RE: How would you feel

RE: How would you feel (Full Version)

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AquaticSub -> RE: How would you feel (12/26/2007 10:27:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: simplewhispers if you found your Master or sub to have an illness that could not be fixed? Medicated and not harmful to you. Would you consider cutting him/her loose? To much of a liability? No. I strongly feel that everyone is going to die of something. Be it lung cancer, breast cancer, liver failure, any long-term terminal illness, any short-term terminal illness. Everyone is going to die of something. I love him, regardless of his state of health.

ownedgirlie -> RE: How would you feel (12/26/2007 10:32:22 PM)
My Master has a medical condition which I learned about a long time ago. It has worsened over the years and he is regularly in pain. Leave him??? Are you kidding me??? I'm thinking of more things I can do for him as a result. We have actually been in fairly lengthy conversations about what happens as this progresses. He asked me not too long ago how I felt about caring for him as he worsens, and what happens if it makes him incapable of doing things (physically or mentally) that he does now. In other words, if he is in a weakened position, how will I feel about submitting to him? My response is that perhaps I can finally truly show him just how grateful I am, by "giving back" to him all he has given to me. It will break my heart to see this disease consume him, but there is no doubt in my mind I will be with him to the end. The idea of leaving is absurd to me.

Rayne58 -> RE: How would you feel (12/26/2007 11:09:49 PM)
My Master has renal failure, diabetes, arthritis, bad knees....long list. He had these conditions when we met. We have now been together nearly 4 years and married for one. We have weathered several crises and hospital stays and no doubt there will be more in the future. We do dialysis at home and I am His full time carer. This just gives me more opportunities to be of service. Even though it can be stressful at times, the love and the joy we have found together makes it all worthwhile [:)]

Hergirl0824 -> RE: How would you feel (12/26/2007 11:26:22 PM)
i dealt with this issue very recently...my former Domme suffered a series of strokes that left Her unable to care for Herself, and although i had no intention of leaving Her, She pushed me away, released me for what She felt was my own good...it was more an issue of how She felt about Herself and Her own image than about the illness or my service to Her...She felt incapable of continueing in the lifestyle....i have moved on so that i can meet my own needs as is Her wish, but we remain close friends and always will be

Kostly -> RE: How would you feel (12/26/2007 11:51:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam I feel that IF I ended the relationship over something like that, it'd be over how they are dealing and coping with the problem rather than the problem itself. I'd be able to stay for a while if they fell into a deep depression or whatnot...I'd be able to stay for a while without some physical thing...but unless they're willing to try and find solutions around those things, it'd simply be a toxic relationship for me. I'm an empath and how other people feel in my relationships affect me. I've spent too many years learning to be stable with my bipolar to be able to handle a toxic relationship. I know that I'd have to say, "I love you, but this is toxic for me and I must go." However, if they're trying to learn ways to cope, looking at solutions, finding other ways to positively work with the problem, yeah, I'd stay. Master Fire I have to agree... Untreated mental illness is one acception. If they got help, took their drugs, and were working on it, then I would stay. But if they stop medication, if they dont get treatment, if the consequences caused enough "toxic" in the relationship then you got to go. You are not leaving them for their illness, you are leaving them because they wont take treatment for their illness... I cant see any other illness outside Chemical Dependancy and/or Alchoolism that I would leave someone for.

celticlord2112 -> RE: How would you feel (12/27/2007 12:22:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: simplewhispers if you found your Master or sub to have an illness that could not be fixed? Medicated and not harmful to you. Would you consider cutting him/her loose? To much of a liability? Never.

MaamJay -> RE: How would you feel (12/27/2007 12:49:22 AM)
I feel it is sometimes more difficult when the sub is the one who is ill, if they can't accept in their heads that their Dom/me may want and take pleasure in looking after them. If a Dominant is ill, it seems more natural for the sub to shoulder the burden and take on more of the caring role, although, as we've seen in the responses here, some Dominants feel too guilty about needing that much help to accept it. In my case, i am 15 years older than Master ... so He realised from the start that medically i am liable to deteriorate before He does! Just in the last year, i have been diagnosed with diabetes II and atrial fibrillation ... He was beside me in the Doctor's surgery at both times, and He is with me all the way. Both of these are currently controllable, which is good, but both could lead to complications in the future. From the time W/we met, my knees haven't allowed me to kneel regularly, so fine, kneeling isn't O/our "thing", W/we have found other ways for me to express my submission. Generally I think there is a way around most things IF both are wanting to put the effort into finding it. In some forms of mental illness, there might not be a way, if i got Alzheimer's at a young age for example and ceased to even know Him, especially with Him being so much younger, i wouldn't expect Him to necessarily stay devoted to me, i would rather hope He would find someone else who could meet His needs. And as MasterFireMaam said, if the relationship becomes toxic, and both parties are not willing to put the effort into detoxifying it, then there comes a time to say goodbye. In the OP's specific case, of having to take blood thinners for a clotting disorder, well My Mum's been on warfarin for over 40 years and survived not one, but several pulmonary emboli (blood clots in the lungs). What's getting to her now isn't that ... it's her arthritis that has made her physically disabled! So I really don't think this specific problem should be a massive one in terms of longevity and service. It might limit some forms of play ... ok, needle play and cutting might not be the smartest forms of play to try ... need to be aware of bruising ... but surely there are enough things that can be done for this not to be a deal-breaker. Who amongst us is the perfect sub with no health issues at all? And even if you are now (maybe you're 20 LOL) ... how long will that last? I see this as a lifestyle between real people, with all their human frailties. Maam Jay although violet[A] did most of the talking this time!

eyesopened -> RE: How would you feel (12/27/2007 1:15:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: simplewhispers if you found your Master or sub to have an illness that could not be fixed? Medicated and not harmful to you. Would you consider cutting him/her loose? To much of a liability? No. I strongly feel that everyone is going to die of something. Be it lung cancer, breast cancer, liver failure, any long-term terminal illness, any short-term terminal illness. Everyone is going to die of something. I love him, regardless of his state of health. i agree entirely! Even if the illness were contageous, i would not leave, i would learn how to live with His illness. Untreated mental illness of a sort that put my life in danger may be an exception but in the senario the OP posted, not harmful, i would never consider leaving. As an aside.... i have not found menopause to decrease my sex drive in the least little bit, maybe even increased the drive. One possible reason given for hormone replacement therapy is to prevent vaginal atrophy but my doctor said the homeopathic remedy is to increase sexual activity vaginally. When she told me this i laughed and asked for a prescription. She laughed and said i could get it over the counter, along with the condoms.

hisannabelle -> RE: How would you feel (12/27/2007 1:29:55 AM)
greetings simplewhispers, i have several illnesses (mental and physical) that can't be fixed and negatively impact my life as well as affecting my ability to serve at times. my health is unusual for someone at my age, but we're still together. he's dealing with some of the normal breakdown for people his age (54), plus he just went through hyperthyroidism and getting his thyroid killed off, plus he has a rare illness that affects his immune system (among other things rarely). we're still together. if anything, being in ridiculous amounts of pain 24/7 for almost my entire life has taught me to go after what i want and not to worry about things like age or whether he'll be dead when i'm 30 or i'll be dead when he's 75 or whatever. we take care of each other the best way we can, and i imagine even if things get worse and i end up in a wheelchair or he ends up unable to work, we'll continue doing our best. respectfully, annabelle.

julietsierra -> RE: How would you feel (12/27/2007 3:51:41 AM)
I can't even begin to imagine leaving him just because he's ill. That's when it's time to step up as much as he'll allow. juliet

lilacs -> RE: How would you feel (12/27/2007 4:02:56 AM)
I was with a dominant who had and has some very severe mental illness issues. That in and of itself does not bother me. What bothered me was the fact that when he was ill, he cut me out of his life and would not communicate or let us be anything resembling a couple - D/s or otherwise. He was very wrapped up in his own issues (as should be expected) but he was so wrapped up and wouldn't let another living soul near him that I simply couldn't handle it. In the end, I had to ask for release. It wasn't the illness itself - it was how he had reacted to it. He refused to get real help, would not talk to me, withdrew from me and most of his friends. Everything I did to try to help or support him was met with anger. I had to leave for my own mental health. As others have said, it really is about how a person reacts and adjusts to their own problems. There are ways to work around the limitations of many physical and mental illnesses if care is taken. There are, of course, limitations - but that doesn't always exclude everything. To the OP: I would encourage you to let prospective partners know about your individual health issues and (if you know) how it does and doesn't impact BDSM activities. Your honesty will be appreciated and is the responsible thing to do and someone who is worth being a long-term or even just an occational play-partner will be sensitive to such things.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: How would you feel (12/27/2007 8:05:54 AM)
my SO had ulcerative colitis and his entire colon removed. he now wears a stoma bag which has to be emptied every 48hrs. he takes medicine, needs to keep his diabetes checked, and regularly sees the doctor every month. how do i actually feel about having a dominant with such medical problems? i feel i'm ready and up to the challenge of tackling his doctor appointment/medicine for the rest of his life. now all of this (and more) would scare away most potential submissives however for me it didn't. i have experience handling someone with severe medical problems for over 7yrs.

mhawk -> RE: How would you feel (12/27/2007 8:08:14 AM)
well a good example of this for me is that i have a seizure disorder. a few years ago i was finally placed on a medication that actually worked and,worked well. before coming to be with my Lord and Mistress, i informed them that this is a health issue for me.i have had several injuries due to seizures. i have also had "partners' that have walked away from me because of that problem and it was gut wrenching after having so much trust and faith in those people. now here with my Lord and Mistress they both have seen me go through an episode.it had been building and i was afraid to tell them seeing as i had just recently had gotten here.that old fear came into to play that they would leave me as soon as they saw what can happen. and you know what,i got surprised.the next day i found out from both of them,that after it looked like it had "passed" they picked me up and carried me into the guest room and laid there with me for a bit.and after all of that they kept reassuring me no matter what happens with my health they will not leave me or dismiss me. i would do the same if anything happened to either of them.i would stay and still be the slave they need me to be.

Prinsexx -> RE: How would you feel (12/27/2007 8:35:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: simplewhispers if you found your Master or sub to have an illness that could not be fixed? Medicated and not harmful to you. Would you consider cutting him/her loose? To much of a liability? Isn't everyone medicated? i mean counting vitamins, and the birth control pill or hrt............ and yess I would soon get bored f he wasn't harmful to me lol... sorry but confused by the question.

simplewhispers -> RE: How would you feel (12/27/2007 8:52:29 AM)
breakdown of the body was a good example of what I wanted to ask, I myself have had several strokes, not leaving me with anything that you would notice if you did not know me before, however due to the strokes and the clotting disorder it would limit my play in certain areas, I am honest about it, but wondering how this would affect how a Master would feel in choosing me, and if t his were to happen to someone already in a D/s relationship.Wondering if it gets tough to handle who would throw in the towel basically.

Kaiynasha -> RE: How would you feel (12/27/2007 9:27:12 AM)
simplewhispers you can only decide for yourself. I agree with MasterFire, it depends on how the person is handling their illness. Are they taking their medication, going to the doctor, taking care of themselves. Or as they putting themselves at risk and still wishes to play? Remember D/s is about being safe and therefore if the person is not behaving safely- I would cut them off and end the relationship. However if they were doing everything they should. Then No. I would love and care for them and enjoy my life with them. Ms. K

RCdc -> RE: How would you feel (12/27/2007 9:37:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: simplewhispers breakdown of the body was a good example of what I wanted to ask, I myself have had several strokes, not leaving me with anything that you would notice if you did not know me before, however due to the strokes and the clotting disorder it would limit my play in certain areas, I am honest about it, but wondering how this would affect how a Master would feel in choosing me, and if t his were to happen to someone already in a D/s relationship.Wondering if it gets tough to handle who would throw in the towel basically. simple - I find your original question very different to the question later on, so I am answering in two ways. If I found Darcy was to become unwell, or have an illness then no - I would not leave. However, what you are suggesting (above paragraph) now is that it is a pre - known problem/illness/complaint which is part of the negociation process in my opinion. Something that the dominant would know before taking you on, which is a different scenario. There are people out there that will be able to adapt to your limitation. I don't see it as an impossiblity under the right supervision and correct medical advice. You simply have to find someone compatable. the.dark.

KindLadyGrey -> RE: How would you feel (12/27/2007 9:37:54 AM)
I can't think of any physical illnesses that would make me leave a partner, but I can think of several mental illnesses that make me hesitant to pursue or continue a relationship. If my partner is schizophrenic, bipolar, borderline, or anything similar, continuing adherence to therapy and medication would be a CONDITION of our relationship. If they went off their meds, it would be over by prearranged agreement. Anyone who has been in a relationship with someone who has one of those mental illnesses knows that this is a very relevant topic. They start doing better on the meds, and then think they can cut back or stop taking them. Bipolar folks are especially guilty of this type of rationalization, and they will try to renegotiate a trial period off the meds or on lower doses or whatever. I've never dated a schizophrenic, but I have several friends who are schizophrenic and I know they have a love/hate relationship with their meds too. So sure, many mental illnesses can be controlled, but not cured, with medication. Without medication these mental illnesses can be very harmful to a relationship, so it makes sense that continuing the relationship would be contingent on continuing a course of medication.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: How would you feel (12/27/2007 9:46:54 AM)
When I was meeting people originally, it was out on the table from the getgo that I have arthritis in my hips and spine. I am limited, though not severly. If they are not comfortable with the prospect, I understand and I move on. When I met Angel, one of the first things he did was talk about his disorders and various health problems. He has a laundry list of them, and most of them are severe and very limiting. He is still mine, becasue they do not harm OUR interaction although they do limit what some people might have wanted to do to and with him. Fox is healthy. Were he ever to develop a problem I cant see letting him go because of it. A partners limitations are just that. You readjust things around them as you would voluntary limits. DV

raneMJH -> RE: How would you feel (12/27/2007 10:25:39 AM)
my Husband and i both entered into our relationship with known health issues. It didnt change the people we are and still fell in love. Over the years (almost 11) we have developed more health issues, some treatable some not, again it doesnt change who we are at the core. It can change us in many ways ( for example the depression i developed after the kids were born) but it really doesnt change who we are. And it doesnt change the love we feel for each other or the commitment we made. Yes i know there are many variables that complicate other situations this is just my personal take on it from my background, a bit simple perhaps, but there it is.

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