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RE: Play without a safe word - 11/18/2007 5:32:36 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I have a feeling that the potential customers that request a scene from a pro-domme with no safewords are probably the first ones to start crying like a little girl and begging to stop as soon as the scene becomes a little bit more than they thought they were getting into.

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/22/2007 9:37:26 AM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: johnbainum

Playing without a safe word can get you into trouble. In Florida, a man was put in jail due to ( no safe word ) the lady charged him with rape so he is gone for 10 to 20 years. I would say with strangers, or anyone  have a safe word & contract signed by them ( before ) any sex act.


This was not due to no safe word - this was due to stupidity and/or lack of communication.  Whether it was his stupidity, hers, or a combination, I can't say - but "no safe word" isn't the reason.

(in reply to johnbainum)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/22/2007 1:12:00 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Sir and i do not use a safe word and thats how i like it.
If i played with others it would go through Sir, so whether i used a safe word or not would be up to Him.

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/22/2007 1:18:48 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DommeHannah

In the past few month I have had more and more requests for play withour a safe word.

I always play ssc, but My regular submissives sometimes do not get a safe word .
But I am really shocked about strangers sending Me this request.

Anyways how do Y/you feel about not playing with a safe word (specially with Strangers)? 


I don't play with strangers, makes things ALOT easier.

I've never had a "specific" safeword. Probably wouldn't remember it anyway.

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/22/2007 2:32:54 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

quote:

ORIGINAL: DommeHannah

In the past few month I have had more and more requests for play withour a safe word.

I always play ssc, but My regular submissives sometimes do not get a safe word .
But I am really shocked about strangers sending Me this request.

Anyways how do Y/you feel about not playing with a safe word (specially with Strangers)? 


I don't play with strangers, makes things ALOT easier.

I've never had a "specific" safeword. Probably wouldn't remember it anyway.


I give someone a stop word when we are getting aquainted.

We tend to outgrow it after a few sessions.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/22/2007 3:54:52 PM   
LostMyself


Posts: 72
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		My boundary was no perminant psychological damage.. that was it.  My mistress would safeword for me as in stopping it because "she's about to go into shock!"  If you acnowledge that limit before starting, know that the sub dosn't, (or sometimes can't.. or it might be a bit of a pride thing..) and trust yourself to be observant enouph to their reactions, I find it to be a good thing..  I think there's a problem if the dominant can't recognize when something is seriously WRONG. But frequently seriously wrong is the sub's limit, I think, and it's not something that's, well, easy to admit.  And sometimes letting someone else determine our boundaries is a big part of submission.  But it seems rather reckless if it's someone you barely know.. that's something that was the case with me with my former master and mistress.. not with someone new!

(in reply to Solinear)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/22/2007 7:05:34 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

I give someone a stop word when we are getting aquainted.

We tend to outgrow it after a few sessions.


Exactly, and in the begining of a relationship you take things slower and learn your partners tells.

Though my one playmate stopped once cause he swore I said a wierd word and thought it might be a safeword lmao. I still swear I said no such thing tho *giggles* 

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/22/2007 7:13:35 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

quote:

ORIGINAL: DommeHannah

In the past few month I have had more and more requests for play withour a safe word.

I always play ssc, but My regular submissives sometimes do not get a safe word .
But I am really shocked about strangers sending Me this request.

Anyways how do Y/you feel about not playing with a safe word (specially with Strangers)? 


I don't play with strangers, makes things ALOT easier.

I've never had a "specific" safeword. Probably wouldn't remember it anyway.


I give someone a stop word when we are getting aquainted.

We tend to outgrow it after a few sessions.


Yeah I will argue here indefinitely for the use of them for people that need them.  In reality, other than when I am unable to communicate verbally and need him to know something and use some indication like finger-snapping, I don't use them.  I start playing, only with people I know and have spent alot of time talking to and I don't start playing with restraints, gags, blindfolds etc.

I'm not suggesting everyone is me.  I'm merely stating that I have yet to get the point where this is truly an issue in my relationships.  Then again, the OP assumed playing with strangers I believe, which I do not do.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 11/22/2007 7:19:20 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/22/2007 7:18:58 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

quote:

ORIGINAL: DommeHannah

In the past few month I have had more and more requests for play withour a safe word.

I always play ssc, but My regular submissives sometimes do not get a safe word .
But I am really shocked about strangers sending Me this request.

Anyways how do Y/you feel about not playing with a safe word (specially with Strangers)? 


I don't play with strangers, makes things ALOT easier.

I've never had a "specific" safeword. Probably wouldn't remember it anyway.


I give someone a stop word when we are getting aquainted.

We tend to outgrow it after a few sessions.


Yeah I will argue here indefinitely for the use of them for people that need them.  In reality, other than when I am unable to communicate verbally and need him to know something and use some indication like finger-snapping, I don't use them.  I start playing, only with people I know and have spent alot of time talking to and I don't start playing with restraints, gags, blindfolds etc.

I'm not suggesting everyone is me.  I'm merely stating that I have yet to get the point where this is truly and issue in my relationships.  Then again, the OP assumed playing with strangers I believe, which I do not do.


I still give girls a stop word. They always have that option. I just don't rely on it. I tend to hyperfocus on a bottom during a scene anyhow. So I pick up cues pretty quickly, and I'll ask about her reactions when we finish.  Sort of a debriefing thing-if she remembers. Which they don't always. A few have come to thier senses in different places than when they zoned-they tended to get startled by this. Looks of surprise. Made me laugh a bit to see that.

If you don't even know where you ARE-you should hope that I DO.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/22/2007 7:21:01 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		I've never felt the need of a safeword myself, because I'm not into the whole "Please don't, please stop" and having it ignored thing.  Thus, when I say I've had enough, I mean I've had enough.

(in reply to DommeHannah)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/22/2007 7:24:06 PM   
Decimus


Posts: 174
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		Safe words are a cheap mental way to appease two people who do not know each other and want kinky sex. Its the same thing, as randomly meeting someone in a bar and fucking except with kinky sex the safe word IF it is respected is to get you out of the situation.

This is completely my opinion but if people bothered to learn and get to know their partners safe words would not be needed or used. I will never use safe words with Aerith period. If I don't trust her enough to be able to read and understand me than I wouldn't be playing with her.

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(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/22/2007 7:25:21 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

quote:

ORIGINAL: DommeHannah

In the past few month I have had more and more requests for play withour a safe word.

I always play ssc, but My regular submissives sometimes do not get a safe word .
But I am really shocked about strangers sending Me this request.

Anyways how do Y/you feel about not playing with a safe word (specially with Strangers)? 


I don't play with strangers, makes things ALOT easier.

I've never had a "specific" safeword. Probably wouldn't remember it anyway.


I give someone a stop word when we are getting aquainted.

We tend to outgrow it after a few sessions.


Yeah I will argue here indefinitely for the use of them for people that need them.  In reality, other than when I am unable to communicate verbally and need him to know something and use some indication like finger-snapping, I don't use them.  I start playing, only with people I know and have spent alot of time talking to and I don't start playing with restraints, gags, blindfolds etc.

I'm not suggesting everyone is me.  I'm merely stating that I have yet to get the point where this is truly and issue in my relationships.  Then again, the OP assumed playing with strangers I believe, which I do not do.


I still give girls a stop word. They always have that option. I just don't rely on it. I tend to hyperfocus on a bottom during a scene anyhow. So I pick up cues pretty quickly, and I'll ask about her reactions when we finish.  Sort of a debriefing thing-if she remembers. Which they don't always. A few have come to thier senses in different places than when they zoned-they tended to get startled by this. Looks of surprise. Made me laugh a bit to see that.

If you don't even know where you ARE-you should hope that I DO.


LOL yeah...I have to admit that's happened to me, but then again what fun would it be if we didn't totally let go?

Harry brings up a good point though.  I'm kind of happy he ignores half the crap I say, cause the parts I remember ain't pretty

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/22/2007 8:06:55 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		responsibility responsibility responsibility  know it live it learn it  cause if you hurt someone Mr law enforcement will give you a bad day or law suit either way the words oops my bad do not work in court have a nice day

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/22/2007 8:31:14 PM   
LostMyself


Posts: 72
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		It's so "uncorrect" to not have a safe word.. but if the dominant can recognize when there will be perminant damage, why would you need a word to tell them that?

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/22/2007 8:41:29 PM   
BlackKnight


Posts: 767
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		safe word smafe word, where's  the real fear, the real trust, the real feeling of the moment.
What does it mean if you can say a 'safe word' and it''ll stop.
'oww, if i say the word he'll stop' where's the fear in that? the dominant should Know
what kind of damage he's inflicting!  the sub should trust the master and get off on the fear
of not haveing an easy way out, a 'get out of your getting your ass whipped free' card.
Bunch of pansies! go on use your card, or at least hold on to your security of having it.


this is why a master and slave talk to each other.

_____________________________

'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.'
Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"
George Santayana

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

(in reply to LostMyself)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/22/2007 11:42:03 PM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		Never had one.  Never used one.  If we met somewhere and ended up in bed would I need a safeword? How would you know your partner did or did not want to do something?  I use the same skills I developed back when and they work good for me. Not very interested in playing with someone who cannot or will not just say what they want and think in the moment.

To each his/her own.  We each get to make personal choices about what we want and how we want to interact. As long as everyone is above board and on the same page what difference does it really make.  It seems to me a safeword is just one of many means to that particular end, knowing you are on the same page.


_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to DommeHannah)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/24/2007 5:20:37 AM   
Manawyddan


Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline 		When I was just starting out, I always insisted on safewords. I have more trust in my instincts and perceptions now, and no longer do. However, no scene with a new partner will start without, at least, a discussion of them. If they are not to be used, I need to know it and adjust my expectations accordingly.

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"She always had a terrific sense of humor"
(Valerie Solonas, as described by her mother)
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(in reply to Solinear)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/24/2007 9:20:07 AM   
beltainefaerie


Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline 		I don't play with strangers anyway, but if I did, there would be safewords.  I do find that while I am being beaten, it is much easier to get the word "yellow" or"red" out than "Master, my leg has fallen asleep and I think I may fall over", which I can easily say once the beating has stopped.  What I use with my Master is sort of a combination of safewords and good direct communication.  We have also done scenes where I had no safeword per se, but I knew that we were pushing my limits and the only way the scene was going to end was for me to curl up at his feet, kiss his boots and beg him to stop.  Really, I think you can do many things with a known person and safewords are not always necessary, but with strangers it really makes sense to me.

If there is role-play involved, I think they are essential.  I play with a delightful doll (think sissy without any forced feminization).  She protests and whimpers at many things, but has used a safeword to effectively communicate when it was real, just as I think safewords would be necessary to me if I were to engage in rape play.  When protesting or "No! Stop!" are part of the fun, you really ought to have something that does mean stop.  I have known people who were raped, because they had no way to communicate that they were not playing.

(in reply to Solinear)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/24/2007 2:29:13 PM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		I don't play with stranger's either,  but if I ever did. There would be safe words. The  relationships I have been in (both),I did not use safewords, they were there but I still knew that if I called them it would not be my choice if he stopped or not, that authority was in his hands. My trust, even my life is in his hands.  To give that amount of control over to someone you don't know?? Actually gives me shiver's. There are alot of scary people out there,

Wolf's denika

ps..... Akisha *G*   I know what the word was  hehehe I think you said it too

(in reply to beltainefaerie)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Play without a safe word - 11/24/2007 2:37:31 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Is ouch a bad safe word?...just checking......

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to denika)
Profile   Post #: 60
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