basic personality traits, in which case the pros cannot help you at all.
If you want me fine. Let's say shit happens, you take a 500 mile drive and we meet (or sonewhere in between). Say we decide to hook up. You can want me, have me, love me, chain me up ( I WILL return the favor). But don't ever need me, I can't allow that. I might want you, have you, even love you, but I will never need you.
Understand this, the way I mean it. For example we hook up, well I ain't moving so you move 500 miles. You are not going to have a job right away so for a time you would need me to pay the bills while you get something going.
What I don't want is for you to NEED me emotionally. I need your mind to be fully developed so you can be left alone and trusted not to go nuts. Get lonely and go to the bar or something, get picked up, no no no. You need the strength in the mind also to say no.
I mean you find ways to keep busy, I don't say you must be alone all the time, but get to the point where it doesn't bother you.
It is a condition, one that will grow if allowed. Understand me, I will not be called at work unless MY house is on fire (that has happened to me BTW). I mean if a house across the street is on fire I don't fucking care.
I got some unpaid tickets, what if I go to jail ? Do I have to worry about you ODing on drugs or some shit ?
You see what I'm getting at ?
I will restate it a different way - coming to CM was a step in the right direction. Even if you don't really get exactly what you need here, just involving yourself in an online forum is a good thing I think.
You reached out, I'll reach back. I don't need to hit the sheets with you, I don't NEED anything. If want comes into play, well we'll burn that bridge when we come to it.
I love saying that "We'll burn that bridge when we come to it".
Anyway, get well. That will come from the inside.
One of these days I am going to be fucking dead. Fucking dead.
Say that to yourself also, and know that the time to live is now. But I would rather you know how to say no, how to pick and choose and not get into one of those poisonous relationships. It happens all the time, people are always deciding what is not worse. Desperation causes that. Don't ever get sucked into a bad deal. The word no is the tool. And hold your head high when you use it.
T
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