Once a sub? (Full Version)

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kaytm -> Once a sub? (12/8/2007 9:41:05 AM)

Did any of you ever identify your self as a submissive or a switch?  What made you decide that you were a full out Mistress?  Would you ever submit to someone again?  Do you feel you could submit to one person and be anothers Mistress?

I know odd question.  But I am full of odd ones :)



MiladyElaine -> RE: Once a sub? (12/8/2007 10:57:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kaytm

Did any of you ever identify your self as a submissive or a switch?  What made you decide that you were a full out Mistress?  Would you ever submit to someone again?  Do you feel you could submit to one person and be anothers Mistress?

I know odd question.  But I am full of odd ones :)




I never did, no.  Even when younger and vanilla I had an attitude.  I never liked anyone telling Me what to do and I hated being manipulated - still do!
I won't submit to anyone. 
I grew up in a vanilla mother dominant home.  As did she.
Runs in the blood.



HottLicks -> RE: Once a sub? (12/8/2007 10:57:21 AM)

Not an odd question at all. 

Throughout my life I was a independent and strong and didn't follow anyone.  Yet society and where I was at in life, taught that I was to be submissive to a man at some point.  I always looked for someone stronger than I was.  I looked at all the things that showed strength and thought I understood.  I rarely found someone I thought worthy of leadership, but when I did, I almost idolized them.  I learned that I couldn't trust even the strength I saw according to the world around me.  Learned that I was stronger in many ways and here I was submitting and upholding the ones that were supposed to be strong.

Once I was able to see dominance as a good thing, in light of being dominant in a positive way, I was able to accept that it wasn't bad for a woman to be dominant and learned of the lifestyle, I knew and grew.

I can still submit in some ways, but only to someone I view as very special, but for the most part I learned to trust myself and what I knew as truth, I knew that I needed to be true to myself and my dominant nature.  Being true to who I was, was very freeing and I no longer struggle with who and what I am. 

I do have someone I submit to in many ways, but I live for the most part as dominant and mistress.  I do submit because that relationship was cast in stone so to speak before I came into my own and he always knew that I would.  He saw the dominant in me and knew that although I would submit to him, I would live true to my dominant nature once I understood it and could accept it.  At times I do not feel I can submit, but with him, I always will out of respect for who and what he is to me.  If I didn't have that relationship, I would most likely not submit to anyone.

What is so wonderful is that each and every part of our self is valid and something we need to nurture and grow in.  It is only when we deny a part of ourself, that we get into trouble.  What might work for us at one point in life might not work at another.  I just go with the moment and the people in my life and focus on personal growth, but now know that I can only be who and what I am and that is dominant.



SweetDommes -> RE: Once a sub? (12/8/2007 11:27:53 AM)

I'm a switch - I sub to Holly and no one else.  No one else has ever made me feel submissive, and I seriously doubt that anyone else ever will. 

I don't feel weird subbing to her and Dominating our boy(s).  It just feels right.



Lashra -> RE: Once a sub? (12/8/2007 12:54:20 PM)

No I've never identified as submissive, I've always been Dominant. I have tried bottoming a few times with my sub and that worked out ok but I still get more of a thrill doing the whipping[;)].

~Lashra



MissSCD -> RE: Once a sub? (12/8/2007 1:18:47 PM)

I started as a submissive. Then I thought I was a switch.  Then I met my slave, and I knew I was a Domme. 
I think a lot of us in the lifestyle start out in the wrong role. Once you meet the right combination, then you know.
Being a switch for me was very confusing.   I do not think that most can pull it off; however, I realise there are many on the site.   I refer to it now as bottoming for someone which I may do if I meet the right person or I am wanting to learn something knew.
Personally, I don't see how one learns unless they are submissive first then Dom/me.  But again, that is my point of view.  Others here will disagree with that statement.

Regards, MissSCD



RumpusParable -> RE: Once a sub? (12/8/2007 2:36:29 PM)

I am a switch.  My natural and daily mode is dominant, I take and own subs/slaves as a dominant. 

I submit once in a great while for a scene for fun and relaxation but only to one person.  I enjoy bottoming for pain or just plain fun more often.

I am a switch who cannot switch the power exchange with one partner.



darchChylde -> RE: Once a sub? (12/8/2007 2:52:37 PM)

i certainly hope a woman can submit to one person and still be Dominant to another... it may not necessarily be easy or always work, but it helps that no woman in real life ever has felt the slightest inclination towards submission to me

Ma'am is her husband's submissive, and Dominant to pretty much else; sometimes it actually works



hisannabelle -> RE: Once a sub? (12/8/2007 2:54:12 PM)

greetings kaytm,

i'm a slave (owned) who has decided to seek a submissive. personally, i don't really feel i'm innately dominant or anything like that - i see myself as a slave - but i desire to have a different kind of relationship with someone for a few different reasons so that is why i have decided to seek a pet of my own. so yes, i do feel it's possible to have both :)

respectfully,
annabelle.



Dragynsfury -> RE: Once a sub? (12/8/2007 2:57:48 PM)

I've always identified as a Dominant.  I spose for the RIGHT male I'd switch.  Can't see myself as a subbie.  Nothing wrong in it...I just don't like being bossed around.



MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: Once a sub? (12/8/2007 4:47:29 PM)

I don't believe that anyone is always Dominant or always submissive in some kind of vacuum

Some people/situations can make you feel mostly submissive (eg my controlling mother!)

Some people/situations can make you feel mostly Dominant (eg my sweet subby lover!)

People can choose a label and apply it to themselves 100% of the time, but seriously, no-one is so static that they are always Dominant or always submissive in reality.  Believing you (or worse, others) have to be leads to disillusionment sooner or later.

So yes, I have subbed and bottomed to try it out.  Liked some of it and hated some of it.  That's what makes life rich - testing the waters for yourself to make up your own mind about your D/s orientation.

I have also Dominated and submitted in one really intense switching relationship that lasted about 6 months.  It was hot - with that guy.  It wouldn't be hot with most guys!

Thanks for asking. 



TNstepsout -> RE: Once a sub? (12/8/2007 5:14:18 PM)

I originally identified as submissive. I was raised to be be complacent and accomodating to others, to nurture and look after others, and just generally to always be nice and never hurt another person physcially or emotionally. Soooo it was difficult to see myself as anything but submissive, but there was just something wrong. I found that giving up control was terrifying. I didn't meet any Doms who spent enough time getting to know me to really be able to respect and understand my values well. Without that there was no way I would give up control to another person. So I kind of adopted a "well if I can't get the job done right, I'll have to do it myself" kind of attitude. I began to realize that I had always been that way. While I had never considered myself a leader I was often frustrated when I was not in control. I realized too that I had adopted a lot of passive aggressive behavior to deal with the combination of my upbringing and my natural tendencies. The pieces started to fall into place.

Today I am much happier realizing that I am a dominant personality. (although in a somewhat low key manner) I still like to bottom, so technically I guess I'm a switch, but I don't think I'd make a good submissive. I've got a real smart mouth.



MaamJay -> RE: Once a sub? (12/8/2007 5:49:55 PM)

For reasons of brevity, check out My previous posts for details ... I have 2 sides that seem to be happiest when functioning equally and simultaneously with 2 different people, friends coined the name Duality for Me as I don't really "switch" ... at the moment my sub side (violet) is blissfully happy with Master, He and i have lived together 3.5 years and i have been collared for 1.5 years ... My Domme side (Jay) is actively seeking a 24/7 sub/slave to join Our household. Not got the right one yet ...

Maam Jay aka violet[A]



MissSCD -> RE: Once a sub? (12/8/2007 7:39:19 PM)

hisannabelle:
 
That is the greatest gift your Master/Mistress can give you is your own submissive.   It gives you the chance to have a little fun after you have done a wonderful job for them.  As a Domme, I have offered to let my slave have a pet; however, he chooses not to do so.  Have fun and enjoy your gift.

Regards, MissSCD
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle

greetings kaytm,

i'm a slave (owned) who has decided to seek a submissive. personally, i don't really feel i'm innately dominant or anything like that - i see myself as a slave - but i desire to have a different kind of relationship with someone for a few different reasons so that is why i have decided to seek a pet of my own. so yes, i do feel it's possible to have both :)

respectfully,
annabelle.




MasterFireMaam -> RE: Once a sub? (12/8/2007 8:14:41 PM)

I tried to be the dutiful, submissive christian wife in two marriages...with open intent of doing such. There was no BDSM, but I tried very hard to defer to my husbands. I faked it for quite a while. 10 years for the first, 7 for the second. I'm done.

Master Fire



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Once a sub? (12/8/2007 9:04:41 PM)

I only submit to my mother.  Barely. 

I have bottomed for the experience of the different sensations, and switched with a playmate, but those experiences were play, not D/s.  I have no desire to submit, ever, in a D/s way.



Lureaetagg -> RE: Once a sub? (12/9/2007 8:05:10 PM)

I have subbed before and it never worked. I would never be aroused by the situtation. I have always been curious so I felt that I should see what it was like on the otherside and it never worked for me.

So I have never fully considered myself a sub but I have experenced the submissive side of BdSm



LadyPact -> RE: Once a sub? (12/10/2007 8:54:07 AM)

No, I've never identified as a sub or switch.  MsC makes a good point of Our having different roles sometimes with people in Our overall lives, but these comments are made in reference to lifestyle people only.  I won't get into that part about how I would feel about My mother, at work, etc.

To Me, there is a difference in identifying as something is much different than trying it out.  I've mentioned on other threads that I took on the experience of bottoming for various purposes.  While I did learn from it, probably the best lesson that I got from it was a big neon sign that said "Not for Me".  Even when I did bottom, the idea of expanding that to sub for more than just a scene just didn't fit Me.  As for switch, I see that in something of the same light.  There would have to be that one person out there who would make Me feel a submissive energy when coupled with their Dominant energy.  I'd never say never, because anything is possible, but I can tell you that I haven't met that person yet. 



vampchick88 -> RE: Once a sub? (12/10/2007 1:37:26 PM)

   I knew I was always "different" in relationships, mostly got tipped off about that when I'd pick up a knife and want to touch it to a b/f's skin in high school and they'd pretty much run around their house screaming for the "crazy bitch" to get away from them. In college I was a bit Dominant in nature, ordering friends around. Ordering b/f's around. After a really bad situation in my life I felt as though I could never feel anthing emotional or physical again. So I experimented as a sub for a few months. After all that somthing in my clicked again and I'm completely Dominant. I can't see myself going back to being a sub, not that there's anything wrong with those who are subs/slaves. Its just my personality that shows itself the most.



MsRaisingKane -> RE: Once a sub? (12/10/2007 2:01:15 PM)

For ME, a person gives off either a dominant or submissive energy.  I am only attracted to submissive energy.  I am only turned on by submissives.  The relationship must be opposites for me.  Most switches I know, and I do know many and I am friends with them, don't give off Dominant energy in my opinon therefore I am not attracted to them sexually or in a D/s exchange.  They are dominant in manner but for me that's not the same energy. Dominants on the other hand, I am not attracted to in anyway BUT friends and they are a source of ease and relaxation for me because we think so much alike and don't have to explain much to each other.  I am not sexually attracted to Dominants. Other Dominants are what I got into the lifestyle for.  I never had a problem finding submissives but I needed other Dominants like I see that my submissive needs other subs socially and for friends. 

When I first got in the lifestyle, I heard how you need to see from the other side, so a few times as fun I had a sub or switch do their thing with me and it really ended pretty fast.  I got nothing from it personally but it was a good experience to see why I really appreciate submissives, because "I ain't one"!  I need what submissives ARE because I can't give that to myself.  I realize that there are many differenent experiences out there amongst many people, but that's my experience.



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