Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Should I feel guilty?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> Should I feel guilty? Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Should I feel guilty? - 11/21/2007 11:55:23 PM   
slaveboyforyou


Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I posted about this entire drama awhile back.  My former Domme and girlfriend borrowed money from me, than stiffed me on it after our relationship ended.  I was going to let the matter go until I started getting nasty phone messages.  So I sued her in court.  I won and she was ordered to list her assets and sources of income.  She didn't do this, so there was a contempt of court hearing today (Nov 21st).  She didn't show up, so now there is a warrant for her arrest.  She is going to be required to post a cash bond in the amount she owes to get out of jail.  I really didn't want this to happen, but I feel like she is the one responsible for all of this. 

But, I can't help feeling guilty about her pending arrest.  I know this is going to be embarrasing for her, and I know it's going to cause problems for her.  I didn't want this to happen, but I would have felt just as horrible if I let her rip me off.  Am I beating myself up too much?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Should I feel guilty? - 11/22/2007 12:05:43 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Shes in contempt of COURT, not you.  The arrest is for not following an order to show up, not for the civil action you initiated.  That choice was solely hers.  I don't know Arkansas law, but if she comes clean and appears with the required paperwork/money/etc. it's likely she won't actually be incarcerated and if so, probably not long as we don't really have debtor's prisons in the US.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Should I feel guilty? - 11/22/2007 12:13:34 AM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		Don't beat yourself up too hard. Unless... y'know... you're into that.

She was in the wrong. She's still in the wrong. And aside from getting what you're owed she's no longer your problem.

You were willing to turn the other cheek, er... ahem... you know what I mean. But she derailed that train and sent it to nastytown when she started dialing your digits.


_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Should I feel guilty? - 11/22/2007 12:15:23 AM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

probably not long as we don't really have debtor's prisons in the US.


Not yet at least



- R


_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Should I feel guilty? - 11/22/2007 12:19:19 AM   
KiandPhoenix


Posts: 205
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline 		Phoenix just had her divorce final Monday.  Her court date was in June, but her ex continued to ignore court orders, and not show up. The court and our lawyer both sent him numerous letters telling him what was going to happen if he didn't comply with the court orders and start showing up. He still didn't do it.

The letters said flat out that if he did not comply with the court, his pleas would be stricken from the record, and we could take up a default judgement. We got the default judgement. Will he comply now? Probably not. He is now almost 7k in debt from ordering a year back in child support. He is also an additional 3k in debt because he has been ordered to pay our lawyer fees. He will be sent a letter telling him if he does not comply with these, and other court orders, he will be held in contempt. He wont do it.

Child support enforcement is going to pull his nurseing license, and drivers license. He is a nurse, and a repo man. He wont have a way to make any money.

Who's fault is it? His absolutly, without a doubt. He was ordered to start paying child support in April. Had he done the things he was supposed to, he wouldn't have had any problems getting a fair settlement. I expect a nasty phone call from him about Friday morning when he gets the judgement, and I am going to have to point out that he is not allowed to call her unless it is an emergency. Still HIS fault.

So my point. . .yes I have one. . .your former Domme had all the opertunity in the world to show up. If she was representing herself, she could have even sent in conflict dates, and got the date changed to when she could be there.That is her fault, and you should not feel bad in the slightest that she can't manage her own affairs and comply with the law.

~Ki

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Should I feel guilty? - 11/22/2007 12:22:49 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Hell no you shouldn't feel guilty!
Just hope they pop her on a friday night so she has to stay "till court on monday!
Fuck her! She ripped you off and took advantage of your good nature and willingness to help her out!
If you're "REALLY" lucky maybe she'll get a good fucking beating in jail!
Now that would be the cherry on top!
I fucking hate low lifes like that!
You have to show up in court.
If she has a warrant out for her the Police have no choice, they HAVE to arrest her! No deals!
Like the cops say, if you have a warrant, go to court and take care of your warrant!
They don't just go away.

< Message edited by popeye1250 -- 11/22/2007 12:30:21 AM >

_____________________________

"But Your Honor, this is not a Jury of my Peers, these people are all decent, honest, law-abiding citizens!"

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Should I feel guilty? - 11/22/2007 12:27:02 AM   
NaiveTempest


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Debtor's prison; my billing companies would send me there for sure.

Don't beat yourself up over this, no one told her to try to stiff you, get nasty about it, and then not show up in court. Heck I had/have someone who owes me money I loaned them. I would be doing the same thing you are the the b*tch moved overseas! I've managed to narrow it down to Italy though.......

_____________________________

"All the things I should have said that I never said/All the things we should have done that we never did/All the things I should have given, but I didn't.../Give me these moments back..."

Kate Bush, "This Woman's Work"

(in reply to UtopianRanger)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Should I feel guilty? - 11/22/2007 12:37:47 AM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline 		I don't lend anyone money unless I can-- both in a fiscal and mental sense-- weather the loss. So in essence, I just assume give the money to a friend with the thought in mind that they would do the same for me.


Pay me back when you can.




- R

< Message edited by UtopianRanger -- 11/22/2007 12:38:18 AM >

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


(in reply to NaiveTempest)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Should I feel guilty? - 11/22/2007 1:08:12 AM   
beeble


Posts: 799
Joined: 5/25/2005
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

KiandPhoenix wrote: Child support enforcement is going to pull his nurseing license, and drivers license. He is a nurse, and a repo man.

Thus, guaranteeing that you never see a cent from the guy. *sigh*  (At the guys in enforcement, I mean.  Their job is to make sure he supports his child and they're manifestly failing to do that because he needs a job in order to pay support.)

(in reply to KiandPhoenix)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Should I feel guilty? - 11/22/2007 1:14:04 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		What exactly do you feel guilty about? That she will be embarrassed and have problems because of it?

Was she worried about you and your feelings when she ripped you off? Was she feeling bad when she harrassed you on the phone?

Nah, you have nothing to feel bad or guilty about sugar.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to beeble)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Should I feel guilty? - 11/22/2007 1:20:22 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Yes you are beating yourself up too much SB.  You gave her the time, so has the court.  She is the one responsible for what has occured now, not you.
 
Good to see you back posting, missed ya.  Be safe.
 
the.dark. 

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Should I feel guilty? - 11/22/2007 1:31:41 AM   
slaveboyforyou


Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I appreciate everyone's responses here.  I do have a tendency to do the 'what if I had done something different? or what did I do wrong?' thing with myself anytime I have problems with someone, especially women.  All my friends and family are saying the exact same things that y'all are saying.  Hell, even my mother is saying "fuck her, she is getting what she deserves" and she is the nicest, most forgiving person I know.  I just wanted to get some other perspectives, and y'all did that for me.  I am immensely appreciative.   

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Should I feel guilty? - 11/22/2007 1:36:36 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		I find a good rule of thumb is:

If this were happening to your best friend, and he/she asked your opinion and advice, what would you tell him/her??

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to slaveboyforyou)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Should I feel guilty? - 11/22/2007 5:36:49 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		being that i did not get my staple gun returned- i think i want a deposit if i loan any tools.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Should I feel guilty? - 11/22/2007 6:57:36 AM   
farglebargle


Posts: 10715
Joined: 6/15/2005
From: Albany, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

being that i did not get my staple gun returned- i think i want a deposit if i loan any tools.


Dude, you loan tools? That's crazy.

_____________________________

It's not every generation that gets to watch a civilization fall. Looks like we're in for a hell of a show.

ברוך אתה, אדוני אלוקינו, ריבון העולמים, מי יוצר צמחים ריחניים

(in reply to pahunkboy)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Should I feel guilty? - 11/22/2007 7:09:28 AM   
Saint


Posts: 279
Status: offline 		One of my friends has a policy that if he loans money to anyone other than immediate family members, then he gets something of equal value of his choice to hold until the money is paid back. I have yet to see him get stiffed when someone wants to borrow 500 dollars and he gets their entire dvd collection, favorite toys, etc. to hold until paid back. Should you feel guilt about someone elses actions? No. Why put that burden on yourself for someone elses lack of morality in returning borrowed money or property? After all, you didnt asked to be taken advantage of like this.

_____________________________

"Anonymity is synonymous with longevity."
Faethor Ferenczy

"I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel tonight"
Nightwish - Wish I had an Angel Tonight

(in reply to farglebargle)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Should I feel guilty? - 11/30/2007 12:35:27 AM   
slaveboyforyou


Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline 		UPDATE:  I found out earlier from a friend of mine, that she was recently convicted of felony check fraud.  She was sentenced to 4 years of probation.  Apparently, I am not the only one she was doing this shit to.  I hate to be be happy over someone else's misery, but what goes around comes around.

(in reply to Saint)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Should I feel guilty? - 11/30/2007 3:41:50 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveboyforyou

I posted about this entire drama awhile back.  My former Domme and girlfriend borrowed money from me, than stiffed me on it after our relationship ended.  I was going to let the matter go until I started getting nasty phone messages.  So I sued her in court.  I won and she was ordered to list her assets and sources of income.  She didn't do this, so there was a contempt of court hearing today (Nov 21st).  She didn't show up, so now there is a warrant for her arrest.  She is going to be required to post a cash bond in the amount she owes to get out of jail.  I really didn't want this to happen, but I feel like she is the one responsible for all of this. 

But, I can't help feeling guilty about her pending arrest.  I know this is going to be embarrasing for her, and I know it's going to cause problems for her.  I didn't want this to happen, but I would have felt just as horrible if I let her rip me off.  Am I beating myself up too much?


Yes, you are. She brought all of this on herself, with her actions. You didn't do anything wrong, from what I can see.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to slaveboyforyou)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Should I feel guilty? - 11/30/2007 6:29:35 AM   
joanus


Posts: 527
Joined: 2/28/2007
Status: offline 		If shit like this didn't happen guys like me wouldn't have jobs. Be glad you did the right thing.

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 19
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> Should I feel guilty? Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.484