Long distance relationships and contracts

Long distance relationships and contracts (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

Phin -> Long distance relationships and contracts (12/25/2007 12:20:11 AM)
OK its a couple of different subjects here, but they are both come up in the same situation, so please bear with me. I have been chatting with a sub friend for some time now. From what I can see she is a wonderful person, but she lives a great distance from me. At this point in our lives neither of us are relocatable (and barring really bad thing happening in my life, I never will be) nor do I see a chance to even meet her face to face in the forseeable future. I would love to see my collar around her neck, however I have never been involved in a long distance relationship (D/s or otherwise) before. For those that have, how do you deal with the rigers of that kind of relationship? If entering into a long distance D/s relationship would you draw up a contract? What would you include in the contract? Would you include an "escape clause" for the event that the sub were to find a compatable Dom whom is in her area? Thanks Phin

CuriousLord -> RE: Long distance relationships and contracts (12/25/2007 12:36:48 AM)
Knowing neither your nor her personality, I feel I'm unable to give an adequate answer. However, in general, I would suggest to be prepared for a relationship based largely off communication. This can become more different after initial contact if either of you becomes bored of it, particularly when you know eachother well enough that conversations become about increasingly mundane and day-to-day things. Not to sound cynical, but contracts just.. I mean, to be honest, the net's great for anonimity (sp?; I'm sure I murdered that word). Someone can back out and never speak again at their convinence. There's typically no recourse one could take. At least, dating in real life, there's often a social backlash to acting inappropriately or cruelly to a partner or previous partner, but that just doesn't exist here. To be honest, many are simply inclined to be in something until they stop feeling like it with no special commitment that's typically necessary to maintain a relationship beyond a short period (typically past three months?). My point being, I would advise the understanding that your relationship would be based upon communication of things that may not be interesting.. that that would have to be enough, unless you two happen to live particularly interesting lives (you're cool if you're 007). Since it's easier to back out of commitments online, a failure to do so often results in the end of a relationship.

LittleWench -> RE: Long distance relationships and contracts (12/25/2007 2:00:38 AM)
I live in Australia, my Owner lives in the US. We are working towards him moving here, but for the next several months we are destined to D/s via long distance. We didn't write a contract, we did however write a set of goals/expectations for each other, some of this is relevant to our switch to D/s as our relationship dynamic, some of it is relevant to the distance, some of it is "relationship rules". For us, our emotional commitment is the contract. We want this to work, words on paper or written on a screen don't give that commitment any greater meaning. One of the hardest parts I have found is scening long distance. When limited to voice communication and a webcam and no form of after care, it's challenging to come up with scenarios that strengthen the D/s dynamic. If you are interested, the information to reach my blog is included in my profile, you can see the list of goals we set for each other.

KnOcala -> RE: Long distance relationships and contracts (12/25/2007 3:59:53 AM)
I just can't see it working. Get the most out of the situation and if it progesses to the point where you are both very serious about your relationship. Relocation would be the only solution that would last

thetammyjo -> RE: Long distance relationships and contracts (12/25/2007 5:15:55 AM)
I did long distance once and once was more than enough. Frankly I can't feel like I own someone if I can't see and touch them several times a week at minimum.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Long distance relationships and contracts (12/25/2007 5:38:43 AM)
like an old commercial use to say "...my word is my bond..." that's how Daddy and i handle our LDR - our commintment to each other in a way is our "contract". our type of D/s dynamic wouldn't suit most because we hardly meet "in person" ...which is fine with me - i don't need Daddy's presence/touch to actually feel His love. i wear His love every single day on my body ...from His collar around my neck, His ring and chain on my left hand to His ankle chains on both ankles - i know i'm loved. plus there are other ways He bestows His love like little presents every month to sharing His favorite songs with me. and to the naysayers who claim it wouldn't last - well Daddy and i have been together over a year (defying odds against us) and are looking forward to more wonderful years of togetherness.

TreasureKY -> RE: Long distance relationships and contracts (12/25/2007 5:46:49 AM)
I really don't understand... why would you even be considering collaring her? Your profile talks of your submissive walking into parties with you, yet you admit here that it's unlikely that you will even meet this woman face-to-face any time soon. Your profile states that you require your submissive to be at least somewhat masochistic, yet why would that matter if you collar someone you aren't planning to be physical with? It doesn't sound like this woman can give you what you want. She may indeed be wonderful, but is that any reason to "make her yours"? What about what she wants? You've not mentioned what she is looking for, but I've seen very few submissives who only want a cyber relationship. Would this be fair to her? Are you even considering her desires? What would be so wrong about simply being her friend? Is there any reason you can't be that "daddy" to her as just her friend? Your dominance of her is only going to be limited to things you can do from a distance... giving her rules, having her journal, etc... does she really need to be collared for that?

Littlepita -> RE: Long distance relationships and contracts (12/25/2007 7:05:12 AM)
If there is not chance in the forseeable future that you two will be together than I say keep her as a friend only. I did the long distance online thing for 10 months and it was very difficult. The more you fall for each other the harder it gets. Not being able to touch one another is something you will miss more than you can imagine.

spanklette -> RE: Long distance relationships and contracts (12/25/2007 7:35:19 AM)
My personal experience on this particular front...the LDR didn't last very long at all. It became quickly apparent that this was not a situation that could continue. It would have been fine if we could have settled for the status quo...chatting, journaling, and visiting via web cam. That was what we did. I ended up neglecting my personal life because I was having to devote my time to trying to be with someone that was across the country. I was holing up in my apartment with my computer and my cell phone...when I was the epitome of a "party girl". On one hand, it was nice to have someone make the same effort that I was making, but on the other hand...well, it just wasn't something that was sustainable. I moved...given the same circumstances, I would do it again. I gave up a lot to move here, and I am still paying in some senses. It's a high price to pay, but worth it for me. This isn't something that anyone else can decide for you...only the two of you know if it is something that's sustainable for the two of you. I wouldn't worry about a contract, at this point. Edited to add: I forgot to mention that at the beginning, both of us said that moving was not a possibility. But...I suppose, I proved myself wrong.[:)]

Rushemery -> RE: Long distance relationships and contracts (12/25/2007 7:54:03 AM)
some people can make it work others cant, I feel you will miss a lot by not being able to touch but it could strengthen your relationship and end up being forever. if I cant physicly look into someones eyes I loose interest fast but thats just me

Missokyst -> RE: Long distance relationships and contracts (12/25/2007 8:52:05 AM)
If you know that you never plan to meet what does it matter if you have collared her or not? Call it a collaring and you both can indulge in the fantasy you need. I suspect if she ever finds this in real life then the contract will come to an inevidible end. Probably just fizzling out as she goes out with her potential. Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: Phin At this point in our lives neither of us are relocatable (and barring really bad thing happening in my life, I never will be) nor do I see a chance to even meet her face to face in the forseeable future. If entering into a long distance D/s relationship would you draw up a contract? What would you include in the contract? Would you include an "escape clause" for the event that the sub were to find a compatable Dom whom is in her area?

MiladyElaine -> RE: Long distance relationships and contracts (12/25/2007 9:35:53 AM)
quote: I have been chatting with a sub friend for some time now. From what I can see she is a wonderful person, but she lives a great distance from me. At this point in our lives neither of us are relocatable (and barring really bad thing happening in my life, I never will be) nor do I see a chance to even meet her face to face in the forseeable future. It is hopeless to even start! Neither of you can ever be together permanently so why even bother? Just move on and find someone who can relocate. A contract isn't worth the paper it is written on in RT so it would be even less in virtual. All that matters is the love and/or earnestness of the two of Y/you. Believe Me, I've been there and done that long distance route and it is ok IF you can eventually be togehter within a reasonable time chosen by YOU. quote: ORIGINAL: Phin OK its a couple of different subjects here, but they are both come up in the same situation, so please bear with me. I have been chatting with a sub friend for some time now. From what I can see she is a wonderful person, but she lives a great distance from me. At this point in our lives neither of us are relocatable (and barring really bad thing happening in my life, I never will be) nor do I see a chance to even meet her face to face in the forseeable future. I would love to see my collar around her neck, however I have never been involved in a long distance relationship (D/s or otherwise) before. For those that have, how do you deal with the rigers of that kind of relationship? If entering into a long distance D/s relationship would you draw up a contract? What would you include in the contract? Would you include an "escape clause" for the event that the sub were to find a compatable Dom whom is in her area? Thanks Phin

ZapRobo -> RE: Long distance relationships and contracts (12/25/2007 2:07:05 PM)
quote: For those that have, how do you deal with the rigers of that kind of relationship? If entering into a long distance D/s relationship would you draw up a contract? What would you include in the contract? Would you include an "escape clause" for the event that the sub were to find a compatable Dom whom is in her area? Well, you deal with it as best you can - make as much time for each other as you can - phones, cams, IM's, and in-person visits. Also, a LDR shouldn't be the only part of the relationship - work towards being together, otherwise what you have is a complex online chat! I didn't draw up a contract as it ain't my bag - if it's for you and yours then sure, go for it. If I was doing a contract? Well, an "escape clause" is only fair - at least until the first years' renewal and you know if you can sustain the relationship until you can be together. For point of reference, I am three years into my LDR. Around 2-3 years of "The Plan" to go. These relationships work, if you're BOTH committed. Good luck!

SirJohnMandevill -> RE: Long distance relationships and contracts (12/25/2007 3:11:14 PM)
I have to go with those who say the chance of a LTR working without even meeting is pretty slim. You can certainly START a relationship online and on the phone, but I think you have to be physically together for a true D/s relationship. My .02 zlotys. Your milage may vary. Good luck! Les (Purveyor of Fine, handcrafted Kink)

daddyncherry -> RE: Long distance relationships and contracts (12/25/2007 5:13:23 PM)
We did that (LDR) for about 10.5 months...It worked well for us but, we also spent a bunch of extended periods together over that time. We had a couple of short (3-4 day visits) and 2, month long periods of living under the same roof.....Also, we had cell phones on the same bill so we spent quite an extended period of time everyday on the phone with eachother (sometimes 4-5 hours or so of our days) as well as computer time. It worked very well for us and we didn't have any issues, other than missing eachother terribly of course. Our contract didn't have an escape clause in any way, and there was no desire to look for a local Dom, not even for a second. Edited to add: Maybe at this point it would be a beneficial relationship for both of you...since you don't see even being able to meet face to face for the forseeable future then collaring, to me, doesn't seem like the way to go. But, you could both learn and grow and benefit from having known eachother...people come into our lives for a reason...maybe you were meant to serve a profound purpose in eachother's worlds. excuse me if that sounds romantic, but i am, and hell it's Christmas. [:)]

whiteslavebitch -> RE: Long distance relationships and contracts (12/25/2007 5:22:56 PM)
I was LD with Master for >2 years, the only reason I could tolerate that was because we were planning eventually for me to move closer to him. Also semi-frequent visits back and forth helped. Otherwise it wouldn't have worked for me.

BalletBob -> RE: Long distance relationships and contracts (12/25/2007 5:49:11 PM)
Hi Phin and Sub. Go ahead and try it. It worked for me, and there are so many here that are against anything, that isn't real time. If it works for you, then go to it, and have all the fun you can. The long distance relations ship is what you make of it. I am sure she would what ever you tell her to, or what is the use of contacting you. It would be alie to her, as it would be to you. When me and Mistress Haley had our time online, I done what she asked of me. It was fun doing things for her, whih pleased me too. If I didn't do as she asked, I would be denying myself fun too. Had it and miss it, Sub BalletBob

simplewhispers -> RE: Long distance relationships and contracts (12/25/2007 5:55:53 PM)
are the contracts custom written? Are there printable contracts I could see?

calicowgirl -> RE: Long distance relationships and contracts (12/25/2007 6:10:12 PM)
I always said an LDR was not an option I would consider. It was a rule of sorts I had set for myself because to me, touching and being physical is very important. And yet here I find myself in an LDR, like you, without being able to relocate (at least for many years). Before going into the relationship we talked a lot about what was important to us, expectations etc but no actual contract. Seeing each other often is very important to the both of us so right off the bat, Sir made a a rule that before parting ways we have to have our next date to meet on the horizon. That as well as lots of communication (something I am learning daily to do better) via phone, IM, e-mail, webcam etc is how we remain close. I say to really look inside of yourself and see if you think things might work. Will you be able to have what you want, need and crave. Will she? For some, the connection felt is just too much to ignore and so if long distance is all that is available at the time, then it is well worth working around the trials in order to give it a go. Good luck to you! cali

DesFIP -> RE: Long distance relationships and contracts (12/25/2007 10:39:28 PM)
You're looking to collar someone you don't expect to meet. Thus preventing either of you from finding real life partners. It will work until she changes her screen name and blocks your im and email. Basically, you're putting the cart before the horse.

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125