How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (Full Version)

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kitttty -> How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (12/18/2007 8:09:26 PM)

I was worried about being a small Domme, but I seem to get many replies to my profile based on my pics. But, I have trouble getting things to work out into the point where we can actually meet. I never know why. It's not like people say "this is why I am not interested" or any other thing.

I assume many are just fake! :(

Should I pretty much give up on someone who does not volunteer to voice verify when I request it? People have such weird ways of getting around my voice verification requests.




BondageSlaveMN -> RE: How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (12/18/2007 8:24:06 PM)

You have every right to request such verification. There is a plethora of people on here that are just interested in teasing and playing online. I'd delete and block if a prospective partner refused voice or picture verification.



laurell3 -> RE: How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (12/18/2007 8:24:13 PM)

How soon are you asking and how are you asking?



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (12/18/2007 8:30:38 PM)

You need to work on your initial filters.  Most fakes can be spotted within a few minutes.



kitttty -> RE: How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (12/18/2007 8:30:55 PM)

I ask after the second or third email and I usually say something along the lines of-

I would like to speak with you directly in order to get a better sense of your interests and personality. Also, since there are many fakes on this website, I wish to voice verify that you are actually female. I regret sounding paranoid, but I have been disappointed before. Thus if you are comfortable giving me a phone number where I can reach you, I appreciate it.





TemptingNviceSub -> RE: How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (12/18/2007 8:32:14 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

I was worried about being a small Domme, but I seem to get many replies to my profile based on my pics. But, I have trouble getting things to work out into the point where we can actually meet. I never know why. It's not like people say "this is why I am not interested" or any other thing.

I assume many are just fake! :(

Should I pretty much give up on someone who does not volunteer to voice verify when I request it? People have such weird ways of getting around my voice verification requests.


You kind of answered your own question..you state "I get replies to my profile based on my pics"..rather than on what you have to say...you are attracting a certain type of submissive who only pay attention to pictures...what you may want is ones who pay attention to what you say....after all communication is the cornerstone to any good relationship...read your profile with an eye to how you come across, as if it were not your own..see if maybe it needs a bit of tweaking ,in other words...say something!!!...Tempting



BondageSlaveMN -> RE: How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (12/18/2007 8:33:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

I ask after the second or third email and I usually say something along the lines of-

I would like to speak with you directly in order to get a better sense of your interests and personality. Also, since there are many fakes on this website, I wish to voice verify that you are actually female. I regret sounding paranoid, but I have been disappointed before. Thus if you are comfortable giving me a phone number where I can reach you, I appreciate it.





Part of the issue might be that you are asking for personally identifiable information (phone number). Ask yourself if you would give out your phone number after only a few e-mails online. I suggest image verification instead. Have them write something on a piece of paper and send you a picture with them holding it.



kitttty -> RE: How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (12/18/2007 8:33:49 PM)

How do I spot a fake?

I mean, I don't talk to people with a picture of a girl who looks like a porn star and a profile that says "lookin4fun. hit me up, guys!"


I also think some women just go along with whatever I say and do not bother to mention that they are not interested or that they are really hoping for someone else. And then they just stop emailing and I don't know why.



laurell3 -> RE: How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (12/18/2007 8:38:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

I ask after the second or third email and I usually say something along the lines of-

I would like to speak with you directly in order to get a better sense of your interests and personality. Also, since there are many fakes on this website, I wish to voice verify that you are actually female. I regret sounding paranoid, but I have been disappointed before. Thus if you are comfortable giving me a phone number where I can reach you, I appreciate it.





haha I would tell you to get lost kittty.  A couple of emails is not enough for me to give out personal information to some one.  I'm very much not a fake and very much female.  However, if someone approaches me with a general distrust and paranoia of people, although I recognize how frustrating it can be, I will pass them by. 

If you can't balance disappointment with a healthy rational approach you are going to scare away some of the ones you seek to talk to.  On the other hand, you're going to waste time on some "fakes" (whatever that is).   The only way to learn to get a feel for it is to play it out and learn and shrug off the disappointment.  Demanding info from someone that doesn't know anything about you other than a few emails won't work for quite a few "real" people.

Edited to add: by the way, they don't have to give a phone number at all, voicechat doesn't require one.



takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (12/18/2007 8:41:52 PM)

i was happy when it was requested of me to call when someone found me interesting, but i dumped the one immediately who wanted to talk to me just to make sure i was being truthful. It starts everything off on a negative foot and although you don't mean to say it you are conveying that you don't trust them already and that can rub people the wrong way. You might want to try. Why don't we talk on the phone so we can get to know each other a little bit better. You might get people to respond more willingly to that. Good luck!



kitttty -> RE: How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (12/18/2007 8:43:19 PM)

quote:



If you can't balance disappointment with a healthy rational approach you are going to scare away some of the ones you seek to talk to. On the other hand, you're going to waste time on some "fakes" (whatever that is). The only way to learn to get a feel for it is to play it out and learn and shrug off the disappointment. Demanding info from someone that doesn't know anything about you other than a few emails won't work for quite a few "real" people.


I guess I am the type to want to speak ASAP.

I can email for a period of perhaps a week, but I don't like to.



LittleWench -> RE: How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (12/18/2007 8:45:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

I ask after the second or third email and I usually say something along the lines of-

I would like to speak with you directly in order to get a better sense of your interests and personality. Also, since there are many fakes on this website, I wish to voice verify that you are actually female. I regret sounding paranoid, but I have been disappointed before. Thus if you are comfortable giving me a phone number where I can reach you, I appreciate it.





Why do you need their phone number for voice verification?  There are a multitude of online chat programmes that accomodate voice chat, skype being the one I use.  And leave out the "I wish to verify you are female", simply say, "have you got skype, lets chat".



laurell3 -> RE: How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (12/18/2007 8:45:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

quote:



If you can't balance disappointment with a healthy rational approach you are going to scare away some of the ones you seek to talk to. On the other hand, you're going to waste time on some "fakes" (whatever that is). The only way to learn to get a feel for it is to play it out and learn and shrug off the disappointment. Demanding info from someone that doesn't know anything about you other than a few emails won't work for quite a few "real" people.


I guess I am the type to want to speak ASAP.

I can email for a period of perhaps a week, but I don't like to.


why don't you move from email to IM?  While you may be the type to want to talk ASAP, many others need a comfort level.  You are going to have to consider that when they say they don't want to that's why and not because they are "fake".  Sometimes you will be disappointed, but the alternative is demanding something people aren't ready for because you're paranoid...that's not the greatest message to send is it?



laurell3 -> RE: How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (12/18/2007 8:47:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleWench

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

I ask after the second or third email and I usually say something along the lines of-

I would like to speak with you directly in order to get a better sense of your interests and personality. Also, since there are many fakes on this website, I wish to voice verify that you are actually female. I regret sounding paranoid, but I have been disappointed before. Thus if you are comfortable giving me a phone number where I can reach you, I appreciate it.





Why do you need their phone number for voice verification?  There are a multitude of online chat programmes that accomodate voice chat, skype being the one I use.  And leave out the "I wish to verify you are female", simply say, "have you got skype, lets chat".



Keep in mind not everyone will have a mic or headset, but many newer pcs have them built in now.  So I can't, doesn't always mean "fake".



kitttty -> RE: How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (12/18/2007 8:51:16 PM)

Ok, thanks guys. I'll try to be more patient now.



laurell3 -> RE: How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (12/18/2007 8:52:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

Ok, thanks guys. I'll try to be more patient now.



good plan and good luck



CalifChick -> RE: How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (12/18/2007 9:00:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

I guess I am the type to want to speak ASAP.

I can email for a period of perhaps a week, but I don't like to.


Well, there is nothing wrong with that, but I do agree your approach is a bit off-putting.  Perhaps a more casual... "I'd love to talk to you, are you free after 6 o'clock tonight?" would be better.

Cali



BiteGirl -> RE: How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (12/18/2007 9:09:02 PM)

Why are you so despeate for a voice verify? That dosn't really prove anything.

There are no pics on your profile, there is in fact, nothing.



secretagentgirl -> RE: How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (12/18/2007 9:11:13 PM)

I tend to be more of an online/email person than a phone person.  I even prefer emailing my own friends rather than chatting on the phone.
I suspect in this day and age many people are the same way, especially young people.

Plus, this is an online medium, so the few times that someone wanted to talk on the phone after a short correspondence, it made me bristle.  Nothing against them, it would just signal to me that we were different and just ruffle me a bit.

I think the advice given is all good.  Patience.....



ksub4u -> RE: How do I keep my online interests and make things work out? (12/19/2007 5:07:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitttty

quote:



If you can't balance disappointment with a healthy rational approach you are going to scare away some of the ones you seek to talk to. On the other hand, you're going to waste time on some "fakes" (whatever that is). The only way to learn to get a feel for it is to play it out and learn and shrug off the disappointment. Demanding info from someone that doesn't know anything about you other than a few emails won't work for quite a few "real" people.


I guess I am the type to want to speak ASAP.

I can email for a period of perhaps a week, but I don't like to.



Do you chat with them on Yahoo or AIM or on CM before making this request?  My natural progression is some emails on CM and if we're clicking, moving it to live chat - it gives me a better sense of who they are and what they are interested in.  I definitely wouldn't give out my phone # to someone I just met, though I would understand why they were asking - it's just too soon.



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