RE: Limits on enjoyed play (slight rant) (Full Version)

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MasterFireMaam -> RE: Limits on enjoyed play (slight rant) (12/20/2007 12:16:56 AM)

There are levels of trust. Trusting someone to tie you up isn't the same as trusting them to tie you up THEN take a knife to you. There's trust and then there's TRUST.

Master Fire



Dnomyar -> RE: Limits on enjoyed play (slight rant) (12/20/2007 4:37:48 AM)

What do you mean that you don't fuck on the first date. Your kidding right. You mean all of these years I have been doing it wrong. Mabey because of my advanced age I should stop doing that. I think not life is to short.  



Maya2001 -> RE: Limits on enjoyed play (slight rant) (12/20/2007 8:04:29 AM)

You could be very talented in bondage, I may have watched you and seen how good you are, I may trust you ..........but I have to set limits not because of lack of trust but because I have suffered neck and back injuries that  will impact what bondage I am able to be involved in  so one reason for setting


I may trust you in other sorts of play but I have insecurities in my own mind at how far I can play without possibly having a panic attack for example I have had my life threatened before with a knife and gun as well as watched my own sons life threatened with a knife  I may be interested in play  as part of a healing process and also knowing you enjoy but I may want to take it really slow so as not to become overstimulated to the point where a flashback may occur, despite all your skills and talent in the play you will have no idea what it is like have the experience in R/t as an act of violence, you will not know what mental images I see when I recall those events or what words were said to me during that time and these can become triggers that can result in serious flashback so my defining the limits  helps to prevent that from happening.



Dnomyar -> RE: Limits on enjoyed play (slight rant) (12/20/2007 8:14:30 AM)

If your going into bondage play then have your limits set before hand. Know about your bondage partner beforehand.



Rover -> RE: Limits on enjoyed play (slight rant) (12/20/2007 8:31:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin

If you are going to trust someone with this, why would you limit the play that the both of you enjoy?


So, how would you feel if she enjoys play with two bisexual Tops who also enjoy one another during the scene?  Would you still feel no need to limit your play, or is this really a whine about you not getting your way?
 
John



TMaster2 -> RE: Limits on enjoyed play (slight rant) (12/20/2007 8:41:14 AM)

I will of course respect limits set by my partner, even if I try to edge close to them, push them a bit on occassion.  If my partner's hard limits are something I really want and like to do, then I have chosen the wrong partner.  On the other hand, I limit myself in my use of my partner.  I like to "use" her, but not "use her up."  I want her to be ready for the next, to have maybe fewer limits, so I make sure not to traumatize her or something to make her have more limits.  I want her to finish with a "wow!"  not an "oww :( "

As for my hard limits, there are some things I will never do, things I consider life threatening play, even in the hands of so-called experts.  I also limit myself to not do things I am not practiced in.  For instance, I can hit the spot with a single tail, but I'd probably also hit a lot harder than I realize, so not ready to do this on her yet ;)



ghitaPVH -> RE: Limits on enjoyed play (slight rant) (12/20/2007 8:47:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

For the same reason people don't always fuck on the first date...


They dont??? Damn. Im glad we arent dating the same people......


Anyway, Phin:
quote:

If you are going to trust someone with this, why would you limit the play that the both of you enjoy?


I'm not quite sure if this came out the way you meant it, but the truth is I think I agree with you. I havent done a lot of public play over the past few years, but I used to play almost weekly with people I had never met before nor would ever meet again. I was very very lucky to get a job working for a gentleman who built dungeon furniture, and part of that job was going around to play parties and conventions and helping set up and take down his equipment and over and over again I was asked to help erhm, demonstrate the equipment, in other words let Dom/mes and others top me for a scene while using his equipment. When I first started doing this, I was nervous, and i would put some pretty strict "rules" out about what I would and wouldnt allow. But I was a newbie, and I was scared, and I wanted to keep a small amount of control. But something I learned as time went by, was that 90% of the time, the people who were topping me were very experianced, and had their own ways of playing, and by telling them what they could and couldnt do to me, I was actually cheating myself out of some really great experiances. The more I shut up, and the less limits I placed (other than my few hard and fast limits such as no fire and no electricity) and just let those Tops do their scene, the better my experiances became, and the more wonderful things I was able to experiance. I was in a partially different situation though, in that I always had someone nearby who knew me very well and knew my reactions, so I was able to start to relax more and more. But I agree with you, Phin. If Ive already decided to trust someone enough to get naked in front of them and allow them to tie me up and cause me physical pain anyway, why the hell would I ruin a great experiance by telling them what to do.



PanthersMom -> RE: Limits on enjoyed play (slight rant) (12/20/2007 9:08:25 AM)

limits come and go, but while they exist, they should be respected.  especially when it comes to limits that involve a deeper trust.  i have a couple hard limits and breath play is one of them.  back in my sub days, i had 2 dominants, both of them were taller, stronger and outweighed me considerably, i couldn't have put up a defense if i had wanted to.  one i trusted to do certain things, the other i did not.  one i tried breath play with and found it was a hard limit, something i would never allow anyone to do again, and something i will never do as a dominant partner no matter what.  it's just the way things are for me and always will be.  it first had to do with the person, then it was my own limit based on experience.  nothing wrong with why it's a limit, just respect that it is.  depending on your particular situation, maybe someone might change their mind on a limit sometime in the future.  i'd just accept the way things are and look towards finding activities we both enjoy.

PM



YesMistressIrish -> RE: Limits on enjoyed play (slight rant) (12/20/2007 12:02:31 PM)

Yes, what everyone said above. There's trust and then there's TRUST. It can take more time to trust some and less time for others.




sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Limits on enjoyed play (slight rant) (12/20/2007 12:50:22 PM)

People have limits for things for different reasons. They might be a personal preference or an intense fear. No matter what it is they should be honored. It isn't for the other to say if their limits or right or wrong. It is right for that person and that is what gives them a sense of comfort.

Limits can be pushed but if that person is adamant about their hard limits then it should be respected. Trust takes time to build and some more than others. All people involved have to do what makes them feel comfortable and safe.



batshalom -> RE: Limits on enjoyed play (slight rant) (12/20/2007 1:45:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin

why are you not trusting them to use judgement on the type of play that you do?


Sometimes the most efficient and sage answer is also the most obvious.

Because she said so, that's why.



catize -> RE: Limits on enjoyed play (slight rant) (12/20/2007 6:11:06 PM)

Here’s the thing; if it is a negotiated play session and the goal is that it will be fun for all then both parties get to decide what is and is not fun.  Seems pretty simple to me!



Peridot -> RE: Limits on enjoyed play (slight rant) (12/21/2007 11:19:40 AM)

I'd need proof of experience for starters. For instance- no breath control unless a dominant has learned CPR! 



ImpGrrl -> RE: Limits on enjoyed play (slight rant) (12/21/2007 12:07:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessMine

What if the limits are kind of....silly? Like when I used to do real time, this one sub's limit was that I couldn't look him in the eyes during a session -wtf??


What seems silly to you could be *huge* to the person holding it as a limit. 



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