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Subs before Dommes - 1/3/2008 11:18:52 AM

MelsNaughtyVixen

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Joined: 12/2/2007
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I'm wondering how many Mistresses or Dommes were submissives before they became Dommes because I've met a few like that. If you were a submissive first, did you know as a submissive that one day you wanted to be a Domme? I'm a submissive and I have no interest in being a Domme at all, but does that change as you spend more time in the lifestyle sometimes?

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RE: Subs before Dommes - 1/3/2008 11:34:18 AM

msebonybelle

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I was with a Dom for about a year and he thought I was a sub and I thought I was too until I started becoming very demanding and he wasn't buying that. LOL I realized I was not what he tried to make me become. I wised up quickly and hauled ass. I will say that I'm glad I experienced "the other side" which is why I'm such a wonderful Domme today.

"Where there is no emotion, there is no pain."

MsEbonyBelle

(in reply to MelsNaughtyVixen)

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RE: Subs before Dommes - 1/3/2008 12:54:53 PM

Lashra

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I have always been a Domme because I recognized at a young age that I like being in charge and making the decisions.I started at age 19 and now at 43, I still have no desire to sub to anyone.
My malesub however started out as a Dom/Master and recognized later after a few failed relationships that he was never really a Dom, that his true nature was that of a sub. Sometimes it takes time/maturity to make us look at ourselves and see who we really are, sometimes it just takes some failed relationships to make us do that soul searching.

~Lashra

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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

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RE: Subs before Dommes - 1/3/2008 1:19:14 PM

darchChylde

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From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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i hope to be a pro-domme in the future if that counts

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RE: Subs before Dommes - 1/3/2008 1:26:09 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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Sign me up, darchChylde! Hair play, okay?

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RE: Subs before Dommes - 1/3/2008 2:54:20 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
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I tried taking the submissive role in two hetro vanilla relationships. That is what I was raised to believe was correct. Obviously the relationships failed and I was beyond miserable. However, at the tender age of 16 (when I got married) I was so horribly naive. I had never heard of BDSM and thought all lesbians were all scary ugly women that looked more like men.

Then I grew up.......just took me longer than most.

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RE: Subs before Dommes - 1/3/2008 6:10:14 PM

ElanSubdued

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MelsNaughtyVixen,

I know the OP is addressed to dommes, but hopefully it's okay to post my own journey as a male submissive.

When I first discovered BDSM, I identified as submissive. This is simply what my heart yearned for. After having a few relationships as a submissive, for various reasons I won't go into here, I decided to explore the top side of things. This led to me being the dominant in quite a few relationships. I've been single again for a few years now and upon examining my feelings, I really am more comfortable and personally rewarded on the bottom. In fact, I always knew this even while topping. Thus, I've accepted that I'm a submissive, but with certain partners I can be switchy. This is sometimes difficult to explain to dommes. I don't yearn for the top side, however, if my partner enjoys being on the bottom too, I'm very happy to take the reins for an evening (or two, or three) and quite adept at doing so. For me, this is just another way of communicating with my partner and giving her what she needs. I don't necessarily equate this with switching and/or connecting to the dominant side of things. One might ask "how can you dominate someone when you don't feel dominant emotions"? The answer to this question is actually quite simple. When I flog and beat someone, and then cherish them in my arms during aftercare, it's not dominant emotions I'm communicating. Rather, the affection I feel for my partner and communicate to my partner transcends BDSM.

A more graphical (and perhaps accurate) mapping of my BDSM psychology looks like this:

Submissive --> Dominant --> Switch --> Self-confident Submissive

Elan.

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RE: Subs before Dommes - 1/3/2008 9:03:27 PM

KindLadyGrey

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I started in this lifestyle as a maso-sub. I still am, sometimes. I started exploring my Domme side after I had children and for *some* reason lost my great desire to serve. I am quite liking it on top, but sometimes the right Dom/me comes along and I fall back into subspace without a problem. I recently met a wonderful Dom from NY who dropped me like a brick the first time we ever met. That was a surprise! It had been a long while. . .

I think having been a sub first helps me empathize a lot with my subs now. Also, it gave me a good idea pragmatically of just what those toys feel like from the other end! Every top should know that, right?

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RE: Subs before Dommes - 1/3/2008 9:16:39 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
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From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued
A more graphical (and perhaps accurate) mapping of my BDSM psychology looks like this:

Submissive --> Dominant --> Switch --> Self-confident Submissive

I am afraid I cannot offer a graphical account of my journey as a submissive. I can, however, give a graphic account and share lotsa juicy stories!

;-)

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to ElanSubdued)

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RE: Subs before Dommes - 1/3/2008 9:43:23 PM

undergroundsea

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MelsNaughtyVixen
I'm a submissive and I have no interest in being a Domme at all, but does that change as you spend more time in the lifestyle sometimes?

I have come across many female subs who later came to identify as a switch or became a domme, which I think is reason to celebrate ;-)

I think the same person may feel dominant when with one person, and submissive with another. So I think one path to finding dominance is meeting someone who brings out the dominance in one. I think another path to exploring or experimenting with dominance is sexual attraction to a submissive. Witnessing and feeling a draw to a dynamic between a domme and a sub may be another reason. And, with time in the lifestyle, a want to try more things could be another reason.

$10 say you will find yourself interested to experiment with it at some point. When that day comes, please think back to this post and say, gosh, that guy was right!

;-)

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: Subs before Dommes - 1/3/2008 11:57:15 PM

ElanSubdued

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Sea,

quote:

I am afraid I cannot offer a graphical account of my journey as a submissive. I can, however, give a graphic account and share lotsa juicy stories!

So where's the juice man? Shred on the juice! :-)

quote:

I think the same person may feel dominant when with one person, and submissive with another.

*looks up* Yes.

quote:

So I think one path to finding dominance is meeting someone who brings out the dominance in one.

Yes again.

quote:

I think another path to exploring or experimenting with dominance is sexual attraction to a submissive.

This was my first foray as a dominant. And ou la la she was and still is hot. Mmmm. A very good memory indeed. :-)

quote:

Witnessing and feeling a draw to a dynamic between a domme and a sub may be another reason.

The first time I watched aftercare at a play party (in this case, a female dominant cradling a female submissive in her arms and kissing away her charge's tears) I was floored. It is one of the most gorgeous things I've ever seen. And did I ever want to be the submissive. It just looked so utterly comforting to be cared for with such intimacy.

quote:

And, with time in the lifestyle, a want to try more things could be another reason.

And yet again, yes. Sea, you hit all my reasons for trying both dominance and submission. I have other reasons too, but as I said above in an earlier post, I don't wish to discuss those details here because that would derail this thread.

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 1/4/2008 12:02:28 AM >

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RE: Subs before Dommes - 1/4/2008 12:09:25 PM

MamaJiggles

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I was born a Dom in my vanilla world as in my dark side I am use to being the boss and getting what I want....So being a Dom is my true self!!!!!!!!!!!!

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