RE: Is this manipulation? (Full Version)

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Zarius -> RE: Is this manipulation? (11/28/2007 10:17:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

If I were him I would have been pissed...If you will lie about something insignificant I can't help but wonder what would be your actions when the shit hits the fan....It would give me serious pause as to how I would feel about you currently and whether I feel I would be able to trust you into the future.



As Domiguy says, lying about someting insignificant, will put doubts into my mind about your honesty on the bigger stuff down the road.  

If you were mine, I would have punished you for lying to me, and  you would have lost my trust in your honesty as well, no matter how much mindf**king you did to yourself.

From my viewpoint, to rebuild lost trust, you must be impecciably honest with me from then on, otherwise, I would have to re-evaluate my ownership of you (had you been my girl).

I wish you well.


Zarius



Kalista07 -> RE: Is this manipulation? (11/28/2007 10:21:01 AM)

Zarius,
Thank You for Your response and for Your honesty.....All i can say at this point is, lesson learned.
Kali



Stephann -> RE: Is this manipulation? (11/28/2007 10:28:00 AM)

Hello my friend,

We've talked at no short length about how you struggle with demons.  Sometimes you have to just let them go; if they don't clean your house, fix your car, or get your groceries for you, why keep them around?

What you did was wrong.  So what?  We all do things wrong.  Sometimes I drive too fast, and I feel no small amount of guilt over many things in my life I've done, both big and small, in the distant and recent past.  What is important, is I don't allow that guilt to prevent me from living a healthy, full life.  When you carry guilt around your neck like that, it drags your head down, and eventually you wonder why you're always looking at the ground in front of you, instead of the path ahead of you.

That path, obviously, includes no more lies; not small ones, not big ones.  If you can't be honest with the man who owns you, who can you be honest with?

Having said all of this, people naturally make an effort to influence those around you.  A slave bursting into tears because she feels bad about what she did, isn't manipulating me; she's expressing legitimate fear of what's going to happen.  I tell you, if either of my girls failed to demonstrate their actual feelings when, and how they feel them, I'd be one pissed off SOB.  I can deal with whatever feelings they express, so long as they're expressed.  It's the ones they bury inside of themselves because they're afraid of what I will (or won't) do that make me into a mushroom cloud layin motherfucker. 

Don't hold back.  Lying is holding back.  Not expressing your real feelings to a man you've promised to obey and trust, is lying. 

Yours,

Stephan



juliaoceania -> RE: Is this manipulation? (11/28/2007 11:29:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zarius

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

If I were him I would have been pissed...If you will lie about something insignificant I can't help but wonder what would be your actions when the shit hits the fan....It would give me serious pause as to how I would feel about you currently and whether I feel I would be able to trust you into the future.



As Domiguy says, lying about someting insignificant, will put doubts into my mind about your honesty on the bigger stuff down the road.  

If you were mine, I would have punished you for lying to me, and  you would have lost my trust in your honesty as well, no matter how much mindf**king you did to yourself.

From my viewpoint, to rebuild lost trust, you must be impecciably honest with me from then on, otherwise, I would have to re-evaluate my ownership of you (had you been my girl).

I wish you well.


Zarius


There are some that are unyielding. They expect life and other people to bend to their iron will, and sooner or later they get snapped in two when hit by a strong enough gale.


There are those who who sway with every little breeze that hits them... and these sorts lack a foundation that keeps them rooted into place. They are easily trampled.

And then there are those who are like willows, and they move with the wind and yet are not snapped like twigs when forceful wind hits them....

I think it is up to everyone to decide what they will and will not put up with. When someone lies to me about stupid crap, it does impact my opinion of them. But as a friend of mine recently told me regarding this very topic, one has to look at the motivations behind a lie in order to decide how one wants to deal with one that lies to them. The one that can put things into context before being unyielding is the one that is going to survive whatever storm comes their way. Compassion is much in shortage in most relationships.

I cannot think of any lie I knowingly have told my Daddy, but there are many lies I tell myself... and that makes me humble when the topic of honesty comes up.

Kalista, the opinions listed here do not matter one iota, only the compassion of your master is what should matter to you. After all he knows you far better than any of us, he must think you are worthy of compassion and forgiveness... Now prove him right.



charlotte12 -> RE: Is this manipulation? (11/28/2007 11:32:53 AM)

I am sure i have manipulated Master at one point or another. I learned to manipulate certain emotions of mine very well while growing up and it is hard to break habits. I try not to feel guilty when i realize i have done this though. My habits of shutting down and protecting the person with me from my emotions is something that Master is working to break me of. If i add feeling guilty for something i am not doing with malicious intent then i am just causing more problems for him. If he feels manipulated he will grab me by the collar and remind me that i do not have the right to censor my feelings or tell him what to do with them. Usually works well for me. [:)]



Teles -> RE: Is this manipulation? (11/28/2007 12:05:48 PM)

I doubt it...  I think there's something to be said for habitual behavior vs manipulation.  It sounds like you were over the top just because you really cared about it.  If you did this sort of thing all the time, then yeah, maybe I could see it as some sort of subconscious attempt to manipulate the situation, but personally, I don't think it sounds like you should worry about that.



LotusSong -> RE: Is this manipulation? (11/28/2007 2:44:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kalista07

 So, i emailed Him and told Him and waited..........and waited............and waited............so eventually i called Him, then He called me back. By the time we were able to talk i was almost sobbing......


I think you were punished



Kalista07 -> RE: Is this manipulation? (11/28/2007 5:31:11 PM)

Stephann,
*smiles* Thank You sooo much for Your response.... It helps to have someone that somewhat knows me look at this objectively for me... You are, of course, right about those damn demons...(Dont tell anyone...But i'm serving them all eviction notices...HEH!!)
 
You are right (of course) as well in regard to the holding back being a lie thing.... For some stupid reason i'm not sure i even was able to make the correlation until You just spelled it out there...Which now makes our last encounter during my last visit make much more sense.... i was having some issues (having nothing to do with Him, more demon crap from my past) and decided i didn't need to share it...i thought i should just be able to deal with it on my own.....Yeah....That did not go over so well......For some stupid reason, despite all of the talking that we did about it, it never occured to me that not telling Him what was going on was being dishonest....Thanks Stephan, as always You rock [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m16.gif[/image]!!!
Kali



Machts -> RE: Is this manipulation? (11/28/2007 5:33:06 PM)

How about this.

For every lie you tell-your Dom gets to tell you one in return. And you deserve it.

Would this tend to modify your future behavior?



Kalista07 -> RE: Is this manipulation? (11/28/2007 5:33:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
Kalista, the opinions listed here do not matter one iota, only the compassion of your master is what should matter to you. After all he knows you far better than any of us, he must think you are worthy of compassion and forgiveness... Now prove him right.


Julia,
Thank You soo much for Your kindness and encouragement. i can not tell You how much it's meant to me...And You are right, it is my job to simply prove that His faith and trust are not misplaced.
Thanks,
Kali



Kalista07 -> RE: Is this manipulation? (11/28/2007 5:36:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotte12

I am sure i have manipulated Master at one point or another. I learned to manipulate certain emotions of mine very well while growing up and it is hard to break habits. I try not to feel guilty when i realize i have done this though. My habits of shutting down and protecting the person with me from my emotions is something that Master is working to break me of. If i add feeling guilty for something i am not doing with malicious intent then i am just causing more problems for him. If he feels manipulated he will grab me by the collar and remind me that i do not have the right to censor my feelings or tell him what to do with them. Usually works well for me. [:)]


Charlotte,
You are of course correct.....Truthfully, i didn't even really realize trying to protect the person i'm with from my feelings was that big of an issue (or frankly that 'wrong') until a few minutes ago.... Thank You for sharing Your experience with me. It has helped more than You can know.
Kali



Kalista07 -> RE: Is this manipulation? (11/28/2007 5:38:56 PM)

Teles,
Thank You....
 
LotusSong,
i think in the end, the punishment was something i did to myself...i don't think not responding to me right away was anything deliberate on His part....He's not much into playing games...And besides, He was awfully concerned about me when He heard my voice on His voice mail...
 
Machts,
 
uhmmm...Well, sort of...In that He would no longer be a part of my life...Hypocrite or  no, i am not in a place in my life where i can deal with someone lying to me..
Sorry,
 
Kali



MadRabbit -> RE: Is this manipulation? (11/28/2007 6:18:58 PM)

FR

Wow...simply wow.

Complete and utter honesty? Revaluating of Ownership?

I'm really wondering about just what kind of expectations and margin of natural human error people are working with here.

So....you were supposed to go out walking and you lied about doing it to avoid it.

You now qualify to be a part of the 1 billion other Americans who can't consistently keep to an exercise plan without bullshiting themselves or another person.

The malice is just dripping from your posts, given that you realized what you did and then...oh my God...took responsibility for it by calling him and confessing your sins.

Then....*gasps* you felt horribly guilty about it and started sobbing, most likely from your own anxiety of not knowing how exactly your Dominant is going to react. Oh, the horrible manipulations! The web of lies and deceit you have woven!

Personally, I wouldn't have been "pissed off" or would have "revaluated our Ownership", but would have been quite pleased because you did something wrong and took responsibility for it (However, it won't negate the consequences for lying). Amazingly enough, I bet there would be a lot more functional long term relationships if more people took responsibility for their bad behaviors and mistakes.

I think it's pretty sad that a few people would want to crumble up and throw away a relationship over dishonesty about EXERCISING!



Machts -> RE: Is this manipulation? (11/28/2007 7:02:21 PM)

I was actually impressed by her reactions to it.

She did the work herself-that has merit. A lesser women would have forced her man to correct her.



Kalista07 -> RE: Is this manipulation? (11/28/2007 7:15:08 PM)

[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m9.gif[/image] Thanks MR!!! You, as always are a fine and upstanding man!!![image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m16.gif[/image]
 
Thanks Machts, that means a lot!!
 
Kali



Machts -> RE: Is this manipulation? (11/28/2007 7:43:35 PM)

I'm sure that you will do well.

Your heart seems to care-that puts you leagues ahead of most.



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