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ORIGINAL: gwendolyn

     I'm not really sure where to begin. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to post it, but here I am. I could just really use some advice. A bit of background is in order, I guess.
 
    We have been together for a little over a year. By 'together', I mean living together. When I first moved in, things worked in the way that we had discussed prior to sharing a roof. It was what I would call a typical 24/7 D/s dynamic. I have no idea how to describe the dynamic of our relationship now. That's the reason for so much confusion. We had an aurgument this afternoon that is as much my fault as it is his. I woke up without enough time to go to work. Was several hours late, in fact. Since I started this job, we've shared an alarm clock. He sets it to get up in the morning and, before he leaves, sets it again so that I get up for my job. Two days ago he started using his own, but still set mine before he left. I apparently made a grievous error in assuming that he would set mine again, as has been the case for nearly two months now. When I called to ask him why he had not done it this morning, he brushed both me and the situation off. He seemed angry with me. I lost it and said some very harsh things, things I both did and didn't mean.
     My dilemma is this: I called him a bit later and left a message telling him that I was very confused as to where we stood in our relationship. One day he tells me I'm a grown woman, but the next he'll become angry if I used the debit card without permission. His reply was that our dynamic was one of a '50's style household. Part of it is my own fault for not seeing the signs that he obviously didn't want the D/s dynamic. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like my needs aren't being met anymore. Over the months, I've tried to show him and tell him that I needed those elements in my life. He seems to be avoiding it, though. I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice as to how to handle things from here. Is the D/s aspect something I need, or just a want? I both want the answer and am afraid of it at the same time.

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ORIGINAL: TreasureKY


Despite any individual claims to the contrary, most people cannot live in a high-protocol, intense D/s structure non-stop.  (Note that I use "D/s" to encompass all levels of power-exchange relationships.)  Ordinary life interferes and usurps our time and energy.  Living an average, vanilla lifestyle is the norm because quite frankly, that is what comes easiest for people... it's what we grew up with, takes the least effort and provides the most comfort.  Injecting a D/s dynamic takes extra thought and effort, and sustaining that effort can be draining.
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I suspect that if you were to poll the people who live in happy D/s relationships, you'd find that the majority had a period of struggle with their dynamic before they found the level that satisfied their wants and needs and could be easily maintained.  It's a balance of expectations.
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It's hard enough balancing our own expectations as individuals... building a life with another requires balancing expectations for the relationship, while supporting our own individual expectations and without interfering with our partner's expectations.