Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (Full Version)

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pinksugarsub -> Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (11/28/2007 11:03:43 AM)

i have criteria, some left over from before i found D/s, that i need met in order to bond with a Dom.  These things, like voting, smelling good and not being a bigot, are not based on BDSM.  My sense is E/everyone has these criteria; but i often get into exchanges with Men who want to know only about my intimate life, nothing about my personality or character.
 
Any thoughts?
 
pinksugarsub



Jeffff -> RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (11/28/2007 11:08:24 AM)

Thoughts? sure.........those guys just wanna get laid.

Jeff



MistressDolly -> RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (11/28/2007 11:38:01 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

i have criteria, some left over from before i found D/s, that i need met in order to bond with a Dom.  These things, like voting, smelling good and not being a bigot, are not based on BDSM.  My sense is E/everyone has these criteria; but i often get into exchanges with Men who want to know only about my intimate life, nothing about my personality or character.
 
Any thoughts?
 
pinksugarsub


Perhaps you're encountering male doms who only want to dominante you sexually, hence your personality is not as important to them. (Many male doms who want to dominate you are looking at it from a sexual perspective only.)

If you want male dominace to extend beyond their sexual gratification, you will need to find a male intelligent and creative enough to dominate your mind, heart and soul.



takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (11/28/2007 11:40:06 AM)

Some people on this site are just here to fulfill a sexual fantasy and have no intention of getting to know the person in real life. It takes a little bit of experience with these people to be able to detect them right away.

i try to be the best for my Owner and i try to show him every day my love and devotion along with my loyality and respect. It's all very natural to me. i think that when you are submissive in your heart and soul and you love and care for your Dominant. No one could ask for more from you.




breatheasone -> RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (11/28/2007 11:42:09 AM)

Yes...my thoughts are they are just horny guys looking for kinky sex...



sexyred1 -> RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (11/28/2007 11:45:26 AM)

Interesting...but what do you do when you want to be dominated sexually, but need an intelligent, creative, kind, compatible partner in non-sexual ways? That is what the OP is asking and that is what is difficult to discern. When you seek a partner on a kink site, of course the first line of communication most often starts with questions as to synergies with kinks.

I agree with the OP though, that to bond totally with someone (if you are really looking for a relationship) you need to know about other criteria. If you are only looking for sexual thrills, then those questions would be acceptable.

The problem is, when you state in your profile articulately what you seek and still get those same focused intimate questions way before any other types, that gets tiresome.

I have no solution, other than keep your search and standards.



AquaticSub -> RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (11/28/2007 11:47:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

i have criteria, some left over from before i found D/s, that i need met in order to bond with a Dom.  These things, like voting, smelling good and not being a bigot, are not based on BDSM.  My sense is E/everyone has these criteria; but i often get into exchanges with Men who want to know only about my intimate life, nothing about my personality or character.
 
Any thoughts?
 
pinksugarsub


Some people just want to get laid or scene and therefore don't need to know much about your personality or character. Nothing wrong with that as long as they are being honest about it. I have usually found that men who are interested women seriously ask a lot of questions about their personalities and interests. Just take it as a sign that you aren't meant for the person in question.



DarkDaddyZ -> RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (11/28/2007 11:51:20 AM)

You aren't going to be interested in what every person has to offer on collarme just like I'm not but those who troll to get off as much as those who troll for relationships are looking to get their needs met, long term or short term and there are people here who will give them that outlet.  If it's not your cup of chai, drive to the next Starbucks.[:D]



bestbabync -> RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (11/28/2007 11:57:19 AM)

that is true DarkDaddyZ!

but i do not think i should be labeled as a poser because i do not want to meet someone for brief sexual encounters.  that is just what i experienced today.  a so called Master here on CM got angry with me because i refused to submit to him our first meeting.  he wanted a "no limits" encounter right away.  he claimed that after reading my profile and chatting with me for 30minutes he knew me totally and intended on taking ownership of me sight unseen.

what do u make of that?



pinksugarsub -> RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (11/28/2007 12:13:52 PM)

i've had that happen to; Men who tell me in email or a 1st IM that They want to collar me.  All i can say is a collar obviously means something more to me than it does to Them.
 
pinksugarsub



DarkDaddyZ -> RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (11/28/2007 12:16:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bestbabync

that is true DarkDaddyZ!

but i do not think i should be labeled as a poser because i do not want to meet someone for brief sexual encounters.  that is just what i experienced today.  a so called Master here on CM got angry with me because i refused to submit to him our first meeting.  he wanted a "no limits" encounter right away.  he claimed that after reading my profile and chatting with me for 30minutes he knew me totally and intended on taking ownership of me sight unseen.

what do u make of that?

I agree, you shouldn't have been labeled as such.  Just remember many men are schmucks.  And did you invest anything with him?  He's just not what you are looking for and he either has a fantasy in his head or has met women that chatted with him and gave him "the wanky boogie".  Just tell him you don't dance that way.

We just have to remember that we are going to meet jerks and buttholes in our journey, just brush that dirt off of your shoulders.[:D]



ownedgirlie -> RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (11/28/2007 12:30:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

i have criteria, some left over from before i found D/s, that i need met in order to bond with a Dom.  These things, like voting, smelling good and not being a bigot, are not based on BDSM.  My sense is E/everyone has these criteria; but i often get into exchanges with Men who want to know only about my intimate life, nothing about my personality or character.
 
Any thoughts?
 
pinksugarsub


While it is very likely these men are interested only in your sexuality, I would not make that an automatic assumption.  For many women, our sexuality is where we are most vulnerable (which is why we tend to protect it so), and your intimate history can reveal a lot about who you are.  Also, revealing it makes you vulnerable to him, and in many cases, that is what he's looking for - are you willing to let yourself be vulnerable, etc.?

My Master learned a great deal about me from my intimate past.  And he dominates all of me - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.  He also used this knowledge of me to learn unhealthy patterns that needed changing, and how I am affected by various buttons being pushed. 

It's not always bad to be asked such questions, but I understand there are those with different agendas.



bestbabync -> RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (11/28/2007 12:39:37 PM)

DarkDaddyZ

u have restored my faith in Doms/Masters!

kiss
kiss!



chellekitty -> RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (11/28/2007 12:50:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bestbabync

DarkDaddyZ

u have restored my faith in Doms/Masters!

kiss
kiss!


He is wonderful, isn't he...don't tell him i said so, though...ok?

chelle



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (11/28/2007 3:50:04 PM)

I think you and Defiant should go off and create your own "why all men keep sucking and yet I still NEED them desparately to validate who I am" club.



laurell3 -> RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (11/28/2007 3:59:54 PM)

I honestly don't have a problem with them discussing kink first as long as we have a balanced discussion and they aren't looking to cyber.  I have to admit that I have been the one to bring it up first at times when I know from their profile that we may have some fundamental differences in how we approach our kink.  It's not really a desire to discuss sex and not vanilla topics as much as it is an attempt to deal with expectations realistically and early.

I don't have alot of rules other than the cock shot or "get on your knees bitch" generally will not work for a first email, although it does give me a chuckle.  I tend to go with how I feel about the person with the conversation in totality.



MidMichCowboy -> RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (11/28/2007 5:51:31 PM)

Criteria I list in my profile: Intelligent, feisty, loving, kinky and adventuresome are the words that describe the lady I am looking for.
That is just some of what I am looking for.



Machts -> RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (11/28/2007 5:56:26 PM)

They add to my life.

Rather than subtract from it..



Thalamus -> RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (12/2/2007 1:07:31 PM)

If someone isn’t interested in your general character then they are more likely not interested in you long term. It’s the old cliché, only after one thing.

I like to know a bit of everything when I first talk to someone. It helps to begin to paint the picture. 

As for men telling you in your first IM that they want to collar you – well, I am glad that there are plenty of people out there who can provide us with such humour and make us laugh!



IrishMist -> RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave? (12/2/2007 3:09:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

i have criteria, some left over from before i found D/s, that i need met in order to bond with a Dom.  These things, like voting, smelling good and not being a bigot, are not based on BDSM.  My sense is E/everyone has these criteria; but i often get into exchanges with Men who want to know only about my intimate life, nothing about my personality or character.
 
Any thoughts?
 
pinksugarsub

You have asked these questions before; I am surprised that you still have not figured out that the answers you seek are really VERY simple.

A relationship of any kind; kinky, vanilla, left, right....ANYKIND...requires that you are compatible in almost every way with the one that you choose as your partner. Notice I said in almost every way because perfection is not something that will ever be attained. Compromises must be made, somewhere, on both sides.

You are correct in thinking that everyone does have certain criteria that they look  to have met when looking for a partner; where you seem to be misunderstanding is that the criteria is no different for those in 'the so called lifestyle' then it is for those in the 'so called vanilla world'.

Real fucking simple to me.



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