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CreativeDominant -> RE: Does your BDSM relationship have to include pain, discomfort and restraint in order to still be BDSM (12/20/2007 2:54:21 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MystressDream
quote:
ORIGINAL: CuriousLord
My relationship's M/s. There's no sadomasochism and very little bondange involved (the extent to which is not at all unusual in the vanilla world).
This said, is it BDSM? I don't think so. But, meh, BDSM has M/s in it, as part of it, so I still share things in common with some members of this community.
It amazes me over the years how people have struggled over defining who they are and what they do. I agree with general lables, per se, when you first start talking to a potential partner, as it helps to know which way the rest of the conversation will go, but, if I am talking to someone, it doesn't take long to figure out where they are within all of this. One or two questions is all it takes.
FOR ME... I have always believed something similar to what LA has said...unless I have misunderstood her.
BDSM... bondage/discipline/sadism/masochism
It wasn't until much later that some decided to lump D/s into there just because the two letters also show up in the BDSM acronym.
FOR ME... D/s is completely seperate. D/s and M/s are who and what we are. BDSM is activities some of us enjoy. Simple as that.
As far as the comments about "isn't D/s without BDSM just a vanilla relationship?", well, kind of. Think of the 50's lifestyle that many refer to. Technically, my parents had the classic D/s relationship. Dad ruled the house, supported the family, it was a patriarchal household. Mom waited on him, took care of the home, and made sure all of his needs were met. What Dad said, was the way it was. No arguing. Were they D/s? As I have said, technically, yes. But, no hint of BDSM existed.
As Master Fire has stated...... in a D/s or M/s relationship, the sadist and/or masochist can wear either power exchange lable or both.
I think the mass confusion comes in when people try to lump D/s into the BDSM acronym... thus, refer to everyone in this lifestyle as being in a BDSM lifestyle when, in fact, that may not be true.
I read through this whole thread, thinking of my answer...and here in MystressDream's words...IS my answer. She said it clearly and I agree with her. For me, D/s is Domination and Submission. The accepting of the control of the will of another and exertion of control AND the yielding of control of will to another and aceepting of their control and guidance. Nowhere in those...admittedly deliberately simple BUT basic...definitions is there anything said about giving pain and receiving sexual pleasure from doing so (sadism), receiving pain and feeling sexual pleasure from doing so (masochism), bondage ( restraint of another using ropes, ties, what have you), or discipline (correction of behavior/a manner of behaving).
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