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RE: removing the collar? - 12/13/2007 8:51:54 AM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline 		I dont find it productive or even healthy for me to try to conjure up circumstances I would "remove" (in the symbolic sense) my wedding band, which is my symbol of commitment from my Daddy (although I do have a very lovely collar, I dont wear it all the time). I would have to create some imaginary convoluted situation in which one of us acted so far out of whack with everything that we know to be true about one another, that it just seems pointless to "go there" mentally.
I dont mean to ignore or beg or make light of the question. It just seems to me that once you are ready for a serious commitment you have already discussed/considered/explored the things that you need to explore together in order to be sure you really mean it when you say "forever". Maybe Im naive but it's working for me so far. :-)

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: removing the collar? - 12/13/2007 11:28:43 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: simplewhispers

assuming you believe in collaring, what would Master have to do for you to give it back? Personal boundries I am sure, but just curious as to what those might be.
 A lot of the responses confused me, those that said no how no way would they give up their collar.Taking the OP literally, all he has to do is tell me he wants it back and I hand it over to him. It belongs to him not me. It was his collar being put around my neck and if he said to give it back I would be destroyed inside but.. I would give it back. What sort of things would compel me to return it? It would have to be something very very serious that goes against who I am, that is an unlikely scenario btw. After nearly 8 years I doubt he would suddenly swing to a polar opposite view of something so deep that it caused an irrepairable rift.

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: removing the collar? - 12/13/2007 12:01:32 PM   
spanklette


Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: camille65

 A lot of the responses confused me, those that said no how no way would they give up their collar.Taking the OP literally, all he has to do is tell me he wants it back and I hand it over to him. It belongs to him not me. It was his collar being put around my neck and if he said to give it back I would be destroyed inside but.. I would give it back. What sort of things would compel me to return it? It would have to be something very very serious that goes against who I am, that is an unlikely scenario btw. After nearly 8 years I doubt he would suddenly swing to a polar opposite view of something so deep that it caused an irrepairable rift.


Daddy and I are disagreeing on this point...if He did something so terrible that our commitment was null and void, well, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't be in the "giving back" state of mind.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: removing the collar? - 12/13/2007 12:04:00 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Well I gave back my wedding ring, and so did he when the ex and I divorced so maybe it is just my way of doing things?

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~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: removing the collar? - 12/13/2007 12:19:01 PM   
Constrictor1


Posts: 143
Joined: 6/29/2006
From: Constrictor1
Status: offline 		To Me, a collar represents the bond between a Master and a slave. A very powerful symbol. If something destroys this bond, regardless of W/who caused it, then the bond is shattered. At this point the collar is worthless to Me. If she wants it, then she can keep it. If she gives it back I either break it or cut it in half. I don't recycle relationships or collars.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: removing the collar? - 12/14/2007 10:54:38 PM   
tdslittlehelper


Posts: 79
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline 		I think it would have to be HUGE.. I mean.. I can't think of it.. I guess it would be a betreal of trust.  But I have learned that I do a lot of knee jerk reactions so I would have to wait and see....

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: removing the collar? - 12/15/2007 7:38:40 AM   
soultoshare


Posts: 519
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		I'm with luci...any violation of a hard limit equals a serious violation of trust.  I walked away from a promising situation because of the threat of one being used as punishment.   I never did find out his motivation behind it, but it was the violation of trust that was the issue.  And to make the situation worse, I couldn't get him to understand that fact.

As much as I crave a collar, I will enter into such a relationship very carefully....I got caught up once in "sub frenzy", it won't happen again!  I too am no quitter, and a collar would have the same significance as vows and a ring.   If however, he wants them back, then I'd give them back....by the time that point is reached, I would have already given all to make the relationship work.  I'm not a quitter, but I also won't beat a dead horse!

< Message edited by soultoshare -- 12/15/2007 7:42:10 AM >

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This is where I should say something witty.....well, "SOMETHING WITTY!"

**********************************************

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...

It's about learning to dance in the rain.



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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: removing the collar? - 12/15/2007 8:31:52 AM   
GoddessTeaze


Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline
When I found out this year,
that My sub betrayed Me
for the whole first year
Wwe we're together.
I took it back.

Liars r the worst,
and not worth one minit
of My time.

Are you looking at everything  you can get away with girl? *EG*

Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`


_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: removing the collar? - 12/15/2007 9:27:03 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14449
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justheather
I dont mean to ignore or beg or make light of the question. It just seems to me that once you are ready for a serious commitment you have already discussed/considered/explored the things that you need to explore together in order to be sure you really mean it when you say "forever". Maybe Im naive but it's working for me so far. :-)
  I agree, but real life happens. For someone to say that there is nothing he could do that would make me consider giving it back, I think they're naive. As strong as Master and I are, beyond all the discussed/considered/explored issues, there are still things out there that could do irreparable harm to our relationship. It doesn't mean that I'm not committed 1000% to our relationship. It just means that I'm realistic.

50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce (taken from a study). I personally think that those numbers are even higher in the D/s BDSM community where people throw themselves into a relationship based on brass rings, rose colored glasses and because their genitals are doing the thinking.

In answer to the question: Yes, there are some things that could cause me to give back his collar. Do I think they'll happen? No. Is it possible? Anything is possible.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: removing the collar? - 12/15/2007 9:34:17 AM   
ghitaPVH


Posts: 1363
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline 		marriage is the leading cause of divorce.

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Don't expect anything of me and I promise I'll never disappoint you.

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. --Nietzsche"

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: removing the collar? - 12/15/2007 9:48:54 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14449
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ghitaPVH

marriage is the leading cause of divorce.
  In that case, collaring is the leading cause of un-collaring.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ghitaPVH)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: removing the collar? - 12/17/2007 4:32:19 PM   
cindybee


Posts: 12
Joined: 12/17/2007
Status: offline 		I am new here and to bdsm (I am submissive and curious about being a slave). It seems that the replies are from slaves who love there Masters and have healthy relationships. What if he changed and didn't control you the way you need it to be? What if he didn't break any hard rules but stopped being the Master you worshipped?

(in reply to spanklette)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: removing the collar? - 12/17/2007 5:10:27 PM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline 		i did it once, back in my submissive days.  he wanted me to lie for him, tried to force me into something i could not do, something that is against my personal beliefs.  if he'd really wanted me, honestly, he would never have breached that hard limit. 

PM

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I miss my ex, but my aim is improving!




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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: removing the collar? - 12/18/2007 9:38:23 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cindybee

I am new here and to bdsm (I am submissive and curious about being a slave). It seems that the replies are from slaves who love there Masters and have healthy relationships. What if he changed and didn't control you the way you need it to be? What if he didn't break any hard rules but stopped being the Master you worshipped?



then the two of you talk outside of the dynamic ("Sir, i need to talk to you about some things that are troubling me, just as woman to man, without fearing i am going to be punished for this.") and work it out.

or you dont.  sometimes that's going to be HIS hard limit, being questioned.  and yeah there are times when you can love someone with all of you, and yet not be happy in the dynamic and have to leave. 

kitten

(in reply to cindybee)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: removing the collar? - 12/18/2007 9:53:04 AM   
GentleLee


Posts: 88
Joined: 10/27/2007
Status: offline 		I have to agree with the.dark and a few other posters.
The collar belongs to the Dom/Master/Daddy. He uses it to mark that this or that girl belongs to him. It's his, even though the submissive wears it.
Sure one can take it off, but to give it back is a given -- at least to me. It was never mine to begin with.

(in reply to adoracat)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: removing the collar? - 1/2/2008 7:57:53 AM   
darkpassenger434


Posts: 138
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline 		I have recently had someone remove the collar without discussion and of her own accord. Demands have been unusually light as I have been at war for a bit. I still can't figure it out. Do you think she just might not be submissive as claimed. Nearly all requests and demands have been balked at. The collar thing along with loss of titles (her again) has essentially destroyed the relationship for me, although that has taken months to come about. Any advice or thoughts?
-R

(in reply to simplewhispers)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: removing the collar? - 1/2/2008 9:25:20 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkpassenger434

I have recently had someone remove the collar without discussion and of her own accord. Demands have been unusually light as I have been at war for a bit. I still can't figure it out. Do you think she just might not be submissive as claimed. Nearly all requests and demands have been balked at. The collar thing along with loss of titles (her again) has essentially destroyed the relationship for me, although that has taken months to come about. Any advice or thoughts?
-R


i read this, and your other post about the situation.  it sounds like the relationship was a bit broken before she removed the collar.  yes, things can be VERY difficult to keep fresh when the couple is apart...i've been a military brat, i've been a military wife, and yes, i DO understand that part of it.  some submissives just need a lot more "hands on" dominance and cannot do a long distance relationship.  i struggle sometimes because Daddy isnt local to me, and i am blessed with his physical presence once a month or so at best.

at the moment, Daddy's collar is not physically round my neck.  i took it off for cleaning, along with the bracelet he gave me. no matter where my collar is physically... i cannot remove the bonds he has round my heart, and would never wish to.  *that* is the collaring that counts, his desire to have me as his property, and my desire to have him own me.  he says i am the perfect slave to him.  i say i'm not, but i do keep doing my best and keep trying to do what pleases him.

ultimately, its going to be up to you if you wish to try to rebuild the relationship or not.   can you trust her to keep trying, or will she again back up and say "no, i dont wish this" when it gets difficult?

kitten, thoughtfully.

(in reply to darkpassenger434)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: removing the collar? - 1/2/2008 9:52:53 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I removed mine without discussion.  Sometimes there are breaches in relationships and it's obvious that things have changed from what they once were.  Why did you collar someone who balked at your demands? 


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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Profile   Post #: 38
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