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simplyserves -> RE: What are legitimate hard limits? (11/28/2007 10:26:27 AM)
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"Legitimate" is difficult to quantify in this case and is probably best left as subjective. So any hard limit, then, is legitimate, although it may be called unreasonable.
I've always seen it as a spectrum of hard limits on one end, soft limits in the middle and unsought activities at the other end.
My hard limits are that I won't do anything that will threaten my employment or relationships, harm another person with out their consent or cause me permanent injury. Each seems to be reasonable and mostly common sense. My soft limits are things I don't want to do but am open to doing and are generally what people call hard limits. They depend largely on the circumstances and details. For instance I don't have any interest in, and am specifically averse to being pierced. None-the-less I served a woman who thoroughly enjoyed this activity and because I trusted that she knew what she was doing, was safe and experienced, I sucked it up and let her have her fun. The same goes for corporal punishment, although I'm much less averse to it and don't enjoy it for it's own sake, it's common for me to endure it for others and a joy to be able to please someone with my submission to it.
On the other end are things I don't seek out but have no aversion to, merely having a lack of interest. Many would argue that D/s requires mutual satisfaction, and it may to a degree necessitate the submissive enjoying themselves to keep them around but that's something I actively seek to avoid needing myself as a process of submitting to another for their benefit, which sometimes involves denying my own needs. This may mean I do things I find boring or tedious but it's my road to walk in finding my own sense of fulfillment in service and not play.
In my opinion the closer a limit is to hard, on such a spectrum, the more reasonable it is and conversely the closer it gets to being, really, things that don't excite a person, the less reasonable it is. I think it really depends on why they're involved, though. If someone is seeking kinky play then it makes sense and seems very reasonable to insist on mutually satisfying activities but if they're seeking service oriented submission it seems unreasonable to expect their service to always be rewarded even given that it needs to be at times.
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