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Need Other Online Dommes Opinions! - 1/6/2008 12:34:09 AM

FourInchHeels

Posts: 32
Joined: 7/6/2006
Status: offline

I've been getting to know a boy for a month or so, and while chatting last night, he brought up an expectation he has if I were to become his Domme. "Expectation" is My word, not his.

If I were to take him on, he hoped I would find, interview, approve, and guide other Dommes that he could meet and play with r/l during his many work related travels. Apparently there are no Dommes to be found in his country. After I'd found an acceptable Domme for him to get together with, I would then guide Her on what *I* wanted Her to do to/with him. This is his response to My making it clear he and I would never meet or play r/l.

I had a swift gut reaction to his idea, but I'd like to hear from other online Dommes as to Their opinions. How would You feel about this proposal?

_____________________________

Do you like that, baby?

Post #: 1

RE: Need Other Online Dommes Opinions! - 1/6/2008 12:41:53 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I'm not a Domme, but if I may... --->

I laughed so much my face hurts.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to FourInchHeels)

Post #: 2

RE: Need Other Online Dommes Opinions! - 1/6/2008 12:55:16 AM

OutsideLkngIn

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/21/2007
Status: offline

That's absurd. why would a dom/me spend their precious time finding him dates for when he travels? What are you, his pimp?

OutsideLkngIn

(in reply to FourInchHeels)

Post #: 3

RE: Need Other Online Dommes Opinions! - 1/6/2008 5:56:47 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

Now that IS funny. He wants you to do all the work of finding him someone to play with when he happens to be in their town, including "guiding the play" presumably so he gets what he wants? Are you serving him or is he serving you?

How many lifestyle dommes do you know r/t? And how many of those would appreciate an online domme contacting them, trying to set up a meet with her online boy to play with that boy at the boy's convenience with no strings attached, AND that online domme then telling her what to do with him? It's bad enough that most dommes are inundated with boys who think that we ought to be willing to drop everything to play with complete strangers just because they happen to be available at that specific time.

The ONLY feasible way this would work is if you're finding him prodommes and setting up the appointments - and I hope you'd require a significant financial kickback from him for doing all the work.

Yet another shining example of the absurdity of trying to cross over from online fantasy into the real time BDSM realm without much thought.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 1/6/2008 6:00:09 AM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to OutsideLkngIn)

Post #: 4

RE: Need Other Online Dommes Opinions! - 1/6/2008 7:17:39 AM

tornaway

Posts: 174
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline

Wow - sounds like a really great deal !!!!

...... for him .

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 5

RE: Need Other Online Dommes Opinions! - 1/6/2008 7:49:04 AM

LaMistressa

Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline

Sounds like a great gig if you want to be his booking agent.

(in reply to FourInchHeels)

Post #: 6

RE: Need Other Online Dommes Opinions! - 1/6/2008 8:18:20 AM

KaramelGoddess

Posts: 404
Joined: 6/20/2006
Status: offline

My opinion is... no, no and hell no. It makes no sense you doing all the work.

But...follow your instincts and listen to your gut reaction, it is usually the right one!

~Kara

_____________________________

"Never eat more than you can lift." ~ Miss Piggy

(in reply to FourInchHeels)

Post #: 7

RE: Need Other Online Dommes Opinions! - 1/6/2008 8:27:39 AM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

Sounds like the only one benefitting from his little arrangement would be him. You get to do all the legwork of finding, interviewing, approving, and guiding other Dommes. The other Domme would essentially be a puppet carrying out another Domme's orders, and who'd want to do that?

So my reaction is like some of the others--I would bust up laughing at his ridiculous propsition. This did provide some humor to start off my day.

Lady Topaz

(in reply to FourInchHeels)

Post #: 8

RE: Need Other Online Dommes Opinions! - 1/6/2008 8:27:55 AM

unforegvn

Posts: 159
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline

You have got to be kidding me. No way

(in reply to FourInchHeels)

Post #: 9

RE: Need Other Online Dommes Opinions! - 1/6/2008 11:18:39 AM

Elorin

Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

I've actually been contacted by supposed Dommes (I think it is dubious that it was a domme contacting me as opposed to a sub with a Domme collarme profile) telling me their sub would be in my area and would I be interested in "disciplining" him for her.

The answer is the same as the subs that contact me who will be coming into the area. Get to know me, do the work on your own to provoke my interest, or pay for a professional session.

_____________________________

'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

(in reply to unforegvn)

Post #: 10

RE: Need Other Online Dommes Opinions! - 1/6/2008 11:48:13 AM

Kaiynasha

Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

To the OP: First ROTFL and Second what is going on with the male chauvinistic attitudes in collarme.

Every time I read a post these days...it becomes more apparent that many submissive men are simply out to get laid and dictate their demands.

Kick his ass to the curb. Opps I am not an online Domme but... :)

MK

< Message edited by Kaiynasha -- 1/6/2008 11:59:53 AM >

_____________________________

"Intimacy is based on shared vulnerability...nothing deepens intimacy
like the experiences that we share when we feel flayed, with our skins
off, scared and vulnerable, and our partner is there with us, willing
to share in the scary stuff"

(in reply to FourInchHeels)

Post #: 11

RE: Need Other Online Dommes Opinions! - 1/6/2008 1:15:36 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FourInchHeels
I've been getting to know a boy for a month or so, and while chatting last night, he brought up an expectation he has if I were to become his Domme. "Expectation" is My word, not his.

<snip>

This is his response to My making it clear he and I would never meet or play r/l.

I had a swift gut reaction to his idea, but I'd like to hear from other online Dommes as to Their opinions. How would You feel about this proposal?

Your post indicates he suggested this idea after you clarified you and he would never meet. It seems playing in person is important to him, which limits how compatible you two are. It seems that rather than calling incompatibility and finding another option, he is trying to get what can be had here, likely due to lack of other options.

At first glance the idea seems unrealistic. Upon deeper reflection, it has a bit more substance that what seems to be at first. It seems unrealistic because it requires you to do all the work and you might not wish him to play with others for sake of exclusivity. It is further unrealistic because it would be, as Elorin points out, uninteresting to the third party.

Would there be a reason for you to be willing to make this effort? Perhaps. If the relationship comes to a point where you wish to reward him or otherwise make him happy based on how you feel about him, you might be willing to do so. Also, there is room for you to have whatever type of gratification you do get from online or remote domination in the type of scenario he suggests. Lastly, if real time play is important to him and you are not able to provide it, providing an alternate way to meet that need in a way that is unlikely to lead to a relationship that replaces yours might help the longevity of your relationship.

I think there are smaller odds that a third party domme would be interested. However, word of mouth, a person vouching for another, or a person putting a traveling friend in touch with another friend at the travel destination are things that occur. For instance, if you develop friendships with dommes through these forums and he happens to go where one lives, it is imaginable that something can come together if it works for everyone involved.

So the idea is farfetched but not impossible, and it depends on what type of chemistry you two develop.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to FourInchHeels)

Post #: 12

RE: Need Other Online Dommes Opinions! - 1/6/2008 1:46:11 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FourInchHeels

I've been getting to know a boy for a month or so, and while chatting last night, he brought up an expectation he has if I were to become his Domme. "Expectation" is My word, not his.

If I were to take him on, he hoped I would find, interview, approve, and guide other Dommes that he could meet and play with r/l during his many work related travels. Apparently there are no Dommes to be found in his country. After I'd found an acceptable Domme for him to get together with, I would then guide Her on what *I* wanted Her to do to/with him. This is his response to My making it clear he and I would never meet or play r/l.

I had a swift gut reaction to his idea, but I'd like to hear from other online Dommes as to Their opinions. How would You feel about this proposal?

It depends on your relationship with him and the way in which you are attracted to him and interact wtih him. The way he presented the idea does sound selfish and self serving. However, if you never intend to play in real life with him, and you respect that he DOES want this (and you have two choices - allow it, or agree you are not on the same page with him), then you can either be involved in his real life play or not involved. That's your choice.

Personally, if I had an online slave and we had a rich and fulfilling relationship in which I wanted him to experience all levels of surrender, I would want him to see people in the flesh if it could not be me. I would like to be involved in it, and I would find it really erotic to watch it (via web cam) or participate (by giving the femdom instructions). But, the process of sourcing women, interviewing them, etc. - that's incredibly tedious.

I would be more likely to send him to a pro and make him video tape or stream the session to me so I could watch and participate virtually.

What rubs you the wrong way about this? Is it that he wants to be with other women, or that he expects you to do all the work? Do you want to be involved in his real life encounters, or would you rather have him separate that from what he does with you? Do you care about him and his needs enough to want to help him rethink his approach with you, or do you just want an excuse to kick him to the curb? Do you adore him, or lust for him, and want to participate in his growth as a sub?

Are you willing to correct the behaviors that you find you do not like, or would you rather insult and humiliate him in a public forum? If it was some random schmoe propositioning you, I would say yeah, he's an idiot. You say you have been with him a month, so I suspect you are attached to him in some manner. If not, move on, and realize you have different ways of looking at things.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to FourInchHeels)

Post #: 13

RE: Need Other Online Dommes Opinions! - 1/6/2008 2:23:00 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

*shakes her head* Well, the definition of "acceptable domme" has nearly infinite comedy potential. But that's just the cruel bitch in me rearing her ugly head.

I would not be interested in this arrangement--but then again, I'm also not that interested in long-distance-only domination. I guess I would be the wrong person to ask.

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 14

RE: Need Other Online Dommes Opinions! - 1/6/2008 2:32:14 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

It depends on your relationship with him and the way in which you are attracted to him and interact wtih him. The way he presented the idea does sound selfish and self serving. However, if you never intend to play in real life with him, and you respect that he DOES want this (and you have two choices - allow it, or agree you are not on the same page with him), then you can either be involved in his real life play or not involved. That's your choice.

Personally, if I had an online slave and we had a rich and fulfilling relationship in which I wanted him to experience all levels of surrender, I would want him to see people in the flesh if it could not be me...

I would be more likely to send him to a pro and make him video tape or stream the session to me so I could watch and participate virtually...

Totally makes sense to me.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 15

RE: Need Other Online Dommes Opinions! - 1/6/2008 2:36:24 PM

beeble

Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

KaramelGoddess wrote: My opinion is... no, no and hell no. It makes no sense you doing all the work.
But...follow your instincts and listen to your gut reaction, it is usually the right one!

Unless your gut reaction is to go through with this, in which case, with all due respect, your gut is wrong.

(in reply to KaramelGoddess)

Post #: 16

RE: Need Other Online Dommes Opinions! - 1/6/2008 3:53:02 PM

LadyJeelys

Posts: 99
Joined: 11/17/2007
Status: offline

I hope you explained that when he travelled he'd be wearing a chastity device, so wouldn't be needing to play anyway.

(in reply to FourInchHeels)

Post #: 17

RE: Need Other Online Dommes Opinions! - 1/6/2008 9:24:00 PM

FourInchHeels

Posts: 32
Joined: 7/6/2006
Status: offline

Thanks for all the replies. I'm glad to see My gut reaction wasn't unique. I do expect exclusivity, so this arrangement would never have worked.

Thanks again, everyone! Back to the drawing board...

_____________________________

Do you like that, baby?

(in reply to LadyJeelys)

Post #: 18

RE: Need Other Online Dommes Opinions! - 1/6/2008 9:26:38 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FourInchHeels

I've been getting to know a boy for a month or so, and while chatting last night, he brought up an expectation he has if I were to become his Domme. "Expectation" is My word, not his.

If I were to take him on, he hoped I would find, interview, approve, and guide other Dommes that he could meet and play with r/l during his many work related travels. Apparently there are no Dommes to be found in his country. After I'd found an acceptable Domme for him to get together with, I would then guide Her on what *I* wanted Her to do to/with him. This is his response to My making it clear he and I would never meet or play r/l.

I had a swift gut reaction to his idea, but I'd like to hear from other online Dommes as to Their opinions. How would You feel about this proposal?

I have my initial thoughts, but rather than knee jerk, I think we're missing some vital information on you and the nature of your relationship with this gentleman.

You're never going to meet him, never going to do power exchange in RT with him, and he clearly wants RT -- so why engage with him knowing the incongruency? Aren't you the one in control? Does he have this expectation that you will provide him a referral service because you are taking money from him????

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to FourInchHeels)

Post #: 19

RE: Need Other Online Dommes Opinions! - 1/7/2008 12:17:22 AM

FourInchHeels

Posts: 32
Joined: 7/6/2006
Status: offline

Lol...nooo, I take money from no one. I only play with My hubby real life, and I'm clear about that up front.

he is the one who contacted Me, after reading My profile, and that I'm only looking for online play. The above mentioned conversation was the first time he indicated he wanted real life play also.

_____________________________

Do you like that, baby?

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 20

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