Growing out of something??

Growing out of something?? (Full Version)

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Owner4SexSlave -> Growing out of something?? (11/23/2007 11:03:52 PM)
I used to log into Collarme.com daily, read the message boards. Some or many of you know me as "Whiplashsmile". I still pop in from time to time see what topics are being posted... It's been awhile since I read anything that moved me to respond or anything that has expanded or challenge my thoughts, views or experiences. I remember what it was like a nearly year ago, I would read some very touching posts online here. I would read things that broadened my thoughts and gave me new ideas. Such as a Master and a slave taking turns at being disabled. not being able to use their hands or whatever else. New uses and lessons, experience that could be learned and gained through Bondage or role playing. To actually play out a "What if" in life and live it for a time. I know I tried to give back as much as I got out of the message boards. Certain things though such a Role Playing, Scene play, and many other issues... well frankly always stuck me as somewhat "Common Sense". I don't know, perhaps I've just outgrown the message boards. I know I certainly have not done it all, or know it all. So I find myself questioning, what's next? What's the next level? For me a BDSM relationship is not all that Difficult of a matter, BDSM has never been a problem itself.. however, like most people on here. I have went through relationship problems in general. The message board has been useful in allowing me to share things with other people and getting their honest thoughts and opinions. LA, actually said somethings to me that made me stop and think and see a repeating pattern in my life. That I've been drawn to a certain type of women in my life. It's all sank in crystal clear to me now. However, BDSM itself has or was never a big problem. Actually doing BDSM has come pretty simple and smooth and natural. The Relationship aspects itself have been problematic. Seems like there are a number of people that make posts regarding relationship issues on here, most of these issues are not BDSM problems per se, but rather the result of poor choices and decisions. Think the single biggest factor in all relationships BDSM or vanilla, is that two like minded people can hook up and make it work. There really are no rules set in stone to what a BDSM relationship is. D/s relationships are not the same for everybody, and you can do BDSM without the D/s involved. Seems like everybody gets tripped up over problems in their D/s relationships though. In terms of BDSM itself, I've not really read anything in awhile that has expanded my mind or challenge me.. or touched my heart even. I've been reading BLOGS and articles on websites, things that I feel I can connect with much better. Things other people have posted about their Real Life and Real Time experiences. I hate to toss out Generalizations, but in many regards... there's a difference between sharing and exchanging things about BDSM, compared with trying to engage in a popularity or social click contest. I've seen a number users stop posting on here. People that I always held a great amount of respect for. People that spoke from experience, thier heart and mind. So, did they simply move on because they outgrew the message boards here as well?? Have I outgrown the message boards? Something has changed? Is it me? is it the Quality of postings? The users using the message boards? I keep popping in and it's not the same for me anymore. Again, I used to be a hardcore message board Junkie, posting and reading and posting. Some of you that remember me, knew me as "Whiplashsmile"... now, I'm just here under this account. I'm not really looking for anybody at the moment, my priorities have somewhat shifted in life. Yes, I am open to having a BDSM relationship again with somebody, but I will not die without one either. BDSM does not define me as person, it's simply part of who and what I am. I'm not certain anymore about my role and participation in the online BDSM community. All I know is that I read things, end up slapping my forehead and doing a lot of eye rolling. I'm not trying to be mean about this, this is just the point I have reached. Something has changed?

Estring -> RE: Growing out of something?? (11/23/2007 11:09:58 PM)
How many times can you answer "How do I become a Dominate?" or " Should I consider myself collared if my Dom hasn't contacted me in a month? By the way I have never met him in real life." I own a slave and she and I have a life. The message boards are not life. You may have finally realized that.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Growing out of something?? (11/23/2007 11:40:10 PM)
We grow, we change. You've gotten to the point where you realize what we do doesn't necessarily define who we are...or what our relationship is...or how healthy that relationship will be. Go with it. Master Fire

SteelofUtah -> RE: Growing out of something?? (11/23/2007 11:54:39 PM)
Thank you, You have made somthing very clear to me. I think I am done with CollarChat.com I think I will continue to use CollarMe to contact people in our SMALL area to maintain some kind of local community but I think I too am done with the forums. I just think the vast majority of the blowhards that pump thier chests are basically fulll of shit and I am tired to having to choose "Should I post and get static, or should I just ignore the whole thing?" This is the first post I have replied to in three days cause all the other posts are the same shit. Thank you for your words. I Hate to be a follower but in this situation I feel it is just the most appealing thing to do. Adios CollarChat. As Always Steel

laurell3 -> RE: Growing out of something?? (11/24/2007 12:08:14 AM)
Take care Steel. OP: I don't think you can come here expecting huge insight or totally cohesive or even intelligent conversation. You reach a point where you may have learned the majority of what you are going to from other people and have changed yourself to fit those things you learned. At that point, it may have less value to you, and it is time consuming. You are right there are better things to do with one's time. However, there are still moments when things make you think and there are still people you end up forming friendships with from the forums. I do sometimes think many threads see the trees but don't see the forest, argue semantics, get bogged down in ridiculous minutia and forget the main point. However, I think people in life do that as well. In any event, good luck to you in whatever you decide to do!

heartcream -> RE: Growing out of something?? (11/24/2007 12:13:51 AM)
Well I joined, so that is a bit of, "Something has changed?" I joined in May of this year and even since I have been here I have noticed some folks no longer posting their wit and brilliance anymore. Domiguy's post's 'Await approval' and I would like the un-cut edition. I wonder what it was like back in the CM Message Board days. It reminds me of moving to Manhattan in the early 90's and everyone was all like, "You should have been here in the 80's man."

MissMagnolia -> RE: Growing out of something?? (11/24/2007 12:19:08 AM)
I guess I can just see the humour in many threads and responses. I don't take anything to heart, don't take anyones opinion as gospel, nor expect anyone else to think that the forum is anything but what it is. A place where people come for a laugh, or asking for an answer to something affecting their lives, or because they are bored. Start taking the opinions of total strangers seriously, or fail to understand that no one has your answers, you have a problem.

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Growing out of something?? (11/24/2007 12:39:12 AM)
Dear Whiplash..of course you are remembered..And agreed many have come and gone since I joined about 2 years ago..and yes, you do miss the ones that you received lightbulb moments from..But I think as you progress in the knowledge of who you are and what you seek or not, the one thing that becomes clearer is that those lightbulb moments become fewer and fewer.As you say you may have gained all you needed for you to go past the online community, you may have received enough of a revelation within yourself to step back and think upon what you have learned and what you wish to learn,and that may take you in a whole other direction.As you say BDSM is the easy part, the dynamic of a couple will always be the hard part. To my way of thinking, even when the question is more of a relationship issue, I sometimes hope I am learning certain pitfalls that could crop up by others who bring their concerns here. Are some postings after you have been on these boards for a time somewhat repetitious?..sure..but think about some of the information given to you when you were new by those who stuck around to give it to you..These same people have been there and done that, but stick around to assist the new ones entering into this..Some like and feel it necessary to help as best they can, to advise and impart some clarity, others learn and go. It will always be an individualized choice on what path you choose to travel and the road not taken..I wish you the best Whiplash, wether it is here or on your own private journey ..best/Tempting

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Growing out of something?? (11/24/2007 12:41:08 AM)
Dear Steel....you will be missed as well...good journey/Tempting

angelslave77 -> RE: Growing out of something?? (11/24/2007 12:45:12 AM)
I think it happens a lot with any message boards, it gets to a point where it truly becomes same ol same ol. I come here seeking out links for things I dont know much about so I gotta say it is useful for that.

sexyred1 -> RE: Growing out of something?? (11/24/2007 12:49:27 AM)
I am surprised that anyone would ask such a question as "what is the next level" when discussing an online message board. I would think that type of philosophical question would be asked of one's own life, future, bigger questions. An online message board and it's ephemeral nature, is nothing more than what you perceive it to be or make it. It is not that important in the grand scheme of life. If you let it influence you so much, you are making the right decision to leave. I think most people here have lives and we just like to hang out here and treat it like anything else we do, entertainment, knowledge, fun, distraction, looking to meet someone, etc. Not anything that I would devote deep meaning to though.

breatheasone -> RE: Growing out of something?? (11/24/2007 1:18:39 AM)
Whiplash and Steel...I will miss reading what you both have to say....

juliaoceania -> RE: Growing out of something?? (11/24/2007 6:05:07 AM)
I did not post here for quite a few months... I think you assume why the people that you used to enjoy do not post here anymore ( I am not assuming I was one of the people you enjoyed, by the way), unless they directly told you in email or announced it on this board, you really do not have any idea why someone will quit posting. They could be working more, they could be ill, they could have found someone they wanted to spend the time that they spent on CM, or perhaps they were seeing someone and it did not work out so they are licking their wounds.. or lastly, maybe they are taking stock of where they fit in this community. None of the above have anything to do with this site, or a clique. I have to say that when I see posts about the "clique" on this board, I do roll my eyes. I do not see myself as a part of any clique, and for the most part there are many here who ignore my posts or do not care for what I write, I don't care. I do not see why anyone cares about such stuff. It is high school to belong to a clique, but it is even more high schoolish to deride them as a reason a person isn't getting what they want socially. I post here for entertainment, and to read people I do like. I post here because there are people who email me on the other side that something I wrote was helpful to them, and while I do not think my posts are any better than anyone else, I do enjoy touching the odd person here and there with what I have to contribute. It makes me feel good when people let me know that they got something from my experiences, and it makes me want to share them. I have other things going on in life, and I may soon stop posting or reading this site intermittently, but it is not a reflection of the people who post here, nor will I announce how crappy everyone is on my way out. I think that is fucking tacky, but that is just me, and I could be wrong.

AnimusRex -> RE: Growing out of something?? (11/24/2007 8:29:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Estring How many times can you answer "How do I become a Dominate?" or " Should I consider myself collared if my Dom hasn't contacted me in a month? By the way I have never met him in real life." I own a slave and she and I have a life. The message boards are not life. You may have finally realized that. Amen. This is a place to visit occasionally, meet people, exchange a few thoughts and move on. Think of this as a bar or tavern- would you want this to be your home? God I hope not. Find a good woman, live a happy life with her, and just come back for visits. The idiocy and drama will still be here patiently waiting for you. I wish you well.

azropedntied -> RE: Growing out of something?? (11/24/2007 9:03:09 AM)
quotes like , " i remember when the groups were ,where i used to live was so much better than here ,this message board used to be cool but now .."If you have a contribution worthy of you self standards contribute .If you can make your community better the by all means help out make it better .It s so easy to type and point the cyber finger this sucks or we had this question already- NEXT ,people come people go they evolve grow change some stay the same some grow bored and leave .some are self serving some wish to share and give . I have seen a great mix on here a big cross section if you will and like anything you get exactly what you put into it ."For you a bdsm relationship is not that difficult of a matter " well for some it is,for some it comes easy .Community is about not only you but me and all of us sharing a commonality for fellowship ,support,ideas ,laughes,saftey, and fun .One does not have to read every single post listed , respond to every single intro and question ,for that matter you can also choose to decline all together .Just like a radio it has a button to turn it up turn it down or turn it off , and yet another button just incase you do not like that particular station .For me if i helped one, just one person , or made them smile and laugh on a time where it was needed that makes it all worth it .

daddyncherry -> RE: Growing out of something?? (11/24/2007 9:34:48 AM)
Hey Whiplash.....i always enjoyed reading you and have missed seeing your posts but i totally understand. Over the past year and a half i have been in and out. Sometimes i am here and posting alot, other times i forget to even log on for weeks or longer....Sometimes, i simply lurk and have nothing to say or see nothing that gets to me at all....For me it's a cycle....sounds like you may have reached the end of yours here or maybe you are on a hiatus. i also understand the validity of the blogging community, i get really into those sometimes, writing in mine and reading everyone else's....or i go for a period where i write almost nothing at all (it all depends on what is happening in my life and world) and just log on to read my friends blogs. best of luck in your time of growth and change.

breatheasone -> RE: Growing out of something?? (11/24/2007 11:28:25 AM)
quote: nor will I announce how crappy everyone is on my way out. I think that is fucking tacky Yep...I'll second this....

LadyLegs -> RE: Growing out of something?? (11/24/2007 11:31:41 AM)
Crap washes off, arrogance doesn't

LotusSong -> RE: Growing out of something?? (11/24/2007 1:50:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave I'm not certain anymore about my role and participation in the online BDSM community. All I know is that I read things, end up slapping my forehead and doing a lot of eye rolling. I'm not trying to be mean about this, this is just the point I have reached. Something has changed? May I echo your sentiment? No, everything is the same. You have just seen it all for what it is. SSDL (L=Lifestyle)

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Growing out of something?? (11/25/2007 12:57:10 PM)
We all grow into and out of ourselves and the situations we put ourselves in. I used to be even more active in other forums than I am here on CM now. I'm even less active here than I was a few years ago. Most often it's change due to our lives and situations, less often it's due to the forum environment itself changing (that tends to solidify fairly hard and fast and takes a massive changeover in participants). I try and keep a balance between the eye rolling and the smiling- accept what there is, and make what works for you :)

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