CuriousLord
Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007 Status: offline
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Ah, the first mistake any religious leader can make: honesty. I mean, seriously, can you imagine if Joseph, father of Jesus, got drunk and told his friends, "Okayshh... guuyyss.. I'm a gonna tell youuuu'll somethin' funneh, but yous gots to promise to keepish a secet! I got drunk and nailed Mary like a year o' soo ago.. 'n we made up dis God-did-it excuse cause, you know, that whole we'd-be-stoned-for-pre-martial-sex-if-we-didn't-lie-about-it thing." Or.. Moses comes from from the mountian, "You know, guys.. I'm not really sure if God spoke to me, but I've been suffering pretty heavily from dehydration and probably some various drugs I'm doing while suffering from exposure to heat all alone, so I just wrote down some of the things I believe in on these tablets. They're not really what God, persay, handed down, but I think they sound sorta good." Or, Mohammed.. "You know, God didn't actually command me to kill these innocent people for their gold.. I sorta just wanted to be rich 'n shit." Or that king dude from England.. "Bah, the fuckin' Pope didn't give me my divorce, and I'm really into the whole kill-your-wife thing, so I just decided to start a new religion." Or Martin Luther.. "Well, you know what? This religion's full of shit, and I've finally been a monk long enough to realize it. But, I'm too far invested into it to speak out against it directly, so, instead, I'm going to try to sanitize it to suit my idealoogy better." Or that Hindu guy or whatever.. "Man, I'm depressed. To live is to suffer! Now give me back those razor blades so I can cut myself and hide it in my long sleeve jacket." Or whoever the hell started that Japanese our-ruler-is-divine one... "Yeah. He said I'd better get people to like them or he'd cut me up into little bits, starting with my penis and testicles.. so, um, yeah.. praise the ruler guy now, bitches, or I'll tell him that he needs to chop up your genitals!" Or the people who do witch craft.. "Well, there's oblviously no God, but why can't there be supernatural shit? I feel like I'm a naturally powerful and special person, so I must actually be a witch and able to cast spells! Hah! No, I'm not following a passive aggressive cult started by repressed women long ago!" Or the people who did the Zues thing.. "Well, that lighting bolt there hit this tree that I was too lazy to chop down, so I'm just going to say I caused it indirectly by getting Zues to do it for me." (Actually, some of my poking-fun-at-ancient-religions is probably not entirely fair. Honestly, they were probably more uneducated, malnurished, and drunk to think straight, instead of deliberately deceitful as some others are.) Bah. I wanna do a Mad TV sketch, damn it!
< Message edited by CuriousLord -- 12/3/2007 6:21:02 PM >
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