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Our New 24/7 Arrangement - 12/31/2007 10:13:26 AM   
gorgeous1


Posts: 367
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline 		Hi everyone! I've been MIA for a while because my husband took 9 days off of work and we have been spending time working on our new arrangement.

My goals when I joined CM were to learn how to be more expressive with what I want, and to get our sex life back to where it had been a few years ago- meaning we were exploring more of a 24/7 relationship as opposed to a D/s sexual dynamic. I am happy to say MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

My husband joined CM a few days ago and goes by Capnspankins, and he has spent some time reading all of my posts and he said he is very surprised that I have been so detailed and expressive. I told him that that was my goal, and asked him if he had noticed I have been more specific with what I like, what I want, and I have also started talking dirty to him, which was reeealllly hard for me to do.

Also, a few weeks ago, he asked me if I wanted to take our relationship to the next level and pursue a 24/7 Master/slave relationship, and I had joyfully replied YES! I was pleasantly shocked to find out he had already prepared a long list of rules, goals and expectations in anticipation that I would want to try this. We agreed to spend his vacation focusing on figuring out where to start and which goals to work on first. As any of you know who are already in a 24/7 relationship, it doesn't happen overnight and to dive right in full force trying to achieve that elusive TPE all in one fell swoop is a recipe for disaster and dashed hopes.

So...we have started out with the basics. We're working on my re-learning all the basic positions that he likes. That's fun and easy. The hard part has been remembering to address him as Sir and answer his questions properly. I am also having a hard time remembering to not make eye contact. We only do this when we are starting our evening alone (kids in bed, guests gone, etc.).

I had never thought I would be able to handle or agree to it, but there are new rules that extend into our mundane vanilla life. I find it frustrating, fun, cute, irritating, and just...arrrrgh! I'm sure hubby is enjoying the fact that I am agreeing to do the following:

Fully charge, take and answer my cell phone. I HATE cell phones, and I use maybe 5 minutes a month on my phone. In the past it rarely charged up or taken with me. This is a good rule though, because I am out late at night sometimes and it's stupid to not have a phone in case of emergency, so I know it's for my own good.

Another rule is that I have to check the messages on our home answering machine. I don't know why I have such a bad habit of not checking messages...it's not that I'm lazy, I guess I just don't feel like returning phone calls sometimes, so if I don't check the answering machine, I don't have to call these people back.

Another rule is that I have to pick up my clothes. I am a germophobe, and cannot stand dirt, but clothes piling up on the dresser doesn't bother me a bit. My husband cannot stand clutter. I suppose together we are a neat and clean powerhouse, which is fabulous, but I just hate hanging up my clothes for some reason!

Anyhow, those are the things we're working on, and I already screwed up! I broke all of the above rules, and it wasn't on purpose. I don't intend to be bad, it's just that I forgot. Well, Capnspankins decided to punish me.

He made stocks! The other night I got out of the shower and he had the stocks laid out on the bed and I knew I was in for it! He put my head and wrists into the stocks, locked them and had me kneel against the bed and he made me repeat sentences like "I will charge my cell phone" and each syllable got a whack with a rattan cane, and it hurt like hell. A couple of times I squirmed and couldn't hold my position, which is something I have always been able to do. Before he began the punishment, he told me I didn't deserve my collar if I wasn't going to obey the rules. I ended up in tears and when he finished I kissed his feet and told him how sorry I was, because I really was, and he believed me and gave me back my collar and kissed me and held me.

It was really intense, but you know what? It felt right. This was a crucial point in our 24/7 journey, and I think if I had felt any resentment for being punished for a "vanilla" rule infraction, I would have reservations with continuing. I got punished, and that was it- after it was over, I didn't feel bad, and neither did he, and I don't intend to make those same mistakes again because I'd rather get spankings because I'm a good girl, than get spankings because I'm bad!

Anyhow, I am wondering if any of you who are in a 24/7 had had similar experiences? How did you tackle the first hurdles of working into a 24/7? What were the easiest or most difficult things to do?

_____________________________

Wife/property of CapnSpankins...and loving every minute of it! Visit my juicy blog http://www.kinkycrafts.info/gorgeous-blog/gblog.php for updates on my slave training!
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RE: Our New 24/7 Arrangement - 12/31/2007 10:27:32 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		glad to hear things are going well for you....the most difficult things to do? that is easy to answer...those little things, the ones that you think "oh it can wait, 5 or 20 minutes" (like the rules you listed) and then by the time that 5 or 20 minutes has passed, i have completely forgot about them...my solution, if i even start a sentence with "it can wait..." i say nope, and do it right then...it is a process of retraining my thought process - i believe it falls under cognative behavioral therapy - if it is something i am supposed to do, it can't wait...do it as soon as i think about it, as soon as i recognize it needs to be done....if there are multiple things that need to be done, i write it down...i don't care how good your memory is, everybody forgets something if they try to do it by memory alone...and with a list, you can cross things off, and personally, i get a feeling of satisfaction, like i am killing it, lol...
the easiest thing in a 24/7 relationship....serving him...getting up and doing those things for him personally...it felt really good...from getting up and making him coffee in the morning to taking off his shoes when he got home from work and everything else...that is sooo easy...no chore for me....

good luck
chelle


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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

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RE: Our New 24/7 Arrangement - 12/31/2007 10:31:14 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		The physical D/s here isn't exactly 24/7, but I hope you won't mind Me answering your post just the same.  Mostly, I wanted to chine in that I think it's a great post.  What you seem to be building in your life seems to have a good foundation, because the changing rules of the house are relevant to you.  The rules that are being created are specific to the things that reflect your own personal situation.  Not some random idea of what M/s or D/s is supposed to be.  Kudos!

To answer the question itself, I have to take a page from My own book and give the answer that is relevant to Me.  That answer would be consistancy.  Right now, My sub is away on a trip (just a brief one, five days) and I've been very lax on things that have been in place since I collared him.  There's been no retribution for things such as missing some of his journal entries, etc. while he's been away.  If he were here, I doubt I'd have been  so easy about the rules, and I probably should have been more prepared for the potential of the circumstances.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear you are so happy about making this transition in your home.  My best of luck to you in your endevours and brightest blessings to you and your Master.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to gorgeous1)
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RE: Our New 24/7 Arrangement - 12/31/2007 10:39:59 AM   
gorgeous1


Posts: 367
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks chelle for the advice. You're right- making a list is best. I really am pretty organized and stay on top of most things, it's just for some reason I have a problem with following up on phone stuff, and yeah, I just hate hanging up clothes!

LadyPact: What do you mean by the physical D/s not being 24/7? Do you mean as far as the eye contact restriction and the addressing him as Sir? In regards to that, we have kids, so we just can't. I'm sure he'd have me naked and at his beck and call 24/7, but it just isn't possible due to our daily obligations. I would say physically, we're as 24/7 as we can be. As soon as we are alone, the game is on!

_____________________________

Wife/property of CapnSpankins...and loving every minute of it! Visit my juicy blog http://www.kinkycrafts.info/gorgeous-blog/gblog.php for updates on my slave training!

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Our New 24/7 Arrangement - 12/31/2007 10:48:17 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		as an idea you can show each other your mindfullness even in front of the children by addressing master as Mr.Gorgeous1 (whatever it is) while he addresses you as myrtle or hysteria or thistle or whatever your name is.

That was not uncommon even into the beginning of my lifetime.

Ron

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RE: Our New 24/7 Arrangement - 12/31/2007 10:48:59 AM   
meticulousgirl


Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		Glad that you are enjoying yourself even though you are struggling.

You will continue to struggle, submission in slavery isn't meant to be easy, it's not expected and we all struggle with certain aspects.

For me the hardest part is having patience, and having acceptance over certain things.

Sometimes things just dont make sense but, when you give over your control, you give everything and basicly say "no matter what you do, for whatever reason you have i will accept it" for me that is the hardest part. 

The easiest part is pleasing the person you serve in the "little ways" that aren't necessarily expected but show Them that you do take this seriously.

~meticulous~

(in reply to chellekitty)
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RE: Our New 24/7 Arrangement - 12/31/2007 10:57:54 AM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		gorgeous1, keep in mind that it will take time, energy and effort for both of you to get used to it. namely for you to remember what to do, when to do it, so on. and for him to be firm and stay on tack, reminding you of your place, and so on.  *smiles*

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

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RE: Our New 24/7 Arrangement - 12/31/2007 11:44:28 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gorgeous1

Thanks chelle for the advice. You're right- making a list is best. I really am pretty organized and stay on top of most things, it's just for some reason I have a problem with following up on phone stuff, and yeah, I just hate hanging up clothes!

LadyPact: What do you mean by the physical D/s not being 24/7? Do you mean as far as the eye contact restriction and the addressing him as Sir? In regards to that, we have kids, so we just can't. I'm sure he'd have me naked and at his beck and call 24/7, but it just isn't possible due to our daily obligations. I would say physically, we're as 24/7 as we can be. As soon as we are alone, the game is on!

No, when I said "here", I meant here in My situation.  My sub doesn't live with Me, so My D/s isn't physical 24/7.  My sub is here with U/us as much as work and scheduling allow, but he doesn't officially live here.  When I said that, I was meaning that I hoped you wouldn't mind a reply from someone who wasn't under the same roof with their sub every night.

My apologies for any confusion.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to gorgeous1)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Our New 24/7 Arrangement - 12/31/2007 12:30:17 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		and when it gets really hard, and eventually it will...remind yourself this is what you wanted...it will even back out...

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Our New 24/7 Arrangement - 12/31/2007 3:28:04 PM   
ligar59


Posts: 55
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline 		Well, congratulations and I you both the best of luck. I do however have a couple of observations.

If I were a slave, I would be very comfortable with the part about deserving, and losing the collar. Had the infractions been more serious, then maybe those comments were warranted. I don’t think it a healthy thing because the slave would start worrying “Gee, if I make a mistake, or not please him properly, will he strip me of my collar?” You are going to make mistakes, a lot of them; it’s natural and very normal. You have enough to focus on without that added pressure.

I am not an advocate for telling someone they are bad. The action may have been bad, but the person is not. My slave made bad decisions from time to time, but I just didn’t think it was a good thing to tell her she was “a bad girl”

And I will propose a question to you. Instead of the cane, if your Master had simply put you over his knee and spanked you, would have the results been more effective, less effective or the same?

Like I say, these are just my opinions, and you need to do what works for you

(in reply to gorgeous1)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Our New 24/7 Arrangement - 12/31/2007 3:38:50 PM   
gorgeous1


Posts: 367
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: gorgeous1

Thanks chelle for the advice. You're right- making a list is best. I really am pretty organized and stay on top of most things, it's just for some reason I have a problem with following up on phone stuff, and yeah, I just hate hanging up clothes!

LadyPact: What do you mean by the physical D/s not being 24/7? Do you mean as far as the eye contact restriction and the addressing him as Sir? In regards to that, we have kids, so we just can't. I'm sure he'd have me naked and at his beck and call 24/7, but it just isn't possible due to our daily obligations. I would say physically, we're as 24/7 as we can be. As soon as we are alone, the game is on!

No, when I said "here", I meant here in My situation. My sub doesn't live with Me, so My D/s isn't physical 24/7. My sub is here with U/us as much as work and scheduling allow, but he doesn't officially live here. When I said that, I was meaning that I hoped you wouldn't mind a reply from someone who wasn't under the same roof with their sub every night.

My apologies for any confusion.




Oops...sorry- that was confusion on my end here!

_____________________________

Wife/property of CapnSpankins...and loving every minute of it! Visit my juicy blog http://www.kinkycrafts.info/gorgeous-blog/gblog.php for updates on my slave training!

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Our New 24/7 Arrangement - 12/31/2007 3:51:51 PM   
gorgeous1


Posts: 367
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ligar59



And I will propose a question to you. Instead of the cane, if your Master had simply put you over his knee and spanked you, would have the results been more effective, less effective or the same?

Like I say, these are just my opinions, and you need to do what works for you


No, it definitely would have been different, because my favorite is an over-the-knee spanking with either his hand or a wooden paddle hairbrush, so that would be more of a reward than a punishment. Don't get me wrong- I do adore the rattan canes, but it was the WAY that he administered it- he didn't warm me up first- just started in on the swift hard whacks. we've only had the rattan canes for about a week, but hubby has had 11 years of practice with riding crops, so I would say that the rattan canes were very easy for him to learn how to use properly. He did a great deal of studying and we took it real slow the first time, and by the end of the session, he was able to use two at once and tap out a nice little beat on my butt! I'm not really a pain slut, and usually I don't even wind up with bruises, but after this punishment I have a few small bruises. This morning I pouted and showed him my poor bruised bottom, and he said, "Good, I like seeing bruises on your butt, and knowing I made them!"

Well, now the tables have turned! I think I'll be deserving a nice little reward since Capnspankins forgot to tell me our kiddo needed a prescription refill of Adderol, which is a controlled substance and you have to get a handwritten prescription each month. Today, I spent 2 1/2 hours at a children's clinic that our pediatrician uses on holidays freaking out about all the germs waiting for a prescription. Now if y'all will excuse me, I'm going to go take a Purel bath!

Hmmmmm...what should Capnspankins punishment be? I think I'd like an OTK spanking followed by the magic wand and then a really nice back rub...yeah...that sounds fair!




_____________________________

Wife/property of CapnSpankins...and loving every minute of it! Visit my juicy blog http://www.kinkycrafts.info/gorgeous-blog/gblog.php for updates on my slave training!

(in reply to ligar59)
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RE: Our New 24/7 Arrangement - 12/31/2007 4:07:25 PM   
darkthoughtsinvt


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/27/2006
Status: offline 		Gorgeous1,

I think it's extremely admirable how you are pursuing a 24/7 and working it gracefully around your vanilla and normal life pressures (such as your kids). I can imagine how difficult it would be to change dynamics of your relationship suddenly in the evening once the kids are in bed. Have you thought about how you will handle this when your kids are older and are up late in the evening?

D

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RE: Our New 24/7 Arrangement - 12/31/2007 5:51:02 PM   
gorgeous1


Posts: 367
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkthoughtsinvt

Gorgeous1,

I think it's extremely admirable how you are pursuing a 24/7 and working it gracefully around your vanilla and normal life pressures (such as your kids). I can imagine how difficult it would be to change dynamics of your relationship suddenly in the evening once the kids are in bed. Have you thought about how you will handle this when your kids are older and are up late in the evening?

D



Oh yes, we have thought quite a bit about what we'll do when the kids are older. We have a 6 1/2 and a 2 1/2 year old, and we can't wait until the older one starts having sleepovers at friend's houses! The grandparents also like to have the older one spend the night, and soon the younger one will be able to as well. When they're teens, they'll be out late...might as well have a little fun while they're out instead of sitting on the edge of our seats biting our fingernails, eh?

_____________________________

Wife/property of CapnSpankins...and loving every minute of it! Visit my juicy blog http://www.kinkycrafts.info/gorgeous-blog/gblog.php for updates on my slave training!

(in reply to darkthoughtsinvt)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Our New 24/7 Arrangement - 12/31/2007 8:26:52 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		gorgeous1, thanks for sharing here the new arrangements, and this is similar (in terms of rules to suit U/us) to how Master and i work out O/our M/s arrangement. i totally second the idea of lists and doing what you have to do BEFORE getting sidetracked with other pursuits! It's just too easy to lose track otherwise.

I (actually both My Domme and sub sides!) totally support your Master in being strict on the new rules from the get-go, He simply cannot appear to be a toothless tiger at this stage. Master and i don't have a corporal punishment thing going here ... it's more extra tasks or withdrawal of free time ... and generally, a look, a word of reminder or correction from Him will send me scurrying so i don't need punishing. It seems though that the cane was effective for you, and sufficiently different from the pleasurable OTK spanking of play. It's worth thinking about punishment carefully though ... it HAS to be something the slave really does not like, or the temptation to misbehave just to get the "punishment" will be too hard to resist!

However, I don't think the concept of withdrawing your collar is necessarily the best tactic. That would utterly devastate me ... that would only be done for some almost unforgiveable (and just about as inconceivable!) infraction such as sleeping with another Dom! I would recommend to Him that He re-think that, as ligar59 said, that adds a LOT of undue pressure which is likely to reduce your effectiveness, not enhance it.

i found that i gradually worked into my daily life submission ... one of my epiphanies was when i was in a meeting at work and was invited to a social function the following week and suddenly realised i was no longer free just to say yes! Instead i said, "i'll have to check and get back to you!" i had another when Master told me to pick the cake i wanted for my Birthday ... W/we were faced with huge variety in the cheesecake shop! i found myself totally torn between the caramel one i love ... and the chocolate one He loves ... because what i truly WANTED was to make Him happy! That particular dilemma wasn't resolved until He hit on the solution of saying "Pick the flavour you prefer!" ... so then i went with the caramel one LOL! you will probably find that you will have similar little "moments" as you progress.

Realising you have ums which W/we don't, perhaps there are still occasions when you can also incorporate a slightly kinkier aspect into daily life. For eg, i always have to ask permission to use the toilet as long as Master is in the house, or when He is with me, even if W/we are out somewhere. In the house i ask directly ... out, i might say something like, "Please excuse me, i'm going to the bathroom" and i will catch His eye and He will give a little look or nod of approval. It's subtle ... but it's there. It's had the added bonus of Him having wondrous control over my ageing menopausal bladder ... now i rely on Him to tell me "not till you're sitting on the toilet!" instructions! See if you both can think of at least one fun kinky rule to start with along with the "vanilla" ones you have. Perhaps a bedtime ritual as you'll be sans ums then.

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A] (mostly violet talking this time)

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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RE: Our New 24/7 Arrangement - 1/1/2008 3:20:58 AM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		I'm glad it's working out for you so well!

I'm younger, and my relationships were not so involved as marriage. Honestly, I knew what I wanted.. if the girl didn't want the same thing, she or I would leave and, with luck, we'd both find more suitable partners.

Your case, however, is a story of a journey together where as most of mine were less of a journey and a relatively lack of commitment. It sounds like you're experiencing a lot; congratulations and I hope it continues to go so well for you.

(in reply to gorgeous1)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Our New 24/7 Arrangement - 1/1/2008 5:46:43 AM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline
quote:

Anyhow, I am wondering if any of you who are in a 24/7 had had similar experiences? How did you tackle the first hurdles of working into a 24/7? What were the easiest or most difficult things to do?


For the first time ever I'm ready to explore 24/7 as I finally live with my Dom. I had similar experiences with forgetting tasks that were simple or innocuous. I crave that firm "you will do this or get disciplined" frame of mid, but M has been more "understanding" and instead willing to find out why and forgive my slip ups. I don't know how to make him know that not only am I willing to receive punishment, I would rather get punished than just forgiven!

I have to share that we had D/s when we lived apart and it was set aside to deal with a LOT of relationship issues and is only just now being picked up again. It makes it hard because instead of deepening the relationship, we are both starting over (not having had any significant D/s for almost 2 years) as well as trying something more than we ever did before. I am struggling with going from nothing to trying to do this all the time.

The easiest things to do have been kneeling and serving appropriately (elbows at sides, forearms paralell to ground, presenting my breasts framed by my arms as well as whatever I'm serving). The hardest things to do have been asking for permission to use the furniture and an early evening ritual in which he wanted my mindset to be very particular. I am just not in that mindset when I get home from work!

I'm also trying to get myself back into the habit of addressing him as Sir. When our D/s stopped I couldn't seem to remember that he wasn't "Sir" anymore, so I stopped using his name or any title at all with him. I need to change that habit.

I'm also struggling with some internal pride issues related to our relationship history and the fact that this is both starting from scratch as well as partially picking up where we left off, plus trying something on a deeper level than before.

Best of luck to you in your journey, it sounds like you'll be quite happy!
~E

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'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

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RE: Our New 24/7 Arrangement - 1/1/2008 7:53:34 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gorgeous1
He made stocks! The other night I got out of the shower and he had the stocks laid out on the bed and I knew I was in for it! He put my head and wrists into the stocks, locked them and had me kneel against the bed and he made me repeat sentences like "I will charge my cell phone" and each syllable got a whack with a rattan cane, and it hurt like hell. A couple of times I squirmed and couldn't hold my position, which is something I have always been able to do. Before he began the punishment, he told me I didn't deserve my collar if I wasn't going to obey the rules. I ended up in tears and when he finished I kissed his feet and told him how sorry I was, because I really was, and he believed me and gave me back my collar and kissed me and held me.


Yeah, but did you charge your cell phone? *chuckle*

Congrats on the new/improved dynamic.

Master Fire




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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to gorgeous1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Our New 24/7 Arrangement - 1/2/2008 9:10:56 AM   
gorgeous1


Posts: 367
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline 		OK everyone...

Yes Master Fire, I did charge my phone!

I made a to do list for today!

Check Messages
Email J*****
Coordinate dinners (I have a friend with a child who has cancer and us moms in the community bring dinners twice a week...I'm in charge of coordinating)
exercise (housework takes care of aerobics today/30 minutes of crunches, sit ups, etc.)
Take down Christmas decorations


I have told Capnspankins that I want to be held accountable for exercising and if I don't do it, I get punished.

_____________________________

Wife/property of CapnSpankins...and loving every minute of it! Visit my juicy blog http://www.kinkycrafts.info/gorgeous-blog/gblog.php for updates on my slave training!

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 19
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